February 17, 2016

16 Getting To Know You Questions You Should Always Ask

A lot of people don’t want to ask too many questions when they are just getting to know someone. But, if you don’t ask the right questions, then you could find yourself months or even years from now regretting getting into a relationship that makes you completely unhappy. It’s better to get some important answers upfront so that you can move forward with confidence that things may just work out really well if you decide to get into a relationship.

There are some simple questions that will help you get the answers that you want to know. And, if you don’t get the exact answers that you want to know, you will get a good or bad feeling around the answers. If you get a good feeling, then things will likely be good. But if you get a bad feeling, this will be something that you need to delve into further before you make any kind of commitment to the relationship. Following are some of the questions and why they’re so important to ask.

1. Do You Have A Big Family?

Asking this question should get them talking a little bit about their family. Getting insight into their family can give you a lot of insight into how they are going to be in the relationship. If they like their family, then they probably have strong bonds and know how to maintain a healthy relationship. If they don’t get along with anyone in their family, then the issue may be on their end or on their family’s end, but you need to find out before you get into a relationship. If they have a big family and are an instigator in their family and cause all kinds of problems, then the chances are high that they will do the same in your relationship.

2. Are Most Of Your Friends Close By?

The reason for this question is to get insight into how many friends they have. If they don’t have a lot of friends, there may be a big reason that you will want to dig further into. It may just be because they prefer being alone and don’t have a lot of time for friends, or it may be because they are displaying some pretty unattractive traits that push people away from them. Either way, it’s important to understand how they interact with people who they are not obligated to interact with, so you can get an idea of their social skills and how they will interact with you and your friends and family.

3. What Are You Looking For In A Relationship?

You may think this is a bit too forward, but the truth is you need to know if they are looking for the same thing you are. I have many friends who thought they were in a relationship that could progress towards marriage, but it turned out the other person was as serious as they were.

In this day and age, we have lots of options open to us, and not everyone wants to get married anymore. If you do, this will be a big problem if you meet someone doesn’t. That’s why it’s important to get a feel for the general direction your relationship could go if you are compatible.

4. What Are Your Pet Peeves?

You don’t want to move forward in a relationship with someone who finds your whistling or carefree attitude annoying. Before someone gets to know too much about you, you should find out what their pet peeves are. They will be more than willing to tell you the truth, whereas waiting too long could cause them to clam up because they know that some of their pet peeves can be found in you.

The biggest problem is that people are willing to look past their pet peeves in the beginning of a relationship, but later on – when all the excitement is gone, a lot of hurt feelings and arguments will be had over the things they find especially annoying about you (or that you find annoying about them).

5. What Do You Normally Do On The Weekend?

You do not want to get matched with someone who enjoys spending their days off in a completely different way. Why? If you do, you’ll find yourself alone a lot.

For example, if you enjoy staying in the house and they enjoy being outdoors, then one of you is going to be very unhappy if you spend time together. Maybe not the beginning of the relationship when you are more willing to compromise, but when you start wanting to focus on your natural habits and needs again, it’s going to become a problem. Find out if you are a match when it comes to leisure time before you make any kind of commitment.

6. Why Did You End Your Last Relationship?

This is one of the essential getting to know you questions. You don’t want to address this later on the relationship when you have more of a bond because the chances are good they will not tell you the truth. But if you ask while you are getting to know them, when they have no huge tie to you, they will likely tell you exactly why they ended their last relationship. This will give you some insight into what they don’t appreciate in a relationship, and whether or not you will be able to meet a standard that they have clearly set out for themselves.

7. What’s Your Calling In Life?

This question will give you a lot of insight into their plans for the future and whether you think you want to be a part of them. For instance, if they tell you that their calling in life is to move to a tropical island and study flowers, then it’s totally up to you whether or not you want to do that. If they think their calling in life is to help other people and the world around them, then you know your future with them will be spent doing things for other people and getting out into the world and making a difference. If you want to do that then great, but if you don’t then you need to be honest with yourself whether or not you’re really going to have a lot of similarities with them in the long run.

8. What’s Your Philosophy On Life?

Knowing what their overall attitude towards life is can give you a lot of insight into whether or not you’re really compatible. For instance, if they feel like life is one big failure after another, the chances are good that they have a very negative mindset and attitude towards life and you are going to hear a lot of complaining and blaming from them. Alternatively, if they feel like life is one big adventure, then you will find yourself with a person who enjoys doing new things and has an optimistic outlook on life. That could be a good or bad thing depending on your philosophy of life. It’s important to be completely honest with yourself because if you find that optimistic people annoy you, then their optimistic attitude is eventually going to annoy you and affect how you view them and your relationship.

