What Does Insecure Mean? How Will It Affect Your Life And 3 Big Ways To Eliminate It

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We hear the word insecure all the time, but what does insecure mean? Being insecure means not feeling confident in yourself or a situation you are in. It means doubting yourself and your abilities. It means not believing you are capable of doing something. In short, being insecure means feeling anxious and fearful about yourself or something in your life. And, it can cause you to do stupid things and hold you back in life.

Being Insecure Is Unattractive

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Whether you are in a relationship or not, being insecure is a very unattractive way of being. The opposite of insecurity is confidence. And, study after study has shown that confidence is the sexiest trait a woman or a man can have.

Being insecure is even unattractive to the person who is insecure. Looking in the mirror at someone who lacks confidence can make you see yourself in a very ugly and negative light.

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Other people will always be able to detect your insecurity in one way or the other. Even if you think you are hiding it well, I guarantee you are showing your insecurity through your body language and your words.

You can show it through a number of different ways, including:

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– Avoiding eye contact with people who you feel are above you or better than you in some way.
– Acting weird around people you like.
– Lying about who you are and what you think, feel, or believe around others.
– Acting physically smaller around other people by shrugging.
– Acting unnatural and anxious when you are around people you think are judging you.
– Putting yourself down around other people in a way that actually highlights your insecurities.
– Refusing to take compliments from other people and proceeding to point out all the things that are actually wrong with you.

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All of these things will be noticeable to other people. It’s extremely hard to hide your true feelings, and, in my opinion, insecurity is one of the easiest things to spot in someone who is feeling it.

Therefore, if you can’t get a date, and you are insecure, then your words and actions may be scaring people off. And, if you can’t get into a relationship, then there is a good chance that your insecurity has a lot to do with it.

Being Insecure In A Relationship Will Screw Things Up

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The biggest place you find insecurity is in a relationship. Why? Because people have been hurt and used in relationships, and it’s hard to feel confident that everything is going to work out right. It’s hard to believe that this person is different than the past people. And, sometimes, during times of really low self-confidence, it’s hard to believe that they really want to be with us.

What does insecure mean for a relationship? Insecurity in a relationship is a guaranteed relationship messer-upper. It might now kill the relationship, but it will cause a lot of problems with it. When you are insecure, you are uncertain about the relationship, and that causes problems with trust, communication, and the ability to be yourself. This can play out in many different ways.

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For example, you may doubt a lot of what your partner tells you (no trust), but become too afraid to discuss issues you are having because you fear they will leave you (not able to be honest), and so you pretend to be someone you think they want to see so that you don’t scare your partner away (not being yourself).

Signs You Are Insecure In Your Current Relationship

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The way you talk about your relationship to other people can say a lot about how secure you are in it. In fact, research done by the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that the people who constantly remind other people that they are in a relationship are the ones who feel the most anxious about it.

That’s just one sign that you are insecure in your relationship. Following are a few other things to consider.

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If you feel a sense of doom and distrust in the relationship even if there is no reason to feel it, then you are being insecure.

If you ‘know’ that your relationship is going to end – it’s just a matter of when it will, then you are being insecure.

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If you ‘know’ that your partner is doing something behind your back and not telling you, then you are being insecure.

How To Stop Insecurity In Your Relationship

Talk, talk and then talk some more. You have to be willing to communicate with each other if you are going to trust your partner.

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If you are worried about something, then you need to talk it out. You need to express how you feel, and let your partner express how they feel, and then – and this is very important – you need to find a solution to make you both feel good about the situation. Far too often a solution is not found, and things just keep going on in a way that makes one person feel insecure in the relationship.

For example, a woman may start to feel insecure when her man doesn’t respond to her texts or call her back after she calls. Expressing her concern is the first step. Him assuring her that he just forgets to text or call is the next step. But you can’t stop there. You have to find a way to compromise and fix the situation. Him assuring her that he just forgets is not going to make her feel better when he does it a million more times. They need to work together to find a solution that will ease her mind and not stress him out.

Being Insecure Will Create Enemies

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For the most part, we are insecure when we compare ourselves to other people. The friend who is better looking. The family member who everyone likes. The coworker who gets all the breaks. If we focus on what we think these people have, and we don’t, we can start to feel insecure around them.

What does insecure mean when it comes to these types of relationships? It means the possibility of ruining relationships and creating enemies.

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When you are insecure with yourself, you will do and say things to bring other people down. It doesn’t matter if they try to hurt you or not – your insecurity will make you do things that try to hurt them.

Signs You Are Comparing Yourself To Others And Feel Insecure

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A woman who is insecure will do things to minimize other women or compete with them. She may talk about how ugly, fat, or unattractive another woman is. She may give backhanded comments to another woman. She may even give other women dirty looks for no reason other than her own insecurity.

And men who are insecure try to bully other men into feeling insecure. For instance, they may stand taller and act dominant in a situation that they don’t need to act dominate in just so they can show other guys that they are in control, confident, and ‘the man’ – even when they don’t really feel like it. Moreover, researchers have found that men who are insecure are more prone to violence. Therefore, if you find that you are mean to other people, for no reason, then you may be acting out of insecurity rather than confidence or strength. A secure man doesn’t need to bully other people.

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And, both sexes will find themselves putting other people down, gossiping, and being unfair to others. It’s human nature to want to make others feel just as miserable as we do and paint just as ugly picture around them as we feel is surrounding us.

3 Things You Must Do If You Want To Stop Being Insecure

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There are some things you need to do to work on to flip the switch on insecurity. It doesn’t matter how insecure you feel, working on these things will help you become more confident in all situations.

