Category Archives for "Personal Development"
You’ve probably heard a lot of talk about limiting beliefs and how they hold you back from doing the things you want the most. Most people have a lot of limiting beliefs that affect their career, health, and current relationships negatively. But when it comes to single people who are looking for love, having their lives affected negatively in an understatement. Because our relationships affect every area of our lives, it’s important to get rid of the limiting beliefs that hold us back from finding the perfect person or having a great relationship.
I see a lot of common limiting beliefs on Twitter and Facebook. I see them in the comment sections on popular dating blogs. I even hear them from my friends and their friends. And, it seems like they are getting stronger and stronger and making it really hard for single people to find real love.
If you are single and want to find real love – the kind that makes you happy for the rest of your life – then you need to delete, discard, and replace any of the following limiting beliefs that apply to you.
1. Dating Is Scary
This is a false belief that limits you from getting yourself out there as much as you should. It limits you from enjoying the dating period in your life. It could even limit you from spotting the one person who would really be a good match for you.
For instance, a friend of mine held the limiting belief that dating was scary for years. There was a guy who liked her at work, but because she held so much fear towards dating and everything that comes with it, such as moving out of your comfort zone and the possibility of being rejected, she wasn’t even aware that he liked her. Her awareness wouldn’t let her see good potential matches because her limiting belief was holding her back. When she developed a new belief about dating, she instantly realized he liked her and she went out with him. They have been together ever since!
A better belief is that dating is fun and educational. It gives you the opportunity to go out, meet a ton of people, do things you might never do otherwise, and learn more about yourself and what you want out of life and out of a partner for life.
2. A Few Big Red Flags Isn’t A Bad Thing
Many single people meet someone, see a lot of good things about them, then see one or two really big red flags. Unfortunately, most of these people have the limiting belief that one or two red flags doesn’t really matter. This is one of the many limiting beliefs that many single people, who get stuck in a bad relationship after bad relationship, buy into.
Why is it a limiting belief? It holds you back from waiting for someone better (it limits potential good matches) and causes you to get into a bad relationship.
Red flags come into your consciousness for a reason. They are a signal that something about this person is not right and you may not enjoy being with them in the future. If you ignore these red flags with limiting beliefs such as ‘There is something wrong with everyone!’ or ‘Maybe it will not be an issue in the future!’, then you are setting yourself up for failure.
For instance, if you have been cheated on before, and your date flirts with someone else right in front of you, then you may outweigh this negative action with all the good things he or she has done. Because, after all, a few red flags isn’t a bad thing, right? But, there is a really good chance that if he or she can flirt with other people in front of you, they will do much more when they are not in front of you.
The point is that if they give off some really big warning signs that unhappiness is in your future, then pay attention to them. Develop the belief that it is better to admit the issues that will cause your relationship to become unhappy than to just wait and see if things don’t manifest badly.
3. I Have To Find Someone Before (Fill In The Blank)
One of the worst limiting beliefs I’ve ever seen is the belief that you need to find someone before you reach a certain age, reach a certain milestone, or reach anything else in life.
You know that there is someone amazing inside of you, but you don’t know how to access him or her. I get it. Life has a way of sucking you into being mediocre, and because so many people are uninspired in life, it can be hard to find a role model to help you get off the path of ordinary. But, if you are one of the people who want to unlock your potential and be someone much more than you are now, there are some things that you must do. These things will help you go forward despite your fears, get back up when you fall down, and move in the right direction towards your fullest potential.
1. Stop Buying Into The Brules
Vishen Lakhiani has a term for rules that are simply pure crap. He calls them brules – a combination of ‘bullshit’ and ‘rules’. There are so many brules that you could be buying into every day that are holding you back from unlocking your potential.
Brules are things that you have learned throughout your life from your parents, elders, peers, and society that simply aren’t true. Yet, some of them are so ingrained as ‘truth’, that they can become an obstacle that is too hard to overcome.
A lot of the brules we adopt stem from our desire to fit in. We want the people around us to like us. We want to do what other people think is right. So we adopt these rules – which aren’t actually concrete truths – and we follow them to keep the peace with everyone.
How can you recognize a brule? A brule isn’t something that has been proven to be true. A rule, on the other hand, is something that makes sense and is proven to be true.
For instance, a rule that you may want to follow is that you should not walk off a cliff. I think you and I can agree that’s a pretty good rule in life that makes a lot of sense.
A brule would be that you can’t choose what religion you want to be. That’s a bullshit rule. Of course you can choose! You have a mind that is capable of choosing. You can let go of certain beliefs and develop new ones. Therefore, you are perfectly capable of choosing what religion you want to follow. But, because everyone around you tells you that you can’t choose, you can easily believe that this brule is a rule of life.
Another brule would be that you can’t leave your abusive spouse. So many people stay stuck in a marriage that holds them back from their true potential because they believe they are incapable of living without that person. That’s just a brule that they have developed through their various areas, such as their fearful parent who believes that marriage is for life despite how bad it gets.
The bottom line is that brules will hold you back from doing what you need to do to unlock your potential. Therefore, you need to sit down and ask yourself whether the rules you are following in life are rules or brules. If they are brules, then stop buying into them.
Give yourself permission to see that there are many different ways of going through life. One rule, without no real reason to back it up, doesn’t apply to everyone in life. If it did, we wouldn’t have people reaching their potential and doing amazing things that other people firmly believe is impossible.
2. Make Education A Life Long Venture
There is no way around it. In order to unlock your potential, you have to grow as a person. You have to understand more about yourself and the things you want to do. And you need to understand how other people reached their potential so you can use their lessons to help you unlock your potential.
I’m talking, in part, about education. And no, you don’t have to go to school to learn what you need to learn. You can get online and research. You can take an online course. You can meet with people who are actively working towards their potential as well and learn from them.
It’s important to read as much as possible. Read online content. Read books. Read poetry. Read social media posts around a topic that you are interested in. The more you read, the more you expand your awareness and can see things from different points of view. And, the more you read, the more inspiration you will get on how to unlock your potential.
I have found that as I learn, I change. My habits and beliefs change. My perception on life changes. And those are huge things that help me see what I’m capable of and go after it.
I also highly recommend teaching. If you can get online and start a blog where you teach other people what you know, you will learn from them and their experiences. Even if you think you know all there is to know about a subject, you will often get insights into other people’s experiences and perceptions that challenge what you thought you knew. It’s a great way to learn.
