March 27, 2016

11 Things Good Men Wish Women Knew About Being Single And Looking

What does she need to know?

Men who are single and looking have a lot of things that they wish women knew. A friend of mine hears about it all the time on his relationship blog, and he wants to share with you the top things that get talked about over and over again by really good men who are single and looking. If you want a good man in your life, these are things you need to know! They will help you understand where good men are coming from and how you can win them over. Following are 11 things that good men wish women knew.

1. We Don’t Know What The Hell We Are Doing Wrong When Flirting

When good men flirt with you, our intention is to win you over. We are not trying to annoy you, frustrate you, or tick you off. We are simply trying to make it clear that we think you are interesting and would like to get to know you better. So, please don’t treat us like we are idiotic because we can’t read your mind and figure out exactly how you prefer to be flirted with. We are trying our best and you don’t need to be a complete jerk to us.

If you want to help, let good men know why their flirting isn’t working for you or how they can really get your attention. At the very least, they can move forward with that knowledge and flirt better with other women. And, at the most, you may find that they are pretty decent guys who you actually would want to get to know better – despite their inability to seduce you instantly.

2. We Are Not Sure If We Should Be Good Or Bad

Men wish women knew that good guys want to be good. We respect women and want to treat them with the respect that they deserve. But, in our eyes, all women are attracted to the bad guys, so it becomes confusing on how we are supposed to act if we actually want to pick up a woman!

This is why so many good guys come across as untrustworthy. They are pretending to be someone they are not in hopes that it will attract women. Unfortunately, it just repels women because something seems off with them, and often times their behavior is way too awkward.

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How can you spot us good guys struggling with how they should act? The jerks out there won’t be awkward. They are naturally bad to the bone and have no problems being jerks. But, the good guys will have a weird aura about them, and they will feel less natural in their approach, body language, and conversation.

If you really want a good guy in your life who treats you with respect, give those awkward guys a chance. Recognize when they are trying to pretend to be someone they think you want to see, and then let them know that it is alright to be themselves – whoever they are, because you are looking for someone who is good, honest, and doesn’t hurt you.

3. We Are Told To Be Assertive

This is another one of those pieces of advice that land a lot of guys in trouble. We are told to be assertive because that is a manly thing to do and women are attracted to it, but if we do not know how to be assertive without crossing a line, then we come across and rude or arrogant, which scares women away. But, we watch other guys who are naturally assertive win over woman after woman after woman as we scare all of those same women away. It’s extremely frustrating for us good men, but we don’t know what else to do.

How can you tell when a good guy is trying to be assertive and failing? Instead of shunning a guy because he is too aggressive, let him know that the aggression is not winning you over. A really good guy will apologize for being like that and show you who he really is while a really bad guy will give you the finger and walk away.

4. The Rejection Is Making Us Bitter

Many women think that a lot of good guys are jerks and angry towards women, but what good men wish women knew is that many men are just reaching the point of being insanely upset that they can’t find someone to enjoy their life with. We have had the best intentions, but after so many rejections, bitterness can start to set in. That can make us start to talk bad about women, avoid women, take things really personally, and be much more negative than positive. Yet, we still want a woman, so we still try to pick you up, and all this bitterness can come spilling out.

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How can you help? Good men who are bitter need to cure their own bitterness with forgiveness and self-value. But, if you understand why a man is so bitter, then you can help him overcome it by letting him know what his attractive qualities are and reinforcing them so he can slowly recognize the value he has despite the rejections he’s faced.

5. We Think We Are Too Needy

Good men feel the need to get with a good woman, but we know we are supposed to play it cool, so we struggle with our desire to call you, text you, and tell you how we feel. We don’t want to come across as too needy, and sometimes that can cause us to wait too long to call or act too aloof or downplay how we really feel about you. If you would just show us how you really feel about us, then we would be more inclined to call you, text you, and talk to you like a normal person.

I think that women struggle with this too. Women don’t want to come across as needy, so they don’t let men know how they feel. They call less than they want and text less than they want, and they don’t realize that this is sending the wrong message to a guy who is wondering if you really like them or not.

When two people are trying to play it cool, that can often end in things dying out altogether. So, women, if you like a guy who doesn’t seem to be calling or texting or showing too much interest, you may want to ask what’s up. Be straight and let him know that you want him to call or text or show interest, and if he really is interested, things will run a lot more smoothly.

