Category Archives for "Personal Development"
You would think that an attitude of perfectionism would be a good thing for life. In theory, it should help you reach your goals and even surpass them. It should help you bring everything you want into your life. It should help you be happy, satisfied, and successful. But, I’ve found that living in a state of perfectionism actually does the opposite. It makes you downright miserable.
I don’t recommend you adopt a mentality of perfectionism in any area of your life. In fact, if I were to recommend one New Year’s goal to you, giving up on perfectionism would be it. Despite what your parents, friends, peers, or inner critic tells you, living for perfectionism is one of the worst ways to live.
Following are some of the ways perfectionism plays a negative role in your life. These are in no particular order as they are all equally detrimental to your happiness.
Perfectionism Causes Suffering
One study done in 2007 on Alaska suicides required friends and family members to describe their loved ones who had recently taken their own lives. According to 56% of the respondents, their loved ones were perfectionists. Furthermore, 25% of the respondents described them as strict or rigid.
Perfectionism is refusing to accept anything short of perfection in your life. It requires all of your attention on the matter or matters at hand. And because it requires all of your attention, you suffer in some way. Sometimes it’s obvious, and sometimes you just feel bad and can’t put your finger on it.
Perfectionism causes suffering because you will never be perfect and you will never accept that fact. You will constantly be reaching for something that you simply can’t reach and you will constantly be neglecting the things that truly matter – and truly make your life worth living – because of it.
Your relationships may suffer because you are too busy trying to be perfect, which causes you to suffer as you lose the comfort, support, and companionship that makes you feel so loved and important in life.
Your physical health may suffer if you are trying to accomplish something that requires a lot of mental power. You don’t have time to workout or look after yourself properly so your body starts to suffer and you lose much-needed energy and, in most cases, gain pain. Poor physical health makes it harder to do what you need to do and that causes mental anguish.
In fact, your mental health will almost definitely suffer in some way. You will beat yourself up when failures and setbacks happen. There is nobody who can make you feel as bad as YOU when you are not living up the perfection you are striving for!
In addition, you won’t take the time needed to rest your mind, stay present, meditate, and enjoy the moment, which will take away from your happiness. Remember, happiness doesn’t live in some moment in the future – it lives in the present when you are able to think and feel positively about what is happening.
In short, the next time you try to defend your need for perfectionism, ask yourself why you are defending suffering. Don’t be so quick to protect something that causes you suffering.
Perfectionism And A Happy And Fulfilling Life Will Never Go Together
If suffering is not painful enough for you, then maybe the idea of never really living life will be a deterrent to striving for perfectionism.
Life is full of flaws. It will never ever be perfect, so if you are demanding perfectionism in life, you will always be resisting life! You will always be working against life and living in some sort of fantasy world that you create for yourself.
Do you really want to spend your entire time on this planet not really living? Is that something you want to admit to yourself when you are about to die and reflect on what you did with your time? I’m willing to bet that you are shaking your head no right now, and I don’t blame you.
Life is for the living. And real living is all about going with the ups and downs because that’s a part of life.
A good and happy life comes to the people who are willing to change direction when need be because unexpected construction has blocked off a path or the road has just disappeared altogether. They don’t get upset. They just change direction.
It’s for the people who can accept that things don’t always work out the way they want it to and can bend and sway with the obstacles that come their way.
It’s for the people who understand that they simply don’t know where their next opportunity, relationship, or idea will come from and are able to keep their eyes open for those things rather than try to force something specific to come.
That last point is really important to remember. When you are focused on perfectionism, you are focused on a predetermined plan, and you can easily miss out on the random things in life that are not a part of that plan.
For instance, if you are focused on perfectionism, you may be focused on a specific type of person to be in a relationship with. You may have plans to marry that person, have two kids by the age of 30, and then have a perfectly happy life. But, if you try to make that plan happen exactly the way you envision it, you may miss out on a relationship that makes you happier than you’ve ever been before.
If you want to accomplish some big or unique things in life, you are probably creating or working on some goals. And if you are doing that, you are guaranteed to be met with a lot of naysayers as you create and work on those goals. They may be family, friends, co-workers, or strangers, but they will be there every step of the way to give you their pessimistic and negative views no matter how well things are going for you.
