Category Archives for "Love and Relationships"
Every relationship is unique. And every relationship requires you to tackle it in slightly a different way. Your relationship with your mother is not going to be like your relationship with your partner. And your relationship with your friend is not going to be like your relationship with your coworker. But, there are some common things to remember in every relationship that you have. Regardless of what relationship you are dealing with, they will help you maintain the relationship, have more fun, and get more out of it.
1. Have Authentic Conversations
Always remember that as hard as it might be, authentic conversations are necessary to make the most out of all relationships in your life. When you are authentic, the other person can feel it and you feel better about yourself, and that strengthens the bond you have with them.
That means you need to speak the truth, even when it seems scary to do so. The truth is what helps people understand you better, relate to you better, and like you more.
This should be done from the start of a relationship to avoid trust issues. But, it’s never too late to start being authentic.
If you are in a rocky relationship or feel like the people around you don’t trust you, this is one of the most important things to remember moving forward! Once you start speaking your truth – and maintaining that way of communicating – you will earn the trust of everyone around you and create much better relationships with them.
Another thing to remember is that if people don’t know the authentic you, then your entire relationship with them is a fraud and you will always be unhappy. They are in a relationship with someone other than you, and they will never be able to understand your needs, dreams, and reasons for doing what you do.
2. It’s Never All About You Or Them
A relationship has two people, which means that both of those people need to be heard, validated, and allowed to be themselves in the relationship. You can’t (nor should you) always get your way, talk about yourself, focus on your needs, or make someone else give up what they want just to please you. And neither should they.
This little bit of relationship advice would have saved me a lot of pain when I was younger, and it would have kept almost all of my relationships intact since I was a kid. Seriously, it’s that important! I spent a lot of time making my relationships about me. It wasn’t until I woke up and realized that relationships are not just about me that things started to get better.
But it’s not just enough to know it, you have to actually understand it. Because when you do, you can stop looking through your lens and start seeing things from other people’s perspectives.
When you really get this, your relationships and your happiness will change.
As a bonus, if you are in a relationship with someone who is making it all about them, you can understand how wrong that is and put a stop to it. That means you can stop being miserable and start demanding more for yourself.
For instance, a friend of mine has let her husband make their relationship all about him for over 10 years. Her needs aren’t met. She must please him at all times. She doesn’t get to share her feelings or thoughts. And just the other week he came home and told her that he booked a vacation across the country – for himself. That’s when she finally realized that their relationship was all about him, and she couldn’t put up with it anymore.
The next time you are with anyone, remind yourself that it’s never all about you or them. This will help you take into consideration their feelings and needs and find compromises that make you and them happy. It will also help you demand more for yourself.
3. Don’t Purposely Hurt Other People
I’ve noticed a sad trend. Too many people are learning unhealthy ways of being in relationships from their family, friends, and other sources. What’s worse is that often they don’t even realize how their behavior in the relationship is driving their partner away.
Have you learned unhealthy ways of being in relationships? Are you making big mistakes that can drive your partner away? Read on to learn five of the most common mistakes I’ve seen on a day to day basis. And if you recognize a mistake that you are currently making, make sure you take action on the tips to avoid a future breakup with someone you love.
1. Putting Your Happiness In Your Partner’s Hands
When you are upset, do you handle the situation yourself or do you expect your partner to make you feel better, fix things, and help you feel happy again? Do you get upset if your partner doesn’t say or do the right things when you are not feeling happy? If yes to either, then you are putting a lot of pressure on your partner. So much pressure, in fact, that there is a good chance you will drive them away.
It’s important to remember that we are all responsible for our own emotions. We are the only ones who can talk ourselves out of a bad mood or look at things in a new and more positive way. Other people can’t do that for us. So when we expect them to try, we are setting them up to fail. Most of the time they won’t say what we want to hear or do what we want them to do, and we punish them with our sulky attitude or anger because of it. That’s simply not fair to them.
They can’t handle their emotions and yours. It’s draining for them to always have to focus on making you feel better. And, it’s draining on your relationship when you are negative towards them because they can’t make you feel better.
Moreover, your partner doesn’t want someone who depends on them to be happy. They want someone who is naturally happy and has a zest for life that inspires them and makes them feel good about being with you.
What Can You Do To Fix This?
Be aware that YOU are responsible for your happiness. Other people can help you see things differently, but you are the one who ultimately chooses to change your perception, pick yourself up, and start feeling good about yourself and your life again.
When you claim full responsibility for your happiness, you can stop wasting time looking towards your partner to make you feel better. You can start finding ways to work through problems, face issues that are happening, and see things in a more positive light all on your own.
For instance, if you lose your job, you can let yourself get down and wait for your partner to cheer you up. Or, you can ask yourself, “What about this situation is good for me?” You may find answers like:
– Now I have an opportunity to look for a job I really want to work at.
– Now I have some time off to relax and rejuvenate.
– Now I don’t have to wake up at 5am!
– Now I don’t have to drive through rush hour traffic on the way home!
Once you start finding things to be grateful for, you will start feeling better about yourself and your situation, and your partner won’t need to expend a lot of energy on helping you feel better. In fact, you may be able to help your partner see the blessing in disguise. Then, you and your partner can enjoy your time off and strengthen your relationship instead of weakening it!
2. Expecting Your Partner To Be The Same As You
This is a common relationship mistake. And it is one of those mistakes that can drive your partner away for good.
Let me remind you that you found your partner interesting in the beginning because of their differences as well as their similarities. Maybe you loved the way they cooked for you because you couldn’t cook. Or maybe you liked how organized they were because you had a hard time keeping things in order. I don’t know what it was, but I’m sure there were unique things about your partner that interested you.
