Category Archives for "Personal Development"
It’s been a while since The Art Of War by Sun Tzu was written, but the wisdom found inside are still truths today that you can apply to all aspects of life. If you have not read it yet, I highly recommend that you do. Until then, you can read reviews of it and articles on how the lessons apply to various areas of your life such as business and negotiation. But, the reason you need to read it for yourself is because the ideas inside can help you outside of the scope of business and negotiation.
For instance, if you want to improve your relationships and stop the conflict in them, The Art Of War can help you, and we will talk about how some of his strategic rules can do that in this article. I’m going to paraphrase a lot of what Sun Tzu says and change some words that he uses like ‘enemy’ and ‘battle’, which is not what relationships should be about – even the most negative relationships we have. So, let’s take a look at his advice that can help you with both intimate and non-intimate relationships.
Know Yourself And Your Partner
In The Art Of War by Sun Tzu, he made it clear that if you know yourself and your enemy, you don’t need to worry about having a hundred battles. He says that if you only know yourself, you will suffer a defeat for every victory you have. And, if you don’t know yourself nor your enemy, you will lose every battle you take on with them. This applies to your relationships in a big way!
You need to know both yourself and the other person if you want to stop fighting and start finding peace in your relationship. When you have awareness around yourself and your needs, you will be able to communicate better with other people about who you are and what you want, and they will have more of an understanding about where you are coming from. That will help them see your point of view clearer and stop a lot of the resistance that comes from not understanding each other.
When you take the time to understand other people, you start to understand their strengths and weaknesses. You understand their needs and how they view the world. You understand their belief systems. And you can work with that knowledge to come to a resolution that makes everyone happy.
But, when you have no self-awareness or awareness of other people’s feelings, beliefs, and thoughts, you will make choices based on instinct and reaction. You can’t make beneficial choices that benefit your relationship because you don’t know what will benefit your relationship. You don’t understand what you need or what they need, so you struggle and resist and fight and never find the peace that you want.
I’ve known a lot of people who operate from a lack of awareness in their relationships and are always in a constant state of struggle. Some of these people have been struggling for decades because they are simply unwilling to take the time to get to know themselves and other people.
If you find yourself struggling in your relationships, then self-awareness and general awareness of other people’s thoughts, feelings, and struggles, are two things you should be working on starting today. Speaking from experience, you will instantly find less struggle in your relationships and more peace.
Don’t Let Fights Go On And On And On
Sun Tzu said that your objective should be victory, not battling it out for a long period of time. This advice can help you be viewed as a person who moves towards peace, not struggle, and it can help you gain the respect of the people around you.
Think about how this applies to your relationships and how beneficial it will be for your relationships. If your main objective is to fight, then you are going to be viewed as someone who wants to stir up trouble and create problems. Nobody holds someone like that in high regard. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone like that.
A champion is someone who comes out victorious when competing against other people or going after something they really want. There are many different characteristics of champions that make them winners, and the good news is these characteristics are not magical or unachievable by ordinary people. They are human characteristics that everyone has access to.
If you don’t have them yet, you just need to understand why they are so important and then put in the practice needed to develop them. And, they do take practice. You can’t just turn on a certain trait because you want it to. You have to change your beliefs around that trait and then use techniques and tools to help you develop it. Then, you need to work on maintaining it so that it becomes a part of who you are.
The bottom line is that you have the potential to be great. If you want to be a champion in life, then following is a list of traits that you will want to work on.
Muhammad Ali, who is one of the most recognizable champions in boxing history, said that people who do not have the courage to take risks do not accomplish anything in life. I would add to that and say that people who do not have the courage to take more than one risk, will never become a true success or a champion in life.
Muhammad Ali had the courage to rise up despite criticism. He also had the courage to train hard, keep going despite his failures in his life, speak up for what he believed in, and stand up for what he believed in. The fact is that courage was a centerpiece in his life. But, you will find that courage plays a big part in every champion’s life.
Everyone who comes out a winner had to have the courage to start going after something they wanted in the beginning. It’s uncomfortable for everyone to start, and there is always a fear that you won’t be good enough, but the eventual winners gather up the courage to take the first step despite their fears.
And when failure comes around – and it always does – champions needed to gather up more courage to keep going after their dreams. They have to believe in themselves despite the failure. They had to keep trying even though their efforts resulted in failure before.
