Author Archives: MERCURY
Author Archives: MERCURY
I’m sure you have heard that money is the number one cause of relationships going bad. We all have our own special relationship with money. We all view it differently and use it differently. But, once we get into a serious relationship, money becomes an issue between us and our partner, not just an ‘us’ issue. Therefore, you need to communicate about and find common ground when it comes to money. You may think that your beliefs towards and habits with money are all very innocent or won’t be destructive to your relationship, but there are some money mistakes that can drive your partner away. Following are 10 of them.
1. Fighting About Not Having Enough Money
You may see the lack of money in your life and feel like you need to remind your partner of how little money there is at every step. He wants to eat out, so you start an argument about how much he spends on food. She wants to get her hair done, you start an argument about how much she spends on beauty. While the fighting is not doing either of you any good, it is also pointing out one big fact – you don’t have the kind of money you want. If you did, you wouldn’t need to fight about money because you wouldn’t feel any stress about the subject.
Therefore, the more you start arguments about money, the more you point out what you are both already feeling bad about. That doesn’t just make you feel bad about your financial situation. It can make you feel bad about each other. Your partner can criticize you and your spending and earning habits, and you can do the same. Painting each other in a negative light like that can eventually cause one of you to feel as if you had enough.
In other words, if you are always starting the fights or engaging in the fights, then there is a good chance that you can drive your partner away. You are not fixing anything by fighting, you are just pointing out the bad, and that’s not good for a relationship.
While some of the following points can help you stop fighting about not having enough money, it’s also important just to pick your battles. If your partner really wants something, don’t try to make him or feel horrible about it. A better thing to do is get on the same page financially and then you won’t have to tell them they are spending too much money or criticize them for how much money they earn.
2. Not Working Through Feelings Towards Your Partner’s Income
Does your partner make more money than you? Or do they make way less than you? Either way, you can end up with feelings of jealousy or anger, and that can cause you to make your partner feel bad in one way or the other. You may tell them your feelings, show them your feelings through your behavior, or let your feelings affect how you feel about them and treat them. All of these things have the potential to drive away your partner.
If your partner is making more than you, then gaining the right perspective is the key. Celebrating their success is important. Their success is your success, and you shouldn’t be jealous of it at all. You also shouldn’t be threatened.
I know an old lady who found out that her daughter was making more than her husband. This old lady was terrified that her daughter’s husband was going to leave her for making more money because it should be the man who makes more money, not the woman. If the husband had this fearful and sexist view, then there is a good chance it would be a money mistake that drove his wife away.
If your partner is making less than you, then you need to consider a few things. Are they doing something they hate? Yes? Then instead of pointing out how little they are making and contributing, try to help them find a job they are passionate about. By doing that, you are supporting their passion which will likely end up earning them much more than whatever they are doing now. And, if they are doing something they love, then is forcing them to do something different really in their best interest? Might there be better ways to handle the financial situation?
Obviously, if their income is having a very negative effect on you, such as making your work more than you should or causing you to go into debt, then it may be time to sit down and talk about how to bring in more money. But feeling angry with them will only make you treat them with disrespect and cause problems that could end up in driving your partner away.
3. Not Wanting To Create And Stick To A Budget
Don’t ignore this point! This is one of the big money mistakes that can drive your partner away.
A budget is necessary. It doesn’t matter if you make $1,500 a month or $15,000 a month. A budget helps you clearly see what your income is, what your bills are, and what you are left with after bills. Once you can clearly see those things, you can adjust your budget to help you live a comfortable life and grow your wealth in the process.
If you don’t want to create or stick to a budget, then you are not only doing yourself a disservice, you are doing your partner a disservice. Bills can get missed. Savings can be non-existent. You can become ignorant to what is going on in your own house, which can cause excessive spending. And, your ability to grow your wealth so that you can become rich one day will go out the window. You simply can’t understand how to pay off debt and grow your wealth unless you have a budget and stick to it.
Get on board with a budget and then get on board with sticking with it. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to your financial life in your relationship. Knowing what is happening will give you the power to keep things under control, avoid fights, and create excitement for the future in the relationship.
4. Not Wanting To Talk About Money
If you are in a relationship, you have to talk about money. It doesn’t matter if you are just getting serious or have been together for years. Money is a relationship issue, so it’s important. It’s not a taboo subject that should be ignored.
