December 6, 2015

How To Solve Family Problems That Could Devastate A Family

It doesn’t matter how great you think your family is, problems can arise. They can happen gradually or they can happen suddenly. I’ve see brothers and sisters have family problems that gradually ruin their relationship to the point that they never talk again. I’ve also seen some of the closest families get ripped apart when something happens that takes them by surprise. I’ve also seen family problems that cause one person to bear so much pain throughout their life that it is amazing they can live through it.

No family is safe from family problems. Even with the best intentions, they can happen. Relationships require work, and because being in a family involves having a few different relationships, issues can easily arise. This article will take a lot at how to solve family problems that often occur.

How To Solve Family Problems resulting From Money Issues

There are two main issues that occur with money in a family situation.

1. Too Much Money

A wealthy family doesn’t seem like it would have any issues, but the truth is that many kids and other family members become spoiled when there is too much money in the family and then become dependent and incapable of looking after themselves. This type of dependency on other people’s money can create so many problems, not just in their life but in their entire family’s life.

For instance, when the parents both die, and there is more than one child set to receive the inheritance, this dependency to money, and being taken care of, can literally cause siblings to be aggressive towards each other in a way that tears the family apart after the death.

The solution is to teach and practice independence in the family. It doesn’t matter if you have billions of dollars, both the adults and the kids need to bring their own money into their life through services they provide to the world. Kids need to earn their money from their parents, and when they are old enough they need to earn their money from the world. This helps create kids who contribute to the world in a positive way, and keeps the adults level-headed as they go through life.

2. Too Little Money

Issues can also happen when there is too little in the family. A family that has too little money can adopt values that money needs to be viewed in an unhealthy way, which ends up creating a household where money being scarce is the norm. I’m sure you know someone who grew up with the mentality that money is scarce and the most valuable thing around, as well as the most evil!

A lack of money can put a family in a very stressful situation where kids need to take on more than they should. They may need to babysit, work, or take on adult chores in order to maintain a family balance. And, again, this mentality causes family members to fight excessively to receive any bit of the inheritance that they can when someone passes away.

The solution to this is to instill practical values towards money, and that starts with the parents. They also need to instill a sense of fun and happiness despite not having all the latest toys or going on vacation.

– They may need to downsize to a smaller place.
– They may need to eat in more often than eating out.
– They may need to take on a second job where the entire family can be involved.

Thinking outside of the box as a family can help bring in extra income through ways they had never thought of before, and it can teach children an entrepreneurial spirit that carries them forward to a career that may earn them more than enough money. For instance, try thinking about online ventures you can take to earn money as a family or ways you can earn money in your community.

How To Solve Family Problems Resulting From Sickness In The Family
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have someone sick in the family. There are different extents of this family problem, so let’s talk about how to handle each one.

1. Disability

My friend’s grandfather was in an accident when he was a young miner. He was confined to a wheelchair and his wife had to suddenly take on much more than she bargained for with 5 kids and a husband to take care of. She took care of him until he died 10 years later.

I have another friend who has a brother that was born with a rare genetic defect. This caused him to lose his speech, comprehension, and ability to walk by the time he was 5, and her parents were put in a position where they had to take on a disabled child along with their busy lives. They are still taking care of him to this day, and he is now 45 and living in a long-term care home.

Disability is often a sudden thing, and families need to discuss concerns, talk about what needs to be done, and have an open table for discussion when things are not working out for one person. You can’t expect kids to take on big issues, such as looking after someone with a disability and their personal needs; however, you can expect them to help around the house and contribute to the overall cleanliness and functionality of the house. Moreover, any questions they have need to be answered so they can deal with the issue rather than struggle with it.

2. Chronic Illness

This is tough for a family to adapt to. I have someone in the family who was diagnosed with Lupus years ago. I was younger, and I observed other people in the family to see how I should deal with the diagnosis. I thought he was going to die quickly because that was our family’s general opinion, but he has managed to live much longer than anyone expected, and he seems to be able to work through any issues he has from the Lupus and carry on.

You never know how a chronic illness is going to play itself out, but the family has to be supportive and understanding of the person to avoid hurt feelings and grudges. The person with the chronic illness may develop a very unhealthy way of approaching the illness, which can cause other family members to be hurt and excluded from their life, but besides communicating your concerns to that person, there is not much you can do. Acceptance of what is happening and how your family member feels can help you deal with what is happening.

3. Death

So many family problems can occur from death. As we talked about, inheritance becomes a big issue. This is even more true if only one parent dies and the other parent ends up remarrying down the line. Many people who except to receive their remaining parent’s inheritance can lose everything to the new wife or husband.