So, courage is an essential characteristic of becoming a champion. But how can you gain courage?
For starters, become passionate about what you want to achieve. Imagine yourself as a champion and everything that comes with it. Imagine your loved ones benefiting from your success and the pride you will feel as you succeed. Let the end result of being a champion fuel the passion inside of you. Then let that passion drive you forward by focusing on it rather than your fear. Every time fear or doubt arises, focus your attention back on what it will feel like to be a champion and let those feelings help you keep moving towards your dreams.
And, perhaps most importantly, understand that despite how much you try and prepare, you can still fail. Many people can’t work up the courage to do something because they are so scared of failure. The fact is that failure will happen because you don’t always get it right. You don’t always do the right things or prepare properly. You don’t always know the correct information. And other people and circumstances can sometimes get in your way of success.
Remember, Edison had about one thousand failures before he invented the light bulb. But, despite his failures, he still accomplished what he wanted because he had the passion to do it and the courage to keep trying. Be like all the champions in the world. Embrace failure as an important part of life and you will stop fearing it and letting it hold you back.
2. Belief In Yourself
You can’t second guess yourself all the time if you want to be a champion. Champions have a faith in their ability to achieve what they set out to do. They may not always feel fully confident that they will succeed because they know that failure is a part of trying, but their core belief is centered around the fact that they can succeed if they just put enough effort in despite the failures. They also have a belief that they are going to achieve what they set out to achieve in the moment. They aren’t focused on the past or future. They are centered and do something with a belief that they can succeed right now.
Probably the biggest example of that is Babe Ruth, who is known as one of the greatest baseball champions in history, who called out a home run in the fifth inning of Game 3 in the 1932 World Series before he made it. It’s obvious that he believed that he could hit that home run, and he did. And there’s no doubt he had an inner belief in himself that he carried throughout his entire career to make him into one of the most well-known champions of baseball around.
The thing to remember is that believing in yourself does not mean you put down other people or bully other people. It’s not about rejecting other people’s ideas or support. It’s about trusting in your capabilities and letting that faith help you do what you need to do with confidence.
For instance, Susan Boyle had faith that she could impress the judges on Britain’s Got Talent, and that helped her do what she needed to do to become the success that she has become.
How can you develop faith in yourself? The biggest thing to remember is that if you have the desire to do something, then you have the potential to achieve it. The desire to achieve something is what helps you keep your awareness open to new tips, tools, and techniques to achieve your dreams. It’s what helps you practice continuously with faith that you will succeed. It’s what helps motivate you and keep the faith when things are stressful. In other words, if you feel the desire to achieve something great, then that desire is going to help you keep moving forward and become a champion in whatever area you want to be a champion in.
Bobby Orr is known as the guy who brought more offense to defense. He was a defenseman who rushed the puck up the ice and set up teammates with passes. He redefined the position of defenseman in hockey, and he did it so successfully that many other hockey players followed his lead. This ability to be innovative and step out of the role he was supposed to be in made him a champion in hockey.
To become a champion, you don’t need to reinvent the wheel. There are a lot of great people who have carved out a proven path to be the champion that you want to be.
But if you think (or believe) that you can do something that is not normally done, then why not do it? Why not test out your theories to see if they will work? If you are willing to push the boundaries and see if you can tweak something to make it better – or make yourself better, then there is a good chance you will discover a new technique or way of doing something that makes you stronger and more capable in that particular area.
A lot of people want to know about the skills you need to be successful in life, but I think that knowing about the skills you need to be successful at creating the life you want can help you not just be successful in life, but create a life that you actually want to live. You can be successful at something you hate doing; in fact, a lot of people are doing that right now. But, being successful at something you hate doing doesn’t fulfill you in a way that makes life feel amazing. That’s why I highly recommend working on creating your own reality.
Most People Believe That Life Is Happening To Them
Vishen Lakhiani talks about an evolution of consciousness starting with the ‘early man’ (think caveman without communication skills) and ending with ‘the god mind’ (think about not listening to a higher power but being a higher power). Vishen says that most people are operating one step up from the early man in a ‘modern man’ state. This is where they feel like life is happening to them and that few things are in their control.
How can you experience real success in that state? Your dreams are desires go unrealized as you deal with the hand you are dealt on a daily basis. You chalk up whatever happens in your life as ‘just the way it is’ and you do the best that you can to make it through life instead of the best that you can to live a happy and fulfilling life.
