Monthly Archives: November 2015
Monthly Archives: November 2015
Did you know that is a period during the day that is called family hour? It’s the time that TV uses to broadcast programs of general interest to the whole family. This is also called ‘family time’, which seems to me to be a ploy to get families to park themselves in front of the TV and drift away from each other for three hours. That doesn’t really sound like time spent with the family. Does it? But, because the people behind the TV shows know the importance of family time, they try to sway you to believe that it is.
When I picture family time, I don’t picture people zoning out in front of a TV. I picture a family laughing and doing stuff together. I picture quality over quantity. I picture a time where kids can feel loved and parents can feel connected to their kids and each other on a deeper level. And I picture a time when the whole family can come together, despite their differences, and share in an activity that actively engages them.
Putting The Emphasis On Real Life
Because of TV and the Internet, more and more people are disconnecting from their lives and plugging into other people’s lives. This is not only a waste of time, but it can detract from happiness in many ways.
– It can cause you to compare yourself to fictional characters.
– It can cause you to spend time away from your family members and spend time with other people’s family members.
– It can influence how you feel about life in a negative way, because many TV shows are created with controversy and stupidity in mind.
It’s about time that we made real life family time more important than spending time with fictional characters or people we don’t know. And, that starts with the adults in the family.
The Importance Of Family Time
If you are not convinced to carve out a portion of your week for family time, then you may have more cons in your head than pros. It’s important to understand how much family time actually works in our favor. Following are the reasons that you need to make family time a priority.
1. There Will Be A Time When You Can’t Spend Time Together Anymore
This needs to mentioned and mentioned again, because this is something many of us have learned the hard way. When your grandmother, grandfather, mother, father, sibling, or child dies, you can’t make the choice to spend quality time with them anymore. That choice is taken away from you. But, worse, you regret all the time you spent on useless things when you could have been spending quality family time with your loved one. Hindsight makes this so clear, and we never think we are going to lose the people closest to us, but it happens all the time.
For instance, a young 13-year-old boy on YouTube died suddenly not long ago. Caleb Bratayley was fine one day and died of a heart condition during the night. His parents and siblings didn’t expect not to have another chance to kiss him or spend time with him, but it happened. And, it could happen to you.
2. It Helps You Get To Know Each Other Better
Your family is always changing and growing. Most of their thoughts and new beliefs will not even come into your radar if you don’t have some quality family time together. But, during family time, talks about goals, dreams, and important things can come to life, which makes this a unique way to get to know the people in your family.
3. It Helps You Practice Acceptance And Compassion
Your family is going to express some different views and opinions during family time, and this is a great way to practice acceptance and compassion towards others. Developing these skills will help you when you are having struggles in your relationships. It will help your loved ones feel more valued as the person they are. And, it will strengthen your family bonds even more.
Whether you want to keep your stress down and your sanity intact, or just provide your child with the best possible parenting experience you can provide them with, it’s important to have some very consistent ways of doing things. Some parenting principles are going to provide less stress for you and your kids while making sure they are safe, loved, and on track towards a healthy and happy life. Following are some effective parenting tips straight from parents who have been there and done that.
1. Create Consistent Routines For Less Stress
Kids need routines in their life to feel secure and motivated. This means routines for sleep, learning, eating, and free time. If you let kids create their own routine, they will always choose to do what requires the least amount of effort, and usually what is least beneficial for their life, such as playing video games, sleeping, or spending time on the Internet or, if they have it, their phone.
You also need routines in your life to feel sane. It will help you remove a lot of the stress from your day-to-day activities because both you and your kids will know exactly what is going on in the day, and your kids will put up less argument about it. Moreover, if your kids are home alone for a few minutes before you get home or after you leave for work, a routine will help them do what needs to be done while you are away.
2. Use Calendars That Your Kids Can Clearly See And Use
It’s highly recommended that you get a few separate calendars for your house. Every parent I talked to swore by calendars and their ability to lessen stress and keep kids on track. There’s something powerful about calendars that make everything feel more organized. And kids are more inclined to stick with calendars that are in their line of view in the appropriate places.
