December 5, 2016

7 Limiting Beliefs That Hold Single People Back From Finding True Love

You’ve probably heard a lot of talk about limiting beliefs and how they hold you back from doing the things you want the most. Most people have a lot of limiting beliefs that affect their career, health, and current relationships negatively. But when it comes to single people who are looking for love, having their lives affected negatively in an understatement. Because our relationships affect every area of our lives, it’s important to get rid of the limiting beliefs that hold us back from finding the perfect person or having a great relationship.

I see a lot of common limiting beliefs on Twitter and Facebook. I see them in the comment sections on popular dating blogs. I even hear them from my friends and their friends. And, it seems like they are getting stronger and stronger and making it really hard for single people to find real love.

If you are single and want to find real love – the kind that makes you happy for the rest of your life – then you need to delete, discard, and replace any of the following limiting beliefs that apply to you.

1. Dating Is Scary

This is a false belief that limits you from getting yourself out there as much as you should. It limits you from enjoying the dating period in your life. It could even limit you from spotting the one person who would really be a good match for you.

For instance, a friend of mine held the limiting belief that dating was scary for years. There was a guy who liked her at work, but because she held so much fear towards dating and everything that comes with it, such as moving out of your comfort zone and the possibility of being rejected, she wasn’t even aware that he liked her. Her awareness wouldn’t let her see good potential matches because her limiting belief was holding her back. When she developed a new belief about dating, she instantly realized he liked her and she went out with him. They have been together ever since!

A better belief is that dating is fun and educational. It gives you the opportunity to go out, meet a ton of people, do things you might never do otherwise, and learn more about yourself and what you want out of life and out of a partner for life.

2. A Few Big Red Flags Isn’t A Bad Thing

Many single people meet someone, see a lot of good things about them, then see one or two really big red flags. Unfortunately, most of these people have the limiting belief that one or two red flags doesn’t really matter. This is one of the many limiting beliefs that many single people, who get stuck in a bad relationship after bad relationship, buy into.

Why is it a limiting belief? It holds you back from waiting for someone better (it limits potential good matches) and causes you to get into a bad relationship.

Red flags come into your consciousness for a reason. They are a signal that something about this person is not right and you may not enjoy being with them in the future. If you ignore these red flags with limiting beliefs such as ‘There is something wrong with everyone!’ or ‘Maybe it will not be an issue in the future!’, then you are setting yourself up for failure.

For instance, if you have been cheated on before, and your date flirts with someone else right in front of you, then you may outweigh this negative action with all the good things he or she has done. Because, after all, a few red flags isn’t a bad thing, right? But, there is a really good chance that if he or she can flirt with other people in front of you, they will do much more when they are not in front of you.

The point is that if they give off some really big warning signs that unhappiness is in your future, then pay attention to them. Develop the belief that it is better to admit the issues that will cause your relationship to become unhappy than to just wait and see if things don’t manifest badly.

3. I Have To Find Someone Before (Fill In The Blank)

One of the worst limiting beliefs I’ve ever seen is the belief that you need to find someone before you reach a certain age, reach a certain milestone, or reach anything else in life.
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November 26, 2016

Want To Unlock Your Potential? Here Are 6 Things You Must Do

You know that there is someone amazing inside of you, but you don’t know how to access him or her. I get it. Life has a way of sucking you into being mediocre, and because so many people are uninspired in life, it can be hard to find a role model to help you get off the path of ordinary. But, if you are one of the people who want to unlock your potential and be someone much more than you are now, there are some things that you must do. These things will help you go forward despite your fears, get back up when you fall down, and move in the right direction towards your fullest potential.

1. Stop Buying Into The Brules

Vishen Lakhiani has a term for rules that are simply pure crap. He calls them brules – a combination of ‘bullshit’ and ‘rules’. There are so many brules that you could be buying into every day that are holding you back from unlocking your potential.

Brules are things that you have learned throughout your life from your parents, elders, peers, and society that simply aren’t true. Yet, some of them are so ingrained as ‘truth’, that they can become an obstacle that is too hard to overcome.

A lot of the brules we adopt stem from our desire to fit in. We want the people around us to like us. We want to do what other people think is right. So we adopt these rules – which aren’t actually concrete truths – and we follow them to keep the peace with everyone.

How can you recognize a brule? A brule isn’t something that has been proven to be true. A rule, on the other hand, is something that makes sense and is proven to be true.