In order to be successful at creating your reality, you need to get out of the ‘modern man’ mindset and move to the next step, which he calls the ‘culture hacker’. This is where you notice that your thoughts, feelings, and actions are impacting your life and your goals. This is where you see that you are able to create situations and outcomes that you want and you are able to create the success that you want.
Once you get into this mindset, you will stop crossing your fingers hoping that life doesn’t deal you a bad hand and you will start doing things in your life that help you reach the success you want. So, let’s talk about the three essential skills you need to make that happen.
Skills You Need To Be Successful At Creating Your Own Reality
A skill is the ability to understand and perform something well. A few of the following things may not feel like skills, but once you understand how powerful they are for creating the life that you want, you will see them as skills and want to work on them.
1. Ordering What You Want From The Big Cook (And Expecting Your Order To Be Delivered)
Have you ever asked for something in your life and really believed that you were going to get it? If you have, then you probably ended up getting what you wanted, as long as it wasn’t something completely unrealistic. This is because not only did you ask and believe that something was coming, you expected it. So, you kept your eyes open for ways that you could get it.
For instance, a friend of mine wanted a specific kind of job with specific benefits. He was working at a job he hated, but he knew that his perfect job was out there and he would be much happier in that job. So, he asked for the job, believed he would find it, and then expected to find his way to it. When he met people, he looked for ways they could help him. When he was faced with choices, he chose to do things that would move him closer to the job. And he constantly looked through the job boards to see if his perfect job had been posted yet. He didn’t worry about how he was going to find the job, he just knew that he was. And in less than a month, he met someone on the train who happened to work at a place where they had an opening for his dream job. He found out how to apply, applied, went for the interview, and had the job within a week of meeting that person.
Doing this successfully requires you to understand that what you want is out there, stay open to signs and coincidences, and then do things that help you get what you want. If you can do that, then you can find your way towards almost anything that you want to be successful at.
Are there people out there who don’t worry about failure? Yes, in a sense. There are people who view failure in a completely different way and instead of worrying about it, they embrace it. I know that sounds crazy, but with the right mindset and ways of being, you can view failure as something to embrace too. The following life hacks will help you to stop worrying about failure and start seeing it as something valuable and even needed in your life.
1. Pretend This Is Heaven
Kamal Ravikant, a best-selling author, gave a speech on loving yourself. During it, he talks about a friend of his that died for 7 minutes after a heart attack at the age of 24. She said that after that happened to her, anything she wanted in life came to her. When he asked her why she thought she was attracting things so easily, she said that she started to wonder if this was heaven, because nobody can prove that she really didn’t die for good from her heart attack. And if this is heaven, she said, they I can have, do, or be anything I want.
Imagine having that kind of mentality. Would you worry about failure? No, because you know that eventually you can have, be, or do anything you want. Moreover, if you believe this is heaven, then failure must be a part of being in heaven, right? It must be necessary in heaven, for some reason, so why not just embrace it at as a part of your journey to get whatever you want?
In short, pretend this is heaven where nothing is happening TO you, it’s happening FOR you. Everything that happens is happening to set you up with what you want because it’s heaven – a place where you can get anything you want. And let this belief carry through all areas of your life – your health, love life, and career. If you do, then you will take failure in any area of your life as a part of the process of getting what you want – and it won’t seem like a bad thing that you need to worry about.
2. See Failure As A Confidence Building Tool
Do you want to be more confident in all areas of your life? You can be confident without failure, but you can’t gain the level of confidence that allows you to face life’s ups and downs head on and move through them easily.
For example, you may start a business and have instant success. Of course, you will feel confident during this time. You will feel like you know what you are doing and that you are capable of success, and that confidence will help you move forward. But, when something goes wrong, your confidence will be tested. You may start to doubt your ability to run a business, and that doubt will affect how you interact with your business and how successful your business is. But, if you experience ten big failures in business where you lose or nearly lose everything, and then you build a successful business back up, you will gain a superman-like confidence in your ability to come back from obstacles and still be successful.
By definition, your state of mind is the mood you are in at a particular time. While it can change from positive to negative based on certain life events, it shouldn’t change drastically from day to day during everyday life. If you feel like your state of mind is changing from positive to negative on a day to day basis and want to get off the rollercoaster, then this article will give you some tips to help stabilize your mood. Do one of them, and you will find your state of mind is more positive more often. Do them all, and your entire life is likely to change for the better.