1. Start Thinking For Yourself

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When you buy into other people’s beliefs, you will compare yourself to their beliefs. You will compare yourself to how they think you should be or act, and that will cause you to feel unsure of yourself.

Everyone has an opinion. And everyone is willing to share it with you. You have to be strong enough not to be swayed from opinion to opinion if you want to maintain your confidence. This doesn’t mean you need to be rigid, but it does mean you can’t let one opinion affect yours so easily.

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For instance, I have a friend who doesn’t have a firm belief about spirituality. She is easily influenced by one person’s faith and then another person’s lack of faith. If someone tells her that they don’t believe in God, she will feel insecure with her belief and quickly adapt to theirs so that the can stop feeling bad. Then, if someone else tells her that they believe in God, she will feel insecure about not having a belief in God and quickly adapt to the belief in God so she can stop feeling bad when she’s around them. She flips and flops around and never picks a stance because she is too busy buying into everyone else’s beliefs.

You are an individual, and you don’t have to take on other people’s beliefs simply because they might judge you as different or wrong. Don’t be scared of people judging you for not having the same beliefs. That will cause you to become insecure and doubt yourself at every turn, which will turn you into a flip flopping spineless person.

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In order to maintain your confidence, make your own judgment calls in life and stand by them until someone convinces you that another belief may be more beneficial. Think for yourself in situations and follow your intuition. Doing that will help you feel better about yourself and your life.

2. Start Taking Care Of Your Health

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It’s easy to let yourself be unhealthy. Addictions, poor eating habits, lack of exercise, stress, poor mental health, and not addressing problems when they arise are all things that affect your health negatively. And, when your health is poor, your insecurity rises.

Poor body image and feelings of being unworthy are probably two of the most common side effects of not taking care of your health. And those two things will cause you to feel insecure in your relationships and all other areas of your life.

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When you start taking care of your health, you start to naturally feel better about yourself. Not just because you look better or have more energy, but your body’s hormones and systems start working better, and that puts you in a better mood and gives you a better outlook on your life.

A friend of mine had hypothyroidism for years and didn’t know it. She was always feeling sluggish, sad, and down on herself because she didn’t have the energy to do what she wanted to do. Her weight and moodiness increased, and her insecurity increased as well. She alienated friends, didn’t try to go after her dreams, and let her life take a nose dive all because she was unwilling to find out what was wrong with her health and do something about it. But, once she learned of her hypothyroidism and started on medication plus a lifestyle change to fix it, her hormones start working properly, and her entire body and mind got a boost. That affected her confidence in a big way, and her life has taken on a completely different turn.

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Don’t underestimate how important it is to take care of your health for your confidence. Your hormones affect more than just your physical health; they affect your mood and how you think. If things are out of whack in your body, then there is a good chance that you can become insecure for many different reasons, sometimes even reasons that may not make sense to you.

3. Start Doing Things You Love

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A friend of mine used to party all the time, and he hated it. He hated getting drunk, going to bars, feeling sick the next day, and then doing it all over again the next night. His friends loved to party, though, so he kept doing it. Also, he worked at a job he hated, dated a woman who was abusive towards him, and didn’t pursue any of the hobbies he used to love. He constantly talked negatively about his life and himself because he was constantly doing things and dealing with people he didn’t like. All of this took a huge toll on his confidence. It was hard to feel secure about his life and himself when it was all about doing things he didn’t want to do. But, when he finally decided to break up with that woman, stop going out to bars, and look for a better job, his confidence finally started to grow. Now he is confident in himself and his decisions, and he is a completely different man.

You don’t need to be at the level he was to feel insecure about yourself and your life. Doing one thing, such as working at a job you hate, can cause you to feel insecure. Being in a relationship that brings you down about yourself can cause you to feel insecure. Doing drugs or being addicted to gambling can cause you to feel insecure about yourself. There are plenty of negative things that don’t make you feel good that can affect your insecurity.

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The point is that doing things you love and avoiding things you hate can help you feel better about yourself. The more positive you feel on a moment to moment basis, the more confident you feel about yourself, your decisions in life, and your future. So always do what feels good and work towards happiness in all areas of your life.

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15 Things Mature Women Don’t Do In Relationships

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Mature women are definitely different than immature women in relationships. Immature women are trying to figure out who they are, how relationships fit into their life, and what kind of relationships they want in the future. But, mature women have figured out those things, which makes them very different in relationships. If you are ready to experience a real relationship that feels good, supportive, and fun, then I highly recommend finding yourself a mature woman and develop a relationship with her. But, before you do, you need to know a few things about what mature women don’t do in relationships.

1. They Don’t Put You First

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Immature women are quick to put everyone else first and let their own needs and desires go to the backburner. They are eager to please and don’t want to say no or hurt someone else’s feelings.

Mature women understand that they need to take care of themselves first before they can take care of anyone else. They know that taking care of their needs, desires, and wants, helps them feel better about themselves and improves their health and happiness.

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Understanding this will help you take it less personally when they say no to you. They aren’t trying to hurt your feelings; they are just trying to make sure that they don’t put other people ahead of themselves anymore.

2. They Don’t Get Upset With The Truth

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You don’t need to lie to mature women. They are not going to fly off the handle and throw a tantrum over the truth. Immature women may not want to hear the truth, but mature women know that the truth is the only way to solve problems and avoid all the time-wasting nonsense that comes from dishonesty.

Also, mature women know who they are and have a better understanding of how the world works. They are not easily hurt by the truth because they are more grounded in reality than immature women, and they can face that reality head on.

3. They Don’t Put Up With Lies

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Immature women are often willing to close their eyes to lies. They can be easily swayed to ‘get over’ the lie and move on with the relationship. But mature women understand that lies are a form of manipulation, and they are not willing to be manipulated by anyone.