For instance, a rule that you may want to follow is that you should not walk off a cliff. I think you and I can agree that’s a pretty good rule in life that makes a lot of sense.

A brule would be that you can’t choose what religion you want to be. That’s a bullshit rule. Of course you can choose! You have a mind that is capable of choosing. You can let go of certain beliefs and develop new ones. Therefore, you are perfectly capable of choosing what religion you want to follow. But, because everyone around you tells you that you can’t choose, you can easily believe that this brule is a rule of life.

Another brule would be that you can’t leave your abusive spouse. So many people stay stuck in a marriage that holds them back from their true potential because they believe they are incapable of living without that person. That’s just a brule that they have developed through their various areas, such as their fearful parent who believes that marriage is for life despite how bad it gets.

The bottom line is that brules will hold you back from doing what you need to do to unlock your potential. Therefore, you need to sit down and ask yourself whether the rules you are following in life are rules or brules. If they are brules, then stop buying into them.

Give yourself permission to see that there are many different ways of going through life. One rule, without no real reason to back it up, doesn’t apply to everyone in life. If it did, we wouldn’t have people reaching their potential and doing amazing things that other people firmly believe is impossible.

2. Make Education A Life Long Venture

There is no way around it. In order to unlock your potential, you have to grow as a person. You have to understand more about yourself and the things you want to do. And you need to understand how other people reached their potential so you can use their lessons to help you unlock your potential.

I’m talking, in part, about education. And no, you don’t have to go to school to learn what you need to learn. You can get online and research. You can take an online course. You can meet with people who are actively working towards their potential as well and learn from them.

It’s important to read as much as possible. Read online content. Read books. Read poetry. Read social media posts around a topic that you are interested in. The more you read, the more you expand your awareness and can see things from different points of view. And, the more you read, the more inspiration you will get on how to unlock your potential.

I have found that as I learn, I change. My habits and beliefs change. My perception on life changes. And those are huge things that help me see what I’m capable of and go after it.

I also highly recommend teaching. If you can get online and start a blog where you teach other people what you know, you will learn from them and their experiences. Even if you think you know all there is to know about a subject, you will often get insights into other people’s experiences and perceptions that challenge what you thought you knew. It’s a great way to learn.

Don’t know where to start? Go out right now and look at some magazines. You will be naturally drawn to things that you are interested in. You will naturally want to read more about what’s on the cover of something that grabs your attention. That topic is likely something that will help you start to unlock your potential, so allow yourself to read the magazine, even if you think it has nothing to do with who you are or who you want to become. You may be surprised at where it leads you!

3. Dig Into Your Subconscious Beliefs

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November 17, 2016

Why You Must Go With The Flow And 5 Tips To Help You Do It

Life can be hard when you are full of expectations and keep coming face to face with failures, breakups, deaths, and all those other situations that throw a wrench in your plans. When you keep getting disappointed, it can be hard to go with the flow, even if it’s the very thing you want to do to feel better. After all, letting go should help you avoid all the pain, right? Well, in my experience going with the flow and letting go are two different things.

The Difference Between Going With The Flow And Letting Go

If you go with the flow does that mean you have no power to create the life you want? Absolutely not! Going with the flow is not about being a dead fish that floats where the river takes you. It’s about being alive, thinking for yourself, making choices, and living your best life as well as you can.

Some people will tell you that to go with the flow means you are letting other people make choices for you. That’s called letting go, not going with the flow. That’s also called letting yourself be ignorant to what’s actually going on in life. Letting go means you let yourself get victimized by other people and circumstances that are out of your control. It means shutting your eyes to what’s happening around you. Going with the flow means something else entirely.

Going with the flow means engaging in the reality of life. It means facing what comes and making choices based around those things. It means understanding that good things and bad things happen in life, and accepting them when they come. And it means being in charge of your life and choosing what step you are going to take next.

For instance, in a new relationship, you don’t want to give up and let your new partner dictate the relationship. Your beliefs and needs are important, and you should be willing to communicate with your partner in a way that helps them understand what you want. Going with the flow means accepting the new truths you find out about your partner and making choices based on those truths. It means understanding that your partner is not always going to be happy and dealing with negative emotions when they come instead of resisting them. And, it means recognizing when things are going off the deep end in your relationship and making a choice about what to do next. Letting go, on the other hand, would be explaining away bad behavior or other negative things and accepting them as a part of life. It would mean letting go of your control in life and letting those negative things dictate how you feel and how your relationship goes.