1. Find Things Worth Feeling Excited About
When something exciting is going to happen in your day, your state of mind will shift to a highly positive state. You will wake up with energy and jump out of bed – often earlier than you normally get up. You will feel good as you focus on the exciting thing happening. And everything you do will feel lighter, more interesting, and more fun. Basically, you feel more alive!
Why not recreate that feeling on a daily basis and help you maintain a fresh, fun, and positive state of mind like you do on those rare days something exciting is happening? Why not keep yourself in a constant state of ‘Yes! Today I get to do something awesome’?
I know that some people may not feel like there are many (if any) things in their life that make them excited. I get that. When your state of mind sucks, you don’t see a lot of good in your life. That’s why you need to step out of your daily habits and look for something new to add to your life that is good. And if you look, you will find it!
A friend of mine was told to find one thing she was excited about by her therapist, and for weeks she agonized over the fact that she wasn’t excited about anything. But, as she focused on trying to find one thing that she was excited about, she found herself exploring new things in her life. She tried things she had never tried before in an attempt to find that one thing, and because she opened herself up to so many new things, she eventually did find that one thing. It was scrapbooking, which was something she wouldn’t have thought about doing before. She found that scrapbooking was a way for her to unleash her creative side and focus on the good things (instead of the unwanted things) that were happening in her day to day life. Every day she woke up excited as she thought about working on a new page for the day.
You may not find scrapbooking very exciting, and that’s okay. The point is you need to open yourself up to looking for that one thing that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning.
Do that by saying ‘yes’ more often. Allow yourself to try new things. Allow other people to suggest new experiences that you may not think of. The more you do in your days, the more chances you will have to find things that make life worth living.
2. Stop Doing Things You Hate
If you find that your state of mind is bouncing back and forth between positive and negative on a daily basis, then there is a big chance that you are doing some things that you really hate. And, there is a bigger chance that you are doing things you hate as much or more than you are doing things you love.
When you are doing things you love, life feels easier and happier. You don’t struggle with your day as much because you are not putting up a ton of resistance like you do when you are doing things you hate.
For instance, if you hate your job, then you are living a big part of your life doing something you hate. How can you maintain a positive state of mind when you have to go to work and don’t feel good about it? You can’t! Your state of mind is affected negatively as you think about going to work and try to find ways to avoid it (resistance to what’s going to happen), as you go through the motions at work and want to go home (resistance to what’s happening), and sometimes after you leave work.
And sometimes the things you are hate doing are not that big but add up to be just as impactful. For instance, if you don’t mind your work, but hate your drive to work, the chores you have to do when you get home, and the lack of time you have to yourself in the evening, then those things are going to add up and cause your state of mind to bounce back and forth between work, where you feel good, and home, where you feel stressed out.
You can’t tell me it’s not possible to stop doing things you hate. I know from experience that it is possible to change around schedules, habits, and activities so that you are doing things that make you feel good rather than bad.
Sometimes even a minor shift in how you do something can make it less painful and more appealing. So sit down and write down the things you hate doing the most and how you can replace or change them in a way that will help you be happier more often.
3. Become The Person You Most Respect
Warning! Personal growth and getting out of your comfort zone ahead!
You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself. You’ve probably heard that before, but it doesn’t hold a lot of meaning until you actually start to change yourself and become the person that you want others to be in the world. When that happens, you stop focusing on other people so much and your state of mind improves as you focus on how amazing you are.
J.K. Rowling said in one of her books that wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure. A witty person can win over people easily. A witty person can get what they want out of relationships because they are able to charm other people and influence them. A witty person can adapt to any situation and turn it into something positive for themselves. In other words, learning how to be witty is one of the best things you can do for your relationships and success with them and life in general.
Being witty is not about telling jokes or doing silly things. It’s about being in situations and coming up with a clever and comical observation. It’s about being in the moment and thinking on your feet. It’s about saying and doing things that make you look charming and earn other people’s affection and interest.
Not everyone is naturally witty, but everyone can learn how to be witty. It takes practice, just like everything else, but because it is such an attractive and important trait to have, the motivation to practice should be there for you.
