What should you do when you feel like giving up on love? Should you throw your hands up in the air and admit that love just isn’t for you? You could. But if you do, you would be doing yourself a very big disservice. Love benefits your life in so many different ways that giving up on it will have a major impact on your happiness and health. Research has shown that feeling loved can impact how fit you are, how long you live, how happy you feel, how strong you are, and much more. In short, love impacts your life in a big way!
If you feel like giving up on love, you have probably been rejected and feel a lot of pain in your heart right now. Here’s what you need to do so that you don’t give up on love.
1. Redefine What Love Means To You
Many people can’t find romantic love and that is when they say that they are giving up on love altogether. While romantic love can sometimes feel a little different than other love, it’s important to recognize that love is still love. You have to keep your heart open to loving your friends, your family, and people in general. The love of a really good friend can be just as beneficial as the love of a romantic partner.
When you tell yourself that you are giving up on finding romantic love, you tend to close yourself off, even to people who want to love you in a way that will benefit you. Your ‘no love’ sign gets hung out and you do what you can to keep yourself closed off from love so that you won’t get hurt or feel the pain again of not finding the type of love you want.
Romantic relationships and other intimate relationships are different mainly because one has physical intimacy while the other doesn’t. There are people who define themselves as asexual, which simply means that they are not looking for a sexual relationship. Does that mean they do not experience love? Of course not! Love is not about being in a romantic or sexual relationship. It is about loving someone, caring about them, having them care about you, and feeling a connection with them. So don’t define love solely as romantic love. Keep your definition of love wide open so that giving up on love is not something that you consider.
2. Recognize Your Value
A lot of people give up on love because they don’t feel valuable enough. They don’t feel like they deserve love or that they are worthy of having the kind of love that they want in their life. That’s complete crap. Everyone is worthy of love. Everyone is valuable enough to experience the kind of love that they want.
When you start to tell yourself that you are not valuable, you start to act as if you are not valuable. For instance, if someone comes up to you and gives you a compliment, and you don’t think you’re valuable enough to receive the compliment, then you are going to shut them down before they even get started. You will not accept the compliment into your life. And the same goes for love.
If you do not feel like you are valuable enough to be loved, then you are not going to allow love into your life – even if it is knocking on your front door. This is why you always have to remind yourself of how worthy you are of love. Every day, list out the reasons why you are worthy of finding and receiving love to keep it clear in your mind, and never stop believing that truth no matter what happens in your life.
3. Get Yourself Into A Higher Emotional State
If you don’t feel like you are ever going to be loved, then emotionally you are probably in a very low state. You may feel something like guilt, shame, grief, fear, or even anger. Those are very low energy emotional states to be in. It’s very hard to get yourself into a higher state, such as acceptance or reason, because you are focused on thoughts that help you maintain your current emotion.
For example, if you are feeling grief over a relationship that has ended, you’re not going to be able to keep your eyes open for love. Your focus is on grief, so you will interpret things that you see in a way that matches your current state. You may see two people in love and feel grief over not having that kind of love yourself. If you are in a state of love, however, then two people in love will have a much different meaning for you.
The bottom line is that you need to raise up your emotional energy in order to put yourself in the place where you will receive and give love freely. Emotions such as reasoning, peace, acceptance, and gratitude are much closer to love and will help you see things much differently in your life.
4. Stop Trying To Dictate How And When Love Will Come
If you feel like giving up on love, then you must want love to happen now (or maybe even a week ago). You may have decided that because you are not in a loving relationship right now, that you are never going to be in a loving relationship. That’s ridiculous. Just because you are not doing something now does not mean you will never do it in the future. You have no idea what the future holds.
Always remember that love cannot be forced. It cannot be dictated. It cannot be written into your planner and scheduled on a certain date. When you live with the belief that love runs on its own timetable, you will feel less like giving up on love and more like keeping yourself open so that when it comes you can receive it.
5. Don’t Compare Love Notes
A lot of people think that because their friends or family are experiencing a lot of love that there is something wrong with them when they are not. This comparison makes finding love a competition, which isn’t a fun way of approaching love.