In other words, going with the flow gives you more power in life. It helps you ride the waves of life and still be in control of what happens next. Letting go means letting the waves flip you over and then crush you and your spirit because you don’t bother to make choices that help you get out from underneath the waves and ride them.

You Can’t Control Everything

In the past little while, this truth has been more obvious than it has in a long time. We all know that despite our votes, voices, and protests, things don’t always go the way we want. This includes things such as natural events, but it also includes things that feel more in our power, such as an election.

The problem lies in our expectations. Expectations are detrimental to our happiness and ability to go with the flow.

When things happen that you never predicted, you will always be frustrated and resistant to what is going on. And, when you put up resistance, you will get yourself stuck in life which ensures you can’t move forward in a positive way.

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November 10, 2016

Signs Of Unrequited Love And What To Do About It

Everyone can relate to unrequited love. We have all loved someone who doesn’t return that love or even know that we love them in that way. Many of us have also been loved by someone that we didn’t feel the same way about. Unrequited love is a part of life, and it is probably one of the most painful parts of life.

The problem is that because love is such an important part of life that can make our logical sides turn to mush, it can be hard to spot when we are stuck in an unhealthy version of love. Following are some signs that you are either in love with someone who doesn’t love you back or that you are being loved by someone you don’t love.

3 Big Signs You Are In Love With Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back

1. You Are Loving To Them, But They Are Unloving To You

This sounds obvious, but if you are in the situation, it can be hard to see past your feelings for them. But, you can see if you are willing to look hard enough.

If they are treating you with disrespect, annoyance, frustration, or anger, and you feel that they are always being mean to you for no apparent reason, then they don’t love you back. Nobody treats someone they love like that. They may be pretending to love you. Or they may know how you feel about them and they are putting up with you while trying to give you the message that they don’t feel the same.

2. You Think They Are Perfect

When you get into a state of loving someone so much, even though they don’t love you back, you may be wearing rose-colored glasses around them. Everything they do and say may seem perfect because you idealize them so much. And even if they are mean or rude, you can find an excuse as to why they are being like that, whether it makes a lot of sense or not.

When you want someone so badly because you love them so much, you go blind to their imperfections. And, if the person you love is a human, they will have imperfections. If you are not seeing them, then you need to step back and take some time to think about that.

3. Your Happiness Depends On Them

If your day is good or bad depending on the person you love, then there is a good chance that you are experiencing unrequited love. This is true whether or not they know they love you.

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November 4, 2016

Feeling Disappointed? Here’s How To Flip The Script

You feel disappointed when someone or something lets you down. They may not live up to your expectations or they may not deliver on their promises. When you are disappointed in yourself, someone else, a situation, or humanity in general, life can feel very negative. Your accusations and discouraging thoughts can make it hard to be happy, and you can waste a lot of precious time in a negative state. That’s a complete waste of time.

The Problem With Living In A State Of Disappointment

There are only so many hours in your life, and you don’t want to be stuck in a state of disappointment for many of them. If you check out any emotional guidance scale, you will see that disappointment is not the worst feeling you could have, but it is still not close to an emotion that helps you to feel good. And in order to live the life you want, you need to have emotions that make you feel good, such as hopefulness, optimism, passion, and even contentment.

When you are feeling positive emotions, you are thinking good thoughts. And the health benefits of positive thoughts and emotions include:

– Increased life span, so that you can do more things that make you feel good.
– Less stress, which can improve both your physical and mental health in a big way.
– A stronger immune system that helps fight off colds and other diseases.
– Stronger heart health to decrease your chances of death from cardiovascular disease.
– Increased ability to problem solve and overcome obstacles.
– Increased ability to learn and grow as a human being.
– Ability to build stronger and more beneficial relationships.

The list of benefits goes on and on.

The point is that you don’t want to stay stuck in a state of being disappointed. The quicker you pivot towards happier emotions, the quicker you can get back to experiencing the benefits of them. So let’s talk about how to move through disappointment and start feeling good again.

When You Are Disappointed In Yourself

This is the easiest one to fix. Why? Because you have complete control over what you do and how you act in every moment of the day. This means that you can take action on what has disappointed you and start to turn things around.

For instance, if you are disappointed in yourself for not reaching a goal, then you can simply create a new goal and start immediately taking action on it. Many times just the act of writing down the new goal and setting the intent to go after it can help you alleviate the disappointment you are feeling.

If you are disappointed about where you are in life, then you can start taking action to get yourself somewhere different. You can learn more about yourself, learn how to become more of the person you want to be, learn what you need to do to get where you want to get, and then start taking action on those things immediately.