11 Big Tips On How To Be Witty
Following are some tips that will help you be wittier. Some of these tips may not be what you expected, but all of them are important to develop a wittiness that people find charming and engaging. The bad news is that you are not going to become witty overnight. The good news is that all of these tips are doable for anyone and you have the power to become wittier if you choose to put in the work.
1. Practice Common Sense
The thing about witty people is that they are able to judge a situation ‘as is’ without embellishing anything. They point out the facts and have good insight into what is going on. They aren’t silly or off the wall. They see the facts, and they are able to see the truth and find the humor in those facts.
Common sense is developed by slowing down and thinking things through. Don’t react quickly to situations or comments. Take some time to get all the facts around what’s going on and think about them before you react. The more you practice this, the quicker you will be at having good judgment around a situation.
2. Learn More About Body Language
Keep in mind that reacting to situations and other people includes your body language as much as it does your words. Just like you can display ignorance or prejudice through your body language without saying a word, you can also display wittiness through your body language without saying a word. So it doesn’t matter how witty you are verbally, if you are sending an opposite message through your body language, your words are going to be meaningless.
The fact is that a lot of people don’t know what their body language is really saying to others, and a lot of people don’t even think about their body language. Are you one of them? Learn more about how facial expressions, hand gestures, and even positioning your body can influence the message someone receives from you.
3. Become Wiser
Witty people know a lot of things. They are able to draw from their wisdom and find a humorous angle because of it. They have a lot of experience in life and because of that they have a lot more common sense, intelligence, and insight than other people. This is why the elderly are often witty. But, age isn’t really a factor when it comes to wisdom.
Wisdom comes from experience and being open to new ideas and perspectives. Always look at experiences with curiosity. Ask questions in every experience you have. What can you learn from the experience? What can you take away from a situation to make your life better? Is a different way of viewing things more beneficial than how you view things now? These questions will help you accept new idea and perspectives into your life and become wiser because of it.
You will notice that as you become wiser, you will be able to see perspectives that other people can’t, which will often be humorous. This will help you stand out as the wittiest person in the room!
4. Learn About What Makes People Laugh
To be witty, you have to make people laugh, which means you need to understand what people find funny in the first place. I know plenty of people who think they understand what makes people laugh, but it’s obvious that they don’t because they often end up offending people or turning people off. Have you ever gotten that reaction? Then you may need to study up on what people find funny.
Should you embrace your social awkwardness is social settings? Is it just a part of who you are? Some people will tell you to embrace it, but I truly feel that it’s important to try and overcome being socially awkward as much as possible, especially if you want to create a life full of relationships, love, happiness, and success.
Being socially awkward will affect your life negatively. It may not affect your online life, where you can say whatever is on your mind without fear of hearing a reply and where you can delete any word or statement you make. But, it will affect your ability to form real relationships with family, friends, and co-workers, and it will affect your self-esteem, success, and happiness in the long run.
The bottom line is that when you are socially awkward you feel awkward or out of place, and that makes all situations and events with other people more difficult than they need to be. Moreover, it can hold you back from going after things you want because, often, the things you want are through or around other people, which can be hard to face.
Therefore, I highly suggest that you embrace your social awkwardness as a part of who you are now and then find a way to improve your social skills and confidence so you can become less socially awkward.
10 Signs That You Are Socially Awkward
Are you not sure if you are socially awkward? Following are some common experiences awkward people have. If you find that you relate to almost all of them, then you are socially awkward and need to work on it if you want to change your relationships and life around.
1. People Avoid You In Social Settings
If you find people moving away from you or avoiding you during social settings, then there is a high chance that you are socially awkward. People don’t feel comfortable around people who are awkward and lack social skills. It’s hard to have a conversation with them, understand what they are trying to convey, and feel at ease around them. This is true whether you are at work or in another social setting.
2. You Avoid People As Often As Possible
If you ever find yourself ducking behind something to hide from someone that you would have to chat with, or crossing the street to avoid someone, or quickly shutting the elevator so that you don’t have to talk to your co-worker, or cancelling plans where you will need to interact with people, then you are probably socially awkward. We avoid people because we feel uncomfortable at the thought of having to engage with them.
3. Dates Always Go Bad
If you find yourself offending or scaring off almost every date you have, then there is a high chance that you are doing things that are weird or looked down upon by someone who is looking for love. A lot of socially awkward people just don’t understand what other people are looking for or find unacceptable.