Don’t know where to start? Go out right now and look at some magazines. You will be naturally drawn to things that you are interested in. You will naturally want to read more about what’s on the cover of something that grabs your attention. That topic is likely something that will help you start to unlock your potential, so allow yourself to read the magazine, even if you think it has nothing to do with who you are or who you want to become. You may be surprised at where it leads you!
3. Dig Into Your Subconscious Beliefs
Life can be hard when you are full of expectations and keep coming face to face with failures, breakups, deaths, and all those other situations that throw a wrench in your plans. When you keep getting disappointed, it can be hard to go with the flow, even if it’s the very thing you want to do to feel better. After all, letting go should help you avoid all the pain, right? Well, in my experience going with the flow and letting go are two different things.
The Difference Between Going With The Flow And Letting Go
If you go with the flow does that mean you have no power to create the life you want? Absolutely not! Going with the flow is not about being a dead fish that floats where the river takes you. It’s about being alive, thinking for yourself, making choices, and living your best life as well as you can.
Some people will tell you that to go with the flow means you are letting other people make choices for you. That’s called letting go, not going with the flow. That’s also called letting yourself be ignorant to what’s actually going on in life. Letting go means you let yourself get victimized by other people and circumstances that are out of your control. It means shutting your eyes to what’s happening around you. Going with the flow means something else entirely.
Going with the flow means engaging in the reality of life. It means facing what comes and making choices based around those things. It means understanding that good things and bad things happen in life, and accepting them when they come. And it means being in charge of your life and choosing what step you are going to take next.
For instance, in a new relationship, you don’t want to give up and let your new partner dictate the relationship. Your beliefs and needs are important, and you should be willing to communicate with your partner in a way that helps them understand what you want. Going with the flow means accepting the new truths you find out about your partner and making choices based on those truths. It means understanding that your partner is not always going to be happy and dealing with negative emotions when they come instead of resisting them. And, it means recognizing when things are going off the deep end in your relationship and making a choice about what to do next. Letting go, on the other hand, would be explaining away bad behavior or other negative things and accepting them as a part of life. It would mean letting go of your control in life and letting those negative things dictate how you feel and how your relationship goes.
In other words, going with the flow gives you more power in life. It helps you ride the waves of life and still be in control of what happens next. Letting go means letting the waves flip you over and then crush you and your spirit because you don’t bother to make choices that help you get out from underneath the waves and ride them.
You Can’t Control Everything
In the past little while, this truth has been more obvious than it has in a long time. We all know that despite our votes, voices, and protests, things don’t always go the way we want. This includes things such as natural events, but it also includes things that feel more in our power, such as an election.
The problem lies in our expectations. Expectations are detrimental to our happiness and ability to go with the flow.
When things happen that you never predicted, you will always be frustrated and resistant to what is going on. And, when you put up resistance, you will get yourself stuck in life which ensures you can’t move forward in a positive way.
You feel disappointed when someone or something lets you down. They may not live up to your expectations or they may not deliver on their promises. When you are disappointed in yourself, someone else, a situation, or humanity in general, life can feel very negative. Your accusations and discouraging thoughts can make it hard to be happy, and you can waste a lot of precious time in a negative state. That’s a complete waste of time.
The Problem With Living In A State Of Disappointment
There are only so many hours in your life, and you don’t want to be stuck in a state of disappointment for many of them. If you check out any emotional guidance scale, you will see that disappointment is not the worst feeling you could have, but it is still not close to an emotion that helps you to feel good. And in order to live the life you want, you need to have emotions that make you feel good, such as hopefulness, optimism, passion, and even contentment.
When you are feeling positive emotions, you are thinking good thoughts. And the health benefits of positive thoughts and emotions include:
– Increased life span, so that you can do more things that make you feel good.
– Less stress, which can improve both your physical and mental health in a big way.
– A stronger immune system that helps fight off colds and other diseases.
– Stronger heart health to decrease your chances of death from cardiovascular disease.
– Increased ability to problem solve and overcome obstacles.
– Increased ability to learn and grow as a human being.
– Ability to build stronger and more beneficial relationships.
The list of benefits goes on and on.
The point is that you don’t want to stay stuck in a state of being disappointed. The quicker you pivot towards happier emotions, the quicker you can get back to experiencing the benefits of them. So let’s talk about how to move through disappointment and start feeling good again.
When You Are Disappointed In Yourself
This is the easiest one to fix. Why? Because you have complete control over what you do and how you act in every moment of the day. This means that you can take action on what has disappointed you and start to turn things around.
For instance, if you are disappointed in yourself for not reaching a goal, then you can simply create a new goal and start immediately taking action on it. Many times just the act of writing down the new goal and setting the intent to go after it can help you alleviate the disappointment you are feeling.
If you are disappointed about where you are in life, then you can start taking action to get yourself somewhere different. You can learn more about yourself, learn how to become more of the person you want to be, learn what you need to do to get where you want to get, and then start taking action on those things immediately.
As you start to take action, you may have some moments where you remember why you were disappointed in yourself, but you will find that shaking it off and getting busy in the present moment will help you move away from that disappointment and, eventually, overcome the disappointment completely.
And if you let your disappointment teach you a lesson, you can ensure that the action (or lack of action) you took plays an important part in your life rather than a wasted opportunity or time of your life.
Why should you be grateful in life? Following are 10 insights that I’ve gathered over the years that have helped me understand more about why I want to practice gratitude now and forever. I think that if you are not feeling too grateful today or are struggling with the concept of gratitude and how it works in life, they will help you feel better, so read on!
1. You Can’t Teach Someone Else To Be Grateful Unless They Want To Be Taught
You can create the best gratitude book, show, or course in the world and you will still not be able to help some people be grateful if they are not looking for a way to be more grateful. When it comes to gratitude, this is something you must remember or you will be frustrated more often than not with other people.
Almost all of us have a bitter or angry person in our lives who complains about everything and everyone. Most of us who understand gratitude (or are at least a little bit more aware of what life has to offer us) and want to be happier in our lives have tried to help these people see all the good things in their life and failed.
