I’m sure you have heard that money is the number one cause of relationships going bad. We all have our own special relationship with money. We all view it differently and use it differently. But, once we get into a serious relationship, money becomes an issue between us and our partner, not just an ‘us’ issue. Therefore, you need to communicate about and find common ground when it comes to money. You may think that your beliefs towards and habits with money are all very innocent or won’t be destructive to your relationship, but there are some money mistakes that can drive your partner away. Following are 10 of them.
1. Fighting About Not Having Enough Money
You may see the lack of money in your life and feel like you need to remind your partner of how little money there is at every step. He wants to eat out, so you start an argument about how much he spends on food. She wants to get her hair done, you start an argument about how much she spends on beauty. While the fighting is not doing either of you any good, it is also pointing out one big fact – you don’t have the kind of money you want. If you did, you wouldn’t need to fight about money because you wouldn’t feel any stress about the subject.
Therefore, the more you start arguments about money, the more you point out what you are both already feeling bad about. That doesn’t just make you feel bad about your financial situation. It can make you feel bad about each other. Your partner can criticize you and your spending and earning habits, and you can do the same. Painting each other in a negative light like that can eventually cause one of you to feel as if you had enough.
In other words, if you are always starting the fights or engaging in the fights, then there is a good chance that you can drive your partner away. You are not fixing anything by fighting, you are just pointing out the bad, and that’s not good for a relationship.
While some of the following points can help you stop fighting about not having enough money, it’s also important just to pick your battles. If your partner really wants something, don’t try to make him or feel horrible about it. A better thing to do is get on the same page financially and then you won’t have to tell them they are spending too much money or criticize them for how much money they earn.
2. Not Working Through Feelings Towards Your Partner’s Income
Does your partner make more money than you? Or do they make way less than you? Either way, you can end up with feelings of jealousy or anger, and that can cause you to make your partner feel bad in one way or the other. You may tell them your feelings, show them your feelings through your behavior, or let your feelings affect how you feel about them and treat them. All of these things have the potential to drive away your partner.
If your partner is making more than you, then gaining the right perspective is the key. Celebrating their success is important. Their success is your success, and you shouldn’t be jealous of it at all. You also shouldn’t be threatened.
I know an old lady who found out that her daughter was making more than her husband. This old lady was terrified that her daughter’s husband was going to leave her for making more money because it should be the man who makes more money, not the woman. If the husband had this fearful and sexist view, then there is a good chance it would be a money mistake that drove his wife away.
If your partner is making less than you, then you need to consider a few things. Are they doing something they hate? Yes? Then instead of pointing out how little they are making and contributing, try to help them find a job they are passionate about. By doing that, you are supporting their passion which will likely end up earning them much more than whatever they are doing now. And, if they are doing something they love, then is forcing them to do something different really in their best interest? Might there be better ways to handle the financial situation?
Obviously, if their income is having a very negative effect on you, such as making your work more than you should or causing you to go into debt, then it may be time to sit down and talk about how to bring in more money. But feeling angry with them will only make you treat them with disrespect and cause problems that could end up in driving your partner away.
3. Not Wanting To Create And Stick To A Budget
Don’t ignore this point! This is one of the big money mistakes that can drive your partner away.
A budget is necessary. It doesn’t matter if you make $1,500 a month or $15,000 a month. A budget helps you clearly see what your income is, what your bills are, and what you are left with after bills. Once you can clearly see those things, you can adjust your budget to help you live a comfortable life and grow your wealth in the process.
If you don’t want to create or stick to a budget, then you are not only doing yourself a disservice, you are doing your partner a disservice. Bills can get missed. Savings can be non-existent. You can become ignorant to what is going on in your own house, which can cause excessive spending. And, your ability to grow your wealth so that you can become rich one day will go out the window. You simply can’t understand how to pay off debt and grow your wealth unless you have a budget and stick to it.
Get on board with a budget and then get on board with sticking with it. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to your financial life in your relationship. Knowing what is happening will give you the power to keep things under control, avoid fights, and create excitement for the future in the relationship.
4. Not Wanting To Talk About Money
If you are in a relationship, you have to talk about money. It doesn’t matter if you are just getting serious or have been together for years. Money is a relationship issue, so it’s important. It’s not a taboo subject that should be ignored.
It’s fine if one person takes care of the numbers and the other person just follows along. But, it’s not alright for one person to avoid talking about money concerns and problems when they are in a relationship. When that happens, it is very likely that the other person will leave the relationship because they will feel as though such an important part of the relationship is completely neglected.