9. Who Helped You Become Who You Are Today?

This question will give you some insight into how self-centered someone is. If they are quick to list off some of their favorite teachers, friends, coworkers, or anyone else who is help them become they are, then you know that they have a healthy respect for how other people influence their life and how important other people are in their life. If they are quick to tell you that they became who they are completely on their own, then you know that they have a conceited view of themselves that makes them feel more important than other people.

If you find that they think the world of themselves, then it’s your choice whether to go forward. But, know that getting together with an egotistical person is rough. When someone feels they are the most important person around, you will always be second-best in their world.

10. What’s The Healthiest Relationship You Have Ever Had?

If you want to get some insight into what they consider a healthy relationship, then this is one of those getting to know you questions you should ask. It will give you some insight into what they consider a healthy relationship, which will help you decide whether or not that is something you want in a relationship or not.

For instance, if they say that the healthiest relationship they’ve ever had was when someone let them go out with their friends whenever they wanted to, then you know that going out with their friends whenever they want to is important to them. Is that something you would consider a healthy relationship? If not, then you won’t be compatible.

They most likely won’t view your relationship any different from their past relationships when it comes to what they want. You can’t expect people to change what kind of relationships they want just because you don’t agree.

11. If You Won $50,000, What Would You Do With It?

Money is often the number one thing that’s couples fight about, and it is a huge contributor to breakups and divorce. We all have a different viewpoint on money, how to spend it, and what we want to do with it.

This question will give you a lot of insight into how they view money and how they spend what they have. $50,000 isn’t a lot of money in the grand scheme of things, so if they tell you that they would blow it, then you can get some pretty good insight into how they are with their money right now.

On the other hand, if they tell you they would plan a great vacation and put the rest in investments, then you get some insight into what they enjoy doing and how responsible they are with their money.

Technically, this question will give you a lot of insight into their life including what they value, how much debt they have, how much debt they want or are willing to have, and what you can expect financially with them in the future.

12. What’s The Most Spontaneous Thing You’ve Ever Done?

Do you want to know if you can expect some spontaneous adventures in your future? This is the question to ask. If the most spontaneous thing they’ve ever done is change taco Tuesday to pizza Tuesday day, then you know that you’re likely not in for a lot of crazy short notice adventures. That may be a good or bad thing to you.

You will also find out how reckless they are with this question. For instance, if they spontaneously sold their house and moved into a hotel, this may be a sign that they do things based on their emotions rather than thinking things through. Again, that could be a good or bad thing for you, but it’s important to know before you get too serious.

13. What Do Your Friends Love About You?

This is an easy way to find out what their biggest strengths are. Or, what they consider their biggest strengths to be. If they don’t have an answer, or if they give you an unappealing answer, then their character may not be up to par with what you are looking for.

For instance, if you are looking for someone who has goals, is honest, or who shows a lot of compassion towards other people, then someone who says their biggest strength is drinking 10 beers in 10 minutes may not be the perfect match for you.

14. What Are You Most Proud Of So Far?

If you want insight into how goal orientated they are or more insight into what they value, then this is one of the getting to know you questions you should ask. The answer will either make you feel really good about them or really bad about them, and it will give you a lot of insight into whether or not your values are going to align in a relationship.

You will find they are completely honest with this because what they are proud of doesn’t seem silly to them. I met one person who was MOST proud of the fact that they had been to the bar every Saturday night for 10 years straight. We were totally out of sync.

15. Where Would You Like To Live Most, And Why?

This will give you a lot of insight into their preferences in life. You will learn what kind of people they like to be around, what kind of food they like, what kind of weather they like, how they view their country or other countries, what they think about their current living status, and so many other insights that will help you decide whether or not they are someone who will match up with you well.

16. Do You See Yourself Having Kids In The Future?

For many people, this doesn’t seem like it should be one of the important getting to know you questions, but it is. This is a huge relationship decision in life, and everybody has a different opinion about it. You need to know whether or not they match up to you so that there is no disappointment or arguments in the future.

Again, not everybody wants the typical or traditional relationship, and you need to be clear whether or not you’re on the same page right from the beginning. There’s no point in being in a relationship for months only to find out you have different expectations for the future when it comes to family.

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