As you start to take action, you may have some moments where you remember why you were disappointed in yourself, but you will find that shaking it off and getting busy in the present moment will help you move away from that disappointment and, eventually, overcome the disappointment completely.

And if you let your disappointment teach you a lesson, you can ensure that the action (or lack of action) you took plays an important part in your life rather than a wasted opportunity or time of your life.

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October 26, 2016

Be Grateful: 10 Powerful Insights On Gratitude That I Want To Share With You

Why should you be grateful in life? Following are 10 insights that I’ve gathered over the years that have helped me understand more about why I want to practice gratitude now and forever. I think that if you are not feeling too grateful today or are struggling with the concept of gratitude and how it works in life, they will help you feel better, so read on!

1. You Can’t Teach Someone Else To Be Grateful Unless They Want To Be Taught

You can create the best gratitude book, show, or course in the world and you will still not be able to help some people be grateful if they are not looking for a way to be more grateful. When it comes to gratitude, this is something you must remember or you will be frustrated more often than not with other people.

Almost all of us have a bitter or angry person in our lives who complains about everything and everyone. Most of us who understand gratitude (or are at least a little bit more aware of what life has to offer us) and want to be happier in our lives have tried to help these people see all the good things in their life and failed.

For me, I spent countless hours trying to get someone very close to me to understand that there is a lot to be grateful for in this life, such as his wife, his kids, his home, his health, and his wealth. He didn’t see any of these things in a positive light because he was too focused on the stress he had and the events, circumstances, and people who he saw in a negative light. Eventually, I gave up and used my time more wisely – focusing on what I was grateful for.

It’s not that ungrateful people are not capable of being grateful. It’s just that they are stuck in a way of thinking that doesn’t allow them to be grateful. And trying to change the way someone thinks is like trying to pull a hippo through a pinhole. It’s impossible. They are in too much pain to refocus their thoughts. They need to make the choice to think more positively and stop focusing on negative things that keep them in an ungrateful state. There’s nothing you can do about it.

The best you can do is lead by example. Trust me, if someone is ready to experience more gratitude in their life, your example will have a big impact on them. So, don’t despair if you can’t help a particular person feel better because, if you practice gratitude, you will help someone else.

2. You Can Be Grateful For Your Problems

Most of us encounter problems in life every day. And we can be grateful for most of the problems we encounter. This sounds crazy to some people, I know, but it just takes a new way of looking at life in order to make this a reality.

Many people view their problems as nuisances. They see them as harmful to them in some way and don’t get excited about overcoming them. It’s no wonder they can’t be grateful for the problems that arise in their life.

In order to be thankful for your problems, you have to see them for what they are. They are obstacles that help you grow, mature, and move closer to the life you want.

For instance, a blogger friend of mine recently had her site hacked for about a week without her noticing. All of her popular pages had been redirected to spam pages in a different language. This was a huge problem for her! All of her work was being hijacked and the search engines were showing her pages in a different language, which meant that very quickly her pages were not going to be ranked for the keywords that they were currently being ranked for, which would result in a big blow to her income. After a few hours of panic, she started to be grateful for this problem she was facing. She realized that she was going to learn how to fix her site and strengthen her security, which is exactly what she did. Now she knows so much more about hackers, how they can get into your site, and how to keep them out, which will help her have more success with her blogs in the future.

Seeing your problems as experiences that will help you grow is a great way to be grateful for them. Problems with your health, relationships, work, and home are all signs that something is going wrong and you need to shift what you are doing in order to help it go right.

Every problem is an opportunity to create a better life for yourself. When you see it like that, you will start to be grateful for most of the problems that arise in your life.

3. Gratitude Multiplies

When you are grateful for things in your life, you get more things to be grateful for. You can call this the law of attraction or just the law of being more positive and energetic and willing to bring good things into your life, but either way it is a simple truth.

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October 26, 2016

7 Lessons From Famous People About Forgiving Others

We all have bad things happen to us that require us to forgive, but famous people are forced to either hang on to stuff or forgive in public. And because not forgiving other people can affect our lives in a big way, it becomes obvious when famous people are struggling with something from the past through their interviews and public appearances. While that’s not a fun thing for famous people, it is a good thing for all of us. We get to see what the act of forgiving or not forgiving can do to someone and apply those lessons in our own life.