It’s fine if one person takes care of the numbers and the other person just follows along. But, it’s not alright for one person to avoid talking about money concerns and problems when they are in a relationship. When that happens, it is very likely that the other person will leave the relationship because they will feel as though such an important part of the relationship is completely neglected.
Most people will tell you that it’s important to find ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning just to keep the spark alive. While that’s true and important, there is a much more important reason to bring back that fresh and new feeling into your relationship. Your relationship’s ability to last.
In the beginning, when things are exciting and new, the developing relationship is the first priority. After a while, a relationship can start to feel old, tired, and boring. When that happens, the desire to work on the relationship can go downhill and other things become more important. That’s not a good thing!
Relationships are always in a state of flux, which means that your relationship is either getting better or getting worse. When you make your relationship less of a priority, you focus on fixing other things in your life before it, such as work, personal goals, kids, etc. The more things take priority over your relationship, the less likely you are going to focus on your relationship and keep it healthy and strong. And the more you neglect it, the more it becomes a nuisance, not a place of support. Eventually, the relationship may be something you don’t even recognize anymore, and that’s when the idea of separation starts to come in.
Therefore, you need to find ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning for both the excitement factor and for the longevity of your relationship. Thankfully, there are plenty of things you can do to bring back that spark and highlight the importance of your relationship that you once felt. Following are 8 of them.
1. Make Spur Of The Moment Decisions
Date night is important in any relationship, but the same old date night can definitely make your relationship feel a little stale after a while. For instance, every Saturday you go out, and eventually Saturday just feels like part of the week’s same old boring routine that you need to tend to.
In the beginning, any day could be a date day. In fact, any time could be worthy of a date. You never knew when you were going to hear from your partner and suddenly have plans to go out for coffee, a movie, or dinner.
That’s why making spur of the moment decisions is one of the best ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning. It’s exciting to talk to your partner, make an unexpected plan, and then meet up with the excitement that only spur of the moment decisions can create.
A friend of mine decided that she needed more spontaneity in their relationship. Now, at least once a week, she will call up her husband at work and suggest meeting up somewhere after work. Usually, they go to supper and then a movie, but sometimes they meet up for a walk or a coffee. Sometimes, on a day off, she will suggest going on a road trip as soon as they open their eyes. Her creativity to be spontaneous has developed, and her husband always gets excited about her suggestions. She says that every spontaneous date they have is fun, exciting, and brings them closer together. And it’s always a memory that they can look back on fondly, whereas date nights were just something they did and was then put to the back of their memory like other to-do tasks.
2. Go Back To Where It All Started
There will be certain places that meant a lot to you in the beginning of the relationship. A home, a park, a school, a place of work, or a restaurant can all bring back memories of when you first met. And going there can help you feel like you did when you first met.
Time is a funny thing. A boring relationship can seem to drag on forever and feel really old, but a simple reminder of what you once had can instantly remind you why you fell in love with someone and help recreate those feelings of excitement, passion, and intrigue.
My friend from the example above often asks her husband to meet up for a walk in their old neighborhood where they used to walk daily when they first met. When they go, they are both brought back to a time where they were learning about each other and excited for the future, and those feelings help them reconnect and remember why their relationship is so important to them.
3. Allow Your Partner To Be Themselves!
This is an often overlooked area of bringing back that spark, but when you think about it, this is one of the best ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning. Why? Because, in the beginning, you don’t try to tell your partner who they should be. You didn’t try to control how they acted, what they said, what they believed, how they talked, how they felt, or how they ate. Instead, you found it all very interesting. All their unique ways of doing things and thinking were what attracted you to them and made them exciting.
It’s time to let them be themselves again. They’ve probably changed from when you first met them, so there is a lot of new things to discover. I guarantee that if you give them the freedom to be themselves without fearing judgment from you, then you are going to start to see your partner with new and fresh eyes almost every time you interact.
The important thing to remember is that we are always changing on some level. Our experiences are what mold us into who we are, and since we are always having new experiences, there is always the potential for our thoughts, beliefs, habits, interests, and behaviors to change. You can’t stop that, nor should you want to!
Starting today, make a conscious decision to let your partner be who they are, not who you want them to be. If they are not hurting you, then allowing them to be a unique individual will mean there will always be something new to learn about them, and that will make your relationship with them exciting.
4. Focus On Them When They Are Talking
Do you remember your first few dates? You hung on their every word wanting to know what they were thinking. You could talk until the early hours of the morning. They were interesting, and the rest of the room seemed to melt away when you were together. And that is what kept you coming back for more dates until you eventually became a couple.