Some experts believe that humans are wired to be naysayers. And sometimes it can feel like there are more naysayers out there than there are optimistic people. But the fact is that there are plenty of us who see things in an optimistic light and believe that there are many things we and the world around us can accomplish.
Us go-getters who want more out of life still feel doubt, no matter how far we have come in our journey, and that doubt can be turned into downright fear that stops us in our tracks if we listen to the naysayers in our lives. Therefore it’s important to be able to move past their negative words and attitudes.
Changing Your Perception Of Naysayers With 9 Insights
I find that looking at people differently can help you move past the emotions they are causing you and get on with your life. When you stop seeing them as enemies out to bring you down and stop you from achieving your goals, you will have a much better time.
Remember, naysayers are not going anywhere, so you need to find a way to deal with them effectively. You can’t get rid of them. You can’t ignore them. And you can’t stoop to their level or YOU will be the one ruining your chances of achieving your goals. That’s why I truly believe changing your perception towards naysayers is one of the best ways to deal with them.
Following are 8 things you need to remember about the naysayers. These insights should help you see them in a different light. And when that happens, they will no longer have any power over you and what you are capable of accomplishing.
1. If Proved Wrong, They Will Still Be Naysayers
I know how badly you probably want to prove the naysayers wrong, but let me tell you something I wish I knew a long time ago – you can prove them wrong all you want, they are still going to be pessimistic. They probably aren’t going to stare at you wide-eyed and profess how right you are and how wrong they were. Instead, they are going to come up with new things to be pessimistic about.
For instance, a few people in my life told me that you can’t make money online when I first created an online business. I worked hard to prove them wrong. And, when I started making more than I did at the offline job I had previously to working online, I thought they would all admit that they were wrong and get just as excited as me for the next step. Instead, they admitted that I was lucky and it probably wouldn’t keep working out for me. They were still pessimistic, despite my proof of success and my solid plans to keep my online business growing, and they have never stopped finding something new to be pessimistic about even though I keep having more and more success.
When you understand that naysayers are not going to change, you can stop trying to prove them wrong or expecting something more positive out them. You can stop wasting energy on wanting them to validate you because you know that they will always find something new to be negative about. And, you can accept that they are who they are and stop looking for their approval before you make decisions or take the next step.
2. They Are Wrong Most Of The Time
Pessimistic people don’t see the potential in your goals. They lack hope in things working out well. They see tragedy and constant failure. And that is the basis for all their opinions and predictions.
Of course, life doesn’t always work out the way we plan. We fail. Unexpected things happen. But that doesn’t mean we are not going to achieve our goals. It just means we have to find a new way to achieve our goals. Optimistic people can see that, but naysayers view failure and obstacles as a dead end, which isn’t even close to the truth.
In addition, naysayers don’t understand what’s necessary to reach your personal goals. They haven’t thought about what you want and what you need to do to get there like you have. They haven’t tested certain ideas and had big insights on what is working and what is not like you have. They simply can’t understand all the little things that go into reaching your goals and what you are doing to make them happen, which is another reason they can’t possibly be right about whether or not you will succeed.
For instance, a friend of mine has become a very popular YouTuber. She has spent a lot of time learning about her audience and what they want to see. She has learned how they react to certain things and what videos end up doing the best for her, and all that information is a big factor in how she moves forward on YouTube. She is constantly increasing her viewer count, the activity she gets on her videos, and her income. And even with all of that, she still gets a lot of naysayers commenting on her videos and tell her how she is going to fail in her YouTuber career. They think they know everything about her business, but they don’t see what she does behind the scenes or have the insight that she has gathered over the years.
And this doesn’t just apply to regular goals and dreams that we have. Sometimes naysayers are wrong on a much more dramatic level.
For instance, I recently read a story about a young girl who was in a car crash and lost the use of her legs. The doctors said that she would never regain the use of her legs and the family needed to accept that. Many of the family members agreed and constantly told the girl and her mother that they needed to prepare for a life without her walking. The mother and the girl didn’t listen. They had hope that things could change and worked towards becoming mobile again. Eight years later that little girl is now in cheerleading. The naysayers got it wrong!