For instance, you could be talking over your date, ignoring their questions, saying offensive things, asking inappropriate questions, or acting in a manner that makes them think you are too needy or desperate. Without being there with you, it’s hard to tell exactly what you are doing wrong, but it’s easy to say that something is going wrong if all your dates never lead into anything else.
4. Romantic Relationships Don’t Last Long
You may find someone who can look past your awkwardness, but after a while, they start to grow tired of your inappropriate behavior or inability to be social and have a good time. They will probably tell you straight up during your relationship that they wish you were more social and outgoing. And, eventually, when things don’t change they leave.
5. You Don’t Have A Lot Of Friends
Friendships are hard for you. You don’t make friends easily and when you do, you often lose them because you are not willing to meet their friends or go out and do things with them. You would rather sit at home with them than go out, which is a friendship-killer because friends build experiences in life and bond over those experiences.
6. Your Self-Esteem Is Affected By How Others Treat You
You would think that an attitude of perfectionism would be a good thing for life. In theory, it should help you reach your goals and even surpass them. It should help you bring everything you want into your life. It should help you be happy, satisfied, and successful. But, I’ve found that living in a state of perfectionism actually does the opposite. It makes you downright miserable.
I don’t recommend you adopt a mentality of perfectionism in any area of your life. In fact, if I were to recommend one New Year’s goal to you, giving up on perfectionism would be it. Despite what your parents, friends, peers, or inner critic tells you, living for perfectionism is one of the worst ways to live.
Following are some of the ways perfectionism plays a negative role in your life. These are in no particular order as they are all equally detrimental to your happiness.
Perfectionism Causes Suffering
One study done in 2007 on Alaska suicides required friends and family members to describe their loved ones who had recently taken their own lives. According to 56% of the respondents, their loved ones were perfectionists. Furthermore, 25% of the respondents described them as strict or rigid.
Perfectionism is refusing to accept anything short of perfection in your life. It requires all of your attention on the matter or matters at hand. And because it requires all of your attention, you suffer in some way. Sometimes it’s obvious, and sometimes you just feel bad and can’t put your finger on it.
Perfectionism causes suffering because you will never be perfect and you will never accept that fact. You will constantly be reaching for something that you simply can’t reach and you will constantly be neglecting the things that truly matter – and truly make your life worth living – because of it.
Your relationships may suffer because you are too busy trying to be perfect, which causes you to suffer as you lose the comfort, support, and companionship that makes you feel so loved and important in life.
Your physical health may suffer if you are trying to accomplish something that requires a lot of mental power. You don’t have time to workout or look after yourself properly so your body starts to suffer and you lose much-needed energy and, in most cases, gain pain. Poor physical health makes it harder to do what you need to do and that causes mental anguish.
In fact, your mental health will almost definitely suffer in some way. You will beat yourself up when failures and setbacks happen. There is nobody who can make you feel as bad as YOU when you are not living up the perfection you are striving for!
In addition, you won’t take the time needed to rest your mind, stay present, meditate, and enjoy the moment, which will take away from your happiness. Remember, happiness doesn’t live in some moment in the future – it lives in the present when you are able to think and feel positively about what is happening.
In short, the next time you try to defend your need for perfectionism, ask yourself why you are defending suffering. Don’t be so quick to protect something that causes you suffering.
Perfectionism And A Happy And Fulfilling Life Will Never Go Together
If suffering is not painful enough for you, then maybe the idea of never really living life will be a deterrent to striving for perfectionism.
Life is full of flaws. It will never ever be perfect, so if you are demanding perfectionism in life, you will always be resisting life! You will always be working against life and living in some sort of fantasy world that you create for yourself.
Do you really want to spend your entire time on this planet not really living? Is that something you want to admit to yourself when you are about to die and reflect on what you did with your time? I’m willing to bet that you are shaking your head no right now, and I don’t blame you.
Life is for the living. And real living is all about going with the ups and downs because that’s a part of life.
A good and happy life comes to the people who are willing to change direction when need be because unexpected construction has blocked off a path or the road has just disappeared altogether. They don’t get upset. They just change direction.
It’s for the people who can accept that things don’t always work out the way they want it to and can bend and sway with the obstacles that come their way.
It’s for the people who understand that they simply don’t know where their next opportunity, relationship, or idea will come from and are able to keep their eyes open for those things rather than try to force something specific to come.