If you want to be happier in life, then you need to take a look at your attitude. Your attitude is everything when it comes to happiness. It is the one thing that will affect everything in your life and every area of your life. Therefore, it doesn’t matter where you want more happiness in life, taking a look at your attitude and tweaking it will help. Let’s take a look at how attitude affects your life and what you can do to develop a more positive attitude.
Your Attitude Will Always Tell People How You Really Feel About Them
The relationships you have will affect your happiness one way or the other. Work relationships affect your success, which affects your happiness. Personal relationships affect your mental well-being which affects your happiness. Casual relationships affect your day, which affects your happiness. And the relationship you have with yourself affects what you will or will not do, which affects your happiness.
You can tell someone that you are happy with them all you want, but your attitude will give away your true feelings. For instance, you can say all the right words, but your viewpoint on them will shine through the way you say the words, how many words you say, the way you stand, and through your facial and body language expressions. As John C. Maxwell said, “People may hear your words, but they will feel your attitude.”
Even if you are not face-to-face with people, your attitude tells them a lot. For instance, a friend of mine just had problems dealing with a company that focuses on glasses for the colorblind. The problem was that he needed some clarity on his purchase, but no matter how many emails or phone calls or social media messages he made, they wouldn’t respond to him. It didn’t matter that they said the customer comes first, it was apparent in their actions that their real attitude was that the money came first, and the customer’s concerns came second.
Obviously, your attitude will affect you if you are a business person who wants to gain clients, customers, and leads. If you are looking down on them, judging them, or feeling negatively towards them, it’s going to come through, and you are going to lose some business because of it.
But it goes beyond work relationships. If you are having a lot of problems with personal and casual relationships, then you may want to take a look at your attitude. Your attitude will affect every relationship you have, and it is a very likely cause for the unhappy relationships in your life. Even if you think you are hiding your true feelings about other people, they will come through, and those people will not like what they see.
And lastly, the relationship you have with yourself is affected by your attitude. If you think negatively about yourself, then you are going to treat yourself with disrespect, hate, anger, and judgment. How can you be happy when you are attacking yourself like that? You are going to sabotage your happiness at every turn.
Your Attitude Will Affect Your Work Life, Which Will Affect Your Happiness
According to Business Insider, 80% of people are unhappy with this jobs. Considering that they say the average person works about 90 thousand hours in their lifetime, this is a big problem for happiness! It means that 80% of people are spending 90 thousand hours feeling stressed out, upset, tired, bored, or unmotivated.
The fact is that since work is such a big part of your life, your work attitude is everything for happiness. So many people hate getting up in the morning, driving to work, engaging with their co-workers, doing their job, and then driving back home again. Then they think about how much they don’t like their job throughout the evening and as they fall asleep. In other words, their attitude towards work affects their morning, noon, evening, and night in a negative way. How can they be happy living like that?
Your job should be full of passion. It shouldn’t be something that drains you and makes you wish you could just stop working altogether. You should see it as a way to be creative, do what you were meant to do, help people, and really get yourself and your ideas out into the world. If you don’t view it like that, and, rather, hold the attitude that it is something you must do to pay the bills, your happiness will always be affected in a negative way.
Your Attitude Affects Your Character
Integrity is a quality that we all need if we want to succeed in life and make this world a better place. But, despite it being so important, a lot of people don’t know what it means. In fact, I’ve seen a lot of people ask ‘What does integrity mean?’ on forums related to happiness and self-improvement. It’s a good question that this article will hopefully answer. We will also talk about how you can develop your integrity to get to a point where it benefits your life in a big way.
What Does Integrity Mean?
In the simplest form, integrity means being good.
Integrity means being honest and being honorable. It means having strong morals that you live by. It means being fair and sincere in all of your dealings.
It may sound like a lot of work to develop integrity, but by simply focusing on being one of those things, you will find yourself easily mastering the rest of them because you can’t, for example, be fair and sincere and then be dishonest or bad. It just doesn’t work like that. When you know what the right thing to do is, and when you think in a kind and morally sound way, you simply can’t be a bad person. Your level of awareness won’t let you.
But let’s make it clear – integrity doesn’t just mean understanding what is right and wrong. It is an action that you carry out. In other words, you can understand what is right to do, but having integrity means you actually do what is right. You can choose to be dishonest in your life even though you know what is right.