The fact is that famous people have a lot of insight into forgiveness. Besides the everyday stuff that we all go through with relationships, they have to deal with very public unwarranted rumors, scrutiny, and crazy fans who can do them harm. Following are a few thoughts that popular celebrities have had about forgiving the people from their past and present.

1. We Are All Human Beings

We all know that Jennifer Aniston has had to do some forgiving in order to move past the affair that ended her marriage. Obviously, she was wronged much more publicly than most of us have been in a bad relationship, so she had to make statements about the affair and the divorce and how she felt afterward. One of the statements she made was simply that we are all human beings who make mistakes, which is such an important thing to remember in the act of forgiving.

Humans make mistakes. They make choices based on emotions, and sometimes those choices are really bad. That’s the way it goes. We all need to make some mistakes in life before we can grow and become better people.

While you don’t have to keep someone in your life who hurt you in some way, you can still recognize that their decisions were based on what they thought was the best at the time. It was the best they could do with what they had.

Knowing that they did the best they could, even if it was downright horrible, is comforting in some way. It helps you disengage from the belief that they intentionally hurt you and acted out of spite or anger instead of ignorance. That knowledge can help you forgive them and move on from the hurt that they caused.

Jennifer was able to collect herself, take some time to be single, and then find the love of her life because she was able to forgive. If she held resentment against Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, there is a good chance she could have sabotaged her career and her love life in the process.

2. It’s All An Experience

Oprah Winfrey has made it clear that there is a lot of people and situations she needed to forgive in her past, and that includes forgiving herself.

We all know she was raped, sexually abused, and has gone through many struggles with many people over the years that she needed to move forward from in order to get where she is.

And, through all her interviews with people who were struggling with issues and people from their past, Oprah has collected a lot of insight into forgiveness, how to do it, and what it can do for your life.

One of her most telling thoughts on forgiveness is when she said that real forgiveness is about being able to say thank you for the experience that you had.

That may sound crazy, considering what she and some other people have been through. You may think ‘how can you say thank you for being raped?’ I think the message here is not that it’s alright to be raped, but it’s alright to forgive the person and take something from the experience in a way that can benefit your life.

The real message here is that it’s easy to view the good times as experiences that we needed in life. But, the bad times are equally important, if not more so. They teach us a lot about who we are, how strong we are, and how we need to interact with the world and other people in order to be happy.

I don’t know exactly what she took from her experiences, but I imagine it was many important things – important lessons – that helped her become stronger, smarter, and move to the place where she is now. Oprah is perhaps one of the strongest and most wise famous people I know simply because of her experiences and because she has learned from hundreds and hundreds of people over the years.

3. They Were Probably In Pain When They Wronged You

Joel Osteen is a popular American preacher. He helps people work through their problems in a way that helps them move forward to a happier and healthier life. His messages are relatable to everyone, not just his congregation, and I highly recommend tuning into him on TV each Sunday for some uplifting messages that you can apply to your life.

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October 16, 2016

How To Make People Like You Without Resorting To Lying Or Being Fake

When it comes to how to make people like you, telling lies is at the bottom of the list. There are plenty of people who try to win over others with lies about who they are and what they like. But those people aren’t very well liked, whether they know it or not. People may be nice to their face and pretend to like them, but deep down they can tell they are being tricked by them and feel a little bit ‘off’ about their relationship with them.

When someone really likes you, they like who you are, how you relate to them and the world around you, and what you stand for. They like your passion or purpose. They like the way you move through this world. They even like the differences that you have and what you can teach them through those differences.

And, most importantly, they like how you make them feel, which is why someone can never truly like someone being fake to them. They will always feel like they are being manipulated in some way, and nobody likes to be manipulated.

How To Make People Like You The Right Way

Other people really like you when you make them feel good about themselves. How can you do that? There are two big ways.

1. Show Them Things About You That They Like About Themselves

If you can show someone that you are just like them in ways that they like about themselves, then you can form a bond with them. You can form a likeness bond!

Again, you don’t need to be fake or lie. For example, if you want someone to like you and they are a big family person, you don’t need to pretend that you have a great family if you don’t. That’s not going to win them over because they know what someone who likes their family talks like and acts like, and you won’t be able to replicate those words or actions if you don’t genuinely like your family.

But, that doesn’t mean you can’t find other things in common with them. For example, you both may be very driven at work. That’s a commonality that will help them like you. You can share productivity secrets, work together to make great things happen, and talk about the lack of drive in other people around you. That similarity is enough to make someone like you, even if you have other differences.