3. The More You Accomplish, The Louder They Will Get
If you are reading this, there are some things you really want out of life. You may not know exactly what they are yet, but you do know that you want them. You can feel a sense of longing for something more. But, the longing for something more isn’t going to get you what you want. Wishing for something more isn’t enough. That’s a very important truth that we all need to understand. While everything is made up of energy, and we can attract like energies to us, such as like-minded people, we still live in a physical world and life doesn’t work on wishes alone.
What You Want Is Out There
Your parents, peers, and fears tell you that it’s impossible to get everything you want. Is that true? Well, it depends on a few things.
That can be a true statement if you’re talking about something really far-fetched. For instance, if you want to quit your job and sit around all day and still have money coming in, a roof over your head, and food on the table, there is a good chance it’s not going to work out for you. That’s not typically how this world works. Or, if you want to date Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, there is a good chance that’s not going to happen either.
But, there are plenty of things that you can get.
– You can get the relationship you want.
– You can get the career you want.
– You can get the house you want.
– You can get the happiness you want.
There are plenty of things that we have some control over, and with the right choices and the right actions, you can definitely bring what you want into your life as long as what you want is grounded in reality.
Let me be clear, there are probably some things that you think could never happen for you that actually could happen. For instance, you may think becoming a millionaire is not a reality for you. But, that’s not true. With the right knowledge and action, everyone can be a millionaire. For some people, it may take more time, but the fact is that we can all get there.
Think of it this way – if someone else has achieved it, then you can too. You just need to figure out how to get on the right path, like they did, and you will find yourself moving towards what you want.
Be Good If You Want Good Things
I’m willing to bet that you want to get good things in your life. You want a loving relationship, financial abundance, happiness, good health, and peace. Allan Watts, a popular British philosopher, said that you always get what you want. He said that everything that comes to you is a return of what goes out of you. So make sure that you are putting good things out of you.
Don’t try to get what you want by hurting other people. Don’t cheat, lie, abuse, or misuse. You will only attract more of that energy to you. And you will only put yourself further away from what you want.
Don’t Listen To The People Who Tell You That You Can’t
There will be people in your life who will tell you that you can’t always get what you want. But instead of talking about dating Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, they will be talking about your dreams and goals that are totally doable. You need to remember they are telling you what they believe, and what they believe is a result of their life’s experiences.
The biggest reason Fred or Susan or whoever else in your life didn’t get what they wanted is because they were not willing to do what it takes to get what they wanted. They weren’t willing to go the extra mile. They weren’t willing to put in the extra hours, extra effort, extra time, extra money, or extra energy, and that is the only reason they didn’t get what they wanted. It wasn’t because they weren’t capable of getting it. It wasn’t because they weren’t lucky enough, smart enough, or talented enough. It was just because they were not willing to do what needed to be done.
Here’s How To Get What You Want In Life
Whether you know what you want or not, there are some steps to help you get moving in the right direction towards the life you really want. Don’t try to force yourself to know what you want first. You will discover it along the way. All you need to do right now is focus on doing the following things.
1. Stop Trying To Make Things Work A Certain Way
This is a very important tip on how to get what you want in life. If you don’t read or do anything else, make sure you understand this.
Do you feel like you never have enough energy to do what needs to be done? It takes energy to do what you need to do, but it takes much more energy to try to bend and conform things to your will. And that’s wasted energy because you simply can’t make things bend and conform to your will.
Not everything works out perfectly. Scheduled events get messed up. People don’t follow your expectations. And when that happens, you use even more energy worrying about it or being upset.
If you want to gain more energy to do what you need to do, then start going with the flow. This doesn’t mean that you let life push you around.
It means that you make plans without having strict expectations on how everything should go.
It means that you know setbacks may happen, and when they do, you artfully climb over and go around setbacks when they arise.
It means you stop trying to control how others act and focus on how you act instead.
If you want to be happier in any area of life, then you need to read this article. This is especially true if you don’t already work harder than most people to get the life you want – because if you don’t work harder than the average person, you are not going the extra mile and you are denying yourself the life you really want.