6. We Have No Idea If You Are Interested

Women seem to be great at reading signals, but men wish women knew that they are not as good. We can’t tell if that little smile means you like us or you are laughing at us. We don’t understand why you will talk to us sometimes, but not other times. We don’t know why you are asking us if we are single, but looking not interested at the same time. We don’t know why you say you want to go out with us, but keep saying you are not available to go on a date. Our ability to understand the cues that you are interested or not interested is lacking, and we need some clearer messages if we are going to feel comfortable making a move.

This is probably the biggest issue that men have talked about on being single and looking. We just don’t understand if women are interested or not because of all the mixed signals. Of course, this causes good men to err on the side of caution, in case a woman isn’t interested, which can send a woman the message that he’s not interested at all. And that leads to a slow fizzle out of what could have been.

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Again, if you like the guy, you are going to have to be clearer with your flirting and signs of interest. This will be a huge relief to him!

And if you don’t like him, don’t confuse him and make him wonder if he should keep trying. A simple, “I’m not interested” is all you have to say. Trying not to hurt his feelings may be leading him on, and that just makes good men even more insecure about approaching and dating a woman.

7. We Don’t Want To Be Your Friend

The friend zone is our biggest fear. If we approach you, we are not looking for a friend. We are not thinking ‘oh, there’s a girl I would like to be friends with.’ Furthermore, when we go on a few dates with you, we are not viewing them as chances to build a friendship. We want to date you.

When you treat us like a friend, and we like you, we are not sure what it all means. This is even truer if you hug us and tell us how much you love us. If you are touching us and telling us how much you care, then we think we might have a chance with you, and that is leading us on if you are not interested in that way.

Stop torturing us with your desire to be best friends with us and tell us clearly that you are not interested in us in a romantic way. That we can stop wasting our time and get on to finding someone who is interested in that way.

8. We’re Not Going To Change For You

One of the things that good men wish women knew is that they won’t change them. We may try to make ourselves sexier, more confident, or funnier for a while, but the fact is we are who we are. We may try to pretend to be someone we are not to pick you up, but when it boils down to it, we are good guys at heart and we are going to be that way forever as we revert back to our good guy ways.

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So, if you want a good guy, then pick a good guy. Don’t pick a good guy and then get upset when he is considerate, kind, and patient. Don’t get upset when he isn’t a jerk. Don’t get upset when he doesn’t act like your ex-boyfriends in all those good ways that you used to love. He is who he is, and you are not going to make him into someone any different.

9. We Don’t Want To Give Up On Love

This is an important thing that men wish women knew, even we don’t want to admit it. Even if we are bitter and tell the world that we hate women, we still want to be loved. We still want to be in a happy relationship where we are treated well, appreciated, and have someone to come home to every night. That’s a deep longing that everyone has, and despite our angry exterior, we are scared that it is not going to happen.

If you know a guy who says he has given up on love, and you actually like him, then show him the love he is craving. Treat him well. Be consistent with your behavior. Tell him that you think he’s great. Show him compassion and patience and make plans with him. Once he starts to really feel what it is like to be loved, he may open up to you, and you may find yourself in a relationship where he feels amazing about you because you cracked his shell and gave him what he really wanted.

10. Our Feelings Get Hurt

There is a lie floating around that men don’t feel things, and men wish women knew how bad rejection can really hurt. We are supposed to get over a rejection easily and move on to the next thing. We apparently fill up that rejection by moving on to something else quickly and we don’t feel much from the rejection. But, we do get hurt after a rejection.

All of our experiences in life have affected how we feel about ourselves, and if you reject us loudly in public or in a rude way, you are doing more damage to us than good. So please, don’t be a bitch about it thinking that we won’t give a crap about how you handled the situation.

11. We Would Love For You To Make The First Move

With all of the above things said, it’s obvious that being single and trying to attract and date women can be a struggle. If you make the first move, we will never be upset about it. We won’t view you as being aggressive. We may wonder why you chose us, but that won’t matter much if you are sincerely interested in us. In fact, you will be relieving so much pressure from us that we won’t have to deal with the nerves and questions and just be able to relax and see you for the incredible woman you are.

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So please, don’t ever be scared to approach us if we look shy or standoffish or intimidated. That’s just our defense mode protecting us from being hurt. Our defense mode will melt away as soon as we realize you are interested in us.

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