That last point is really important to remember. When you are focused on perfectionism, you are focused on a predetermined plan, and you can easily miss out on the random things in life that are not a part of that plan.
For instance, if you are focused on perfectionism, you may be focused on a specific type of person to be in a relationship with. You may have plans to marry that person, have two kids by the age of 30, and then have a perfectly happy life. But, if you try to make that plan happen exactly the way you envision it, you may miss out on a relationship that makes you happier than you’ve ever been before.
If you want to accomplish some big or unique things in life, you are probably creating or working on some goals. And if you are doing that, you are guaranteed to be met with a lot of naysayers as you create and work on those goals. They may be family, friends, co-workers, or strangers, but they will be there every step of the way to give you their pessimistic and negative views no matter how well things are going for you.
Some experts believe that humans are wired to be naysayers. And sometimes it can feel like there are more naysayers out there than there are optimistic people. But the fact is that there are plenty of us who see things in an optimistic light and believe that there are many things we and the world around us can accomplish.
Us go-getters who want more out of life still feel doubt, no matter how far we have come in our journey, and that doubt can be turned into downright fear that stops us in our tracks if we listen to the naysayers in our lives. Therefore it’s important to be able to move past their negative words and attitudes.
Changing Your Perception Of Naysayers With 9 Insights
I find that looking at people differently can help you move past the emotions they are causing you and get on with your life. When you stop seeing them as enemies out to bring you down and stop you from achieving your goals, you will have a much better time.
Remember, naysayers are not going anywhere, so you need to find a way to deal with them effectively. You can’t get rid of them. You can’t ignore them. And you can’t stoop to their level or YOU will be the one ruining your chances of achieving your goals. That’s why I truly believe changing your perception towards naysayers is one of the best ways to deal with them.
Following are 8 things you need to remember about the naysayers. These insights should help you see them in a different light. And when that happens, they will no longer have any power over you and what you are capable of accomplishing.
1. If Proved Wrong, They Will Still Be Naysayers
I know how badly you probably want to prove the naysayers wrong, but let me tell you something I wish I knew a long time ago – you can prove them wrong all you want, they are still going to be pessimistic. They probably aren’t going to stare at you wide-eyed and profess how right you are and how wrong they were. Instead, they are going to come up with new things to be pessimistic about.
For instance, a few people in my life told me that you can’t make money online when I first created an online business. I worked hard to prove them wrong. And, when I started making more than I did at the offline job I had previously to working online, I thought they would all admit that they were wrong and get just as excited as me for the next step. Instead, they admitted that I was lucky and it probably wouldn’t keep working out for me. They were still pessimistic, despite my proof of success and my solid plans to keep my online business growing, and they have never stopped finding something new to be pessimistic about even though I keep having more and more success.
When you understand that naysayers are not going to change, you can stop trying to prove them wrong or expecting something more positive out them. You can stop wasting energy on wanting them to validate you because you know that they will always find something new to be negative about. And, you can accept that they are who they are and stop looking for their approval before you make decisions or take the next step.
2. They Are Wrong Most Of The Time
Pessimistic people don’t see the potential in your goals. They lack hope in things working out well. They see tragedy and constant failure. And that is the basis for all their opinions and predictions.
Of course, life doesn’t always work out the way we plan. We fail. Unexpected things happen. But that doesn’t mean we are not going to achieve our goals. It just means we have to find a new way to achieve our goals. Optimistic people can see that, but naysayers view failure and obstacles as a dead end, which isn’t even close to the truth.
In addition, naysayers don’t understand what’s necessary to reach your personal goals. They haven’t thought about what you want and what you need to do to get there like you have. They haven’t tested certain ideas and had big insights on what is working and what is not like you have. They simply can’t understand all the little things that go into reaching your goals and what you are doing to make them happen, which is another reason they can’t possibly be right about whether or not you will succeed.
For instance, a friend of mine has become a very popular YouTuber. She has spent a lot of time learning about her audience and what they want to see. She has learned how they react to certain things and what videos end up doing the best for her, and all that information is a big factor in how she moves forward on YouTube. She is constantly increasing her viewer count, the activity she gets on her videos, and her income. And even with all of that, she still gets a lot of naysayers commenting on her videos and tell her how she is going to fail in her YouTuber career. They think they know everything about her business, but they don’t see what she does behind the scenes or have the insight that she has gathered over the years.