Most people enjoy those differences for a while, but soon they want their partner to start being more like them and less like themselves. This is where relationship problems come in.
As your desire for them to be more like you grows, you start to criticize them for the way they do things. You tell them that they are wrong and you are right. You tell them that they are dressing wrong, eating wrong, speaking wrong, acting wrong, and even believing wrong!
In short, you are holding up a big sign that says ‘The real you is not good enough for me!’ Who wants to stay in a relationship where you are not good enough for your partner? Nobody!
What Can You Do To Fix This?
You need to understand this one vital thing – no two people in this world are the same. In fact, nobody in history or the future will be exactly like you. And nobody in history or the future will be exactly like your partner!
Everyone has slightly different ways of moving through the world and thinking, and that is what makes them an important part of this world. Their unique way of doing things can teach other people and help other people in some way (including you!) Their unique way of doing things can benefit this world in some way. When you understand that, you will start to appreciate the way they are and stop trying to change them.
This doesn’t mean you should let your partner have their way when it will affect your happiness negatively. Let your partner be who they are and appreciate your differences. Don’t tell them that they have to completely change who they are in order to be good enough for you. And when you need to, find compromises to help you feel better about the big differences that you have.
For instance, if your partner enjoys spending money as soon as they get it, and you want to save money, then you don’t have to let them be themselves and suffer financially because of that. Instead, sit down and find a way to save your money and allow them to have some spending money as well. It’s all about compromise.
3. Bringing Baggage Into Your Relationship
Is a relationship in the past affecting the way you deal with your current relationship? Do you have resentment towards your past, unresolved feelings towards your past relationships, life issues that haven’t been dealt with, or negative experiences that you just can’t let go? If yes, then you have baggage, and it will affect the way you deal with your relationship and your partner.
I had one friend who was cheated on by one boyfriend. She couldn’t get over it and she carried that baggage into every relationship she got into. She would plague her boyfriend with accusations about what he was doing with his free time. She would accuse him of cheating on her when she couldn’t get him on the phone. She would constantly ask him questions that clearly showed him that she didn’t trust him. And, eventually, he would pack up his stuff and leave. And why not? If she couldn’t trust him, then what kind of relationship did they have?
Baggage will affect the core aspects of your relationship, such as trust, intimacy, communication, and relationship habits. You will label your partner unfairly. You will treat your partner unfairly. And, eventually, they will not want to be in a relationship with you and your past experiences and partners. They will not want to be blamed for stuff that they didn’t do simply because you haven’t dealt with your hurt or anger from your past.
What Can You Do To Fix This?
You need to deal with your past. All those experiences that you are holding on to need to be let go.
For instance, if someone cheated on you, then you need to accept that it happened. Often we try to pretend that it didn’t really happen to us or try to stop it from happening (which is impossible). Then you need to figure out why it happened. Was your ex not ready for a relationship? Did you not have a healthy relationship with them? Did they not have the compassion or ethics to stay faithful to you? And once you figure out the answers, take your lessons and move on.
Then you need to start fresh. Your new partner is different. (Remember, everyone is unique!) And your relationship with them is different. You have a chance to move forward and create a happier relationship knowing what you know now.
4. Not Allowing True Honesty In Your Relationship
Why is being dishonest one of the biggest mistakes that can drive your partner away? Because honesty is not only powerful in an intimate relationship, it is expected. Your partner expects you to be the one person who doesn’t lie to them. Your partner expects you to be your real self and share yourself.
When you lie, even if it is a small lie, you create a wave of distrust in the relationship. The more waves you create, the harder it is to keep the relationship steady. Eventually, if you create enough waves, your relationship will tip over and your partner will leave you to find a steadier relationship.
I had one person tell me that they didn’t want to look bad in their partner’s eyes, so that’s why they lied to them. That’s a bunch of crap. The truth is that your partner knows you are not perfect because they are not perfect. They have signed up for a crazy thing called ‘life’ where failures are made, mistakes happen, and imperfections are common. And they have signed up to share that life with you! If you can’t be honest with them about your failures, mistakes, and imperfections, then they will feel like something is off, and it could cost you your relationship.
In addition, when you don’t allow your partner to be honest, they don’t feel connected to you. They don’t feel like they can be honest with you. They don’t feel like you are someone who has their back no matter how they feel, what they do, or what they want.
What Can You Do To Fix This?
Make honesty the way of life in your relationship. Allow your partner to see your imperfections. Share your fears, mistakes, and worries with your partner. Don’t hide anything from your partner. This is easy to do once you start doing it. And you will find that your partner will accept you for who you are and understand you better because you are being completely honest with them.
And, allow your partner to be honest with you. Don’t make them feel bad for being honest with you. Don’t try to tell them how they really feel or what really happened. Allow them to explain things as they see it and show them appreciation for being so honest with you.
For example, if your partner tells you that you hurt them, don’t tell them that you didn’t hurt them or that they are stupid for feeling like that. Appreciate their honesty, understand where they are coming from, and then deal with the situation in a way that makes you both feel better. Your relationship happiness will soar when you have this kind of honesty in it!
5. Not Sharing In The Decision Making
Lastly, this is a common mistake that couples make, but I don’t see many people talking about how negatively this can affect a relationship. I’m not sure why because it is an important relationship concept to understand.
When one person makes all of the decisions in a relationship – or the majority of the decisions – the other person can feel left out. Remember, they are unique and have their own desires in life. And, if someone else is making all the big decisions for them, they are unable to fully express themselves or realize their desires. Eventually, that will make them resent the other person, and that’s when the relationship could end.
Moreover, the person making the decisions can grow tired of always having to decide. They can start to view their partner as more of a child than an intimate partner. That can affect how they talk to them and treat them, which can affect the relationship negatively even further.