What Does Integrity Mean For Personal Happiness?
Having integrity makes you feel good. There is something uplifting about doing the right thing, even when you could easily choose to do the wrong thing and have to exert much less effort.
Living with integrity is just like living with kindness. When you are kind to other people, the payback is that you feel good about yourself. You feel happier whether they do or do not respond kindly back. It’s the same with integrity. It doesn’t matter what the result is, you feel better about yourself when you choose to act from a place of integrity rather than dishonesty.
If you are struggling with self-confidence, then integrity can help boost it! Every time you do something right, you remind yourself of how powerful and strong you are. You can influence other people and the world around you in a positive way. You can make the harder choices, even when the easy choice is right there for you to take. That kind of power and strength makes integrity a quality that can change your entire life.
And, lastly, acting with integrity means you don’t have to keep all your lies straight! You don’t have to hide things or remember what you did or did not say or do. You simply get to be yourself and focus on better things in life, such as what you can you do to be happier or more successful.
The Value Of Integrity In Relationships
Because being honest and good is appealing to other people, it’s important for you to have integrity. It can win over friends, allies, and people who can help you succeed.
For instance, in your personal life, integrity will help you become respected by others. They will label you as someone who is honest and helpful and willing to do the right thing, and whether they say it or not, they will respect that. You will have much more success with personal relationships because of this, and you will find that people will come to you before others for help and companionship.
The more I stay online, the less I believe that the majority of people have high emotional intelligence. I see people writing disgusting opinions of other people on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and articles all across the web. Not only do people feel some really crappy things about other people, but they are more than willing to tell everyone how they feel whether it is hateful, sexist, racist, or just plain mean.
The problem is that someone with high emotional intelligence wouldn’t talk or act the way these online trolls do, which means that their emotional intelligence is very low. These trolls think it is their right to think and say horrible things. They don’t see past their own ego and wants in life. And, they don’t understand that they are hurting themselves and other people in the process of trying to tear people down.
Anyone who is aware of their emotions and how they affect themselves and other people wouldn’t dare be so mean and hateful. They would understand that they are acting from a place of fear or hate, and step away from their anger for a while. Moreover, they would understand that their words are grabbing people by the throat and choking them into a state of depression and despair.
Just yesterday, Leslie Jones, the star of Ghostbusters and a Saturday Night Live regular, expressed the pain that she was feeling after being attacked by people on Twitter in a horrible way. She said that she was in her own ‘personal hell’ after people kept tweeting her disgusting, racist, and abusive tweets. I’m talking about offensive things that go beyond just hate. These people were evil in every sense of the world. Needless to say, Leslie Jones was at the point of leaving Twitter because of it.
When a kind and funny woman gets attacked for absolutely no reason, it can make you want to run away from the online world and never come back. Nobody needs that much hate in their life. Nobody needs that much hate in their day. And watching people be so hateful to the point of pounding someone into the ground is painful because there is nothing you can do about it.
High Emotional Intelligence Is Rewarding Online
I think that a lot of these trolls think they are getting something out of being mean. Maybe they get off on hurting other people as much as they hurt. Maybe they want to fight, and they are looking for someone who will react to their hateful comments and give them a chance to say more hurtful and idiotic things. All I know is that they think they are getting a payoff in some way, or they wouldn’t be doing it.
But, the people with high emotional intelligence know that it’s much better to be emotionally intelligent. It’s much more rewarding both in the moment and in the long run. It has a much bigger payoff. It feels better and brings more success.
Who Needs To Have High Emotional Intelligence Online?
The thing I’ve noticed is that the people trying to make a positive difference online are the ones that get picked on the most. The bloggers, vloggers, and business people who are trying to spread love, peace, and laughter get ripped apart by the haters. The actors and comedians who get on social media and try to spread their messages of kindness and humor are ripped apart by the people who are hateful and unhappy.
If all of these big personalities online want to stay sane, they have to develop a high emotional intelligence. Here’s why.
People Will Like Them More
Of course, this may not appeal to people who want to fight and get hate, but for most people, there is a basic need to be liked. This is especially true of people who are blogging, vlogging, or running businesses online that are geared towards making a positive difference. If they want to draw in more people, high emotional intelligence is the answer.