If a mature woman finds out that you are lying to them, she will take some time to find out the underlying reason of why you lied, and then decide if a relationship with you is really worth the trouble or not. She will not buy into your cover up stories and compounded lies.

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And if you think you can lie to a mature woman and get away with it, think again. Women are very good at reading body language signals. In fact, research has shown that women can read facial experiences of emotions much better than men can, which means that they are able to pick up on the underlying messages that other people are sending. The more experience women have with relationships, the better they become at picking up on those lies you are trying to pass off.

4. They Don’t Pretend To Be Someone They Are Not

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Immature women adapt to the people around them. If they are seeing ten different people in the day, then they may put on ten different faces to make sure they are always fitting in and pleasing the people around them.

Mature women know that they are who they are, and if other people don’t like them, then there is nothing they can do about that. They are not going to change themselves simply because they know that the other person wants them to be someone different. They know that pretending to be someone you are not is exhausting, and it doesn’t pay off anyway as most people can sense a fakeness to you that is a turn-off.

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Therefore, mature women say what they want to say, do what they want to do, laugh how they want to laugh, dress how they want to dress, and take part in activities that they want to take part in. For instance, you will not find them going to a sports event if they really don’t like sports.

Moreover, if a mature woman is hurt or upset, she is going to let you know. She’s not going to try to pretend like she is not a human with emotions, just so that you don’t label her as emotional or irrational, which is something all women have been taught to be worried about being labeled as.

5. They Don’t Hide Their True Sexuality

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Since a young age, women are taught that if they are too sexual in nature, they will be labeled as stupid, slutty, and desperate. They are also taught if they are not sexual enough, they will be labeled as rigid, cold, and masculine. They are taught what sex they should like, how they should show interest, and how feminine they need to act in order to be truly desired. In other words, it’s a lose-lose game for women until they fully mature and embrace their true sexuality with open arms.

Mature women know who they are and who they like. And they are not afraid to flirt, let loose and embrace their full sexual power. They also aren’t afraid of being judged by society, their friends, or their partners. This is why they are known to be more direct when approaching someone they like and more fun and open in the bedroom.

6. They Don’t Purposely Hurt Other People

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Women have always been good at saying or doing the exact right thing to make someone else feel unworthy or bad. Immature women may try to be mean or twist words in order to make someone else feel bad, but mature women have much more emotional intelligence and never say or do things to hurt other people purposely.

A mature woman will watch her words, the tone of her voice, and the meaning behind what she is saying. She won’t blurt out what she is thinking if she knows it is going to hurt someone else. Instead, she will think of a compassionate way to say something or – as the golden rule dictates – she will say nothing at all!

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The bottom line is that a mature woman has a handle on her emotions and reactions. She understands how she affects other people and how other people are affected. She uses that awareness to interact with other people in a kind, compassionate, and non-violent way.

7. They Don’t Put Up With Drama

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Drama is a part of a woman’s life for a long time. Drama over lies, hurt feelings, imagined scenarios, or other people’s games. Drama is simply a conflict that doesn’t need to be there, and mature women have discovered that fact as they have dealt with the pain, frustration, and annoyance of drama in their relationships as they’ve matured.

Therefore, if you think you are going to start some drama over nonsense with a mature woman, think again. She will instantly put her foot down and let you know that she is not willing to accept drama in her relationships, and she is definitely not going to be dramatic simply because someone is trying to egg her on.

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This means that if you are immature, and still bringing in lots of drama into your relationship with her, you won’t have much of a relationship with her. All you have to do is prove that drama is a part of who you are, and she will distance herself from you or end the relationship altogether.

8. They Don’t Put Up With Being Used

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Immature women will put up with all sorts of people who use them for their time, money, energy, car, looks, or other things. Mature women know that they deserve relationships with people who actually care about them and will not use them for what they have or who they are.

Therefore, if you want to be in a relationship with a mature woman, you better be willing to give and take. You can’t just take and take and take and expect her to be fine with it.

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She knows that she needs to compromise sometimes and even let you have your way so that you can feel good. She’s fine with that. But if you are always focused on your needs and never on hers, you will not be in a relationship with her for long.

9. They Don’t Pretend To Be Right All The Time

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One of the best things about being a relationship with a mature woman is that she knows that she’s not always right. She is mature enough to admit that as a human, she doesn’t know everything. And that keeps her open to your perceptions on life and allows her to admit when you were right, and she was wrong.

This kind of attitude makes relationships so much easier. There isn’t a constant struggle of wanting to be the smarter or better person. There is just a natural relationship where two people are figuring out life together, and sometimes one has insight that the other one doesn’t have yet, which makes them both equally important to each other.

10. They Don’t Try To Change You

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Maturing and understand that everyone is different in life is a beautiful thing. It helps you allow other people to be who they are, without trying to tell them what they should change and who they should become. Mature women have accepted that other people are who they are based on their past experiences in life, and they don’t try to change those people.
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Having A Hard Time Letting Go of Past Hurts? Here Are 5 Things To Think About

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Like an anchor that weighs us down, our pasts can be quite the burden. From romantic relationships that turned sour to a fallout with friends or family, our past hurts have a strange way of holding on to us, or at least that’s how it seems. For many, they believe their past hurts are the ties that bind them, but a simple shift of focus can reveal that it’s really us that hold on to our pasts, not the other way around.

It’s in our nature to analyze and over-analyze past situations, especially when they’re unpleasant, but there comes a point when it’s important to let go. It’s not easy, of course, but it’s important to do it all the same. While some are more than willing to leave the past behind for a brighter future, the execution proves to be a tricky thing — just when you think you’ve moved on, the past has a sneaky way of creeping up on you. Never fear, though. As with most difficult tasks, letting go of past hurts is a series of trials and errors, but when you’ve finally made that breakthrough, everything else seems to fall into place.