For me, I spent countless hours trying to get someone very close to me to understand that there is a lot to be grateful for in this life, such as his wife, his kids, his home, his health, and his wealth. He didn’t see any of these things in a positive light because he was too focused on the stress he had and the events, circumstances, and people who he saw in a negative light. Eventually, I gave up and used my time more wisely – focusing on what I was grateful for.
It’s not that ungrateful people are not capable of being grateful. It’s just that they are stuck in a way of thinking that doesn’t allow them to be grateful. And trying to change the way someone thinks is like trying to pull a hippo through a pinhole. It’s impossible. They are in too much pain to refocus their thoughts. They need to make the choice to think more positively and stop focusing on negative things that keep them in an ungrateful state. There’s nothing you can do about it.
The best you can do is lead by example. Trust me, if someone is ready to experience more gratitude in their life, your example will have a big impact on them. So, don’t despair if you can’t help a particular person feel better because, if you practice gratitude, you will help someone else.
2. You Can Be Grateful For Your Problems
Most of us encounter problems in life every day. And we can be grateful for most of the problems we encounter. This sounds crazy to some people, I know, but it just takes a new way of looking at life in order to make this a reality.
Many people view their problems as nuisances. They see them as harmful to them in some way and don’t get excited about overcoming them. It’s no wonder they can’t be grateful for the problems that arise in their life.
In order to be thankful for your problems, you have to see them for what they are. They are obstacles that help you grow, mature, and move closer to the life you want.
For instance, a blogger friend of mine recently had her site hacked for about a week without her noticing. All of her popular pages had been redirected to spam pages in a different language. This was a huge problem for her! All of her work was being hijacked and the search engines were showing her pages in a different language, which meant that very quickly her pages were not going to be ranked for the keywords that they were currently being ranked for, which would result in a big blow to her income. After a few hours of panic, she started to be grateful for this problem she was facing. She realized that she was going to learn how to fix her site and strengthen her security, which is exactly what she did. Now she knows so much more about hackers, how they can get into your site, and how to keep them out, which will help her have more success with her blogs in the future.
Seeing your problems as experiences that will help you grow is a great way to be grateful for them. Problems with your health, relationships, work, and home are all signs that something is going wrong and you need to shift what you are doing in order to help it go right.
Every problem is an opportunity to create a better life for yourself. When you see it like that, you will start to be grateful for most of the problems that arise in your life.
3. Gratitude Multiplies
When you are grateful for things in your life, you get more things to be grateful for. You can call this the law of attraction or just the law of being more positive and energetic and willing to bring good things into your life, but either way it is a simple truth.
We all have bad things happen to us that require us to forgive, but famous people are forced to either hang on to stuff or forgive in public. And because not forgiving other people can affect our lives in a big way, it becomes obvious when famous people are struggling with something from the past through their interviews and public appearances. While that’s not a fun thing for famous people, it is a good thing for all of us. We get to see what the act of forgiving or not forgiving can do to someone and apply those lessons in our own life.
The fact is that famous people have a lot of insight into forgiveness. Besides the everyday stuff that we all go through with relationships, they have to deal with very public unwarranted rumors, scrutiny, and crazy fans who can do them harm. Following are a few thoughts that popular celebrities have had about forgiving the people from their past and present.
1. We Are All Human Beings
We all know that Jennifer Aniston has had to do some forgiving in order to move past the affair that ended her marriage. Obviously, she was wronged much more publicly than most of us have been in a bad relationship, so she had to make statements about the affair and the divorce and how she felt afterward. One of the statements she made was simply that we are all human beings who make mistakes, which is such an important thing to remember in the act of forgiving.
Humans make mistakes. They make choices based on emotions, and sometimes those choices are really bad. That’s the way it goes. We all need to make some mistakes in life before we can grow and become better people.
While you don’t have to keep someone in your life who hurt you in some way, you can still recognize that their decisions were based on what they thought was the best at the time. It was the best they could do with what they had.
Knowing that they did the best they could, even if it was downright horrible, is comforting in some way. It helps you disengage from the belief that they intentionally hurt you and acted out of spite or anger instead of ignorance. That knowledge can help you forgive them and move on from the hurt that they caused.
Jennifer was able to collect herself, take some time to be single, and then find the love of her life because she was able to forgive. If she held resentment against Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, there is a good chance she could have sabotaged her career and her love life in the process.
2. It’s All An Experience
Oprah Winfrey has made it clear that there is a lot of people and situations she needed to forgive in her past, and that includes forgiving herself.
We all know she was raped, sexually abused, and has gone through many struggles with many people over the years that she needed to move forward from in order to get where she is.
And, through all her interviews with people who were struggling with issues and people from their past, Oprah has collected a lot of insight into forgiveness, how to do it, and what it can do for your life.
One of her most telling thoughts on forgiveness is when she said that real forgiveness is about being able to say thank you for the experience that you had.
That may sound crazy, considering what she and some other people have been through. You may think ‘how can you say thank you for being raped?’ I think the message here is not that it’s alright to be raped, but it’s alright to forgive the person and take something from the experience in a way that can benefit your life.
The real message here is that it’s easy to view the good times as experiences that we needed in life. But, the bad times are equally important, if not more so. They teach us a lot about who we are, how strong we are, and how we need to interact with the world and other people in order to be happy.
I don’t know exactly what she took from her experiences, but I imagine it was many important things – important lessons – that helped her become stronger, smarter, and move to the place where she is now. Oprah is perhaps one of the strongest and most wise famous people I know simply because of her experiences and because she has learned from hundreds and hundreds of people over the years.
3. They Were Probably In Pain When They Wronged You
Joel Osteen is a popular American preacher. He helps people work through their problems in a way that helps them move forward to a happier and healthier life. His messages are relatable to everyone, not just his congregation, and I highly recommend tuning into him on TV each Sunday for some uplifting messages that you can apply to your life.
When it comes to how to make people like you, telling lies is at the bottom of the list. There are plenty of people who try to win over others with lies about who they are and what they like. But those people aren’t very well liked, whether they know it or not. People may be nice to their face and pretend to like them, but deep down they can tell they are being tricked by them and feel a little bit ‘off’ about their relationship with them.
When someone really likes you, they like who you are, how you relate to them and the world around you, and what you stand for. They like your passion or purpose. They like the way you move through this world. They even like the differences that you have and what you can teach them through those differences.