You can use one to clearly display what the chores are for the day. One that helps kids see what the menu is for the day. One that lists out rules for the house. And one that has all the activities listed out for the month. You can pretty much use them for anything that needs more organization and structure. They help everyone stay on the same page and make it easy to show kids what needs to be done before anything else can happen.
3. Do Not Reward Bad Behavior
As I’ve grown up, I’ve viewed my mom in very different ways. Talking to my niece this weekend, I asked her about her mom and what she thought was special about her. She said, “My mom is special because…” and then she followed it was some really cute reasons that I have long forgotten. I realized that her viewpoint of her mom was very serious to her, and she had some extremely different opinions of why her mother was special than I did.
Her responses made me think that as we grow up we view our mom in very different ways, but she always remains special to us. I went online and read a lot of ‘my mom is special because’ posts and found that as children, teenagers, and adults, there are some common threads in each category on why our mom is so special. So, let’s take a look at some of the reasons why moms are so special throughout our lives.
As Children – My Mom Is Special Because…
She Loves Me: Kid’s need love, and they recognize that their mother is a consistent place to get it from. Their mother loves them despite the ups and down that happen throughout the day. Their mom loves them enough to cuddle them, tickle them, hold hands, and kiss them. Kids are very touchy little beings, and they find comfort in a good hug or snuggle, which moms are notorious for.
She tucks me in at night: This is a statement I see consistently from children. Getting tucked in is a symbol of love. It is the perfect way for a kid to get comfortable before going to sleep and feel protected and cared about. It offers a connection with the people they love the most (kind of like sitting around the dinner table does). There are very few moments in the day where you can spend some quality time together, look into each other’s eyes, and say ‘I love you’ without any interruptions. Kids appreciate this one-on-one time with their mom.
She buys me things: I love hearing this from kids. It’s very interesting how dependable they are on other people, yet still so independent in how they think and what they say. You often hear kids saying, “Mom, can I have this PLEASE!” and then listen to the mother saying no followed by a kid who stomps their feet and starts to cry. If it’s that upsetting when they don’t get what they want, I imagine it feels amazing to actually get what they want. The awesome thing is that it doesn’t matter if it is a gumball or a new, expensive toy. Getting something from mom always feels amazing.
She teaches me things: Kids love to learn. In fact, if you’ve been around kids, then you know that their favorite word is ‘why’. Research has shown that children learn the quickest during their early years, and they need to learn in order to discover their world and how to interact in it. It’s no wonder children would find their mother’s special for teaching them everything they need to know. Even the simple act of tying shoes is important, and moms are always there with patience and love to help them understand
She feeds me: Oh, man, this is important! If mom didn’t feed them, they wouldn’t eat! I see a lot of kids talk about the different foods they like, such as macaroni or soup, and how they love that their mom makes them that food. I’ve seen kids talk about how their mom pack them a lunch. My niece thinks her mom is special because she gets her little donuts when she goes through the local coffee shop drive thru. The truth is that we all need and love food, especially food that tastes good, so mom is an important source of this vital need.
Are you ready to break free from the prescribed formula given out by society and start living deliberately? If you are, there are some rules that you are going to need to follow. They may not all be part of your life at first, but they will all be part of your life once you are fully living deliberately. Following are 26 of them, and they are in no particular order as they are all equally important for creating the life you want.
1. You Can’t Waste Time
The term ‘free time’ is a funny one when you are living deliberately. Every moment is an opportunity to do something good for yourself, and free time to lay around and waste is no longer viewed as a luxury but, instead, as an actual waste of time! There’s no such thing as boredom when you are living with intention. There’s always something to do and focus on. And, as you go through the days, you see just how little time there actually is to do everything you want to do, and it will become much more precious to you.
2. You Must Live Out Of Your Comfort Zone Often
When you are living deliberately, you have to make some tough choices that are usually out of your comfort zone. This is because everything worth having is out of your comfort zone, and when you are living with intention, you are working towards having better than you have right now. Mentally, physically, and spiritually, you will be creating and working towards goals, so your comfort zone is not a place you will spend a lot of time.
3. You Must Pay Attention To What Counts
Living deliberately means that you are conscious of what is happening around you. You don’t keep your eyes closed anymore because you are living with a full awareness of your journey in order to create the life you want. This means you become more present in your days and see the good and the bad around you. You see the beauty, the things you would have missed before, and the reality of what is happening.