Having emotional intelligence allows you to become more aware of your emotions. When you are aware of your emotions, you are able to gain better control over them. You can see them for what they are and where they are coming from (fear, loneliness, stress), rather than get caught up in them, and you can find ways to calm down, stay cool, and switch to another and more beneficial emotion. That will help you respond to people better, interact with people better, and make people feel better about their interactions with you.
Why does this matter when you have so many disgusting haters around you? Because it shows the good people – the people that you really want on your side – that you are capable of rising above the jerks and staying there. You have more integrity than they do. You have more maturity than they do. And, you are more capable of being a good person in this world than they are.
They Will Affect Themselves And Others Positively
I’m currently taking a course called Love or Above by Christie Marie Sheldon. One of the things she says is that by being a person who operates at a level of love or above, you can influence over 750 people that are operating out of fear or anger. That’s a promising thought!
You better believe that people operating out of fear or anger are the ones being trolls on the Internet. They live in a constant state of fear and anger. You couldn’t be that mean without being in that state. Therefore, the best way to change those people is to act from a place of high emotional intelligence.
When you have high emotional intelligence, you are able to deal with people fairly and be empathetic towards them. Yes, even the jerks. You can clearly see that they are not happy and are coming from a place of hate. You can be grateful that you don’t even come close to living in the state they are in. And then you can move on from them without affecting yourself in a negative way. You may even find yourself developing a way to boost your positivity when you come into contact with someone who is hateful. Imagine how amazing that would be for your moral!
What you think you become. We’ve all heard that said before, but just how true is it? From my experience, it’s extremely true. When I’ve thought I was a loser at work, I became a loser at work. When I thought I was an attractive person, I became an attractive person. Throughout my life, as far back as I can remember, what I’ve thought I’ve become.
As someone who has grown into a personal development enthusiast, I can say that every book I’ve read, every lecture I’ve attended, and every online course that I’ve taken has said the same thing in one way or another – what you think you become. And there’s a reason I want you to read, listen, and study these things.
The More You Learn About Something, The More You Will Believe It
The thought that your thoughts are creating who you are going to be is exciting! It means you have the potential to create an amazing future where you are healthy, happy, and successful. But, not everyone has a firm belief that they are in that much control of their future. In fact, many people don’t give a second thought to their thoughts and how they influence their present and their future and, instead, feel like they are being manipulated by something or someone else in life.
If you are on the fence as to whether or not you thoughts influence your future, then you need to start by reading up. Books will influence your beliefs one way or the other. While I didn’t always understand how important thoughts were, the following books were just a few of the many I read that helped me understand how important your thoughts are to your happiness, success, and health.
1. You Are The Placebo by Joe Dispenza
This book is incredible for making you think about your thoughts and how they affect what you become, especially physically. One of the things I liked the most about this book is that Joe Dispenza does an excellent job explaining things from a quantum perspective. If you are feeling run down or are dealing with some sort of health issue, then this is the book you will want to read.
Joe Dispenza is a diligent researcher who has explored the science of spontaneous remissions and healing from conditions that were chronic or terminal. He started this after he healed himself from what was almost guaranteed paralysis. In the book, he uses the placebo effect to target new genes and restructure the cells in his body. He gets stronger each day and eventually he is up and walking after he was told he wouldn’t be.
In the book, you will read real stories of how powerful people’s thoughts are when it comes to their health. For instance, one man thought he was cursed and became really sick to the point of death. It wasn’t until the doctor convinced him (through the placebo effect) that the curse was lifted that he started to get better. This takes ‘what you think you become’ to a crazy level where other people can influence your health if you let them influence your thoughts. And that’s very important to understand!
In short, you will learn how your thoughts affect everything in your life. You will learn how they can keep you stuck or change the way your life is going. The information is backed by stories and science, so it will be a good read for anyone who wants some real proof that your thoughts affect your life in this way.
2. The Magic Of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
“Think big and you’ll live big.” That pretty much sums up the idea of ‘what you think you become’. This book was written in 1959, and it focuses on how thinking big can lead to great accomplishments, a huge income, lots of friends, lots of respect, and much more.
In the Richest Man In Babylon, you will find to-the-point lessons to increase your wealth. The book started off as a series of pamphlets that were originally given out to the public by banks. Then in 1926, they were combined to create the book that so many people know today. This book promises to give you financial principles that will lead you away from being broke to being rich. But does it really hold the formula for personal wealth? I think so!
Many people believe that it just gives information that other financial books clearly give, but with a fancier title. This is kind of true, but still – the book can help you understand your finances better and teach you how to create wealth. In fact, many people say that it has opened their eyes to their finances and how they view them.