And, most importantly, they like how you make them feel, which is why someone can never truly like someone being fake to them. They will always feel like they are being manipulated in some way, and nobody likes to be manipulated.
How To Make People Like You The Right Way
Other people really like you when you make them feel good about themselves. How can you do that? There are two big ways.
1. Show Them Things About You That They Like About Themselves
If you can show someone that you are just like them in ways that they like about themselves, then you can form a bond with them. You can form a likeness bond!
Again, you don’t need to be fake or lie. For example, if you want someone to like you and they are a big family person, you don’t need to pretend that you have a great family if you don’t. That’s not going to win them over because they know what someone who likes their family talks like and acts like, and you won’t be able to replicate those words or actions if you don’t genuinely like your family.
But, that doesn’t mean you can’t find other things in common with them. For example, you both may be very driven at work. That’s a commonality that will help them like you. You can share productivity secrets, work together to make great things happen, and talk about the lack of drive in other people around you. That similarity is enough to make someone like you, even if you have other differences.
It’s also important to show interest in their life. Show interest in their:
Or anything else that they bring up. You don’t have to be completely similar to them and agree with everything they say in order for them to like you, but showing interest will validate who they are, which will make them feel good about themselves. And validating other people as being fine just the way they are is a great way to get people to like you.
It’s also good to ask for their help once in a while. This shows them that you value their skills and knowledge, which will make you instantly more likable to them. Just make sure to be genuine. Don’t ask for help with something you are absolutely good with or they will question your motives.
And don’t forget to use your body language in a way that reminds them of how interesting they are. Yes, you can show them that they are interesting without even saying a word.
There are a few simple tricks that will help them feel heard, validated, and important as they talk to you, and I guarantee they will like you much more for it. I’ve perfected these tricks over the years and use them in every conversation I have. It may take you a while to perfect them too, but once you do, everyone will like much more.
– Eye contact: This is a simple way to show a lot of interest. When you look into someone’s eyes as they are talking, you are saying, “I hear you and I’m really listening to you!” It’s an easy way to help them feel as if you really give a crap about what they are saying. Just don’t stare too much or you can become creepy. Occasionally look away to reflect on what they said or to gather your thoughts. That will help you give the right amount of contact without having to worry about it.
– Nodding your head: As they talk, nodding your head at certain times shows that you are agreeing with what they say or understanding what they say. Both are important to getting them to feel good about themselves because.Continue reading
I’ve seen people who feel desperately alone get the ridiculous advice to just suck it up and focus on other things. While that might work sometimes, loneliness is a feeling that will always come back during the times that you simply can’t distract yourself with other things. It’s a feeling that eats away at you as you look around and don’t see a soul that you can relate to and feel supported by. Feeling alone is painful, and people who don’t feel alone can’t possibly understand the depth of the pain that someone who feels truly alone is feeling.
The Pain Of Feeling Alone
Feeling alone hurts a lot. It causes physical and mental pain, it affects your sleep, and it affects your ability to feel peaceful with your life. It can make you feel run down and affect your immunity negatively. In other words, if you are saying, ‘I feel so alone’, and you feel like crap, then loneliness is likely the reason you are sluggish in all areas of your life.
It’s important to start tackling loneliness now, not tomorrow or a month from now. The longer you let loneliness play a huge part in your life, the more damage it can do to your body.
You can put yourself at risk for disease and you can shorten your life thanks to the decreased immune system functioning and increased inflammatory responses. You can also set yourself up with anxiety and depression, which can affect your ability to create strong relationships in a negative way, which can make loneliness become a permanent part of your life.
Start taking action now. You have the ability to heal your loneliness, you just have to muster up some desire to stop feeling lonely so that you can take action.
You Don’t Have To Be Alone To Feel Alone
Are you saying ‘I feel so alone!’ despite the fact that you are surrounded by people? Does that just feel wrong to you? Well, it’s perfectly natural.
Feeling alone has nothing to do with how many relationships you have in life. It has everything to do with how much affection you receive and how affectionate you feel.
If you are not feeling that loving vibe towards or from the people in your life, then you will not feel the connection that is required to stop feeling lonely. Furthermore, if you are surrounded by negative people and have many negative relationships, that will create a feeling of being alone in this world with no positive support and affection.
And, if you can’t keep relationships in your life or can’t find a relationship that offers you the type of connection you want, there is a good chance you will feel alone.
It’s important to note that some people are natural hermits or solitary people and don’t require a lot of connection in their lives. They may have acquaintances that they talk to once in a while, but for the most part, they are fine being by themselves. In other words, there is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
Lastly, if you are different from other people and don’t feel as though they understand you, that can cause a huge wave of loneliness in your life.
For instance, transgender youth, who often feel different from their peers, are at higher risk for feeling lonely and the negative consequences that come from that. According to the National Transgender Discrimination Survey in 2011, 41 percent of transgender people had attempted suicide. However, transgender youth with the support of their family were 82 percent less likely to attempt suicide than their peers who feel unsupported.
In short, even though you are surrounded by a world full of people, or even a household full of people, you can still feel alone. Your feelings are a direct result of your thoughts, so they are a valid feeling for you at this moment.
The important thing to remember is that there are things that you can do to affect your thoughts in many positive ways, which can help alleviate the feeling of loneliness.
When You Feel Alone, It’s Important NOT To Resort To Self-Defeating Behaviors
Many people who feel alone try to fill in the loneliness with addictions. They may gamble as often as possible. They may overeat. They may do drugs, drink excessively, or get caught up in meaningless sexual relationships.
They believe that these behaviors are going to help them feel better, but in the end, they actually make things worse.
Self-defeating behaviors are behaviors that will always cause a loss in the end. They will always make you feel worse because they will make you hate yourself, feel lost, or feel out of control, and they will make you feel even more alone as you beat yourself up over your inability to shake them.
Intimate Relationships Are Not Always The Answer To Cure Loneliness
According to my friend who runs a popular dating website, a lot of people are looking for love for one big reason: to cure their loneliness. In fact, he says many people include the reasoning they are looking for love – ‘I feel so alone’ – right in their profiles. The problem is that many of these people find someone and then are met with a whole bunch of other problems that actually end up making them feel lonelier.