What does it mean to go the extra mile? It means to work hard, do what you need to do, and be consistent with your efforts.
For instance, if you want to be a millionaire, you need to be willing to go the extra mile. It’s not easy to become a millionaire. If it was, everyone would be doing it! You need to be willing to do the work. You need to be willing to invest in your education and learn what needs to be learned to earn money and then invest it to reach the kind of wealth that you want. You need to be willing to move past your fears and doubts and try new things that you think will help you move towards the wealth that you want to have.
Going the extra mile is not for the weak. It’s not for the people who are satisfied being where they are in life. It’s for the people who have dreams, want something better, and won’t take no for an answer.
It’s Time To Work Hard Right Now
If you want more out of life, it doesn’t matter what age you are or where you are in life, you can do what you need to do to have the success you want right now. It’s never too late to put in the work towards your desires and dreams. In fact, sometimes it pays to wait because you have more life experience that helps you keep doing the work you need to do consistently.
One of my closest friends is a great example of someone who recognized the value of going the extra mile later on in life. He’s always loved playing guitar and was in a few bands when he was younger, and it was a lot of work! Eventually, he decided that it wasn’t worth working so hard to possibly never get where he wanted to get, so he stopped playing, went to university, and became an accountant! Fast forward twenty years and he realized that it’s easy to give up and not work towards what you REALLY want, but it’s not rewarding. He hated his job and his life. He picked his guitar back up, recorded himself playing, put it up on YouTube, and is now working every day (in the hours after his accounting job) to make the dream of playing guitar for a living come true. He is willing to go the extra mile because he knows that choosing to not do what needs to be done is much more painful than working hard towards a goal that he’s passionate about.
Going The Extra Mile Makes The Difference Between Being Brilliant And Being Mediocre
Not everyone who puts in a lot of hard work is going to have the success they want. Sometimes things just don’t work out or can’t work out. But, the chances of success increase exponentially if you are willing to work hard and be consistent with your hard work when other people bail out or give up.
The other day I was watching a successful YouTuber named Trisha Paytas. She gets a lot of hate for a number of different reasons, including the fact that she makes so much money on YouTube.
The fact is that she is willing to go the extra mile for her success. She’s even told the people who complain about her success that if you want to do well, you need to stop wasting your time complaining about her and you need to be willing to work hard. Unfortunately, too many people are happier to complain than they are to go the extra mile for themselves.
If you ever find yourself being jealous of someone or complaining about how someone has all the luck that you don’t, ask yourself if they might just be putting in more work than you are. After all, as Fulton J. Sheen said, “Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius”. You may be putting in a mediocre amount of effort.
The fact is that you don’t have to settle for a life you don’t want. You can change things starting today. But, you have to be willing to go the extra mile.
Going The Extra Mile Boosts Your Self-Confidence
When you are willing to do the things you need to do, you like the person you see in the mirror more. Even if people are acting jealous of you (paying you tribute), you are fine with that because you know that you are someone who is doing everything they can to have the life you want.
The feeling of going to bed after a day of hard work is worth it. It makes you feel like you are doing something valuable in the life. This is a completely different feeling than the confusion, helplessness, and despair you feel when you let your life go by never really doing anything meaningful for yourself and your future.
When you start to feel that good about yourself, everything around you changes. Your relationships improve because when you respect yourself more, other people respect you more. Your health improves because you are happier and more willing to look after yourself. And your financial situation improves because doing what matters and feeling great about yourself will always help you find new avenues to make more money. And all of that gives you the drive you need to keep working hard and going the extra mile.
You Will Regret NOT Going The Extra Mile
Having a constant stream of negative thoughts is bad for your happiness and your health. Not only can they make you depressed, they can affect your immune system and hormonal balance. And the stress and anxiety that stems from negative thoughts, as well as the effect they have on sleep, can shorten your lifespan. In other words, it’s in your best interest to change your thoughts from negative ones to positive ones as quickly and often as possible. With the right tools in your pocket, it becomes much easier to change your thoughts.
Following are 10 different tools you can pull from when you want to change your thoughts. You may find one that works all the time, or you may need to pick and choose depending on where you are and what you are thinking about. But, I guarantee that if you make the effort to use one of the 10 tools, you will find a way out of your negative thoughts quickly.