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If you want to shed troubles of the past, it’s important to begin by looking within – only then will you understand exactly what it is you’re searching for and how to successfully move on. These five steps will not only start you on your journey, but they may be all you need to bring you fully into the present and leave the past where it belongs: in the past.

1. Make a Choice

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It’s one thing to say you want to do something, but committing to it is something entirely different. Unfortunately, letting go of the past, while in theory is pretty simple, takes effort. You can’t expect to wake up one morning and suddenly be absolved of all of your negative thoughts and energy directed to the past – its effort that will get you there.

To make any progress, it’s important to firmly make the decision to let go. It takes a serious effort to make a plan and stick to it, and that’s just what is required. The choice is all yours, of course, and it’s not something that everyone is ready for at the same time.

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There is a mourning period for the end of any good thing, and everyone is entitled to it – trying to let go of something before you’re ready is just as bad as thinking it will disappear on its own. Once you’ve come to terms with it, however, is the time to start the process. Even if you’re not 100% sold on the idea, making the choice to let go might be the final piece that helps you see things much more clearly.

Hindsight is 20/20, and though you may not be able to see it now, letting go has the ability to make things crystal clear. When deciding to let go of your past hurts, it’s important to remember that doing so not only has the ability to free you from the past, but can also make your future brighter. Learn from your mistakes now and you won’t make the same ones again.

2. Learn to Accept It

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One of the hardest parts of letting go of past hurts is realizing that you can’t go back and change things – as much as we’d all like to revisit moments in our lives, it’s impossible. The desire is real, though, and it’s only human nature. We tend to ruminate on our past, trying to make sense of it and find the meaning in it. Our over-analysis gets us nowhere. Though the gears in our heads may be spinning, we’re stuck in the present, for better or for worse.

As difficult as it may be to believe, it’s probably for the better that we can’t change the past. If we had the ability to change our past, there’d be no end to the things we’d alter- our lives would lose meaning if our decisions held no consequence. After all, it’s our actions that define us.

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For instance, perhaps in your past you were too trusting of someone you thought was a real friend, or maybe they trusted you and you were not able to meet their expectations. Whatever the case may be, the mistakes and choices of our past define us and help us grow. We would learn nothing if we could go back and make everything perfect!

Looking at the past this way can help ease the pain. Even if it’s something that’s on the forefront of your thoughts now, rest assured that in the future, it will serve as a reminder of the path you’d like to take. Accept your past hurt knowing that you’re a better person because of it. Depending on your own personal experiences, it may help you value relationships more, not take people for granted, or more carefully choose your friends and loved ones.

3. Forgive

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If you’ve been betrayed in the past or felt personally victimized by someone else’s actions or words, you may be wondering why you’d ever forgive that person – you don’t owe them anything, and as the person most effected by their choices, you may feel they don’t deserve it either. It’s completely common to feel anger and hurt towards the past, and sometimes it can last a long time.
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8 Powerful Tips For Getting Inspired For A Better Life

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For most people, the goal of living today is having a better life tomorrow. I’m not saying that many people are not grateful for what they have, but most do want more than what they have now – more happiness, more health, more wealth, and more freedom. To get more of anything, you have to put in some work, and that’s where most people fall short. They are not willing to do what they need to do for a better life. Instant gratification takes the place of working for the future, and the habit of doing what you want when you want it forms, which means getting inspired for a better life can be hard. If that sounds like you, don’t worry because there are things you can do to start enjoying working towards a better life. Following are some tips to help you get motivated to do what you need to do for more of everything.

1. Get Accountable With The People You Love

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You should have some very close relationships in your life at this point. If you don’t, you need to get some. The longest running study on adult development by Harvard has shown that building strong relationships is the number one thing you can do for your happiness and health in life. But, besides helping you be happier and healthier, they can also be inspiring.

When you are accountable to more than just yourself, you are more willing to do what you need to do for a better life. For instance, a mother will do what it takes to create the best life possible for her and her kids. Or someone deeply in love will work on their health so that they can be around longer with the person they want to be with. The drive to do something that benefits not only them but someone they love can inspire them to do what they need to do next.

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What do you want to do for the people you love? Do you want to provide them with abundance? Do you want to be with them for a long time in good health? Do you want to inspire them and encourage them to be better people? Do you want them to be happy when they are around you? Whatever it is, you will find that your answers will help inspire you to take action on whatever needs work in your life.

2. Follow The People Who Are Doing It Right

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Social media can be a harmful place for your life. The negative images, words, and people can bring you down and make you give up on life. I know many people who feel defeated in life simply because they are faced with so much negative social media! However, used correctly, social media can also be a place that inspires you to live a better life.

Find people who are living the life you want and them make them a part of your day. Follow their Tweets, blogs, posts, pictures, videos, or whatever else they post. Let their successes, happiness, health and wealth inspire you to do what you need to do to have what they have.

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The best part is that they are not just inspiring, they are informative. They can literally teach you what you need to do in order to get what you want. All you have to do is be willing to listen and then act on what they say.

3. Take A Vacation Somewhere Awesome And Take Pictures

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For me, the best way to get inspired to do better is to take a vacation somewhere really awesome. I’m talking about somewhere that brings out the best in me and makes me want to do better so that I can live a permanent life like that someday. The fact is that a vacation is a glimpse into the life we really want. It’s full of adventure, relaxation, and discovery. It encourages us to enjoy life like we don’t do during the daily grind.

As an added bonus, take some really awesome pictures on that vacation. Take pictures that will remind you of why you want to live a life like that and then post them in your home to remind you why you need to take action on your life.