For instance, one guy fell in love with a woman who seemed to fit his life perfectly. He had felt lonely for so long, that he was not allowing himself to see the truth behind the matter. She wasn’t a good match for him. In fact, she didn’t even love him. She was just using him to pass the time by until she found someone more suitable. When she did find someone else she dumped him quickly and his heart was broken, and he felt even more lonely than before he had met her.
Finding love is not the cure to loneliness. It can be if you find the right person. And, keeping yourself open to finding love is definitely something you should do. But, don’t make it your only mission in your quest to become less lonely. If it fails, and you don’t have backup methods to help you feel supported in life, then you are going to be in a devastating place that you don’t want to be in.
Two Steps To Heal Your Loneliness
You can’t snap your fingers and stop feeling lonely. It just doesn’t work that way. But you can decide to take action in your life and engage in behaviors that help you feel more supported, loved, and connected to others.
Step 1: Decide To Take Your Loneliness Into Your Own Hands
You might be waiting for someone else to come up and swoop you out of your loneliness, but that is a bet you shouldn’t be willing to make. The chances are that no one will ever come, and if they do, you won’t be able to recognize the power they have to cure your loneliness because you are so focused on negative things.
You need to get up and take the initiative to heal your loneliness. You need to decide that you no longer want to feel lonely and that you are going to do what you can to heal yourself. You need to feel the desire to stop feeling lonely and start feeling like a part of something amazing, and then let that desire motivate you to work on strengthening your relationships and building new ones.
You may also need to take off the blinders and admit where you are going wrong in relationships. When we feel lonely, it’s easy to blame everyone else for that loneliness. But, often, we are pushing people away with our beliefs, behaviors, or attitude.
For example, I had a friend who was very uncompassionate. He only thought about himself, and he never listened to other people’s problems or even validated that they had problems. Over the years, he pushed everyone away from him. Nobody wanted to be around him. Nobody wanted to date him. He had even been kicked out of a few organizations he belonged to. He messaged me and told me that he was lonely and he couldn’t understand why he didn’t have any relationships left in his life. When I told him that his lack of compassion was the biggest problem, he didn’t listen. He chose to believe that it was everyone else’s fault and not his. Now, five years later, he is still alone and unable to figure out why. I feel bad for him, but only he is capable of fixing his part in creating his loneliness.
Take some time to sit down and decide what part you are playing in your loneliness. Following are some questions that you may want to ask.
– Am I unwilling to give to other people and just want to take from them?
– Do I prefer to do things on my own time and in my own way?
– Am I unwilling to compromise?
– Can I be mean or insulting to other people?
– Am I shy and unwilling to participate in events that help me connect with others?
– Am I accepting losers and abusers into my life that always end up hurting me or make me feel isolated?
All of these things, and more, can be worked on to help you build stronger relationships. You just need to be strong enough to admit where you are going wrong.
Step Two: Connect With New People And Reconnect With Important People In Your Life
It’s important to not isolate yourself when you feel alone. You may want to hide away from the world that doesn’t understand or support you, but doing that will always make you feel worse. It’s important to get out and search for those relationships that will help you feel less lonely.
I’m not talking about getting online. Yes, connecting with people online can help you feel more connected, but it probably won’t help you heal your loneliness. It won’t help you get out of your head as much as you need to and it won’t help you build relationships that you can turn to in times of trouble.
Getting out and talking to people in person is the best way to feel less lonely and more involved in the world around you. It is the best way to feel connected and valued. It helps you fill a void that can’t be filled by typing to a one-dimensional person online. It helps you build that multidimensional connection that creates strong relationships.
What you decide to do will be personal to your interests, but a few examples include:
– Go back to school. Even taking one course can help you connect with like-minded people and make friends who truly enjoy your company and want you in their life.
– Go to church. If you are at all religious, or even curious about a religion, go and attend a session at your nearest church. You should feel welcomed as soon as you walk into the church. (If you don’t, find another church to attend.) And, you should feel like you are a part of a group that shares important time together and grows together. Many of my friends find that their church is what makes them feel alive and part of a bigger plan. They never feel lonely because they are always being invited to different church functions or parties being held by particular people in their congregation.
– Get involved in a community event, such as a community cleanup or a volunteering opportunity. This will help you get out and spend time with other people so that you can connect, laugh, talk, and let go of the pain of loneliness.
You may even want to reconnect with people you once knew or currently know. This is really important if you are in a relationship and still feel lonely. It’s not healthy to let that lack of connection hang around for too long.
You need to decide if you want to continue the relationship or let go of it. And if you want to continue it, you need to change the dynamics of the relationship or you are never going to get rid of that lonely feeling.
For instance, if you and your partner are having problems, and that is causing you to feel lonely, then it’s important to reconnect with them and make building a stronger relationship a priority. That may mean spending more time with them and less time at work. Or it may mean scheduling in date nights or an hour or two every night of quality time. Or it may mean scheduling an appointment with a counselor who can help you build back your intimate relationship that helped you feel the exact opposite of loneliness.
You can also call up an old friend who always supported you and see if you can build a relationship with them again. Don’t let the fear of connecting hold you back! There is a chance that reconnecting could help you heal the loneliness you feel and get back on track. It’s well worth the risk.
A highly sensitive person has high sensitivity to the world around them. High sensitivity, also called sensory processing sensitivity, is a completely normal trait that affects between 15 to 20% of the population, or 1.4 billion people, according to experts on the subject.
People can have a lot of success despite being highly stimulated by the world around them. For example, Alanis Morissette has openly talked about how she is a highly sensitive person and often felt misunderstood and misperceived, but that hasn’t stopped her from doing some great things in this world.
It’s interesting that being highly sensitive is not limited to humans. Biologists have discovered this trait in over 100 species, including dogs, horses, and even birds.
We tend to use the term ‘highly sensitive person’ as a bad label for someone. For instance, we might call someone who takes things too seriously a highly sensitive person – meaning they should just chill out or relax. Or we might label someone who cries at the little things as a highly sensitive person – meaning they are too touchy or too emotional. When we say it, we are saying that there is something wrong with them, but in reality, that’s not the case.
Being highly sensitive is not a disorder. It is a personality trait that involves processing sensory data. In fact, brain images in highly sensitive people have shown that the areas in the brain linked to processing perceptual data and attention are much more active in response to all kinds of stimuli that the less sensitive people.
So does this mean that their life sucks? No! Far from it! Just like people who are not highly sensitive, there are bad and good aspects of having a specific personality trait. And, I think there are also some great aspects of being highly sensitive.