1. Shift Your Focus Behind Your Eyes
Sometimes we get lost in our negative thoughts and before we know it we are stuck in a stampede of negative thoughts that won’t let us get up or get out. When this happens, it’s important to call your attention back to your body and tune into your awareness so that you can get out of your head and stop thinking so much.
Many people recommend that you pay attention to your breath to call your awareness back to your body and get out of your thoughts, but Jeffery Allen has a unique way that I find extremely helpful. Be present behind your eyes. Really, being present behind your eyes is all about focusing on what’s going on here and now. You can do this right now.
Find something or someone not too far away to focus on. Feel the presence and awareness that you feel behind your eyes as you focus on this object or person. Now close your eyes and keep that presence and awareness behind your eyes. Open your eyes back up and instantly refocus on what or who you were focused on before you closed your eyes. This simple exercise will help you bring your focus to the present and get out of your negative thought cycle.
2. Connect To The Earth
This is tool can help you feel more grounded, which is great when you feel ungrounded in a negative thought cycle. But, it goes beyond getting you out of your negative thoughts. It helps you feel more centered at every moment as you go throughout your day. You feel more relaxed, conscious, present, and engaged in your life, and that naturally leads to more positive thoughts.
To do this, imagine a bright, white, and loving light pouring into the top of your head and running down your body. As it fills you up, you feel warmer and happier. Once you are filled up, imagine that from the base of your spine, you start to grow roots with this light. These roots grow all the way down to the center of the earth, and they make you feel stable, strong, and connected, just like a tree’s roots would make you feel. As you get up and move around throughout your day, these roots will stay strong and you will stay connected to the earth at all times.
You should notice a difference in awareness right away with this exercise. You should feel more powerful than you do when you are lost in your thoughts. You should feel more present and aware of what’s really happening around you. And you should feel more in control of what you are focused on and thinking about.
3. Visualize The Positive Scenario
This is a great tool to help you change your thoughts from positive to negative, and it works quickly. All you need to do is stop visualizing the negative scenario and start visualizing the positive one.
For instance, if someone just broke up with you, then you may be visualizing your future alone. Now’s the time to visualize something better, such as you being strong and powerful and having a great time as you hang out with friends not worrying about being accountable to someone else.
If you can’t think of a positive scenario to visualize, just visualize the opposite of what you are thinking. So, if you are visualizing destruction, visualize creating something positive instead. Or if you are visualizing people being unhappy, visualize them happy instead. You will find that your thoughts will start to focus on more positive things as you do this.
4. Turn Off The Negative External Noise
I think it’s safe to say that almost everyone would like to attract more money to them. In fact, money is probably one of the first things you think about when you think of the Law of Attraction and what it could do for you. That’s a good thing, not a bad thing. The more money you have, the easier it will be to live the life you want, help your friends and family live the life they want, and help out charities, the needy, or important ventures for the world.
But first, you need to attract money to you and create the wealth you want. We hear all the time that the Law of Attraction works effortlessly for us all day and every day and that we just need to get into the right mindset and state to make it work in a way that brings us the abundance we want. But, because of our habits and beliefs, it can be easier said than done to get into that mindset and state.
Esther Hicks has learned a lot about the Law of Attraction and how we are meant to live this life from Abraham, so it seems fitting that she would be a good place to turn to if we want to learn how to make the Law of Attraction bring more wealth into our lives. Following are some tips from her that I’ve found extremely helpful as I make the shift from attracting mediocre wealth to the type of wealth I want.
Tip 1: The Better Your Story Gets, The Better Your Life Gets
The rich just get richer. We’ve all heard that before, and we all believe it because we’ve seen it. But why do they get richer? Could it be because the story they tell themselves is so good that they can’t help but attract the circumstances, people, and situations into their life that make it even better?
Or, alternatively, think of someone who has no money and constantly tells a story about how they are broke and will never make enough money to pay the bills and live the life they want to live. Isn’t it true that they attract negative experiences into their life that helps their story thrive today, tomorrow, and the next day after that? Even if they get some money in their life, their negative story ensures that they lose it in some way or another.