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For instance, if you are in a cottage by the ocean that you would love to own, get someone to take a picture of you sitting outside the cottage relaxed and at home. Or take a picture of your view from the kitchen table looking out at the ocean. When you get home, print it off and put it up somewhere you frequent such as your home office or your bedroom.

And, for extra inspiration in life, make a vision board where you can put up more than just one picture. A vision board is a place where you can put up pictures that inspire you to your health, wealth, relationship, home, and happiness goals.

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Time has a way of diminishing the excitement over something we really want, but when we are constantly being reminded of that moment that made us think ‘I really want a better life,’ then it’s much easier to maintain that excitement and stay inspired in life. Pictures can do that.

4. Get Daily Amnesia

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How To Deal With Change That Happens Suddenly

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Change is a constant part of life. Not only do we humans have to deal with change, but animals and the environment have to deal with it too. Adaption to a different way of life is necessary for many people and animals to survive and thrive. The biggest thing to remember is that you can get through it, no matter what it is. It makes you stronger and more flexible, and it unleashes your creativity.

Knowing that you will survive it doesn’t always make dealing with change any easier. We are creatures of habit, after all, so we don’t like a lot of change in our lives. The fact is that habits equal comfort while change equals anxiety. But, avoiding change that is happening is devastating to our life. It’s happening, so we need to learn how to do deal with it or else we will end up in a state of denial which is unhealthy for our happiness and our ability to move forward in a fulfilling way.

5 Tips On How To Deal With Change That Happens Suddenly

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Sometimes change happens slowly. For instance, our relationship with a lover can slowly change into something different than it once was. The change happens so slowly that we naturally adapt to the differences as we go along. We adapt to the changes in ourselves, our partner, and our relationship, and it doesn’t cause a lot of stress on us because the change is so slow that it just feels natural.

But, sometimes change happens really fast and we don’t have time to adjust or wrap our mind around what is happening. The death of a loved one, being fired from our job, losing our home, or being diagnosed with a disease are all examples of sudden change. Other examples include the realization of being pregnant, having new people come into our life, and being required to live a new lifestyle for the immediate benefit of our health.

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Sudden changes can be shocking to the system. They can take a toll on your ability to think straight and cause anxiety and chaos in your life. But if you do the following five things that help you deal with change effectively, you will be more likely to go with the flow and adapt to change quickly.

1. Don’t Try To Make Sense Of It

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” – Alan Watts

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I used to have a tendency to overthink things that happened, especially big changes. I thought about what happened, why it happened, why it should or shouldn’t have happened, and how ticked off or excited I was that it happened. If you are like I was, then you are going to have a very hard time embracing any kind of change, especially sudden change.

Overthinking the sudden change does nothing for you. It just causes you to stay stuck in a place where you are unable to deal with the change and move forward. Overthinking what happened is like covering up your eyes and refusing to see what is clearly in front of you or looking over your shoulder and being unable to move forward because you can’t see what is in front of you. You have to stop thinking about the change (the past) and start doing something about it if you want to get through it.

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For instance, if someone in your life passed away, then focusing on the why, how, where, when, and who of that death is going to keep you stuck in time – stranded in the period of your life where the death took place. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t grieve a death because that’s an important process of moving through the change that has happened in your relationship dynamics. But, it’s not until you open up your awareness and acknowledge that the person is gone and that life is now going to be without that person that you can start working through that and learning to live in your new world.

Sometimes your livelihood – and the livelihood of others depends on your ability to stop trying to making sense of the change and start doing what you need to do. In these cases, it’s really important to stop trying to make sense of something you can’t make sense of and move forward quickly.

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For instance, a friend of mine went to work on a Wednesday and got fired without warning. They said that they were restructuring in the company, but that didn’t make any sense to him. He was told to pack his stuff and leave that day. All of his plans for the future had been smashed in an instant, and in order to move on he needed to start focusing on what to do now. Instead, he tried to make sense of it. He was a good worker who put in a lot of time at work. His job was valuable, and someone was going to have to take it over now that he was gone. There was no warning. Nobody else got fired. He kept going over all of these thoughts in his head for weeks. He was stuck in time unable to start looking for another job, which cost him a lot of money. It wasn’t until he stopped trying to make sense of it that he got up and started actively looking for a new job.

And, just so you know, he still hasn’t been able to make sense of it. There was no good reason for him being fired, but that didn’t change the fact that he needed to adapt to the change and move forward for the benefit of his own life and the life of his family.

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The bottom line is that some changes will come with a clear reason, but many will not. If you try to make sense out of something that simply does not have a valid or good enough reason, then you will drive yourself insane and be unable to move forward. Accept that sometimes things beyond reasoning happen, and find a way to move forward when they do.

2. Think Your Plan Of Action Through

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A sudden change that happens in your life will require you to change course or do something new quickly. But in order to change course or figure out what you need to do, you need to understand what is happening, what that means for you, and then come up with a plan that works for you to deal with it. This is true even if the change is on a big scale. Instead of panicking or running to other people, take some time to work on it yourself so that you can figure out how to deal with the change effectively for yourself.

Recently a membership site I’m on had a sudden change for their users. They didn’t send out any notification, but they required everyone to update their profile and verify it through a code before they could use the site again. This change was sudden and unexpected but simple if you stopped and thought about it. You updated your phone number, got a verification code, and then entered it in and went on your way. Yet this simple but sudden change caused a lot of problems. People were instantly crowding the site’s Facebook page asking what they were supposed to do. They were panicking, getting mad at the system, and even cursing it. Nobody had the answers because they were all people who had not taken the time to sit and think about it. After about an hour or so, everyone had stopped to think about it and were no longer complaining.