The bottom line is that if you choose to share your life with someone, you also have to compromise on things, including your home, finances, vacations, food, kids, TV, and a million other things!
What Can You Do To Fix This?
Use your honesty to share your wants and needs and understand your partner’s wants and needs, and then find a way to make everyone happy when it comes to decisions. The more you understand about each other, the easier this will be.
It’s important to note that sometimes your differences will be so big that one person will have to give in and let the other person have the decision. For instance, if one person wants Indian food and the other wants Italian, obviously a decision that makes one person happy is going to have to be made. When this happens, agree that the next decision on food will be up to the other person. This will create a balance that will make both of you happy.
I’m sure you have heard that money is the number one cause of relationships going bad. We all have our own special relationship with money. We all view it differently and use it differently. But, once we get into a serious relationship, money becomes an issue between us and our partner, not just an ‘us’ issue. Therefore, you need to communicate about and find common ground when it comes to money. You may think that your beliefs towards and habits with money are all very innocent or won’t be destructive to your relationship, but there are some money mistakes that can drive your partner away. Following are 10 of them.
1. Fighting About Not Having Enough Money
You may see the lack of money in your life and feel like you need to remind your partner of how little money there is at every step. He wants to eat out, so you start an argument about how much he spends on food. She wants to get her hair done, you start an argument about how much she spends on beauty. While the fighting is not doing either of you any good, it is also pointing out one big fact – you don’t have the kind of money you want. If you did, you wouldn’t need to fight about money because you wouldn’t feel any stress about the subject.
Therefore, the more you start arguments about money, the more you point out what you are both already feeling bad about. That doesn’t just make you feel bad about your financial situation. It can make you feel bad about each other. Your partner can criticize you and your spending and earning habits, and you can do the same. Painting each other in a negative light like that can eventually cause one of you to feel as if you had enough.
In other words, if you are always starting the fights or engaging in the fights, then there is a good chance that you can drive your partner away. You are not fixing anything by fighting, you are just pointing out the bad, and that’s not good for a relationship.
While some of the following points can help you stop fighting about not having enough money, it’s also important just to pick your battles. If your partner really wants something, don’t try to make him or feel horrible about it. A better thing to do is get on the same page financially and then you won’t have to tell them they are spending too much money or criticize them for how much money they earn.
2. Not Working Through Feelings Towards Your Partner’s Income
Does your partner make more money than you? Or do they make way less than you? Either way, you can end up with feelings of jealousy or anger, and that can cause you to make your partner feel bad in one way or the other. You may tell them your feelings, show them your feelings through your behavior, or let your feelings affect how you feel about them and treat them. All of these things have the potential to drive away your partner.
If your partner is making more than you, then gaining the right perspective is the key. Celebrating their success is important. Their success is your success, and you shouldn’t be jealous of it at all. You also shouldn’t be threatened.
I know an old lady who found out that her daughter was making more than her husband. This old lady was terrified that her daughter’s husband was going to leave her for making more money because it should be the man who makes more money, not the woman. If the husband had this fearful and sexist view, then there is a good chance it would be a money mistake that drove his wife away.
If your partner is making less than you, then you need to consider a few things. Are they doing something they hate? Yes? Then instead of pointing out how little they are making and contributing, try to help them find a job they are passionate about. By doing that, you are supporting their passion which will likely end up earning them much more than whatever they are doing now. And, if they are doing something they love, then is forcing them to do something different really in their best interest? Might there be better ways to handle the financial situation?
Obviously, if their income is having a very negative effect on you, such as making your work more than you should or causing you to go into debt, then it may be time to sit down and talk about how to bring in more money. But feeling angry with them will only make you treat them with disrespect and cause problems that could end up in driving your partner away.
3. Not Wanting To Create And Stick To A Budget
Don’t ignore this point! This is one of the big money mistakes that can drive your partner away.
A budget is necessary. It doesn’t matter if you make $1,500 a month or $15,000 a month. A budget helps you clearly see what your income is, what your bills are, and what you are left with after bills. Once you can clearly see those things, you can adjust your budget to help you live a comfortable life and grow your wealth in the process.
If you don’t want to create or stick to a budget, then you are not only doing yourself a disservice, you are doing your partner a disservice. Bills can get missed. Savings can be non-existent. You can become ignorant to what is going on in your own house, which can cause excessive spending. And, your ability to grow your wealth so that you can become rich one day will go out the window. You simply can’t understand how to pay off debt and grow your wealth unless you have a budget and stick to it.
Get on board with a budget and then get on board with sticking with it. Ignorance is not bliss when it comes to your financial life in your relationship. Knowing what is happening will give you the power to keep things under control, avoid fights, and create excitement for the future in the relationship.
4. Not Wanting To Talk About Money
If you are in a relationship, you have to talk about money. It doesn’t matter if you are just getting serious or have been together for years. Money is a relationship issue, so it’s important. It’s not a taboo subject that should be ignored.
It’s fine if one person takes care of the numbers and the other person just follows along. But, it’s not alright for one person to avoid talking about money concerns and problems when they are in a relationship. When that happens, it is very likely that the other person will leave the relationship because they will feel as though such an important part of the relationship is completely neglected.
Most people will tell you that it’s important to find ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning just to keep the spark alive. While that’s true and important, there is a much more important reason to bring back that fresh and new feeling into your relationship. Your relationship’s ability to last.
In the beginning, when things are exciting and new, the developing relationship is the first priority. After a while, a relationship can start to feel old, tired, and boring. When that happens, the desire to work on the relationship can go downhill and other things become more important. That’s not a good thing!