When you create a story of lack or desperation around yourself, you contradict your desire for wealth. And the Law of Attraction says that you can’t have it both ways. You can’t focus on what you don’t want and then get what you do want. If your story is making you feel bad or desperate, then you can’t allow wealth into your experience.
So what can you do? Esther Hicks says that you need to tell the story you desire and then strengthen your story by visualizing what it is like to be living it. By doing this, you feel better about yourself and your life, and because you feel better, the details of your life will start to improve. You will start to see more positive circumstances, people, and situations in your life and you will take chances that increase your wealth because you will believe in your story and the possibilities that lay ahead for you.
Tip 2: You Get What You Give Your Attention To
You’ve probably heard a lot of talk about limiting beliefs and how they hold you back from doing the things you want the most. Most people have a lot of limiting beliefs that affect their career, health, and current relationships negatively. But when it comes to single people who are looking for love, having their lives affected negatively in an understatement. Because our relationships affect every area of our lives, it’s important to get rid of the limiting beliefs that hold us back from finding the perfect person or having a great relationship.
I see a lot of common limiting beliefs on Twitter and Facebook. I see them in the comment sections on popular dating blogs. I even hear them from my friends and their friends. And, it seems like they are getting stronger and stronger and making it really hard for single people to find real love.
If you are single and want to find real love – the kind that makes you happy for the rest of your life – then you need to delete, discard, and replace any of the following limiting beliefs that apply to you.
1. Dating Is Scary
This is a false belief that limits you from getting yourself out there as much as you should. It limits you from enjoying the dating period in your life. It could even limit you from spotting the one person who would really be a good match for you.
For instance, a friend of mine held the limiting belief that dating was scary for years. There was a guy who liked her at work, but because she held so much fear towards dating and everything that comes with it, such as moving out of your comfort zone and the possibility of being rejected, she wasn’t even aware that he liked her. Her awareness wouldn’t let her see good potential matches because her limiting belief was holding her back. When she developed a new belief about dating, she instantly realized he liked her and she went out with him. They have been together ever since!
A better belief is that dating is fun and educational. It gives you the opportunity to go out, meet a ton of people, do things you might never do otherwise, and learn more about yourself and what you want out of life and out of a partner for life.
2. A Few Big Red Flags Isn’t A Bad Thing
Many single people meet someone, see a lot of good things about them, then see one or two really big red flags. Unfortunately, most of these people have the limiting belief that one or two red flags doesn’t really matter. This is one of the many limiting beliefs that many single people, who get stuck in a bad relationship after bad relationship, buy into.
Why is it a limiting belief? It holds you back from waiting for someone better (it limits potential good matches) and causes you to get into a bad relationship.
Red flags come into your consciousness for a reason. They are a signal that something about this person is not right and you may not enjoy being with them in the future. If you ignore these red flags with limiting beliefs such as ‘There is something wrong with everyone!’ or ‘Maybe it will not be an issue in the future!’, then you are setting yourself up for failure.
For instance, if you have been cheated on before, and your date flirts with someone else right in front of you, then you may outweigh this negative action with all the good things he or she has done. Because, after all, a few red flags isn’t a bad thing, right? But, there is a really good chance that if he or she can flirt with other people in front of you, they will do much more when they are not in front of you.
The point is that if they give off some really big warning signs that unhappiness is in your future, then pay attention to them. Develop the belief that it is better to admit the issues that will cause your relationship to become unhappy than to just wait and see if things don’t manifest badly.
3. I Have To Find Someone Before (Fill In The Blank)
One of the worst limiting beliefs I’ve ever seen is the belief that you need to find someone before you reach a certain age, reach a certain milestone, or reach anything else in life.
You know that there is someone amazing inside of you, but you don’t know how to access him or her. I get it. Life has a way of sucking you into being mediocre, and because so many people are uninspired in life, it can be hard to find a role model to help you get off the path of ordinary. But, if you are one of the people who want to unlock your potential and be someone much more than you are now, there are some things that you must do. These things will help you go forward despite your fears, get back up when you fall down, and move in the right direction towards your fullest potential.