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The above situation can happen on a bigger scale. Sometimes, it can take days or weeks to work through something if you are not willing to sit down and think about it on your own first.
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The Big Secret To Becoming Happier

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I’m willing to be that you want to be happier in your life. You want to get the secret that you need to become happier so that you can put it to action in your life and stop feeling sad, lonely, or just off somehow. The good news is that secret to becoming happier is simple. So, why do so many people struggle with happiness? Because they are not willing to live by this little secret that makes life much more rewarding and fulfilling.

What’s The Secret To Becoming Happier?

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A friend of mine explains this really well. She says that when she was young, she thought the secret to happiness was to do what she wanted to do. Instant gratification felt good, and all the songs and sayings of her generation pointed to the fact that you had to live big and loud because you might not get tomorrow. Yet, despite doing what she wanted all day and every day, she wasn’t happy. There was something lacking inside of her even though she was getting everything that she wanted in the moment. Her desire to be happy led her to search outside of instant gratification and find the real secret to happiness. And now, 15 years later, she knows exactly what that secret is. The willingness to take your time at it.

Opening yourself up to becoming happier one day at a time is the secret to becoming happier. Understanding this concept is really important if you want to be happier because happiness stems from a few essential pillars that take some time to build. These pillars will lead into all those other things that lend their way to more happiness, such as a good diet, exercise, adequate sleep, positive thinking, being mindful, and much more. But, they are important to build first. Continue reading The Big Secret To Becoming Happier

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Your Guide On How To Mend A Broken Heart

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A broken heart caused by the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a sudden unexpected loss of a close relationship hurts. In my experience, there’s not much pain that compares to it. It can be hard to breathe. It can physically hurt. It’s impossible to think. All the life gets sucked out of you. And, you feel like you are just existing instead of living.

Some people never recover from a broken heart. They hold the pain inside of them and let it drive their life into a state of constant unhappiness and despair. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Everyone can mend a broken heart and start to feel better about their loss, themselves and their life going forward. You just have to be willing to admit some simple truths to yourself. Following are some important tips on how to mend a broken heart no matter why your heart has been broken.

Don’t Resist The Pain, But Don’t Live In It

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This is important! As you work on mending your broken heart, you will still feel the pain of the loss. That’s human! If you were not able to feel the pain of the loss still, even years down the road when you reflected on something that the person did or said, then something would be incredibly off about you. Humans feel pain from loss, and you will too.

The whole point of this article on how to mend a broken heart is to fix the constant pain you are in, not to deny that you ever had pain. When you get into a state of denying the pain – reality, that’s when you are unable to overcome the pain. It sits inside of you waiting for you to acknowledge it. It causes problems in your life because it is an underlying hurt that you haven’t worked through. It can make you bitter. It can cause you to close your heart off to other people. And, it can ruin your relationships that are left. And, one day, you will have to work through the pain as if it had just happened to you.

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Taking care of your pain does not mean dwelling in it, though. It doesn’t mean posting endless Tweets and posts on Facebook about how sad you are and how hard your life has become. It doesn’t mean talking about your pain to everyone that will listen. When you dwell in it by verbalizing it over and over again to yourself and other people, you keep yourself stuck. In order to move through the pain, you have to keep moving forward. You can’t get stuck. That means you need to acknowledge the pain and why you feel it, talk about it with loved ones or even a therapist if you have to, and then start taking steps to move yourself out of it.

If you think you can’t, you’re wrong. Billions of people have lost and lived on. They have felt the broken heart you are feeling and mended it in one way or another. If they can do it, so can you.

Take care of the pain now. Don’t force yourself to deal with it years down the road. Acknowledge it as something that is a part of you for now, and then take the following steps to work through it.

Focus On The Love In Your Life

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A broken heart occurs when it feels like love has been ripped out of you and lost. The best way to fill that lack of love is to focus on love elsewhere.

That doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened or who you lost, but it does mean that you should open your heart up to receiving love from other people – and even your pets, so that you can feel the love in your life.

I know that this can be easier said than done. But it is really the best tip on how to mend a broken heart starting right now.

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Love is a powerful feeling. It makes you feel not so alone, which is one of the biggest symptoms of a broken heart. A broken heart makes you feel abandoned and unloved even when there are plenty of people who love you around. That’s because your focus is on what you lost, not on what is still there. Therefore, you need to focus on the love you still have in your life.

I’ve had some pretty heart-wrenching deaths happen in my time. Alone, as I focused on the death, I felt horrible. My heart hurt so much I didn’t think I was going to be able to survive the pain. Then, family and friends came around, and their presence helped break up my painful thoughts and feelings. Eventually, I was forced to focus on them as we worked through the details of the death, funeral, and life after the loss. The pain was still there, but thanks to being involved with people I loved and who loved me, it started to grow less intense each day until I knew that I was going to be able to survive it.

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I’ve also had my share of painful breakups. I know how hard it is to move on with life after someone who was such a big part of it leaves. Focusing on the love you still have in your life is important after a breakup too. It helps you realize that love is still out there, and you are worthy of it, even if that person is gone. And, when love is out there, and you are worthy, the possibility of finding another person is high.
Continue reading Your Guide On How To Mend A Broken Heart

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The Truth About Learning To See The Good In Others

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There seems to be a lot of bad in people. You just have to wake up and have your first interaction with someone to see how bad people can be. Just this morning I woke up with a nasty and unwarranted message from someone on Facebook. In this world where we are in constant contact with others, it’s really easy to see the bad in them and let that viewpoint affect your day, your week, and even your entire life, which is why learning to see the good in others is so important.