4. You Must Make Healthier Choices
Dreaming big is often the topic of personal development sites and motivational gurus, but there are a lot of questions that come to mind when we think of dreaming big. For instance, is dreaming big good or bad? Why do we dream big? Who is supposed to dream big? The reality of dreaming big is often different from the vision that we have in our head, so if you are feeling overwhelmed or confused, the following may help.
Why Do We Dream Big?
Almost everyone has a big goal in their life. The level of how big varies, but for the most part, people set out high goals that are practical and long termed. These are things that will make them happier and more fulfilled in life, and that is the ultimate reason to dream big.
The people who think bigger for themselves live bigger. They have bigger happiness, bigger success, bigger relationships, bigger income, and bigger everything. This is because they do things that push them towards their desires in life, which ultimately leads to more success in every area of life.
Other people are dreaming big because they feel pressured to do so. They feel like they have to live up to a certain standard that others have set, and if they don’t then they are a failure in life.
The people who dream big for other people often struggle. They may have more success and more income, but it comes at a cost to their happiness, relationships, and health.
Why Do Some People Fear Dreaming Big?
For most people, the fear of dreaming big stems from the fear of having to take action. For example, if you want to be a best-selling novelist, then you need to take a lot of action! Or if you want to be a self-help guru who gets paid big to give lectures and seminars, then you have to take a lot of action. You have put yourself out of your comfort zone daily to realize your big dreams, and most people are not willing to do that.
There is also the fear of failure. What if you do a bunch of work towards your dreams and then you fail? Wouldn’t that just be a huge waste of time? Moreover, wouldn’t that be detrimental to your life considering you can’t get that time back to do something that you could actually succeed at? This is a very real fear that can hold people back from even considering to dream big. That’s why it’s important to take into account whether or not the possibility of failure is worth trying.
There is also the fear of rejection. What if you have a chance to reach success, but you are rejected? What if you take a ton of action and move out of your comfort zone, but one person decides to stop you in your tracks and end your journey? This could happen. One person with enough power could reject you, ruin your reputation, and make your big dream disappear. That’s a risk that we all take on our way to our big dreams, though.
Does Dreaming Big And Unhappiness Go Hand In Hand?
Are you having problems doing what you need to do? Would you rather just sit around and do nothing than do something productive for your future? Are you sick of not getting what you want out of life? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then it’s time to stop being lazy and start taking action on life you really want. Sorry to call you lazy, but we both know that it’s true.
Laziness is simply deciding not to use your energy in a constructive way. When you are too lazy to do stuff, you focus on things that are unproductive and not useful for your life, but easy. Watching TV, sleeping, and doing unhealthy things are all easy to do, but not useful for your life.
Laziness May Be Genetic
If your parents and grandparents are lazy, then you may be too. One study done by Frank Booth and Michael Robert, which was published in the American Journal of Physiology, has shown this to be true. The study was done on rats and it found that we can be genetically predisposed to being lazy.
In the study, rats who chose to run on their wheel most often were bred with other rats who also chose to run on the wheel often, while the rats who chose to lounge around were bred with other rats who chose to lounge around. They did this through 10 generations, and in the end it was apparent that laziness was a genetic trait. The rats who were bred from a line of serious wheel runners got up on their wheels 10 times more than the rats who were bred from a line of lazy loungers. In the end, the researchers identified 36 genes that can play a role in motivation to exercise.
Does this mean you should give up and give into your lazy tendencies? Heck no! You have the capability to choose whether or not to get up, and it doesn’t matter how much laziness has been bred into you, there is always a choice to become less like your ancestors and more like the person you want to be.
Following are some tips on how to stop being lazy in some important areas of your life. This includes your goals for dating, relationships, health, and finances.
If you are too lazy to read this (and I know there are some people out there who are too lazy), then skip to the sections that you really want to focus on. Once you start using your energy to accomplish things you want in one area of life, you will find that your energy will drip over into all areas of your life and help you get what you want.
How To Stop Being Lazy In Your Dating Goals
Go to any dating forum and you will find people who have given up on their dating goals. They are absolutely unwilling to work on finding someone in their life anymore, and they have a lot of reasons to justify why they feel that way.
