No marriage is perfect, and all have ups and downs. But, sometimes those downs can be really down, and if you don’t do something to fix your marriage, then you are going to end up in divorce. If you don’t want to end up there, even a little, then you need to do something to save your marriage.
Following are some facts on how to save a marriage that may be just what you need to hear right now. These are truths that everyone needs to remember as they work towards saving their marriage. Think about this: one insight may be all you need to work things out and get back on track in your marriage, so if you are having marital problems of any kind, read all of the following facts.
1. The Littlest Change Can Make The Biggest Difference
Nobody likes change. It’s hard to do. It’s uncomfortable. It requires that you do things you don’t want to do. But, when it comes to how to save a marriage, change is necessary. If you don’t take some sort of action towards changing the dynamics in your marriage, then things are going to stay exactly how they are now and, even, get worse.
This doesn’t mean you need to change everything about yourself and your marriage in order to get a positive result. Sometimes it is something that seems so tiny that it wouldn’t make a difference, but it does, such as being kinder or changing one small habit. Sometimes the littlest changes can have the biggest impact, so don’t knock out any idea that comes across the table for fixing the marriage.
2. Your Routine Matters
In a marriage, you fall into a routine. That routine can become so comfortable, and so deadly. Your routines in life dictate how happy and healthy you are. For instance, your morning routine can set you up for a positive day if you do positive things. If you spend some quiet time organizing your day, you can be more productive. If you spend some time exercising, you can have more energy. And, if you spend some time talking to your spouse, you can feel more connected to them.
How is your routine with your spouse? Are you taking some time to focus on your marriage morning, noon, or night? Are you even taking some time to focus on your marriage at all in your daily routine? If not, you need to shift your routine to add things that make a difference to your marriage, such as spending quality time together, being intimate, or taking on projects together.
Of course, because you both probably have slightly different routines in your day, you are going to have to compromise and find things that you can add to both of your routines, but the payoff is worth it! It just may be the things that saves your marriage!
3. Your Perspective Matters
Your attitude towards yourself, your partner, and even marriage makes a big difference in how you act in your marriage and how happy it is. If your perspective is even slightly negative, then you can have an extremely negative impact on your marriage.
For instance, if you believe your partner is not as smart as you, then you will not act on his or her suggestions, requests, or needs. You know better than them, because you are smarter, so in the end, your ideas are what matter most to you. If that’s the case, your marriage is going to go downhill fast!
The bottom line is that you need to have a positive attitude about yourself in the relationship, your partner, and marriage. If you are being negative about any one of those things, then there will be problems in the marriage, so tweaking those perspectives can make a huge difference.
4. You Can’t Be Boring!
Do you go to the same places each weekend? Do you do the same thing for date night? Do you do the same thing every night? If you are boring together, then you can’t be anything but bored! And, being bored is not going to give you a new perspective on each other that will help you get things back on track.
Remember when you first met? Everything was exciting, which made him or her exciting too. That’s the goal here. Because when your spouse is exciting to you, everything in your marriage becomes much better.
It’s important to shake things up in your life once in a while. Go for a walk instead of watching TV. Do something new on date night that you’ve never done before. Devote one week to a nightly card challenge where you compete to be the best card player ever! Doing new things together helps you to experience new aspects of your partner or highlight old ones that you used to love.
5. You Should Be Laughing Together
Do you barely crack a smile with your spouse anymore? That’s not good! One of the well-known things that can save a marriage is laughter.
Psychologists have found that when you laugh together, you feel more satisfied with one another in the marriage. That can relieve a lot of tension that comes from feeling frustrated. Moreover, it has been shown that men who experience laughter with their spouses feel a higher level of passion towards them! That’s a huge bonus for a marriage in trouble.
This does not mean you should laugh at each other. That can have the opposite effect of saving a marriage, no matter how genuine your laughter is. You can hurt each other’s feelings. One person can feel ‘less than’ the other person, and, your whole marriage can start to fall apart.
Therefore, make time for real laughter. Have some inside jokes that make you both bust a gut. Go to a comedy club. See the humor in as many situations as you can. Make life about having fun and enjoyment and your marriage will experience the benefits of that.
6. Romance Is Important
When you are not having a good time in the marriage, you probably don’t want to be romantic. But it is important to try! A romantic gesture can help you feel more connected to your spouse instantly, which can help open the lines of communication, change perspectives, and create more willingness to save the marriage as you are reminded why the marriage started in the first.