It may have been written by a man who was born in 1874, but the information was true then and is just as true now. Plus, it gives you the information in an easy-to-understand manner, unlike a lot of other financial books on the market.
Whether you want to read the entire thing or not, you can benefit from a few of the key principles he talks about in the book. Following are some insights that everyone who has read the book takes away from it. They are guaranteed to benefit you too.
1. When You Have Money In The Bank, You Can Really Enjoy Life
“Money makes possible the enjoyment of the best the earth affords.”
This is the mindset you should move forward with. It is the mindset that will help you build the type of wealth that you truly deserve. Wanting to be wealthy doesn’t make you greedy. It doesn’t make you focused on the wrong things. Money really is the way to enjoy the best of everything life has to offer you.
– When you have money, you can go on vacation and see your best friend or family.
– When you have money, you can afford the first class seat and not have to spend four hours with no personal space.
– When you have money, you can buy someone something that will make them extremely happy and bring you closer together.
– When you have money, you can help out the needy and make a difference in people’s lives.
– When you have money, you don’t have to worry so much, and you can just sit back and enjoy all the things that life has to bring you.
Money does all that and more, and you should want to bring in money to your life.
I once took a course called Unlimited Abundance, and it involved working through limiting beliefs you had about yourself and money. Money being evil was definitely one of the biggest beliefs people had, thanks to society and influence. Most of us grew up thinking that being rich is a bad thing! It’s not unless you make it a bad thing.
If you have a negative belief around money, then the Richest Man In Babylon makes it clear: money is a good thing, not a bad thing.
2. Save Some Of Your Money And Then Use It To Grow Your Wealth
As the richest man in Babylon named Arkad talks about how he became so wealthy, he mentions a man named Algamish who reveals a simple secret to becoming wealthy: save some of your money.
Do you save? For most of us, when we get our paycheck, we pay everyone but ourselves. We pay the store that sells clothes. We pay the grocery store. We pay our bills. As Algamish says, we pay everyone but ourselves, and we labor for others! Think about that. All the money you get paid goes towards paying others, not yourself. Yes, it can bring some new clothes into your life, but it doesn’t put money in the bank. And if you want to be wealthier, then you need more money in the bank!
To save means you will have to live on less than you earn. Ask most people and they will tell you that when they start saving instead of spending, they don’t really miss out on much at all. Yes, you may not get to go out for those fancy dinners anymore, but you can make them at home!
How much should you save? You have probably heard that you should keep ten percent of your earnings as savings, and that is exactly what is said in the Richest Man In Babylon. He does say not to let it be less than ten percent, so you can do more if you want! If you can’t do more, that’s OK too.
What you need to do, according to this book and every book on building wealth out there, is save your money and then use it on things that will make you more money. And then use the money you make from that to make even more money. In the book, Algamish talks about money earned from money as the children of your savings. Those children should also be used to work for you and make more money.
Once you have your money working for you in that way, you can enjoy all the things that you want to enjoy. But, in the beginning, as you are trying to grow your wealth, don’t spend it on things like clothes. Invest it on stuff that will further your business or increase your money. Invest it wisely, not foolishly, and you will start increasing your wealth in a way you never could just by saving ten percent of your income.
Just make sure you invest it wisely or you will be no better off than if you haven’t saved anything at all. As Arkad said, you need to invest only where your principal is safe. If you don’t, you will lose all your saved money, as so many of us have learned. And that’s a hard lesson to learn!
3. Your ‘Necessary’ Expenses May Not Be Necessary
Many people may be asking how they can save ten percent when all of their money is going towards their necessary expenses. But, the Richest Man In Babylon covers this point really well. As Arkad said, “Study thoughtfully thy accustomed habits of living.”
When your marriage is struggling, it can be hard to know what to say. Saying certain things can make the marriage even harder. And often these phrases, such as “I knew I should never have married you!” are the first things that we say thanks to anger, frustration, and pain.
If you can manage to avoid saying hurtful things, then often nothing is said at all. Not saying anything can cause a distance between you and your husband and deteriorate the marriage. Therefore, you need to communicate with your husband, but you need to say the right things.
If you are at a loss for words right now, this article will talk about some things to say to your husband when marriage is hard. We will talk about what you should say, why, and how to follow up if your husband responds negatively.