And this doesn’t just apply to regular goals and dreams that we have. Sometimes naysayers are wrong on a much more dramatic level.
For instance, I recently read a story about a young girl who was in a car crash and lost the use of her legs. The doctors said that she would never regain the use of her legs and the family needed to accept that. Many of the family members agreed and constantly told the girl and her mother that they needed to prepare for a life without her walking. The mother and the girl didn’t listen. They had hope that things could change and worked towards becoming mobile again. Eight years later that little girl is now in cheerleading. The naysayers got it wrong!
3. The More You Accomplish, The Louder They Will Get
If you are reading this, there are some things you really want out of life. You may not know exactly what they are yet, but you do know that you want them. You can feel a sense of longing for something more. But, the longing for something more isn’t going to get you what you want. Wishing for something more isn’t enough. That’s a very important truth that we all need to understand. While everything is made up of energy, and we can attract like energies to us, such as like-minded people, we still live in a physical world and life doesn’t work on wishes alone.
What You Want Is Out There
Your parents, peers, and fears tell you that it’s impossible to get everything you want. Is that true? Well, it depends on a few things.
That can be a true statement if you’re talking about something really far-fetched. For instance, if you want to quit your job and sit around all day and still have money coming in, a roof over your head, and food on the table, there is a good chance it’s not going to work out for you. That’s not typically how this world works. Or, if you want to date Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, there is a good chance that’s not going to happen either.
But, there are plenty of things that you can get.
– You can get the relationship you want.
– You can get the career you want.
– You can get the house you want.
– You can get the happiness you want.
There are plenty of things that we have some control over, and with the right choices and the right actions, you can definitely bring what you want into your life as long as what you want is grounded in reality.
Let me be clear, there are probably some things that you think could never happen for you that actually could happen. For instance, you may think becoming a millionaire is not a reality for you. But, that’s not true. With the right knowledge and action, everyone can be a millionaire. For some people, it may take more time, but the fact is that we can all get there.
Think of it this way – if someone else has achieved it, then you can too. You just need to figure out how to get on the right path, like they did, and you will find yourself moving towards what you want.
Be Good If You Want Good Things
I’m willing to bet that you want to get good things in your life. You want a loving relationship, financial abundance, happiness, good health, and peace. Allan Watts, a popular British philosopher, said that you always get what you want. He said that everything that comes to you is a return of what goes out of you. So make sure that you are putting good things out of you.
Don’t try to get what you want by hurting other people. Don’t cheat, lie, abuse, or misuse. You will only attract more of that energy to you. And you will only put yourself further away from what you want.
Don’t Listen To The People Who Tell You That You Can’t
There will be people in your life who will tell you that you can’t always get what you want. But instead of talking about dating Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, they will be talking about your dreams and goals that are totally doable. You need to remember they are telling you what they believe, and what they believe is a result of their life’s experiences.
The biggest reason Fred or Susan or whoever else in your life didn’t get what they wanted is because they were not willing to do what it takes to get what they wanted. They weren’t willing to go the extra mile. They weren’t willing to put in the extra hours, extra effort, extra time, extra money, or extra energy, and that is the only reason they didn’t get what they wanted. It wasn’t because they weren’t capable of getting it. It wasn’t because they weren’t lucky enough, smart enough, or talented enough. It was just because they were not willing to do what needed to be done.
Here’s How To Get What You Want In Life
Whether you know what you want or not, there are some steps to help you get moving in the right direction towards the life you really want. Don’t try to force yourself to know what you want first. You will discover it along the way. All you need to do right now is focus on doing the following things.
1. Stop Trying To Make Things Work A Certain Way
This is a very important tip on how to get what you want in life. If you don’t read or do anything else, make sure you understand this.
Do you feel like you never have enough energy to do what needs to be done? It takes energy to do what you need to do, but it takes much more energy to try to bend and conform things to your will. And that’s wasted energy because you simply can’t make things bend and conform to your will.
Not everything works out perfectly. Scheduled events get messed up. People don’t follow your expectations. And when that happens, you use even more energy worrying about it or being upset.
If you want to gain more energy to do what you need to do, then start going with the flow. This doesn’t mean that you let life push you around.
It means that you make plans without having strict expectations on how everything should go.
It means that you know setbacks may happen, and when they do, you artfully climb over and go around setbacks when they arise.
It means you stop trying to control how others act and focus on how you act instead.