You may be waiting for your spouse to do something romantic first, but, let’s face it, that may not happen. You have to take the plunge and do something first if you really want to save your marriage. You can’t leave it up to someone else, even if they are your spouse. Your destiny is determined by your actions in life, so this is one of those actions that you need to take to save your marriage.
Do something that you know your spouse will love. Buy them a gift, book a surprise supper, or cook a surprise supper. Make them feel loved in some way to help boost the marriage moral.
7. Some Things Don’t Change In Others
When you expect something in your partner to change that simply won’t, it can be really hard on your marriage. The expectations can make you do things that push them into doing stuff they don’t want to do and then they will resent you for it and you will be ticked off when they prove, once again, that they haven’t changed. If you are going to be in a marriage, you have to accept the fact that sometimes change won’t happen.
For example, you and your spouse may get along great in all areas except for travel. You may enjoy going out and seeing new sights and learning about the history of places. It may make you feel alive! But, for your spouse, it may be too much for them. They might rather be at home, where they feel comfortable. And because of that, they will make a trip miserable. They will complain, not want to do stuff, and drag you down during the trip. If you don’t accept that they hate traveling, you will guilt them into going on trip after trip and making you miserable time after time.
Just because you are married, it doesn’t mean that you have to enjoy all the same things, believe all the same things, or do all the same things. You can travel alone, have a great time, and come back to your spouse who also had a great time. You will both feel rejuvenated and alive, which will benefit your marriage in a big way. Accepting your differences is key to doing so.
8. Sometimes You’ve Got To Do It Alone
Sometimes one person will not want to try and save their marriage. It may be too hopeless to them, so they would rather just live in the state they are in and wait for the end to come. If that’s your spouse, it doesn’t mean that you have to give up too.
When trying to save a marriage, it is important to remember that each person only has control over themselves and what they do. They can’t force their partner to do anything they don’t want to do, but they can make some big changes in themselves! And, those big changes can have a big impact on their marriage and the way their partner interacts in it.
When one person changes the way they interact in a marriage, the other person can start to change too simply because of their partner’s changes. For instance, if one person stops complaining so much, the other person will stop being so defensive or angry. Or, if one person starts to be more loving, the other person will start to be more loving too.
Basically, changing yourself means you are not really the only one making changes. A change in one person almost always results in a change of the other person. Always remember that positive changes equal positive changes, whereas negative changes equal negative changes.
9. Negative Emotions Can Hurt The Marriage
If you feel angry, resentful, jealous, or hurt, then your marriage will be affected negatively. Any tip on how to save a marriage is useless if you can’t get control of your emotions, because they will always dictate how you behave in the marriage.
You need to master your emotions that are unwarranted, first of all. That means you can’t make stuff up in your head about your partner and then get worked up about it. You can’t pretend like they are feeling something, just because you think they are. You can’t assume that they are doing the worst, just because you think they are. You need to act on facts, not imagination.
You also need to move your overall general state into one of optimism. When you are an optimistic person, you are less likely to fly off the handle and cause a bunch of problems in your marriage. When you have faith in your partner and your marriage, things will become a lot easier as your behavior will be much more gentle, compassionate, and patient.
10. It’s Got To Be Done Now
You may learn things about how to save a marriage, but if you don’t start implementing those ideas now, your marriage is doomed. There are some important things in life that you simply can’t put off, and fixing your marriage is one of them.
There may be a point, tomorrow or a year from now, where you will no longer have a chance to try and save your marriage. It may be too late for your spouse, and you won’t get to do anything to make it better. That’s when you will feel regret for not trying sooner. But, you can avoid that regret altogether and take action on your marriage today.
Saving your marriage has got to be done today. Tomorrow may be a day where your spouse is swept away with the idea of being single, being with someone else, or just being as far away from you as possible.
11. Fixing A Marriage Requires A Lot Of Time
You need to dedicate time to your marriage and spouse and yourself. You can’t put work, friends, and family first and expect to save a marriage. It simply can’t happen. What you make time for in life is what ends up having results. If you make time for working out, you get results from your effort. And, if you make time for your marriage, you get results from that effort too.
In other words, your marriage has to be your top priority in life. You need to make time to work on it and you may need to drop some things from your life in order to do so. But, if you want to save your marriage, you will have to do it; otherwise, whatever you are putting your attention on will succeed while your marriage fails.