1. Stop Buying Into The Brules
Vishen Lakhiani has a term for rules that are simply pure crap. He calls them brules – a combination of ‘bullshit’ and ‘rules’. There are so many brules that you could be buying into every day that are holding you back from unlocking your potential.
Brules are things that you have learned throughout your life from your parents, elders, peers, and society that simply aren’t true. Yet, some of them are so ingrained as ‘truth’, that they can become an obstacle that is too hard to overcome.
A lot of the brules we adopt stem from our desire to fit in. We want the people around us to like us. We want to do what other people think is right. So we adopt these rules – which aren’t actually concrete truths – and we follow them to keep the peace with everyone.
How can you recognize a brule? A brule isn’t something that has been proven to be true. A rule, on the other hand, is something that makes sense and is proven to be true.
For instance, a rule that you may want to follow is that you should not walk off a cliff. I think you and I can agree that’s a pretty good rule in life that makes a lot of sense.
A brule would be that you can’t choose what religion you want to be. That’s a bullshit rule. Of course you can choose! You have a mind that is capable of choosing. You can let go of certain beliefs and develop new ones. Therefore, you are perfectly capable of choosing what religion you want to follow. But, because everyone around you tells you that you can’t choose, you can easily believe that this brule is a rule of life.
Another brule would be that you can’t leave your abusive spouse. So many people stay stuck in a marriage that holds them back from their true potential because they believe they are incapable of living without that person. That’s just a brule that they have developed through their various areas, such as their fearful parent who believes that marriage is for life despite how bad it gets.
The bottom line is that brules will hold you back from doing what you need to do to unlock your potential. Therefore, you need to sit down and ask yourself whether the rules you are following in life are rules or brules. If they are brules, then stop buying into them.
Give yourself permission to see that there are many different ways of going through life. One rule, without no real reason to back it up, doesn’t apply to everyone in life. If it did, we wouldn’t have people reaching their potential and doing amazing things that other people firmly believe is impossible.
2. Make Education A Life Long Venture
There is no way around it. In order to unlock your potential, you have to grow as a person. You have to understand more about yourself and the things you want to do. And you need to understand how other people reached their potential so you can use their lessons to help you unlock your potential.
I’m talking, in part, about education. And no, you don’t have to go to school to learn what you need to learn. You can get online and research. You can take an online course. You can meet with people who are actively working towards their potential as well and learn from them.
It’s important to read as much as possible. Read online content. Read books. Read poetry. Read social media posts around a topic that you are interested in. The more you read, the more you expand your awareness and can see things from different points of view. And, the more you read, the more inspiration you will get on how to unlock your potential.
I have found that as I learn, I change. My habits and beliefs change. My perception on life changes. And those are huge things that help me see what I’m capable of and go after it.
I also highly recommend teaching. If you can get online and start a blog where you teach other people what you know, you will learn from them and their experiences. Even if you think you know all there is to know about a subject, you will often get insights into other people’s experiences and perceptions that challenge what you thought you knew. It’s a great way to learn.
Don’t know where to start? Go out right now and look at some magazines. You will be naturally drawn to things that you are interested in. You will naturally want to read more about what’s on the cover of something that grabs your attention. That topic is likely something that will help you start to unlock your potential, so allow yourself to read the magazine, even if you think it has nothing to do with who you are or who you want to become. You may be surprised at where it leads you!
3. Dig Into Your Subconscious Beliefs
Life can be hard when you are full of expectations and keep coming face to face with failures, breakups, deaths, and all those other situations that throw a wrench in your plans. When you keep getting disappointed, it can be hard to go with the flow, even if it’s the very thing you want to do to feel better. After all, letting go should help you avoid all the pain, right? Well, in my experience going with the flow and letting go are two different things.
The Difference Between Going With The Flow And Letting Go
If you go with the flow does that mean you have no power to create the life you want? Absolutely not! Going with the flow is not about being a dead fish that floats where the river takes you. It’s about being alive, thinking for yourself, making choices, and living your best life as well as you can.
Some people will tell you that to go with the flow means you are letting other people make choices for you. That’s called letting go, not going with the flow. That’s also called letting yourself be ignorant to what’s actually going on in life. Letting go means you let yourself get victimized by other people and circumstances that are out of your control. It means shutting your eyes to what’s happening around you. Going with the flow means something else entirely.