The Downside Of Being Highly Sensitive
These are the aspects that people tend to focus on, which is why being highly sensitive has gotten such a bad rap with people, including the people who are living with the trait. The thing that we need to focus on is that highly sensitive people can overcome all these issues and just retain all the positive benefits of being highly sensitive.
1. They Can Go Down The Rabbit Hole Easily
A person who is highly sensitive can take a situation and go in a downward spiral from it. This is especially true if they have had a traumatic event in their past that can cause them to turn an event someone else is going through into an event they feel like they are going through.
For instance, if someone loses a pet, a highly sensitive person can become overwhelmed and start crying. They can also move past the initial sadness of someone else losing a pet and start to feel like they are losing their pet. Then they can start to focus on other negative things and end up in a place where they simply don’t want to face the world anymore because there are too many things that could cause them pain. It can be easy to get lost in the pain of what ‘could’ happen and start feeling the pain as intense as if it is happening.
In addition, negative interactions or just being around a negative person can cause someone who is highly sensitive to experience a sudden low that leads them further and further into a negative place.
2. They Can Misunderstand Other People
Someone who is highly sensitive, and has a lot of insecurities, can misinterpret other people’s intentions, feelings, and thoughts. They can start to create a story in their head about why the person is doing what they are doing or saying what they are saying. These assumptions are usually based on their own insecurities or fears, so can be very upsetting to them when their fictional story feels real.
For instance, a friend of a person with high sensitivity may tell them that a room in their house smells bad. It may be a legitimate complaint about mold or mildew, but the highly sensitive person who fears being judged on how well they clean may take it as a complaint about their cleanliness. This can cause them to feel really bad about themselves and the situation in general.
3. They Can Take Criticism Poorly
Even if the criticism is constructive criticism and meant to be helpful, a highly sensitive person can take it very poorly. They can dwell about the criticism for days, weeks, or longer, instead of taking the appropriate action on the criticism.
Highly sensitive people are often told they need to be tougher when they don’t take criticism well. This only adds to their pain! Now they are focused on the criticism plus the fact that they are being perceived as weak because they are feeling the pain. This can make things very stressful and confusing, to say the least.
4. They Can Get Involved With Narcissists
People who are highly sensitive are vulnerable to get into the worst types of relationships. It’s common for highly sensitive people to have at least one relationship in their past where their partner was so focused on themselves that it was ridiculous.
Narcissists like to use people, thanks to their lack of empathy for others, and that makes highly sensitive people an easy target. At first, narcissists use their talents, such as manipulation, charm, and deception, to draw in the highly sensitive person, and then when they’ve got them in their clutches, they show their true self, and they feed off the kindness that a highly sensitive person naturally gives them.
Unfortunately, sensitive people can believe that through understanding and compassion, they can help the narcissist change. And when that doesn’t happen, it can be a real struggle to leave the relationship where the narcissist is so convincing and manipulative with someone who is so compassionate and sensitive to other people’s needs.
5. Depression And Anxiety Can Show Up In Their Lives Easier
When you feel things deeply, it can be easy to become depressed or anxious in life. This is especially true if you are aware of how your actions are affecting other people, and you worry about the things you say or do in each interaction you are in.
While genetics seem plays a role in things like depression, a highly sensitive person is much more susceptible to becoming highly stimulated in any situation, which increases their risk of being depressed or anxious.
The Upside Of Being Highly Sensitive
These are the big benefits of being highly sensitive. These are the things that we should be focused on, whether we are the one who is sensitive or we are living with someone who is sensitive.
1. Their Awareness Is High
Because they are so in tune with the world, they are aware of more than others. They may see things more vividly, hear things more vividly, or feel things more vividly.
Being aware of the world around you is a good thing if you can stay in that awareness. It allows you to live in the moment, which is beneficial for your health, relationships, and overall happiness. Being present also allows you to do more beneficial things for yourself and your life because you don’t let worry or anxiety get in the way.
And, an aware person is more capable of doing things that make positive changes in their world and the lives of people around them. They can see what needs to be done and feel a need to take action on it because it’s obvious it will be beneficial.
2. They Are Deeply Caring
I know a highly sensitive person who is the kindest person I’ve ever met. She feels the pain of other people more intensely and has taught us all to be more giving, compassionate, and loving. She doesn’t hesitate when it comes to helping someone out because she can feel what they are going through and it resonates with her on a level that other people just don’t feel.
In intimate relationships, this heightened level of compassion is also beneficial. The highly sensitive person doesn’t move on from issues easily, so they tend to come back to an unresolved issue with ideas that can help fix the problem and make everyone happy.
In fact, this ability to care deeply can create stronger relationships with everyone they meet. Even strangers can sense their compassion and resonate with them better than someone who is focused on themselves and doesn’t show any sign of recognition for what others are going through.
The fact that so many people are highly sensitive is a good thing! It means that over 1.4 billion people are walking around with the kind of empathy that this world needs to become a better and happier place. It means that not everyone on this planet is working towards harming it or each other but, instead, are working towards making everyone happier. That’s a comforting thought that can help us keep working towards the progress of humanity and the longevity of the planet.
3. They See And Feel The Beauty In Life More Intensely
Many people who are highly sensitive have an appreciation for music, art, love, and joy that people who are not don’t feel. The thought of something beautiful, like true love, can bring tears to their eyes and resonate deeply into their soul.
People who are highly sensitive find that they are moved by the beauty of nature. The trees, the mountains, the rivers, the oceans, and the animals in nature all touch a chord in them that makes them feel love, peace, and gratitude more intensity.
Moreover, they notice the subtle things in life more, such as the little flower that goes unnoticed by other people. They cherish those little things, and they are the people who inspire others to stop and smell the roses!
4. They Have Deeper Conversations And Interactions With Others
People who are highly sensitive find it easier to talk about important things. They may not find small talk, such as the weather, that important. But, when they hear about something that has some deeper meaning about life, love, or emotions, they are more likely to participate in the conversation.
For a career choice, highly sensitive people may want to consider interviewing other people in some capacity. Their ability to understand what other people are feeling, and resonate with the person they are interviewing, can help them tailor some on-the-spot questions that help bring out the important information that really matters.