It’s also important to show interest in their life. Show interest in their:

– Family
– Friends
– Career
– Beliefs
– Goals
– History

Or anything else that they bring up. You don’t have to be completely similar to them and agree with everything they say in order for them to like you, but showing interest will validate who they are, which will make them feel good about themselves. And validating other people as being fine just the way they are is a great way to get people to like you.

It’s also good to ask for their help once in a while. This shows them that you value their skills and knowledge, which will make you instantly more likable to them. Just make sure to be genuine. Don’t ask for help with something you are absolutely good with or they will question your motives.

And don’t forget to use your body language in a way that reminds them of how interesting they are. Yes, you can show them that they are interesting without even saying a word.

There are a few simple tricks that will help them feel heard, validated, and important as they talk to you, and I guarantee they will like you much more for it. I’ve perfected these tricks over the years and use them in every conversation I have. It may take you a while to perfect them too, but once you do, everyone will like much more.

– Eye contact: This is a simple way to show a lot of interest. When you look into someone’s eyes as they are talking, you are saying, “I hear you and I’m really listening to you!” It’s an easy way to help them feel as if you really give a crap about what they are saying. Just don’t stare too much or you can become creepy. Occasionally look away to reflect on what they said or to gather your thoughts. That will help you give the right amount of contact without having to worry about it.

– Nodding your head: As they talk, nodding your head at certain times shows that you are agreeing with what they say or understanding what they say. Both are important to getting them to feel good about themselves because.Continue reading

October 3, 2016

8 Things To Remember To Improve Every Relationship You Have

Every relationship is unique. And every relationship requires you to tackle it in slightly a different way. Your relationship with your mother is not going to be like your relationship with your partner. And your relationship with your friend is not going to be like your relationship with your coworker. But, there are some common things to remember in every relationship that you have. Regardless of what relationship you are dealing with, they will help you maintain the relationship, have more fun, and get more out of it.

1. Have Authentic Conversations

Always remember that as hard as it might be, authentic conversations are necessary to make the most out of all relationships in your life. When you are authentic, the other person can feel it and you feel better about yourself, and that strengthens the bond you have with them.

That means you need to speak the truth, even when it seems scary to do so. The truth is what helps people understand you better, relate to you better, and like you more.

This should be done from the start of a relationship to avoid trust issues. But, it’s never too late to start being authentic.

If you are in a rocky relationship or feel like the people around you don’t trust you, this is one of the most important things to remember moving forward! Once you start speaking your truth – and maintaining that way of communicating – you will earn the trust of everyone around you and create much better relationships with them.

Another thing to remember is that if people don’t know the authentic you, then your entire relationship with them is a fraud and you will always be unhappy. They are in a relationship with someone other than you, and they will never be able to understand your needs, dreams, and reasons for doing what you do.

2. It’s Never All About You Or Them

A relationship has two people, which means that both of those people need to be heard, validated, and allowed to be themselves in the relationship. You can’t (nor should you) always get your way, talk about yourself, focus on your needs, or make someone else give up what they want just to please you. And neither should they.

This little bit of relationship advice would have saved me a lot of pain when I was younger, and it would have kept almost all of my relationships intact since I was a kid. Seriously, it’s that important! I spent a lot of time making my relationships about me. It wasn’t until I woke up and realized that relationships are not just about me that things started to get better.

But it’s not just enough to know it, you have to actually understand it. Because when you do, you can stop looking through your lens and start seeing things from other people’s perspectives.

When you really get this, your relationships and your happiness will change.

As a bonus, if you are in a relationship with someone who is making it all about them, you can understand how wrong that is and put a stop to it. That means you can stop being miserable and start demanding more for yourself.

For instance, a friend of mine has let her husband make their relationship all about him for over 10 years. Her needs aren’t met. She must please him at all times. She doesn’t get to share her feelings or thoughts. And just the other week he came home and told her that he booked a vacation across the country – for himself. That’s when she finally realized that their relationship was all about him, and she couldn’t put up with it anymore.

The next time you are with anyone, remind yourself that it’s never all about you or them. This will help you take into consideration their feelings and needs and find compromises that make you and them happy. It will also help you demand more for yourself.

3. Don’t Purposely Hurt Other People
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September 20, 2016

I Feel So Alone: The Big Causes And Two Important Steps To Heal Your Loneliness

I’ve seen people who feel desperately alone get the ridiculous advice to just suck it up and focus on other things. While that might work sometimes, loneliness is a feeling that will always come back during the times that you simply can’t distract yourself with other things. It’s a feeling that eats away at you as you look around and don’t see a soul that you can relate to and feel supported by. Feeling alone is painful, and people who don’t feel alone can’t possibly understand the depth of the pain that someone who feels truly alone is feeling.

