How to build a stronger relationship
Everyone in an intimate relationship should constantly be working towards a stronger relationship. If you are not doing something to make your relationship stronger, then you are likely doing something to make your relationship weaker. The fact is that relationships require constant maintenance to stay in working order. The following ten tips all work to help boost the emotional and physical intimacy you have, which creates a stronger bond that results in a healthier and stronger relationship.
1. Express Your Love
Sounds simple, but a lot of people forget to express their love to each other. I’m not just talking about saying ‘I love you,’ because that can get old and meaningless very quickly. I’m talking about doing things that show how much you love your partner and your relationship with them. When your words and actions align, then your partner will feel loved, which will help contribute to its strength.
Expressing love can be as simple as listening to your partner when they need to talk, but there are thousands of other things you can do in your day to show them how much they mean to you. For instance, you can:
– Have patience and be kind to them during times of struggle.
– Support them in their ventures or plans in life.
– Let them be who they are without criticizing them or trying to change them.
– Help ease their stress and struggle in life in whatever way you can.
– Remind them why you love them as they perform tasks that you appreciate.
– Surprise them with something they will love, just because you can.
I’m sure you can think of different ways to express your love to your partner. I highly recommend doing at least one thing a day. Making it a habit will help you always remember how much you love them and remind them how much you love them.
2. Treat Them As You Want To Be Treated
This is a rule for relationships that not many people follow. They do things to their loved ones that they would never want to be done to them, yet they can’t understand why their relationship is suffering.
It takes some practice to see clearly what you are doing that you wouldn’t want to be done to you. But once you open up your awareness, you will always be able to see those unwanted words, actions, and behaviors that you may not be aware of right now.
To open up your awareness right now, get clear on what you don’t want done to you. Write your thoughts down, decide if you are doing those things to your partner, and find some solutions to stop doing them if you are.
For instance, you may not want to be put down in your relationship. That’s a good expectation to have for yourself. Now, ask yourself if you are putting down your partner at all? If you are, how can you stop doing that? How can you be more supportive? The next time you find yourself starting to put your partner down, you will remember what you decided to do instead and, hopefully, take action on that.
A strong relationship comes from mutual respect. That’s why this rule works so well. You want to be treated with respect, and so does your partner. As long as you treat them the way you want to be treated, you will both feel valued in the relationship.
3. Create More Quality Time
Do you sit down and have supper together? Do you sit down and talk for hours about things that mean something to you? Do you go out and experience new things together? If not, then you are weakening your relationship in a big way.
Quality time is all about giving your partner your undivided attention. It’s not about sitting beside each other on the couch and watching TV. It’s about interacting, having fun, and strengthening the connection you have together.
Everyone can create more quality time in their relationship. It may mean giving up a few hours of TV a night or doing an activity together instead of apart, but if you make developing a stronger relationship your intention, then you will make quality time a priority and make the time.
4. Use Tools To Create A Stronger Relationship
Always remember that a relationship requires constant work. It’s never something you can put on the backburner for years expecting it to stay healthy and fine. People change week by week, month by month, and year by year, which means you need to reconnect consistently and reintroduce yourselves to each other. If you don’t, you may just wake up to a stranger one day!
Books, eBooks, online courses, relationship counselors, and relationship retreats are all tools that can help you create a stronger relationship. They can teach you new ways to communicate and relate, and they will contribute to a stronger relationship because your focus is solely on each other and improving the dynamics between you.
5. Be Kind To Yourself
I have a friend who hates herself. Or, at least she seems to. She is constantly calling herself fat, stupid, and annoying. She says these things in a million different ways, and she says them all the time. I have never heard her not put herself down. And her fiance is sick of it. Their relationship is struggling because she always puts herself down and he always needs to counteract her negativity with a positive comment. If he doesn’t, then she gets even more upset. In short, they can’t enjoy their time together because she’s always complaining about herself and he’s always trying to boost her up.
Confidence is sexy when it comes to attracting someone, and it is also sexy in a relationship. When you love yourself, have confidence in yourself, and are kind to yourself, then your partner can’t help but be even more drawn to you. In other words, when you love yourself, it’s much easier for your partner to love you.