Relationships are always in a state of flux, which means that your relationship is either getting better or getting worse. When you make your relationship less of a priority, you focus on fixing other things in your life before it, such as work, personal goals, kids, etc. The more things take priority over your relationship, the less likely you are going to focus on your relationship and keep it healthy and strong. And the more you neglect it, the more it becomes a nuisance, not a place of support. Eventually, the relationship may be something you don’t even recognize anymore, and that’s when the idea of separation starts to come in.
Therefore, you need to find ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning for both the excitement factor and for the longevity of your relationship. Thankfully, there are plenty of things you can do to bring back that spark and highlight the importance of your relationship that you once felt. Following are 8 of them.
1. Make Spur Of The Moment Decisions
Date night is important in any relationship, but the same old date night can definitely make your relationship feel a little stale after a while. For instance, every Saturday you go out, and eventually Saturday just feels like part of the week’s same old boring routine that you need to tend to.
In the beginning, any day could be a date day. In fact, any time could be worthy of a date. You never knew when you were going to hear from your partner and suddenly have plans to go out for coffee, a movie, or dinner.
That’s why making spur of the moment decisions is one of the best ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning. It’s exciting to talk to your partner, make an unexpected plan, and then meet up with the excitement that only spur of the moment decisions can create.
A friend of mine decided that she needed more spontaneity in their relationship. Now, at least once a week, she will call up her husband at work and suggest meeting up somewhere after work. Usually, they go to supper and then a movie, but sometimes they meet up for a walk or a coffee. Sometimes, on a day off, she will suggest going on a road trip as soon as they open their eyes. Her creativity to be spontaneous has developed, and her husband always gets excited about her suggestions. She says that every spontaneous date they have is fun, exciting, and brings them closer together. And it’s always a memory that they can look back on fondly, whereas date nights were just something they did and was then put to the back of their memory like other to-do tasks.
2. Go Back To Where It All Started
There will be certain places that meant a lot to you in the beginning of the relationship. A home, a park, a school, a place of work, or a restaurant can all bring back memories of when you first met. And going there can help you feel like you did when you first met.
Time is a funny thing. A boring relationship can seem to drag on forever and feel really old, but a simple reminder of what you once had can instantly remind you why you fell in love with someone and help recreate those feelings of excitement, passion, and intrigue.
My friend from the example above often asks her husband to meet up for a walk in their old neighborhood where they used to walk daily when they first met. When they go, they are both brought back to a time where they were learning about each other and excited for the future, and those feelings help them reconnect and remember why their relationship is so important to them.
3. Allow Your Partner To Be Themselves!
This is an often overlooked area of bringing back that spark, but when you think about it, this is one of the best ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning. Why? Because, in the beginning, you don’t try to tell your partner who they should be. You didn’t try to control how they acted, what they said, what they believed, how they talked, how they felt, or how they ate. Instead, you found it all very interesting. All their unique ways of doing things and thinking were what attracted you to them and made them exciting.
It’s time to let them be themselves again. They’ve probably changed from when you first met them, so there is a lot of new things to discover. I guarantee that if you give them the freedom to be themselves without fearing judgment from you, then you are going to start to see your partner with new and fresh eyes almost every time you interact.
The important thing to remember is that we are always changing on some level. Our experiences are what mold us into who we are, and since we are always having new experiences, there is always the potential for our thoughts, beliefs, habits, interests, and behaviors to change. You can’t stop that, nor should you want to!
Starting today, make a conscious decision to let your partner be who they are, not who you want them to be. If they are not hurting you, then allowing them to be a unique individual will mean there will always be something new to learn about them, and that will make your relationship with them exciting.
4. Focus On Them When They Are Talking
Do you remember your first few dates? You hung on their every word wanting to know what they were thinking. You could talk until the early hours of the morning. They were interesting, and the rest of the room seemed to melt away when you were together. And that is what kept you coming back for more dates until you eventually became a couple.
When your marriage is struggling, it can be hard to know what to say. Saying certain things can make the marriage even harder. And often these phrases, such as “I knew I should never have married you!” are the first things that we say thanks to anger, frustration, and pain.
If you can manage to avoid saying hurtful things, then often nothing is said at all. Not saying anything can cause a distance between you and your husband and deteriorate the marriage. Therefore, you need to communicate with your husband, but you need to say the right things.
If you are at a loss for words right now, this article will talk about some things to say to your husband when marriage is hard. We will talk about what you should say, why, and how to follow up if your husband responds negatively.
1. Can You Help Me Understand Your Side Of Things?
Part of not being able to solve problems is not being able to communicate effectively. You need to know what your husband is thinking and struggling with in order to work on things. If he doesn’t open up about his true feelings, then you will never know what needs to be done to solve any problems he is having in the marriage.
If you are yelling at your husband to tell you what he’s thinking, then you are telling him what he needs to do, and men don’t respond well to that. Men have an elemental need to provide and support, so asking for help has always been and will always be a way to get your husband to listen and even take action.
Therefore, ask him if he can help you understand where he is coming from. Asking for his help will trigger his basic need to provide you with something, and you should get more insight into how he is feeling or what he is struggling with at the moment.
But, you need to be prepared to accept the information he gives you. You need to be willing to listen, accept it, and find a way to work through it. The fact is that what he tells you is his truth, and you can’t make it smaller than it is or tell him how wrong he is. If you do, he will never try to help you understand his point of view again without a lot of encouragement and struggle.
What If He Says No?
What if he tells you that he doesn’t want to help you understand his side of things? You can’t force him to tell you anything. But, you can tell him that if he is not willing to share how he feels or share his concerns, then you will be unable to help him have a better time in the marriage, and you will be unable to repair whatever has gone wrong. If he wants things to work out, then he will likely decide that sharing is a good thing at this point.