I realize that dating rejection can be hard, but it is no reason to give up on looking for someone to love. We all have love as a basic need, and the quest to find that love should be something that sticks with us until we do.
This is going to be hard for some people with a negative mindset to hear, but if you want to stop being lazy in your dating goals, then you are going to have to be willing to fix the issues that are keeping you from having dating success. You have to stop justifying why you are the way you are, you have to stop blaming everyone else for your lack of dating success, and you have to start taking action on the dating issues that you are having. In other words, stop staying stuck in the same dating experiences by making sure you tackle them differently.
For instance, if you are lacking confidence, then you have to be willing to boost your confidence using various techniques. You can’t just complain about your lack of confidence and expect things to improve.
The good news is that once you do, you will start having more success in dating which will encourage you to keep trying. That’s when you start being really active in your dating life.
A few extra tips:
To figure out the ways to make someone fall in love with you, it seems important to understand why we fall in love. But, the truth is that everyone seems to fall in love for very different reasons. One person may see someone sitting on a bus and fall in love with them while another person may need months to get to know someone before they start to fall in love with them. And to make it worse, science is showing that there are very superficial things that determine whether someone is going to fall in love with you or not.
For instance, science has shown that having a symmetrical face can make someone want you within a second of seeing you. This is an instinctual thing because people are drawn to good looks for a weird reason. They think good looking people are going to create some great looking kids! Even if you don’t want kids, this instinct is part of you and will still cause you to judge a person based on your biological preferences.
Other things you can’t control without some effort is where you live, where you work, and your genes. Research has shown that all of these things play a part in making someone fall in love with you.
So for this article, when we say ‘falling in love’, we mean moving past the attraction and hormonal stage and winning someone over in a way that makes them think, “I want to spend the rest of my life with that person.” This could also mean winning someone over even if they have not found you attractive to this point. If you can make them see themselves spending their life with you, then you can make them fall in love with you.
So what can you do to make someone fall in love with you? Following are 15 things you can try.
1. Put Other People First
Everyone wants to spend their life with someone who is kind and loving. We all want to have that one person who makes us feel important. And we are all drawn to people who do good in this world.
If you are someone who has a giving attitude, then you have a good shot of making someone fall in love with you. This doesn’t mean you have to give to them constantly to make them fall in love with you. It just means that you show them that you have an altruistic attitude and the ability to act on that attitude when necessary.
2. Ask The Right Questions
Want to create a conversation that will help them see how great you are? Ask the right questions. Ask the questions that inspire excitement and passion in them, and then create a conversation around those things that make them see you as someone they have connected with and will be able to connect with for a long time to come.
Not sure what to ask? A study done by Arthur Aron found that 36 questions can cause two strangers to fall in love. You can find those questions at https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together.
3. Look Into Each Other’s Eyes
You can easily get people to like you if you become who they want to see. Not everyone, but most people. Unfortunately, that also leads to lower self-confidence and more unhappiness in your life. That’s why getting people to like you for you is important. It helps you feel good about who you are at the core and it allows you to be yourself around the people in your life.
How to get people to like you for you starts with you liking yourself. Why should anyone else like you if you don’t like yourself? Take the time to celebrate who you are and what you have to offer other people, and build yourself up just like a good coach would as you move along through life. While you do that, practice the following things as well.
Start With Eye Contact
This has been my personal trick on how to get people to like you since I was young. Although, in the beginning I didn’t know that it was actually doing that. It’s just the way I’ve always communicated.
I’ve always been good at making eye contact, and over the years I’ve realized that is why people are naturally drawn to me in conversations or just out in public. People feel comfortable approaching me and talking to me and – once we get talking, they are willing to share things with me that they may not share with others, which helps us form a bond.
I’m not saying this to brag. It’s a matter of fact. When you give people eye contact that validates what they are saying and makes them feel important, they are naturally going to be drawn to you.
It’s important to be aware of what you are saying with your eye contact, though. Raising your eyebrows shows interest. Opening your eyes wider at the appropriate times shows interest. Nodding your head as you listen shows agreement. All of these things will help people like you more as they talk to you. But, raising one eyebrow and shaking your head no shows disagreement and will instantly turn people off. So, pay attention to what you are saying with your face as you make eye contact.