Moreover, you teach other people how to treat you. If you are constantly beating yourself up, then your partner may start to think that it’s alright to do the same. If you don’t value yourself, then you can easily let them treat you with less respect that you deserve. But, if you are kind to yourself, and expect that kindness from your partner, then they will understand that they must treat you with kindness because you simply won’t take anything less.
6. Keep Things In Perspective
You may think you know your partner inside and out, but as we already said, you and they are constantly changing. And, sometimes they do or say things that can be taken a few different ways, which can cause you to freak out if you take things the wrong way. This is why it’s always important to keep things in perspective.
For example, if your partner says something rude to you, it’s easy to take offense and start a fight. But, when you keep things in perspective and remember that your partner loves you, then you will be less likely to assume they are saying something to hurt you. You will be able to see that their words have more to do with them than you, and you can be more supportive than defensive in that case.
In fact, I would suggest always assuming the best about your partner. Always remember that they are on your side, doing the best they can, love you, and want to be in a happy relationship with you. When you can do that, you can avoid making things into something they are not. That will help you have a stronger relationship with less conflict and more trust, understanding, and patience.
7. Pick Your Battles Wisely
If you get upset about little things and hold in that anger for a long time to come, it’s time to work on your temper. That anger over little things is not necessary, and it can weaken your relationship. Especially since there are always going to be little things to get angry over!
For example, a lot of people fight over their partner’s inability to keep things clean or organized like they do. The truth is that a sock on the floor doesn’t require a fight. If you are not happy that your partner left a sock on the floor, pick it up, throw it in the hamper, and forget about it.
When you get upset over little things, you say and do things that will make your partner feel hurt or angry. If that happens every day, imagine how your relationship will be affected? You will constantly be punishing your partner for being who they are, and that is going to take a huge toll on your relationship as they start to resent you for constantly making them feel so bad.
Therefore, don’t fight about the little things that you can easily fix and get over. It’s a waste of time, and it will affect your relationship negatively.
8. Share, Share, And Share Some More
Two people develop a bond because they share their lives together. They have experiences with each other, learn about each other, and feel connected to the other person on a level they don’t feel with other people. The more you share your lives, the stronger your bond is.
I know one couple who shares nothing with each other. They live together, but they don’t sit down and talk about their day, their dreams, their desires, or anything else. Moreover, they don’t share their accomplishments or their failures with each other for a variety of reasons, including not wanting to be laughed at or put down. They act more like forced roommates than lovers. In fact, their bond is so weak that they both talk negatively behind each other’s back and would rather do anything than spend time together. That’s what happens when you are not willing to share your life with someone else.
If something good happens in your life, share it. If you feel happy, share it. If you feel down, share it. Let your partner in on your feelings, thoughts, and dreams, and you will experience a stronger relationship because of it.
You can even go a step further and share your bigger concerns about your relationship with each other once a week. For instance, sit down Friday night and discuss concerns you each had from the previous week. Maybe one of you hurt the other one’s feelings. Maybe one of you is feeling unloved and needs more affection. There are plenty of different things that will come up. This type of honest sharing can help you understand each other better and relate to each other better.
It is a great relationship exercise that can help stop a lot of fights before they start and avoid hurt feelings that last for years. When you can sit down one day a week and review the past week of your relationship together, you give each other the freedom to express concerns and find solutions for them. That’s a powerful tool for making your relationship stronger! The hard part is you must be honest and willing to receive honest feedback.
9. Stop Talking Negatively About Your Partner
Words have much more power than most people realize. They can make other people feel bad, but they can also cause you to feel differently about the person or thing you are talking about.
For instance, if you talk lovingly about someone, then you are going to feel much more loving towards them. If you talk negatively about someone, then you are going to feel much more negative towards them.
Stop talking down about your partner. It doesn’t matter who you are talking to; you should not be slamming your partner in any way. Any concerns you have with them should be hashed out with them directly, not discussed with your best friend or sibling. That does nothing to make your relationship stronger, but it does everything to make it weaker.
10. Focus On The Positive
Your relationship is not going to be perfect, ever, but that doesn’t mean you have to focus on the negative things. The longer you put your focus on the negative things, the more your relationship will suffer.
Your focus should be on the love you feel for and from them, the quality time you spend together, the honesty you share, the laughs you have together, and how far you’ve come together. When you can keep your focus on those things, you are going to view your partner in a more positive light, have more fun with each other, and develop a stronger relationship in the process.