Mature women are definitely different than immature women in relationships. Immature women are trying to figure out who they are, how relationships fit into their life, and what kind of relationships they want in the future. But, mature women have figured out those things, which makes them very different in relationships. If you are ready to experience a real relationship that feels good, supportive, and fun, then I highly recommend finding yourself a mature woman and develop a relationship with her. But, before you do, you need to know a few things about what mature women don’t do in relationships.
1. They Don’t Put You First
Immature women are quick to put everyone else first and let their own needs and desires go to the backburner. They are eager to please and don’t want to say no or hurt someone else’s feelings.
Mature women understand that they need to take care of themselves first before they can take care of anyone else. They know that taking care of their needs, desires, and wants, helps them feel better about themselves and improves their health and happiness.
Understanding this will help you take it less personally when they say no to you. They aren’t trying to hurt your feelings; they are just trying to make sure that they don’t put other people ahead of themselves anymore.
2. They Don’t Get Upset With The Truth
You don’t need to lie to mature women. They are not going to fly off the handle and throw a tantrum over the truth. Immature women may not want to hear the truth, but mature women know that the truth is the only way to solve problems and avoid all the time-wasting nonsense that comes from dishonesty.
Also, mature women know who they are and have a better understanding of how the world works. They are not easily hurt by the truth because they are more grounded in reality than immature women, and they can face that reality head on.
3. They Don’t Put Up With Lies
Immature women are often willing to close their eyes to lies. They can be easily swayed to ‘get over’ the lie and move on with the relationship. But mature women understand that lies are a form of manipulation, and they are not willing to be manipulated by anyone.
If a mature woman finds out that you are lying to them, she will take some time to find out the underlying reason of why you lied, and then decide if a relationship with you is really worth the trouble or not. She will not buy into your cover up stories and compounded lies.
And if you think you can lie to a mature woman and get away with it, think again. Women are very good at reading body language signals. In fact, research has shown that women can read facial experiences of emotions much better than men can, which means that they are able to pick up on the underlying messages that other people are sending. The more experience women have with relationships, the better they become at picking up on those lies you are trying to pass off.
4. They Don’t Pretend To Be Someone They Are Not
Immature women adapt to the people around them. If they are seeing ten different people in the day, then they may put on ten different faces to make sure they are always fitting in and pleasing the people around them.
Mature women know that they are who they are, and if other people don’t like them, then there is nothing they can do about that. They are not going to change themselves simply because they know that the other person wants them to be someone different. They know that pretending to be someone you are not is exhausting, and it doesn’t pay off anyway as most people can sense a fakeness to you that is a turn-off.
Therefore, mature women say what they want to say, do what they want to do, laugh how they want to laugh, dress how they want to dress, and take part in activities that they want to take part in. For instance, you will not find them going to a sports event if they really don’t like sports.
Moreover, if a mature woman is hurt or upset, she is going to let you know. She’s not going to try to pretend like she is not a human with emotions, just so that you don’t label her as emotional or irrational, which is something all women have been taught to be worried about being labeled as.
5. They Don’t Hide Their True Sexuality
Since a young age, women are taught that if they are too sexual in nature, they will be labeled as stupid, slutty, and desperate. They are also taught if they are not sexual enough, they will be labeled as rigid, cold, and masculine. They are taught what sex they should like, how they should show interest, and how feminine they need to act in order to be truly desired. In other words, it’s a lose-lose game for women until they fully mature and embrace their true sexuality with open arms.
Mature women know who they are and who they like. And they are not afraid to flirt, let loose and embrace their full sexual power. They also aren’t afraid of being judged by society, their friends, or their partners. This is why they are known to be more direct when approaching someone they like and more fun and open in the bedroom.
6. They Don’t Purposely Hurt Other People
Women have always been good at saying or doing the exact right thing to make someone else feel unworthy or bad. Immature women may try to be mean or twist words in order to make someone else feel bad, but mature women have much more emotional intelligence and never say or do things to hurt other people purposely.
A mature woman will watch her words, the tone of her voice, and the meaning behind what she is saying. She won’t blurt out what she is thinking if she knows it is going to hurt someone else. Instead, she will think of a compassionate way to say something or – as the golden rule dictates – she will say nothing at all!
The bottom line is that a mature woman has a handle on her emotions and reactions. She understands how she affects other people and how other people are affected. She uses that awareness to interact with other people in a kind, compassionate, and non-violent way.
7. They Don’t Put Up With Drama
Drama is a part of a woman’s life for a long time. Drama over lies, hurt feelings, imagined scenarios, or other people’s games. Drama is simply a conflict that doesn’t need to be there, and mature women have discovered that fact as they have dealt with the pain, frustration, and annoyance of drama in their relationships as they’ve matured.
Therefore, if you think you are going to start some drama over nonsense with a mature woman, think again. She will instantly put her foot down and let you know that she is not willing to accept drama in her relationships, and she is definitely not going to be dramatic simply because someone is trying to egg her on.
This means that if you are immature, and still bringing in lots of drama into your relationship with her, you won’t have much of a relationship with her. All you have to do is prove that drama is a part of who you are, and she will distance herself from you or end the relationship altogether.
8. They Don’t Put Up With Being Used
Immature women will put up with all sorts of people who use them for their time, money, energy, car, looks, or other things. Mature women know that they deserve relationships with people who actually care about them and will not use them for what they have or who they are.
Therefore, if you want to be in a relationship with a mature woman, you better be willing to give and take. You can’t just take and take and take and expect her to be fine with it.