Going with the flow means engaging in the reality of life. It means facing what comes and making choices based around those things. It means understanding that good things and bad things happen in life, and accepting them when they come. And it means being in charge of your life and choosing what step you are going to take next.
For instance, in a new relationship, you don’t want to give up and let your new partner dictate the relationship. Your beliefs and needs are important, and you should be willing to communicate with your partner in a way that helps them understand what you want. Going with the flow means accepting the new truths you find out about your partner and making choices based on those truths. It means understanding that your partner is not always going to be happy and dealing with negative emotions when they come instead of resisting them. And, it means recognizing when things are going off the deep end in your relationship and making a choice about what to do next. Letting go, on the other hand, would be explaining away bad behavior or other negative things and accepting them as a part of life. It would mean letting go of your control in life and letting those negative things dictate how you feel and how your relationship goes.
In other words, going with the flow gives you more power in life. It helps you ride the waves of life and still be in control of what happens next. Letting go means letting the waves flip you over and then crush you and your spirit because you don’t bother to make choices that help you get out from underneath the waves and ride them.
You Can’t Control Everything
In the past little while, this truth has been more obvious than it has in a long time. We all know that despite our votes, voices, and protests, things don’t always go the way we want. This includes things such as natural events, but it also includes things that feel more in our power, such as an election.
The problem lies in our expectations. Expectations are detrimental to our happiness and ability to go with the flow.
When things happen that you never predicted, you will always be frustrated and resistant to what is going on. And, when you put up resistance, you will get yourself stuck in life which ensures you can’t move forward in a positive way.
You feel disappointed when someone or something lets you down. They may not live up to your expectations or they may not deliver on their promises. When you are disappointed in yourself, someone else, a situation, or humanity in general, life can feel very negative. Your accusations and discouraging thoughts can make it hard to be happy, and you can waste a lot of precious time in a negative state. That’s a complete waste of time.
The Problem With Living In A State Of Disappointment
There are only so many hours in your life, and you don’t want to be stuck in a state of disappointment for many of them. If you check out any emotional guidance scale, you will see that disappointment is not the worst feeling you could have, but it is still not close to an emotion that helps you to feel good. And in order to live the life you want, you need to have emotions that make you feel good, such as hopefulness, optimism, passion, and even contentment.
When you are feeling positive emotions, you are thinking good thoughts. And the health benefits of positive thoughts and emotions include:
– Increased life span, so that you can do more things that make you feel good.
– Less stress, which can improve both your physical and mental health in a big way.
– A stronger immune system that helps fight off colds and other diseases.
– Stronger heart health to decrease your chances of death from cardiovascular disease.
– Increased ability to problem solve and overcome obstacles.
– Increased ability to learn and grow as a human being.
– Ability to build stronger and more beneficial relationships.
The list of benefits goes on and on.
The point is that you don’t want to stay stuck in a state of being disappointed. The quicker you pivot towards happier emotions, the quicker you can get back to experiencing the benefits of them. So let’s talk about how to move through disappointment and start feeling good again.
When You Are Disappointed In Yourself
This is the easiest one to fix. Why? Because you have complete control over what you do and how you act in every moment of the day. This means that you can take action on what has disappointed you and start to turn things around.
For instance, if you are disappointed in yourself for not reaching a goal, then you can simply create a new goal and start immediately taking action on it. Many times just the act of writing down the new goal and setting the intent to go after it can help you alleviate the disappointment you are feeling.
If you are disappointed about where you are in life, then you can start taking action to get yourself somewhere different. You can learn more about yourself, learn how to become more of the person you want to be, learn what you need to do to get where you want to get, and then start taking action on those things immediately.
As you start to take action, you may have some moments where you remember why you were disappointed in yourself, but you will find that shaking it off and getting busy in the present moment will help you move away from that disappointment and, eventually, overcome the disappointment completely.
And if you let your disappointment teach you a lesson, you can ensure that the action (or lack of action) you took plays an important part in your life rather than a wasted opportunity or time of your life.