1. Can You Help Me Understand Your Side Of Things?
Part of not being able to solve problems is not being able to communicate effectively. You need to know what your husband is thinking and struggling with in order to work on things. If he doesn’t open up about his true feelings, then you will never know what needs to be done to solve any problems he is having in the marriage.
If you are yelling at your husband to tell you what he’s thinking, then you are telling him what he needs to do, and men don’t respond well to that. Men have an elemental need to provide and support, so asking for help has always been and will always be a way to get your husband to listen and even take action.
Therefore, ask him if he can help you understand where he is coming from. Asking for his help will trigger his basic need to provide you with something, and you should get more insight into how he is feeling or what he is struggling with at the moment.
But, you need to be prepared to accept the information he gives you. You need to be willing to listen, accept it, and find a way to work through it. The fact is that what he tells you is his truth, and you can’t make it smaller than it is or tell him how wrong he is. If you do, he will never try to help you understand his point of view again without a lot of encouragement and struggle.
What If He Says No?
What if he tells you that he doesn’t want to help you understand his side of things? You can’t force him to tell you anything. But, you can tell him that if he is not willing to share how he feels or share his concerns, then you will be unable to help him have a better time in the marriage, and you will be unable to repair whatever has gone wrong. If he wants things to work out, then he will likely decide that sharing is a good thing at this point.
When Lea Michele lost her boyfriend and Glee co-star, she said that getting through hard times was definitely a struggle, but all you can do is get to the other side. When you do get to the other side, she said there is happiness there, and she is right! Hard times are difficult, but once they are gone, things seem much brighter, lighter, and fun. Life doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. And, you have more knowledge about yourself and what you are capable of doing and getting through.
It may be tempting to tell yourself that there are not better times ahead, but that would be lying to yourself. Everyone in this world, since the beginning of time, has gotten through hard times. Life is not all about struggle and despair. There will always be ups and downs in life, so if you are experiencing a hard time right now, then you will experience a better time in the future.
Knowing that there are better times ahead is definitely one thing that will make getting through hard times easier. But, there are some other important things to remember to make sure that you keep moving forward and don’t get stuck trying to work through the hard times for longer than necessary.
6 Tips For Getting Through Hard Times As Quick And Easy As Possible
If you are going through a hard time, then following are six things you need to know. You may not find yourself feeling better instantly once you understand or try these things, but all of them will help you free yourself from any sense of being stuck that you may have and motivate you to start moving forward towards happier times.
1. You Need Love And Affection
Don’t try to close yourself off from other people. Love and affection from others can do wonders for our spirits. It can help us feel more confident. It can give us hope. It can give us ideas on how to move through hard times faster. And in especially hard times, it can even give us a reason to go on.
If you don’t have a person who gives you love and affection, try getting it from your pet. It doesn’t matter if you have a bird, cat, dog, or any other animal because animals know how to love you and give you the attention you need.
A friend of mine used to work at a nursing home, and a lot of the new residents would go through extremely hard times adjusting to their new environment, not seeing their family as often as they wanted to, and trying to deal with the fact that they would no longer live alone. He noticed that the animal visits always boosted their spirits and gave them something to smile about as they adjusted to their new life. He also noticed that the residents who had the most love and affection around them – as in animals, family, staff, and friends, were the residents who adjusted the quickest and started to enjoy their new way of life. On the other hand, the residents who closed themselves off to other people and the animal visits struggled to get through their hard time.
It’s important to open yourself up to as much love and affection as you can handle. But, it’s also important to be loving and affection towards others so that you can allow their love and affection in. When you get upset with other people trying to give you the love you need, you close yourself off to the benefits that their love and affection has for your life.
So stay in a place of love. Cherish the people and animals around you. And allow them to help in getting through hard times.
2. Your Mindset Is Important!
It can be hard to feel good during the onset of hard times. Things seem to come crashing down, and you can’t think straight. But, after an initial period where you feel down, you need to readjust your mindset so that you can start working through it.
If you don’t think your mindset is important, you are wrong! Your mindset will determine just how long you will struggle before you come out the other side.
For example, I have two friends who lost their jobs. My first friend took the blow hard. His mindset took a turn downwards, and he stopped believing in himself, his work, and his ability to find another job. He talked negatively and thought negatively, and his behavior followed suit. It took him almost a year and a half to get another job! This was because he wouldn’t apply for many jobs due to his low self-esteem. And he would blow his interviews with his negative attitude. The other friend had a positive mindset almost immediately after being let go. He believed that there were better things for him ahead, and he quickly got to work looking for and applying for jobs that he was qualified for. He was excited, enthusiastic, hopeful, and he had a job within three weeks.