If you know someone who is great to talk to about the big things in life, they are probably a highly sensitive person. And if you are the one who everyone comes to when a crisis happens, then you are probably the person with high sensitivity.
5. They Are Highly Perceptive
Highly sensitive people who can learn to master their emotions make very perceptive people. They have an ability to recognize the little things in life, resonate with how other people are feeling, and find a deep compassion for everything. They are very observant in life and can use that information to help them progress in their relationships and in their career.
This is good news for all the highly sensitive people who don’t want to date narcissists anymore! With a little fine-tuning, it can be easy for a highly sensitive person to spot people who are saying and doing all the right things for the sake of winning someone over. Moreover, noticing the little signs of a narcissist, such as spending too much time on their appearance or being too focused on what people think about them, is easier for a highly perceptive person to do.
6. Their Senses Are Heightened
Highly perceptive people often have a heightened sense of smell, taste, and hearing, which can come in handy in many different ways.
– They can hear the little changes in someone’s voice that indicate when they are getting frustrated or annoyed, and quickly correct the conversation to keep it flowing in a positive state.
– Their palate may be better, which makes them a better cook.
– They can catch when something is going wrong with a mechanical device when they hear a buzzing or other noise that other people don’t catch.
– They can catch their kids sneaking out in the middle of the night as their senses tell them that something in the house just doesn’t feel right.
– They can smell a potential hazard before it actually becomes hazardous.
In short, they can interact with the world in a way that someone who isn’t sensitive can’t.
A Highly Sensitive Person Isn’t Overreacting
Whether you are a highly sensitive person or know one, it is important to understand that highly sensitive people are not overreacting. They are not too emotional or too sensitive. They were born with heightened senses, and that is a good thing.
With the right techniques to get control of their emotions and stop some of the unwanted aspects of being too sensitive, they can be a shining light in this world.
I think that sensitive people are very fortunate. They have more of an opportunity to learn and grow as a person even if they are not currently struggling with something that is life-changing.
For example, I have a friend who went to a showing of the play ‘Hair’ not long ago. Everyone else was dancing to the music or, in the case of some people, offended by the message, but she saw the beauty, the sadness, and the desperation of the people from the story. She cried throughout the whole play! At the end, other people labeled her as too emotional, but she walked away with a deeper understanding of the struggles of the people in a time of war and ugliness – something she had not been exposed to. She didn’t just watch a play, she grew as a person.
The bottom line is that we need to celebrate the highly sensitive person, not shame them.
– They are able to see things that the average person can’t see.
– They are able to solve problems better because they often reflect on conversations and issues.
– They are able to bring out the best in people with their compassion and kindness.
– They are able to bring out the answers we need to hear with their ability to connect to other people in an intimate way.
– Their heightened senses can protect their loved ones and everyone around them.
– They can use their special talents to spot or create beauty in an artistic way that helps lift other people’s moods.
– They can take care of people in a way that makes them feel validated in this world.
– They can be one of the most supportive and loving partners in an intimate relationship with the right person.
– They can help you understand other people and how to relate to them better.
And the list goes on and on!
Instead of shaming them for their high sensitivity, they should be appreciated. While there may be some negative things that can happen as a result of their high sensitivity, they can learn to work with their emotions in a way that benefits themselves, you, and everyone else in this world.
Life is full of frustration. If it was all lollipops and rainbows, it would be a boring life where we never learn and grow as a person. Frustrations in life allow us to grow, change, and become happier. At least that’s the way I see it!
If you are not buying into the fact that frustrating experiences can be extremely rewarding, keep reading this article. It includes some valuable tips on how to overcome frustration. These tips will help you see your frustrations in a completely different way and overcome frustration as well. Don’t just read them, use them!
1. Try To Turn Your Frustrations Into Something Profitable
One of the things I’ve learned from many great entrepreneurs is that having a frustration is a key to a future product that you can create. I think that all products are born this way. You are frustrated with your inability to do something so you create your own solution to fix it. Then you realize that other people can benefit from your solution, so you package it into a book, a service, a product, or whatever, and then you allow other people the chance to buy the solution you created.
For instance, Vishen Lakhiani, the founder of Mindvalley, recently sent out a Facebook post where he talked about a massive frustration in his life of not being able to read all the books he wants to read. Instead of complaining about how little he reads or how he will never be able to read what he wants, he started researching a way to develop a course for speed learning that can solve his own problem and other people’s problem. He said that even Bill Gates has mentioned that if he could have a superpower, it would be to speed learn. He’s surveying people (you can take the survey at https://mindvalley1.typeform.com/to/nT6jZc) and it will be just a matter of time before he develops a course to remove the frustration he has for good.
Imagine being able to make money off your frustration. Imagine creating a business or an empire off your frustration! Isn’t that the ultimate way to overcome frustration? You get rid of the anger or annoyance, and you make a profit off it.
2. Choose Not To Live In Ignorance
A lot of people I’ve talked are frustrated because they don’t know something. In fact, I’ve been frustrated because I didn’t know something. The only way to overcome that frustration is to get the education you need to bring awareness on the subject and remove the obstacle that’s standing in your way.
For instance, if you are frustrated with your inability to get a promotion, be honest with yourself. There is a chance that your boss is a jerk or that one of your co-workers likes to kiss ass, but there is also a chance that you don’t have the knowledge or understanding you need to be promoted. Maybe your boss can clearly see that you are lacking something that is required to get a raise in status and in pay. When you realize that, you can search out ways to educate yourself or get the skills you need and become the person that obviously deserves the promotion.
This tip on overcoming frustration requires some major awareness around yourself, your capabilities, and your limitations. But, awareness stems from being honest with yourself.
As a bonus, being honest with yourself can often remove a lot of frustration that seems to stem from nowhere in life. When you are dishonest with yourself, you can’t see or move past obstacles in life because you are not admitting them to yourself, and that keeps you in a place where you don’t want to be, which is very frustrating.
3. Get Determined
A frustration that stems from being unable to get past something or accomplish something is normal. It just means you haven’t found the right path or way yet. In order to avoid letting your frustrations hold you back from moving forward, you need to get determined to overcome your frustrations and keep going forward. How do you do that?
The best way is to remember that you’ve moved past frustrations before and that you can do it again. It’s not impossible to move past frustrating events, it’s just hard sometimes. I guarantee that you have experienced moving past some frustrating events. And if you’ve done it before, you can do it again. In fact, make that a mantra you say – ‘I’ve done it before and I can do it again!’