Develop Positive Communication Habits
There are a few things you can do to make yourself more likable as you communicate with other people. It doesn’t matter if you talk to them for a few minutes or for a few hours. Developing positive communication habits will help you get in people’s good graces.
1. Get Off Your Phone
One of the most annoying things is when someone is on their phone while you are trying to talk to them. It doesn’t matter how nice they are or how well-intentioned they are, being on their phone is a sign of disrespect – as if to say, “My phone messages and updates are more important than what you are saying.” Therefore, when you talk to other people, get off your phone!
2. Share Something About Yourself
In order to be likable, people need to relate to you on some level. The best way to build that link is to share something about yourself. For instance, if you are talking to someone about their mother, then sharing something about your relationship with your mother will help you build instant rapport with them.
3. Remember Names And Specifics
Your first date is a make or break situation. If it goes really bad, there is a 95% chance that you are not going to get to try again, and if it goes really well, there is almost a 100% chance that you will get to try again. Because the first date is all about communication, you need to have a plan for making the first date conversation rock.
Whether you like talking or not, this is just something you have to do. If you say nothing, your date will become suspicious of your intentions and lose trust in you as someone viable for a relationship. So, use the following tips to make sure your first conversation is awesome enough to earn you another date.
1. Leave Your Phone In The Car Or Turn It Off
If you have your phone on you, then your first date conversation is going to be full of awkward pauses where you check to see who texted, what alert you got, etc. Unless you are waiting for an emergency call, it is completely unnecessary to have your phone on the date. It is a sign of disrespect (my phone is more important than this date) and it interrupts the flow of the conversation.
For instance, you may be talking about something really important to your date and be invested in the conversation knowing that it is helping you form a stronger bond – and then your phone beeps. Habits die hard so you won’t be able to resist taking a look to see what is was, and instantly a conversation that had meaning, and was helping you get closer, will become something of much less importance and likely stop altogether.
2. Don’t Talk About Something You Have Already Covered – Unless It Ties Into Something New
If you have talked briefly before or lots on the phone, there are certain things that you have already covered. You don’t need to bring them up again unless it is a reference point for your new conversation. If you start talking about stuff you’ve already mentioned, then things are going to get awkward. When that happens, you will panic and get stuck for what to say and the conversation will go downhill.
But, you can talk about something again that ties into your current conversation. For instance, if you are talking about a time that you went bungee jumping, you can bring up the time that you told your date about your fear of heights. This helps tie the two things together and reinforces the little tidbit about you in their mind.
3. Make Some Of Your Stories Exciting
Why do some people with a seemingly lower intelligence do better than those with a high IQ? How do they get more breaks, have more opportunity, and find more beneficial relationships than someone who can outscore them on every test? The answer is simple. They have mastered one key to success that many people have not: emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the defined as being aware of your own emotions, knowing how to control them, and handling relationships with empathy and good judgment. If you think that being aware of your own emotions isn’t important, and that you can just outsource or get away with handling relationships poorly, think again. Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, says that IQ only plays into about 20% of all success, which leaves 80% to other forces.
Those forces include mastering how you react to your thoughts, how you react to situations, how you handle conflict, how you handle problems, how creative you are, and how you interact with people who can help you achieve the success you want. If you can’t do those things with emotional intelligence, then finding success in all areas of life is going to be very hard for you.
The bottom line is if you are stuck or you haven’t been able to reach the type of success you want, you need to learn about emotional intelligence. Understanding its important and developing it will help you get the key to success that propels you forward much faster than you may have ever gone. So, let’s talk about why it’s important and how to achieve emotional intelligence.
It Influences How You React To Yourself
Research has shown that emotional intelligence can impact your life greatly when you are able to react positively to your own thoughts and keep your emotions in check. It can impact your cognitive skills, such as memory, learning, and decision-making, and it can impact your health by reducing negative emotions that cause physical stress on the body.
We have so many thoughts in a day it can be hard not to get overwhelmed. Considering many of those thoughts are geared towards worry, fear, stress, or anxiety, letting them control our emotions is obviously a way to keep ourselves in a poor state of health that drains our energy and limits what will do for success.