My parent’s neighbors dealt with this recently. The husband’s mother passed away and remarried a woman who turned out to be a gold digger. The father changed the will, left everything to her, and died not long after remarrying her. She didn’t give his kids a penny, and that caused not only a lot of stress on the kids, but it also caused a lot of conflict between the entire family on what was right and what was wrong when it came to someone else’s money.

Other problems include:

– Separation of family: Often the person who died was older and was keeping the family together in some way. I’ve seen this time and time again. Siblings will disperse, holidays will be spent separately, and visiting becomes non-existent. The sense of family disappears with the death of one person.

– Focusing more on the dead than the living: It can be hard to lose someone in the family, but there are still other family members remaining. If you lose your child, for example, and you have other children, it is important to put your focus on the children that are still around so they don’t feel neglected and left alone during a time that is very hard for them to deal with. Pulling together during a death is much more beneficial than drifting away.

The only way to solve issues that occur from death is to iron them out beforehand. Yet so many people want to leave the details until later because they feel it is disrespectful to discuss the death of someone who is standing there in front of them. Let’s get clear on this – everyone in your family is going to die. If you are tied to them in a way that you will be receiving something from them when they do, then you need to discuss how exactly things are going to be handled in all scenarios. Moreover, you need to view their death as a loss of someone you love, not a gain to get their stuff.

How To Solve Family Problems Resulting From Abuse In The Family

This is a tough one. Abuse can occur in the immediate home and it can occur to children and siblings as they branch off into their own lives.

As far as abuse in the home, it can have a major impact on a child’s personal development and self-worth. This is true whether the abuse is happening to a parent or to them. They can become withdrawn and depressed and have to take on issues that no kid should have to take on.

When it comes to how to solve family problems of abuse, there is only one answer: someone has to step up and say ‘no’ to the abuse.

If it is in a family home setting, the adult being abused has to be strong enough to say no for themselves and for the kids, and then move everyone away from the abuse.

If it is in your child’s home or sibling’s home or other family member’s home, and they won’t do anything about it, then the proper people have to be called. If there are kids involved, you must phone Child Protective Services. It will be hard because you will feel that you could be making things worse or creating more distance in a relationship with someone you are already not seeing enough as it is, but the kids need to be protected and CPS is the first step to that happening.

Just remember that not all people are going to leave an abusive relationship, no matter how much you love them or try to convince them to leave. You have no control over what they do, but you can get the authorities involved whenever you see an opportunity to try and approach the issue in another way.

How To Solve Family Problems Resulting From Unhealthy Relationships

1. In The Immediate Family

When two people start off with an unhealthy relationship, all sorts of family problems are going to occur. There will be the couple not getting along and practicing unhealthy relationship habits with each other, and if kids are brought into the equation, then they will suffer from the unhealthy examples they are being exposed to.

However, unhealthy relationships can develop between siblings and between parents and children even after healthy ways of relating are implemented into the family. I have seen sibling molestation happen. I’ve seen parents and siblings have to deal with kids who get into trouble with the law, act out, and become alcoholics or drug addicts. I’ve also seen mental health issues arise in family members and get ignored in a hope that they will go away. And, I’ve seen fathers treat their daughters or sons with little to no respect and hurt them with the way they relate to them.

All of these things can happen, and you can’t undo them after they have, but you can start taking action right now on working towards fixing them, not just for the entire family but for the individual as well. Unhealthy issues going on in the family and unhealthy relationships need to be fixed in order to fix the family dynamic and avoid future problems.

Communication, being honest, and offering support are all things that family members can do for someone who is having a problem. And, in extreme cases, such as molestation, abuse, or addictions, professional help needs to be sought out.

2. With The In-Laws

When two families have to come together, that can cause a lot of problems. Different ways of approaching life can cause a lot of problems between in-laws, which can cause a lot of problems in the immediate family as well.

One of the men in my family was disliked by his father-in-law because he didn’t agree with how he was raising his child. This ended up sparking a 5-year feud where the wife had to choose between her husband and her dad for every holiday and celebration. It was extremely stressful for her and her child, and it resulted in a lot of time spent apart from her husband and her dad – time that she can’t ever get back.

The only way to solve this family problem is by one person having the strength to let go of their ego and compromise with the in-law. In the case of the family members above, the father-in-law approached the husband and declared that it was time they put their differences aside for the sake of the child. The son-in-law agreed, and they shook hands and started respecting each other for their differences rather than hating each other for them.

3. In Blended Families

Lastly, when two people get married bringing their own kids into the marriage, things can get very complicated. Favoritism can occur, resentment can fester, and unhealthy ways of relating to each other can become commonplace.

The way to solve this falls squarely on the parent’s shoulders to demonstrate healthy behavior and lay down the rules to implement a healthy way of living with each other. If they can find ways of making all the kids feel special and demonstrating real family values, such as respect, love, and support, then a blended family can become extremely happy and healthy.

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