The next best way is to remember why you want to move past your frustrations. For instance, if you are in a relationship that is going downhill, and you are frustrated with the way things are going, you need to get determined to fix the relationship. Reminding yourself that you want a happy, healthy, and supportive relationship will help you do what you need to do despite frustrating moments or setbacks.
In order to stay determined, you can post pictures of what you want to accomplish. You can collect quotes, stories, or inspirational messages to help you keep your ‘why’ in check and keep your motivation in check.
4. Get Outside Of Your Head And Into Other People’s Heads
No matter what frustrating situation you are dealing with, getting outside of your head can help. I’m not talking about forgetting the frustration or distracting yourself, although that can help you get a break from the frustration and recharge so that you can think clearer (see the tip on where to put your focus below). But, I’m mostly talking about connecting with other people who have been where you are and have some ideas for you to use. Connecting with other people allows you to brainstorm for yourself.
For example, getting on a forum based on your frustration, and asking a question in regards to how you can overcome it, is a great way to get a bunch of different opinions and insights that you could never come up with on your own. Writing down some of those insights and letting your mind meditate on them is a great way to brainstorm solutions on how to overcome your frustration once and for all.
This is a really important tip that I hope you try out. If you choose to hide the frustration and not let anyone else in, it will be really hard to find solutions on your own. Your focus is limited. Your experiences, attitude, beliefs, and perceptions hold you hostage in a certain way of thinking, and the only way to expand your way of thinking is to get insight from other people who have a completely different way of looking at life and going through life than you.
5. Don’t Be Too Rigid In Life
Often a frustration is born out of expectation. We want things to work out in a certain way, and we become frustrated when they don’t. Then the pain of it not working out the way we want keeps us in a state of frustration, especially if we are unable to turn things around in a way that satisfies us.
The trick to life without constant frustration is to be able to bend and flow. This doesn’t mean that you should give up on your wants or dreams, but it does mean that you should accept that everything you want and dream of may not work out exactly the way you are imagining.
For example, you may work hard at becoming a supervisor in your workplace, but instead get an offer to be promoted to a different position at work. If you are unwilling to let go of the want to be a supervisor, you will be very frustrated. Especially if your boss is unwilling to promote you to that position. But, if you allow yourself to see the value in the promotion you’ve been offered, then you will move forward without frustration but, rather, expectation.
There is one thing I’ve experienced over and over again in life. And that’s the fact that life gives us what we need most, not what we want most. If you want to attract something or someone to you, there is a good chance that you will get a version of that thing or person rather than the exact thing or person you are picturing. I’ve found that the version you receive is always the version you need to grow and get more of what you want in life.
So, celebrate your successes in life, even if they are not exactly what you want. An unexpected event, a new relationship in your life that you didn’t want, a gift that wasn’t what you wanted, or anything else that didn’t exactly line up with your expectations, is probably the exact thing you need in this moment.
6. Always Remind Yourself That Obstacles And Failure Are Good Things!
No matter what, obstacles and failures are good things, which means that frustration is a good thing. It’s a sign that you are on the cusp of learning something new, mastering something better (like patience or compassion), growing as a person, stepping outside of your comfort zone, and moving closer towards what you want.
Overcoming frustration will always reward you by teaching you something about yourself and helping you move closer to who you want to be. Always.
Therefore, the next time you feel frustrated, stop, be present with the frustration, and get excited for a new opportunity for growth. You may not understand how powerful this is now, but I want you to at least try it the next time you are frustrated.
I want you to say out loud, ‘This is great! By finding a way to overcome this frustration, I’m about to make some changes in my life that will improve it!’ Saying it out loud will help the truth of it ring in your ears, which will help you get more excited about it.
7. Don’t Focus On The Frustration
Instead of focusing on the frustration, focus on these two things.
– Focus on what there is to be grateful for in this moment. You will find something if you look hard enough, and usually one idea will spiral into may more.
– Focus on finding a solution to the frustration. This will help you get out of a negative state and into a creative state, which will help you feel better and find a solution quicker.
If you can’t focus on one of those two things because you are so upset or disappointed about the frustrating event, then focus on something completely outside the scope of the frustration to give your mind a break from it. TV, a walk, a conversation with a good friend, or anything else that has nothing to do with the frustration will help.
That will give you some space from being frustrated. It will allow you to let go of those intense emotions that are keeping you focused on the wrong things. When those emotions die out, you will be able to come back to the frustration and find something to be grateful for or start looking for a solution.
8. Get Clear On What You Really Want
A lot of times frustration happens because you don’t know what step to take next. That can be solved by getting clear on what you want and creating a plan to get there.
A lack of clarity will always promote chaos in your life, which will cause you to be frustrated. But, getting clear on what you want will help you move forward even in the face of a setback or an obstacle.
I suggest getting clear on the life you want, the goals you want to achieve, the experiences you want to have, and the ultimate rewards you want to bring in. Then, create small actionable goals to help you move towards the life you want.
If you are currently dealing with a frustration, then get clear on what you want in the specific area you are dealing with. For instance, if you are in a bad relationship, you may not know what you want out of the relationship. You may not know what direction you want the relationship to go. If you sit down and list out things you want, such as ‘communicate well’ or ‘be more intimate’, then you will have something concrete to work towards, and instead of being frustrated about where you are, you can start working towards where you want to be.
9. Don’t Try To Change Other People
Lastly, it’s important to focus on your life and not put your focus on anyone else’s life. If your goal is to make other people’s lives better or help them become more of what you think they should be, then you will always be frustrated. Other people are never going to live up to the expectations you set out for them, and they are never going to reward you in the way you want to be rewarded.
For instance, if you create a course to help other people become happier and post it online, you may become frustrated with the amount of people who don’t understand your intent or who are unwilling to put into practice what you are teaching. You may become frustrated with their comments, their lack of action, or their unwillingness to change. It’s better to create the course with the intent to help people, and then help the people who want to be helped instead of focus on being frustrated with the people who don’t want the help.
In short, it’s important to have the intent to do great things for other people, but you can’t carry an expectation of how that will play out. You can’t carry the expectation of changing other people every time you reach out to them or you will be frustrated more often than not.