She knows that she needs to compromise sometimes and even let you have your way so that you can feel good. She’s fine with that. But if you are always focused on your needs and never on hers, you will not be in a relationship with her for long.
9. They Don’t Pretend To Be Right All The Time
One of the best things about being a relationship with a mature woman is that she knows that she’s not always right. She is mature enough to admit that as a human, she doesn’t know everything. And that keeps her open to your perceptions on life and allows her to admit when you were right, and she was wrong.
This kind of attitude makes relationships so much easier. There isn’t a constant struggle of wanting to be the smarter or better person. There is just a natural relationship where two people are figuring out life together, and sometimes one has insight that the other one doesn’t have yet, which makes them both equally important to each other.
10. They Don’t Try To Change You
Maturing and understand that everyone is different in life is a beautiful thing. It helps you allow other people to be who they are, without trying to tell them what they should change and who they should become. Mature women have accepted that other people are who they are based on their past experiences in life, and they don’t try to change those people.
A broken heart caused by the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a sudden unexpected loss of a close relationship hurts. In my experience, there’s not much pain that compares to it. It can be hard to breathe. It can physically hurt. It’s impossible to think. All the life gets sucked out of you. And, you feel like you are just existing instead of living.
Some people never recover from a broken heart. They hold the pain inside of them and let it drive their life into a state of constant unhappiness and despair. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Everyone can mend a broken heart and start to feel better about their loss, themselves and their life going forward. You just have to be willing to admit some simple truths to yourself. Following are some important tips on how to mend a broken heart no matter why your heart has been broken.
Don’t Resist The Pain, But Don’t Live In It
This is important! As you work on mending your broken heart, you will still feel the pain of the loss. That’s human! If you were not able to feel the pain of the loss still, even years down the road when you reflected on something that the person did or said, then something would be incredibly off about you. Humans feel pain from loss, and you will too.
The whole point of this article on how to mend a broken heart is to fix the constant pain you are in, not to deny that you ever had pain. When you get into a state of denying the pain – reality, that’s when you are unable to overcome the pain. It sits inside of you waiting for you to acknowledge it. It causes problems in your life because it is an underlying hurt that you haven’t worked through. It can make you bitter. It can cause you to close your heart off to other people. And, it can ruin your relationships that are left. And, one day, you will have to work through the pain as if it had just happened to you.
Taking care of your pain does not mean dwelling in it, though. It doesn’t mean posting endless Tweets and posts on Facebook about how sad you are and how hard your life has become. It doesn’t mean talking about your pain to everyone that will listen. When you dwell in it by verbalizing it over and over again to yourself and other people, you keep yourself stuck. In order to move through the pain, you have to keep moving forward. You can’t get stuck. That means you need to acknowledge the pain and why you feel it, talk about it with loved ones or even a therapist if you have to, and then start taking steps to move yourself out of it.
If you think you can’t, you’re wrong. Billions of people have lost and lived on. They have felt the broken heart you are feeling and mended it in one way or another. If they can do it, so can you.
Take care of the pain now. Don’t force yourself to deal with it years down the road. Acknowledge it as something that is a part of you for now, and then take the following steps to work through it.
Focus On The Love In Your Life
A broken heart occurs when it feels like love has been ripped out of you and lost. The best way to fill that lack of love is to focus on love elsewhere.
That doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened or who you lost, but it does mean that you should open your heart up to receiving love from other people – and even your pets, so that you can feel the love in your life.
I know that this can be easier said than done. But it is really the best tip on how to mend a broken heart starting right now.
Love is a powerful feeling. It makes you feel not so alone, which is one of the biggest symptoms of a broken heart. A broken heart makes you feel abandoned and unloved even when there are plenty of people who love you around. That’s because your focus is on what you lost, not on what is still there. Therefore, you need to focus on the love you still have in your life.
I’ve had some pretty heart-wrenching deaths happen in my time. Alone, as I focused on the death, I felt horrible. My heart hurt so much I didn’t think I was going to be able to survive the pain. Then, family and friends came around, and their presence helped break up my painful thoughts and feelings. Eventually, I was forced to focus on them as we worked through the details of the death, funeral, and life after the loss. The pain was still there, but thanks to being involved with people I loved and who loved me, it started to grow less intense each day until I knew that I was going to be able to survive it.
I’ve also had my share of painful breakups. I know how hard it is to move on with life after someone who was such a big part of it leaves. Focusing on the love you still have in your life is important after a breakup too. It helps you realize that love is still out there, and you are worthy of it, even if that person is gone. And, when love is out there, and you are worthy, the possibility of finding another person is high.
Everyone in an intimate relationship should constantly be working towards a stronger relationship. If you are not doing something to make your relationship stronger, then you are likely doing something to make your relationship weaker. The fact is that relationships require constant maintenance to stay in working order. The following ten tips all work to help boost the emotional and physical intimacy you have, which creates a stronger bond that results in a healthier and stronger relationship.
1. Express Your Love
Sounds simple, but a lot of people forget to express their love to each other. I’m not just talking about saying ‘I love you,’ because that can get old and meaningless very quickly. I’m talking about doing things that show how much you love your partner and your relationship with them. When your words and actions align, then your partner will feel loved, which will help contribute to its strength.
Expressing love can be as simple as listening to your partner when they need to talk, but there are thousands of other things you can do in your day to show them how much they mean to you. For instance, you can:
– Have patience and be kind to them during times of struggle.
– Support them in their ventures or plans in life.
– Let them be who they are without criticizing them or trying to change them.
– Help ease their stress and struggle in life in whatever way you can.
– Remind them why you love them as they perform tasks that you appreciate.
– Surprise them with something they will love, just because you can.