The Pain Of Feeling Alone

Feeling alone hurts a lot. It causes physical and mental pain, it affects your sleep, and it affects your ability to feel peaceful with your life. It can make you feel run down and affect your immunity negatively. In other words, if you are saying, ‘I feel so alone’, and you feel like crap, then loneliness is likely the reason you are sluggish in all areas of your life.

It’s important to start tackling loneliness now, not tomorrow or a month from now. The longer you let loneliness play a huge part in your life, the more damage it can do to your body.

You can put yourself at risk for disease and you can shorten your life thanks to the decreased immune system functioning and increased inflammatory responses. You can also set yourself up with anxiety and depression, which can affect your ability to create strong relationships in a negative way, which can make loneliness become a permanent part of your life.

Start taking action now. You have the ability to heal your loneliness, you just have to muster up some desire to stop feeling lonely so that you can take action.

You Don’t Have To Be Alone To Feel Alone

Are you saying ‘I feel so alone!’ despite the fact that you are surrounded by people? Does that just feel wrong to you? Well, it’s perfectly natural.

Feeling alone has nothing to do with how many relationships you have in life. It has everything to do with how much affection you receive and how affectionate you feel.

If you are not feeling that loving vibe towards or from the people in your life, then you will not feel the connection that is required to stop feeling lonely. Furthermore, if you are surrounded by negative people and have many negative relationships, that will create a feeling of being alone in this world with no positive support and affection.

And, if you can’t keep relationships in your life or can’t find a relationship that offers you the type of connection you want, there is a good chance you will feel alone.

It’s important to note that some people are natural hermits or solitary people and don’t require a lot of connection in their lives. They may have acquaintances that they talk to once in a while, but for the most part, they are fine being by themselves. In other words, there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

Lastly, if you are different from other people and don’t feel as though they understand you, that can cause a huge wave of loneliness in your life.

For instance, transgender youth, who often feel different from their peers, are at higher risk for feeling lonely and the negative consequences that come from that. According to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey in 2011, 41 percent of transgender people had attempted suicide. However, transgender youth with the support of their family were 82 percent less likely to attempt suicide than their peers who feel unsupported.

In short, even though you are surrounded by a world full of people, or even a household full of people, you can still feel alone. Your feelings are a direct result of your thoughts, so they are a valid feeling for you at this moment.

The important thing to remember is that there are things that you can do to affect your thoughts in many positive ways, which can help alleviate the feeling of loneliness.

When You Feel Alone, It’s Important NOT To Resort To Self-Defeating Behaviors

Many people who feel alone try to fill in the loneliness with addictions. They may gamble as often as possible. They may overeat. They may do drugs, drink excessively, or get caught up in meaningless sexual relationships.

They believe that these behaviors are going to help them feel better, but in the end, they actually make things worse.

Self-defeating behaviors are behaviors that will always cause a loss in the end. They will always make you feel worse because they will make you hate yourself, feel lost, or feel out of control, and they will make you feel even more alone as you beat yourself up over your inability to shake them.

Intimate Relationships Are Not Always The Answer To Cure Loneliness

According to my friend who runs a popular dating website, a lot of people are looking for love for one big reason: to cure their loneliness. In fact, he says many people include the reasoning they are looking for love – ‘I feel so alone’ – right in their profiles. The problem is that many of these people find someone and then are met with a whole bunch of other problems that actually end up making them feel lonelier.

For instance, one guy fell in love with a woman who seemed to fit his life perfectly. He had felt lonely for so long, that he was not allowing himself to see the truth behind the matter. She wasn’t a good match for him. In fact, she didn’t even love him. She was just using him to pass the time by until she found someone more suitable. When she did find someone else she dumped him quickly and his heart was broken, and he felt even more lonely than before he had met her.

Finding love is not the cure to loneliness. It can be if you find the right person. And, keeping yourself open to finding love is definitely something you should do. But, don’t make it your only mission in your quest to become less lonely. If it fails, and you don’t have backup methods to help you feel supported in life, then you are going to be in a devastating place that you don’t want to be in.

Two Steps To Heal Your Loneliness

You can’t snap your fingers and stop feeling lonely. It just doesn’t work that way. But you can decide to take action in your life and engage in behaviors that help you feel more supported, loved, and connected to others.