A job loss is just one of the hard times that we can experience in life. But, it doesn’t matter what you are currently going through, your mindset will affect how hard this period is and how long you will stay stuck in it.
3. You Can’t Change What’s Happened
Part of having a positive mindset that makes getting through hard times quicker and easier is knowing that you can’t change what has happened. If you lost your job, lost a loved one, or lost your health, you can’t go back and change what occurred.
This is where a lot of people get stuck feeling sad and down. They wish they could go back. They hold onto the desire to turn back the hands of time and change things. Their focus is on the past, which they can’t do anything about, so they stay stuck there wishing and hoping for something different that just isn’t going to come. And they feel horrible because of it.
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting. It’s not letting go of anything. It’s not making what happened alright or acceptable or anything else. It’s just giving you the freedom to change your mindset and find a way to move forward to a place of happiness.
You owe it to yourself – always, to focus on what you can do now to make things better for yourself. In fact, I would go so far as to say this can definitely be the meaning of life when it comes down to it. All we have control over is the current moment and what we say, think, or do, so making it as important as possible is all we can do to control our lives and move on a path that we want to be on.
4. Hard Times Define Us And Give Us Character
Life is meant to be hard sometimes. Hard times are what make us into incredible people. They are what help us grow mentally, spiritually, and physically. Without going through the act of getting through hard times, we would be weak-minded and fragile and dull. It’s only when we struggle that we find out what we are made of and what we can do.
There are a lot of people who don’t know themselves. They can’t say who they are, what they want, what’s holding them back in life, and whether or not they are happy. Does that sound like you?
If you want to understand yourself, you have to focus on yourself. The best way to focus on yourself is to ask yourself some questions. The right questions can help you dig into who you are and who you want to be. The right questions can help you discover your life purpose, what will make you happy, what you really want out of life, and all the other things that you want to know.
Following are 20 deep questions that will help you understand yourself better. The more you ask them, the better. This is because every time you ask yourself a deep question, your awareness needs to turn on and find an answer. The more you tune into your awareness, the more aware you will be about yourself. And as a bonus, you will start to understand others better too.
1. If I wasn’t worried about being judged, what would I think about myself?
A lot of us judge ourselves based on what others think. If a friend thinks we are too driven, then we can start to think we are too driven. That affects everything we know about ourselves and messes up our ability to understand what we really want, so it’s important to understand what we think about ourselves without the judgment of other people clouding the real answer.
2. If I wasn’t worried about being judged, what would I do?
Being judged doesn’t just affect what we think about ourselves, it also affects what we will do. We may hold back on our dreams and goals. We may not try to date the type of people we are interested in. We may not go for that job interview. But, when we don’t let other people’s judgments affect us, we are more willing to recognize what would benefit us and our lives, and then do those things.
3. Does it really matter what others think about me?
Knowing that you are judged by different people in your life, think about how important their opinions are. Does it really matter what they think about you? Does their perception of you affect who you truly are? Should they have control over how happy, motivated, or loved you feel? Hint: The answer is no. What matters most is what you think about yourself. If you are a good person and doing things that resonate with you as important, then that is what should matter.
4. Am I using my time wisely?
You only have so many days left to be alive. Are you using your time wisely or are you sitting around wasting your life away? Think about how you are using your time in your relationships and think about how you are using your time when it comes to experiencing life. Are you doing things that matter to you or are you doing things that don’t matter at all? The answers could motivate you to change up your life!
5. If I were to die tomorrow, what would I regret most?
Nobody wants to think about dying tomorrow, but this is one of those deep questions that will give you a lot of insight into what matters most to you. The answer you get – the first answer that springs to mind – is what matters to you. If you would regret not spending more time with your family, then you relationships matter and you need to put your focus on them. If you would regret not looking after your health, then your health matters to you and you need to put more focus on that.
6. Do I give as much as I take?
How do other people see you? How compassionate are you? This is one of those deep questions that will help you figure that out. Compassionate, loving, and kind people give as much or more than they take. If you find yourself becoming aware that you are not giving much at all, then you may be viewed as egotistical; in fact, you may be egotistical! That’s something that will affect your entire life negatively, so it’s something that needs to be worked on.