I’m sure you can think of different ways to express your love to your partner. I highly recommend doing at least one thing a day. Making it a habit will help you always remember how much you love them and remind them how much you love them.
2. Treat Them As You Want To Be Treated
This is a rule for relationships that not many people follow. They do things to their loved ones that they would never want to be done to them, yet they can’t understand why their relationship is suffering.
It takes some practice to see clearly what you are doing that you wouldn’t want to be done to you. But once you open up your awareness, you will always be able to see those unwanted words, actions, and behaviors that you may not be aware of right now.
To open up your awareness right now, get clear on what you don’t want done to you. Write your thoughts down, decide if you are doing those things to your partner, and find some solutions to stop doing them if you are.
For instance, you may not want to be put down in your relationship. That’s a good expectation to have for yourself. Now, ask yourself if you are putting down your partner at all? If you are, how can you stop doing that? How can you be more supportive? The next time you find yourself starting to put your partner down, you will remember what you decided to do instead and, hopefully, take action on that.
A strong relationship comes from mutual respect. That’s why this rule works so well. You want to be treated with respect, and so does your partner. As long as you treat them the way you want to be treated, you will both feel valued in the relationship.
3. Create More Quality Time
Do you sit down and have supper together? Do you sit down and talk for hours about things that mean something to you? Do you go out and experience new things together? If not, then you are weakening your relationship in a big way.
Quality time is all about giving your partner your undivided attention. It’s not about sitting beside each other on the couch and watching TV. It’s about interacting, having fun, and strengthening the connection you have together.
Everyone can create more quality time in their relationship. It may mean giving up a few hours of TV a night or doing an activity together instead of apart, but if you make developing a stronger relationship your intention, then you will make quality time a priority and make the time.
4. Use Tools To Create A Stronger Relationship
Always remember that a relationship requires constant work. It’s never something you can put on the backburner for years expecting it to stay healthy and fine. People change week by week, month by month, and year by year, which means you need to reconnect consistently and reintroduce yourselves to each other. If you don’t, you may just wake up to a stranger one day!
Books, eBooks, online courses, relationship counselors, and relationship retreats are all tools that can help you create a stronger relationship. They can teach you new ways to communicate and relate, and they will contribute to a stronger relationship because your focus is solely on each other and improving the dynamics between you.
5. Be Kind To Yourself
I have a friend who hates herself. Or, at least she seems to. She is constantly calling herself fat, stupid, and annoying. She says these things in a million different ways, and she says them all the time. I have never heard her not put herself down. And her fiance is sick of it. Their relationship is struggling because she always puts herself down and he always needs to counteract her negativity with a positive comment. If he doesn’t, then she gets even more upset. In short, they can’t enjoy their time together because she’s always complaining about herself and he’s always trying to boost her up.
When it comes to relationship advice from men, you can find it everywhere. More and more blogs and vlogs are popping up with men who got something to say about relationships, and more and more eBooks are also coming out with advice from men for both men and women. But, are some men making things worse for you? The fact is that there are plenty of men out there who can help you, but there are also plenty of men out there who are giving relationship advice that could hurt you in a big way.
Relationship Advice From Men For Women
If you are a woman, then I highly recommend taking relationship advice from men. Sometimes a woman can teach you how she fixed an aspect of her relationship and help you understand where you are going wrong in yours and what you need to do to fix it, but the advice from a man will be much more valuable in the long run.
Men know how men think and, for the most part, what men want. They may not understand women too well, but they do understand how men think because they are one! Moreover, they’ve hung around men as friends. They’ve had men raise them, teach them what they know, and mold them into the men they are today. All of that adds up to one thing – much more insight into a man that a woman could ever give you.
For instance, research shows that while men are better at some things, women are better at intuitively understanding things without having to put a lot of thought into it first. For instance, during a fight, a woman might see the situation for what it is and start to immediately argue her point with her man. But, men process information differently, and a woman yelling in a man’s ear while he is still processing the information is not going to help anything. Understanding how men work through problems can help a woman understand a situation from a male’s point of view and approach it in a more beneficial way.
However, there are times that relationship advice from men for women can be a terrible thing. For instance, an abusive father can give a ton of relationship advice to his daughter, but it’s all from his unhealthy point of view. If she hears it enough, she can go on to use it in her relationships. And sometimes, unhealthy advice from a well-intentioned male can create a very negative relationship. This happens more than you think!
For instance, a friend of mine was taught from a young age by her father that she is supposed to have kids, take care of the home, and take care of her husband, no matter what. He was a kind man who was very religious, and I think he thought he was teaching her how to be a loving wife to a kind man. Unfortunately, he passed away before she got married, but the belief that she was meant to have kids and stick by her man’s side no matter what was formed a long time ago, and now she is a marriage where she is being abused and cheated on, but she feels like it is her duty to stand by her man’s side!
I’m not saying that women are naive and will be influenced easily, but I am saying that if you hear the same unhealthy relationship advice over and over again from one person or a combination of people, you may start to believe it. That’s why women need to find credible relationship advice from men who know what they are talking about, are in healthy relationships themselves, and give advice that uplifts, strengthens, and promotes more happiness in the woman and the relationship.
Relationship Advice From Men For Men
If you are a man, this can be tough. There are a lot of guys out there giving bad relationship advice to men.
A lot of male relationship ‘gurus’ are teaching guys the tricks to keep women, but the advice is on how to manipulate women and keep control over them. Don’t get me wrong, many of these guys are smart! They understand psychology and know how to manipulate women in a way that keeps them ‘in line’, but in the long run, the women are being affected negatively by it and the relationship will eventually suffer.