Step 1: Decide To Take Your Loneliness Into Your Own Hands

You might be waiting for someone else to come up and swoop you out of your loneliness, but that is a bet you shouldn’t be willing to make. The chances are that no one will ever come, and if they do, you won’t be able to recognize the power they have to cure your loneliness because you are so focused on negative things.

You need to get up and take the initiative to heal your loneliness. You need to decide that you no longer want to feel lonely and that you are going to do what you can to heal yourself. You need to feel the desire to stop feeling lonely and start feeling like a part of something amazing, and then let that desire motivate you to work on strengthening your relationships and building new ones.

You may also need to take off the blinders and admit where you are going wrong in relationships. When we feel lonely, it’s easy to blame everyone else for that loneliness. But, often, we are pushing people away with our beliefs, behaviors, or attitude.

For example, I had a friend who was very uncompassionate. He only thought about himself, and he never listened to other people’s problems or even validated that they had problems. Over the years, he pushed everyone away from him. Nobody wanted to be around him. Nobody wanted to date him. He had even been kicked out of a few organizations he belonged to. He messaged me and told me that he was lonely and he couldn’t understand why he didn’t have any relationships left in his life. When I told him that his lack of compassion was the biggest problem, he didn’t listen. He chose to believe that it was everyone else’s fault and not his. Now, five years later, he is still alone and unable to figure out why. I feel bad for him, but only he is capable of fixing his part in creating his loneliness.

Take some time to sit down and decide what part you are playing in your loneliness. Following are some questions that you may want to ask.

– Am I unwilling to give to other people and just want to take from them?
– Do I prefer to do things on my own time and in my own way?
– Am I unwilling to compromise?
– Can I be mean or insulting to other people?
– Am I shy and unwilling to participate in events that help me connect with others?
– Am I accepting losers and abusers into my life that always end up hurting me or make me feel isolated?

All of these things, and more, can be worked on to help you build stronger relationships. You just need to be strong enough to admit where you are going wrong.

Step Two: Connect With New People And Reconnect With Important People In Your Life

It’s important to not isolate yourself when you feel alone. You may want to hide away from the world that doesn’t understand or support you, but doing that will always make you feel worse. It’s important to get out and search for those relationships that will help you feel less lonely.

I’m not talking about getting online. Yes, connecting with people online can help you feel more connected, but it probably won’t help you heal your loneliness. It won’t help you get out of your head as much as you need to and it won’t help you build relationships that you can turn to in times of trouble.

Getting out and talking to people in person is the best way to feel less lonely and more involved in the world around you. It is the best way to feel connected and valued. It helps you fill a void that can’t be filled by typing to a one-dimensional person online. It helps you build that multidimensional connection that creates strong relationships.

What you decide to do will be personal to your interests, but a few examples include:

– Go back to school. Even taking one course can help you connect with like-minded people and make friends who truly enjoy your company and want you in their life.

– Go to church. If you are at all religious, or even curious about a religion, go and attend a session at your nearest church. You should feel welcomed as soon as you walk into the church. (If you don’t, find another church to attend.) And, you should feel like you are a part of a group that shares important time together and grows together. Many of my friends find that their church is what makes them feel alive and part of a bigger plan. They never feel lonely because they are always being invited to different church functions or parties being held by particular people in their congregation.

– Get involved in a community event, such as a community cleanup or a volunteering opportunity. This will help you get out and spend time with other people so that you can connect, laugh, talk, and let go of the pain of loneliness.

You may even want to reconnect with people you once knew or currently know. This is really important if you are in a relationship and still feel lonely. It’s not healthy to let that lack of connection hang around for too long.

You need to decide if you want to continue the relationship or let go of it. And if you want to continue it, you need to change the dynamics of the relationship or you are never going to get rid of that lonely feeling.

For instance, if you and your partner are having problems, and that is causing you to feel lonely, then it’s important to reconnect with them and make building a stronger relationship a priority. That may mean spending more time with them and less time at work. Or it may mean scheduling in date nights or an hour or two every night of quality time. Or it may mean scheduling an appointment with a counselor who can help you build back your intimate relationship that helped you feel the exact opposite of loneliness.

You can also call up an old friend who always supported you and see if you can build a relationship with them again. Don’t let the fear of connecting hold you back! There is a chance that reconnecting could help you heal the loneliness you feel and get back on track. It’s well worth the risk.

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