When you feel like you are behind in love, you are going to be lower down on the emotional scale and be stuck in a place where it will be hard to let love into your life. You will be focused on fear or regret, which means that you won’t be able to see love when it appears.
We are all on different paths in life, so comparing yourself to the next person is pointless. We all need to go through different things depending on what our mindset or beliefs are.
Moreover, maybe they are not very happy with their love life. Maybe they are not showing you how miserable they feel or unloved they feel. Maybe your perception of how lucky they are is completely different than their perception of how lucky they are. You’ll never know unless you get into their head and read their thoughts, which won’t happen. So don’t bother making up stories in your head about how happy or how lucky they are and how unhappy or unlucky you are; instead, focus on your life and making it the best life possible.
6. Define How You Feel Loved
According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, we all feel love in a different way. Some of us feel loved when people do things for us, some of us feel loved when people spend time with us, some of us feel loved when we receive physical attention, words of affirmation, or gifts. When do you feel most loved? This is an important question to ask yourself so that you can do things and form relationships that actually make you feel very loved in your life.
For instance, if you enjoy quality time with people and feel loved when people are willing to spend time with you, then that is something you need to focus on. Spend more time with your friends or family members. Spend time with people who mean something to you. Spend quality time listening to someone who needs to talk or visit or feel valued. Go out to find ways to make quality time an important part of your life, and you will feel as if you have a ton of love in your life.
7. Start Focusing On Making This Moment Count
Instead of longing for something that you don’t have, which will keep you in the state of negativity, focus on this moment and make it count. Focus on laughter, having fun, being positive, and radiating the type of love that you want in your life so that others can feel it when they are around you.
When you can focus on the present moment and feel grateful for what is happening, you can stop focusing on any lack that you feel in your life. In fact, that lack will probably disappear or minimize to such a small amount that you will hardly notice it, because you will feel blessed, happy and even loved.
8. Start Focusing On Self-Love
You have probably heard that if you are not happy with yourself, nobody else can make you happy. On some level this applies to love too. Yes, other people can make you feel important and valued in their life, but if you do not love yourself, then you will never believe that other people love and value you because your view of yourself won’t let you see anything different.
Self-love means treating yourself well, talking to yourself well, and taking care of yourself the best you can. It means enjoying time with yourself and being happy with who you are and what you are doing.
The bottom line is that if you can love yourself, then you can be happy with yourself, and when you are happy with yourself, you become more lovable to other people. Other people see how great you think that you are and believe that there must be something really great about you. It’s a great way to attract interest from other people and form new relationships.
9. Keep Your Eyes Open For Love
When you feel like giving up on love, one of the best things to do is keep your eyes wide open for love. Don’t stop looking simply because you feel like it’s not out there. If you close your eyes, you are guaranteed not to see it. But, if you keep them open, you may just meet one person who has the potential to light your whole life up with as much love as you can handle.
The truth is that you are much more likely to find love if you are looking for it. You stay tuned into the possibility of love, and your love radar is constantly noticing and assessing the people who come into your life.
Again, don’t just look for romantic love. Look for like-minded people and kindred spirits, and don’t judge anyone as being unacceptable in your life until you actually give them a fair shake. You never know the true nature of someone until you get to know them, so keep your eyes and your heart open until they give you a reason to look elsewhere.
10. Remind Yourself Of How Bitter You Will Become
When you feel like giving up on love, go out and find someone who also felt like that. Find someone who gave up on it and has never bothered to look for love again. Talk to them, spend some time with them, and then decide if you really want to become like them.
Everyone I have ever met who says they gave up on love is bitter and miserable. Their opinion of other people and even themselves is very low. They don’t see the joy in things. They don’t celebrate other people’s happiness because they are not happy themselves. Their life is full of anger. And they don’t even try to see things from a loving way anymore. They are who they are and they believe that they will always be that way. That’s what giving up on love looks like.
The fact is that if you give up on love, you will become just like them. Your life will be miserable and meaningless and you will just be passing the time until it is over. Is that really a life worth living? I don’t think so. To me, it’s a waste of a life. I would much rather be open to love and all the things that I have to be grateful for in my life.