The Benefits Of Learning To See The Good In Others

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Learning to see the good in others is a habit that we should all be building. To look at other people and see the good not only benefits our lives but their lives and the overall happiness of the world.

When you are focused on the bad in others, you send out a negative vibe. This is because you feel angry or frustrated when you are focused on bad things, and that energy brings you and the people you are around down.

That negative vibe can literally ruin your whole day because once you get into a state of negative energy, you draw more things into your day to align with that state. That’s why they say if you stub your toe in the morning, the rest of the day is going to be bad too. How you feel affects the kind of day you have. And your negative vibe will affect more than just you, it will affect everyone you come into contact with.

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I know an older man who sees the bad in everyone. When he talks about other people, he often uses words like ‘jerk’ or ‘idiot’ to describe them, which affects me and everyone he talks to in a negative way. He can easily make everyone in the group feel less happy just by describing his latest interaction with someone.

Of course, the biggest benefit in learning to see the good in others is that it helps you to feel more positive. You feel more loving and compassionate. You feel more trusting. And, that comes with many benefits.

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– You are able to maintain a positive energy level and feel good around others despite the circumstances.
– You can influence other people in a positive way through your positive emotions.
– People will be more willing to work with you, help you out, and interact with you.
– Your relationships will grow stronger.
– Your life will become happier and more fulfilling.
– The world will seem like a more loving place.
– You will start to attract more good things into your life with your positive and optimistic attitude.

You Need To See The Bad In Order To See The Bad In Yourself

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You don’t need to be blind to the bad in order to see the good in other people. In fact, you should acknowledge the bad in other people because it can give you a lot of insight into yourself and who you do or don’t want to be.

A friend of mine is constantly judging other people on everything from the way their hair is combed to the way they talk. To me, this is an extremely bad part of her that makes her uglier in other people’s eyes and causes her to judge other people through a limited view of what makes them good or not good. She sees everyone as bad because she critiques more than just how they act as a person but also the things that make them who they are, such as their looks, personality, and beliefs.

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Being able to clearly see this negative side of my friend has helped me to stop judging people on those shallow and unimportant things. It’s helped me see how ugly it looks on me. It’s helped me see how pointless it is. In short, I’m glad I’ve been able to acknowledge that bad part of her because it’s benefited my entire life.

There is a saying that we often hate things about other people that we hate about ourselves. I’ve always found this to be true when I’m truly angry with someone and unable to have compassion for them. If I’m dealing with the issue myself, then seeing it in other people can easily remind me of what I don’t like about myself and cause me to act out towards them with those feelings of anger and frustration. When I was able to recognize that, my whole life changed.

Being able to see the bad side in other people has helped me become who I am today. Instead of judging them for their bad side, I acknowledge it and try to find it in myself. And I usually do. If I find it, I do what I can to work on eliminating it from myself.

You Can Learn To See The Good Despite The Bad

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Just because my friend has a bad side to her, it doesn’t mean that I don’t think she is a good person overall. She is kind and would help anyone, even the people she judges as being not good enough in her standards. Yes, she may do it with a hint of ego, but she would still stop and help anyone in need. She has many other good qualities in her too. Despite her bad qualities, I’m able to clearly see and acknowledge the good qualities that she has.

Don’t focus on the bad when dealing with other people. Try to focus on the good, or at the very least find a balance of good and bad to help you look at them through more compassionate eyes.

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The bottom line is that when you focus on the bad in people, they are going to become really ugly in your eyes. You will interact with them harshly, and you may even end your relationship with them because you can’t stop seeing them through such an ugly lens.

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Top 5 Tips For Increasing Abundance In Your Life

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I used to think that wanting abundance was a bad thing. I don’t think I’m alone. I think many of us have grown up being taught that we shouldn’t want it all. We shouldn’t want more than we need because there are others out there who don’t even get the bare minimum of what they need. But, the fact is that increasing abundance is good for you and the world around you. It makes life better, and it gives you the ability to help other people have a better life too. It’s not a bad thing. It’s something that we should all be striving for.

Abundance simply means a large quantity of something. While financial abundance is most talked about, you can have abundance in life without having a ton of money. You can have abundance in your spirituality, health, relationships, and happiness. You can feel like you have more than you need in any or all of those areas. It all depends on what makes you feel most abundant in life.

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Sounds good, right? But, how do you increase the abundance in your life? How do you move past the plateau of where you are and get more of everything you want?

I’ve learned that it’s really not that hard. It just takes a change in mindset and a little work. Following are 5 big tips for increasing your abundance that you can start working on today.

1. Get Rid Of The Doubt Around Abundance

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When it comes to increasing abundance, this is really important! If you doubt that you can be more abundant, in any area of your life, it will affect your ability to do what you need to do to become more abundant in every area of your life.

For instance, if you don’t think that you can make more money because you are working at a job where you can’t increase your pay, then you are not going to look for different ways to increase your income and experience more financial abundance in your life. That will take a hit on your self-worth, and that will affect your ability to get abundance in health, relationships, and every area of your life.

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Doubt comes from the influences and experiences you have had in your life. Your parents may not believe that true love is real, for example, so you doubt that it is real too and limit yourself when it comes to love. Or, maybe you’ve tried to make more money but failed at doing so, and now you doubt that it is even possible to make more money.

Doubt also comes from calculating reality based on what you think you know. For example, if you think that someone in your job can only make a certain amount of money per year, then you are crunching what you think are real numbers for yourself, and that can confirm your doubt. You need to forget what makes sense. You have to be willing to believe that reality is flexible depending on what you are willing to do.

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Once you get rid of the doubt that you can have abundance, you will open up your awareness and find ways to increase it. You’ll stop letting your doubts keep you from seeing what is possible.