For instance, some men will tell you to attack a woman’s self-worth. Making her feel like she is ‘less than’ and needs a man in her life will cause her to stay in a relationship even when it’s bad because she feels like she needs to stay in it, but that’s not part of a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is where both people encourage each other, not bring each other down, and eventually, her feelings of not being worthy will end up affecting the relationship in a very negative way.
If a man wants to understand women better, it’s best he seeks his advice from a woman! Just as most men understand men better than women, most women understand women better than men. If you want inside information into why your girlfriend or wife is acting the way she is, what you can do to fix the situation, and how you can move forward in a way that pleases you both, then a woman is often a better person to turn to for advice.
4 Things To Think About When It Comes To Relationship Advice From Men
Cuddling is a universal way of showing affection. It doesn’t matter if it is a person, animal, or an object like a teddy bear or blanket, cuddling is definitely the best way to say I care about you, I want to be close to you, and I accept you in my space. We cuddle into our friends when we are happy and celebrating. We cuddle with our partners when we are in love. We cuddle our family members when we need comfort or are going through tough times. And we will take a cuddle from any person or animal when we are feeling down. Cuddling is absolutely the best way to feel better, and we all crave a good cuddle now and then. Following are some cuddle facts to increase your cuddling knowledge.
1. There Is No Right Length Of Time To Get The Benefits
Cuddling for a few minutes can be just as satisfying as cuddling for hours on a lazy Sunday. You don’t need to make cuddling a strict procedure that has to be done at a certain time in a certain way on a certain day. Cuddle when you feel like it, and you will still get all of the benefits that we know about cuddling.
However, that said, if you don’t cuddle at all, then you are not going to get the benefits, and you don’t want to miss out on the benefits. The proven benefits of cuddling include more overall happiness in life, reduced stress, lower blood pressure, improved sleep, strengthened immune system, and a relief from pain, to name just a few. Therefore, if you do not have a person to cuddle in your life, make sure you find some time to cuddle an animal whenever you can. The benefits are still there!
As an extra note, it seems that animals need to be cuddled too. They do it with their mother, their siblings, and with their owners if they let them. Without the close contact, they can get depressed and feel stressed out. So, while there is no length of time to cuddle your pet for the benefits either, please make sure you at least take some time to do it!
2. Cuddling Your Partner Can Help Improve Your Sex Life
If you are not in the mood for sex, and you haven’t been in the mood for a while, try some sensual cuddling. When you cuddle, dopamine is released, and that is a hormone that can help increase sexual desire. And, when you add the element of physical touch felt from head to toe, in an embrace that feels an awful lot like being sexual, it can increase the desire to have sex in both of you. That desire can lead to the act of sex, or at the very least, the desire to have sex sometime soon.
You don’t have to face each other to get the benefits of cuddling for an improved sex life. Get into a spoon position and let your bodies’ line up perfectly as they are totally capable of doing. You can also face each other and wrap your legs around each other like you used to do when you were making out. Instead of kissing, though, enjoy the sensation of your partner’s breath on your head, chest, or face. Let yourself be mindful and present with your partner and enjoy the feeling of being close to them, without thoughts, judgments, anger, or other negative emotions. You may find your bodies rocking in an intimate rhythm that is extremely arousing.
3. Cuddling With Your Ex Won’t Solve Things
As powerful as cuddling is for two people in love, it doesn’t seem to be as powerful for people who have fallen out of love. Even though cuddling does release hormones that make you feel good and increase your sexual desire, it’s not going to be a magic tool to win back your ex if those lovey-dovey feelings aren’t there anymore.
There is a great video from BuzzFeed where exes cuddle again for the first time in years. In the video, you can tell that they are feeling awkward about the situation and are kind of annoyed with each other. In the end, it’s obvious that the cuddle session was more awkward and annoying than it was something that was drawing them back together.
I was listening to a professional cuddler talk – one of those people that you can cuddle at a cuddle cafe (see below), and she said that a good cuddler is one that is full of unconditional love and shows affection to human beings. Perhaps this is why cuddling with your ex is such a bad idea! You don’t feel the unconditional love; instead, you feel all the tension from the things that went wrong. And you don’t feel like showing them affection, especially if they hurt you in some way.
4. Some People Don’t Like Cuddling And Some People Even Dread It
Even though we know that all babies enjoy being cuddled by their mothers and other people, as it helps in the bonding process and makes them feel safe, not all adults seem to like cuddling. Some people find it too hot. Some people find it annoying and a disruption of their space. Some people find it too much of an emotional connection. And some people find it downright terrifying.
For example, some people have a fear of touching or being touched, called Haphephobia. The chances of being in a relationship with someone who has this fear is slim since they would not like to have you in their space at all, and usually the fear includes the fear of sexual assault.
While I can’t find an actual name for the fear of cuddling, I have found people online who talk about their fear of cuddling. Some people have mentioned their inability to breathe while being cuddled while others have mentioned their intense desire get away from the cuddling altogether.
So, if someone you want to cuddle doesn’t want to cuddle you back, don’t take offense. It just may not be their thing.
5. If You Are Struggling With The Fear Of Death, Cuddling Could Help
Not all phobias are made worse by cuddling. In fact, a series of studies published in Psychological Science found that touching an inanimate object can have a huge influence over existential fears, such as fear of death. This includes cuddling a teddy bear. The researchers believed that touch in this way could help to treat low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
Perhaps this is why we grab onto something when we are scared. It doesn’t matter if it is a person, animal, or a tree, we tend to reach out and hold onto something until the fear goes away. We seem to need the comfort of something else to help us get out of our mind and feel better.
6. There Are Many Different Ways To Cuddle
Of course, there is the big and little spoon, where one person comes in behind the other, and they both tuck their knees up and line up perfectly together. But, there are many other ways to cuddle as well.