I suggest looking around and seeing how much abundance there really is around you. There are a ton of different ways to increase your income, relationships, health, and happiness in life. There are a ton of different people currently increasing their abundance because they don’t doubt that it is possible. Open up your eyes to the possibilities and let it get you excited.

And if that doubt starts to creep back in again, remember that there is always something you can do to get more of what you want into your life. It’s always there, whether you want to believe it or not.

2. Overcome The Fear Of Change

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Fear will hold you back from bringing more abundance into your life. Mostly the fear of change. Having to do something that is outside of your comfort zone is scary, and it can keep you from doing what you need to do to bring more abundance into your life.

I have a friend who worked at a hospital for many years of his life. His job was not something he enjoyed. He worked in housekeeping. Many of the older housekeepers hated their job too, but they had lived in fear so long that they never tried to do anything to increase their abundance and get out of their job. Even though they hated what they were doing, they were comfortable doing it, and so they never applied for different jobs, branched out into their own business, or took any opportunities that came their way. My friend felt the fear of leaving the comfort of his job at the hospital, but his desire for abundance helped him push past it. He branched out, started his own small cleaning company with a few clients from the hospital, and now he runs a full-time business, where other people are doing the cleaning, that brings him in more money than he could ever need.

When you can overcome the fear, you can do things that promote change. You can take a hold of the opportunities that come your way and see where they take you. And you can make your own opportunities. All of that will contribute to increasing abundance in your life.

3. Only Listen To One Person In Your Life

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There is only one person in your life who can help you make the choices and take the action need to increase abundance, and that’s you.

You must stop listening to what your family tells you is or is not possible.
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How 6 Successful People Define Success And The Path To It

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It’s no secret that everyone has a slightly different definition of what success is supposed to look like. Some people define success as having lots of money in the bank and being able to buy a big house and take vacations at a moment’s notice. Some people define success as having a big and loving family that is always there to support them. Some people define success as waking up in the morning and being able to live another day. And some people have no idea what their definition of success looks like.

If you are struggling to figure out how you define success, or if you are looking to find some success in your life but don’t really know what that means to you, I know how you feel. I spent years defining success as being rich, so I worked for years at a job I hated only to feel really unsuccessful in life because I was so miserable.

It wasn’t until I started paying attention to successful people and how they approached success that I branched out into writing – which I love to do – and started to develop my own definition of success. Following are some quotes from successful people that talk about success and the path to it. These people may help you figure out what success really means to you, but if they don’t, keep listening to the people who know what their definition of success is to help you figure out what yours is.

1. Happiness Doesn’t Follow Success

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“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.” – Dale Carnegie

A lot of people think that happy people are successful people. In other words, they think that when you become successful, you automatically become happy. But this isn’t true.

Success is defined as accomplishing an aim or goal you have. It’s about achieving something that you want. As anyone who has achieved a goal knows, happiness and success are not only not the same thing. They just don’t always go together. If you are not happy when you achieve success, then you won’t be happy because of it because happiness comes from within.

A friend of mine worked at a hospital for years that was located downtown in his city. They regularly had homeless people come in for shelter and to get medical care from the emergency room. He said that contrary to belief, a lot of the homeless people were not miserable. Yes, some were. But there were also some who were happy despite their situation. They would laugh and make jokes. They felt good about themselves. He said their happiness compared to the staff he was surrounded by, including very successful doctors, was evident.

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You can have a successful career or family but not be happy. It doesn’t mean you are not a success. It just means you are not happy.

I know a lot of people are not happy right now. If you believe you are not successful because you have not found happiness yet, don’t set more goals to try and find happiness. Work on finding happiness where you are now. I guarantee that once you find happiness, you will start to see more success in your life everywhere.

2. Success Happens Right Now

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“Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.” – Arnold H. Glasow

Everything you do right now leads to your success. In fact, if you are taking daily action on your goals, I would go further and say that everything you do right now is a success. Every action you take is a small step towards the life you want.

This quote makes success seem really simple. All you have to do is do what’s right and do it in the right way and time. While that may seem complicated, it is much easier than it sounds. All you have to do is start being present and following your inner guidance. That’s where all the right answers are. I have always found that doing what you ‘know’ is in line with what you want will help you get to your success faster than doing what you think you should do or what you have been told to do by someone else. The right choice is always clear when you pay attention to your inner truth. And, the best outcomes, both failures, and successes, come from being true to who you are.

The trick is to start being more present in your life. Stop living in the past or the future and start focusing on this moment and the task at hand. You can’t listen to your inner self unless you are fully present. So stop stressing out about the success that seems far away, and pay attention to what you are being told to do at this moment. Then do it!

3. Success Comes To Those Who Enjoy What They Are Doing

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“I’m doing what I enjoy doing.” – Stan Lee when asked how he keeps the successful creative juices flowing over the years

There is no doubt that Stan Lee is a success. And there is no doubt that he has always enjoyed what he’s been doing. This is such a simple thought, yet so true. If you enjoy what you are doing, you are already successful. But doing something that you enjoy is a dream that most people don’t ever get to live.

How many happy and successful people have you met who don’t enjoy what they are doing? They can’t just be successful; they have to be really happy too! The chances are good that you haven’t met any.

When you are doing what you enjoy doing, you can get into the flow of life. You can do what needs to be done. You can push yourself. You can tackle obstacles that come your way with creativity. And you have fun every step of the way. When you start to see your accomplishments come to life in this state, you get excited and start working towards even more accomplishments, despite your age (think Stan Lee, Betty White, or Hugh Hefner), how much you’ve already done, or any other thing that other people might consider a barrier to more success. That is definitely how I would define success.

4. Success Is A Mindset

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“Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
Continue reading How 6 Successful People Define Success And The Path To It

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