December 17, 2015

7 Common Times For Marital Problems & Some Solutions

Every relationship has it’s ups and downs. There will be disagreements. There will be challenges. And there will be times that you feel disconnected. There are some very common times during marriage for marital problems, but if you have the desire to work through them, you can overcome them with the right solutions. That’s very important to remember! If you are in one of the following 7 periods in your marriage, then you may feel like divorce is the only option, but it’s not. You can work your way through things and come out in a better place.

1. Marital Problems With Troubling In-Laws

The mother-in-law, father-in-law, and all the other in-laws can create huge issues in the marriage. This can happen in two ways – they may mistreat their own kids or they may mistreat their kid’s spouse. Even if a couple is on the same page, problems can still occur if an in-law is intrusive enough. In-laws who are pushy, overbearing, not compassionate, and disrespectful can cause couples to feel stressed and fight.

Obviously there are many different scenarios and issues with the in-laws, which means there are many different solutions as well. Before you solve the in-law problem, it is important to solve your marriage issue from it first. You must get on the same page in order to tackle the in-law issue and find a solution that works well for the both of you.

A few things you must do include:

– Openly express how you feel to your spouse and let them do the same so that you know where you are both coming from.

– Write down the changes that you both want to see with this issue. There is a magic in writing things down that allows you to see things much more clearly.

– Write down the boundaries that you need to put up to solve the in-law issue. Do this without attacking the in-law in question. Just create reasonable boundaries that will help keep them from affecting your marriage again. This will require compromise on both your parts, but deciding on some rules will help you feel more unified on the issue instead of separated.

– Discuss how you each will have to modify your behavior to implement these new boundaries. For instance, one person may need to stop complaining and start supporting their spouse, while the other person may need to speak up to their mother, father, or sibling and let them know what the new boundaries are and then reinforce when necessary.

2. Marital Problems While Pregnant

Pregnancy brings a lot of new issues into the marriage. The stress of preparing for the baby, the difference of opinion in what will happen when the baby is born, the changes going on in the pregnant woman’s body, and the realization that life is never going to be the same as it is now can all cause marital problems that can result in unhappiness and even separation. In short, this is a stressful time for many couples, even though it is commonly thought to be an exciting time.

The most important thing to do is to keep the flow of communication open. Yes, you may both experience feelings of stress and worry during this time, but you can’t solve issues unless you know what they are. Therefore, allow your partner to express why he or she is upset, and then calmly talk about the issue. If you can’t do that, then you may need to seek out a therapist and ask for their help. There are a lot of confusing and possibly conflicting emotions going on right now, and it is important to get yourself on the same page so that you can welcome this baby into your life on a positive note.

If your partner does not want to work on the issue and ends up leaving you during this time, you must surround yourself with a big support system. You need to know that you are not alone and that you will be supported when your baby comes into the world. A support system will help you find a way to stay amicable with your spouse so that you can co-parent when the baby does come, and they will help keep you in good health if your spouse simply won’t cooperate.

3. Marital Problems After A Baby

Things in a marriage will change in a big way after a baby. You will lose time together, your comfortable schedule will change, you will feel disconnected, you will have less sex, you will be lacking sleep, and you may disagree on certain things regarding the new baby. All of this can add up to enough stress to break even the happiest marriage.

If you are experiencing marital problems after a baby, you have to make your marriage a priority. Your baby needs a mother and father who are healthy and happy so that they can learn good emotional and relationship habits, so you can’t put your marriage on the back-burner.

A healthy marriage consists of communication, trust, quality time together, and sex, so sit down and make those things a priority, along with any other things that require your attention. If you have to, schedule them in. Don’t worry about it feeling mechanical by making it a part of the schedule. Your time is precious and by organizing it you will make the most out of it.

4. Marital Problems During A Long Distance Period

Sometimes distance is required. It can be job related where one person has to relocate for a few months, or it can be family related, where one person has to take care of a sick loved one for a few months. Entering into a sudden long-distance relationship can be hard when you are used to being together all the time. It can do much more than just put physical distance between you – it can cause an emotional distance as well and put the marriage at risk.

It’s important to practice healthy long-distance relationship rules, such as:

– Develop a routine together just like you did when you were around each other.
– Talk to each other daily and discuss daily concerns and solutions as you would if you were together.
– Keep each other in the loop about each other’s lives.
– Stay visually connected through Skype.
– Make big decisions together as a couple.
– Laugh together as often as possible to keep your connection strong.
– Find unique ways to connect, such as sending love letters or looking at the moon the same time each night.

If you take the time to create some healthy habits and schedules around your marriage, and maintain them, then the distance may keep you physically apart, but it won’t break the bond that you have together.

5. Marital Problems During Financial Crisis

Your spouse loses their job or you suddenly have an emergency that drains all of your saved money and credit in one swoop. Suddenly life just got a little harder. You can’t buy what you want. You may not even be able to pay for what you need. And the stress that comes from that can cause you to blame each other and get upset with each other, both which will put a lot of stress on the marriage.

First, deal with the stress. You each have to come to terms with what is happening and not wish or want something else to be happening instead. If you accept reality, you will have a much easier time coming together and figuring out what to do.

Second, support each other and create a plan. There should be no pointing fingers and blaming during this time. All that does is hurt your spouse and cause a disconnect between the two of you. Whatever has happened is done, and you need to create a plan to get yourself out of the financial crisis and back on track. It’s very important that you take every step as a team. If one person feels as if the other one is not including them during this time, then the marriage will get even rockier with blame, anger, and hurt.

Speaking to a financial planner may be your best bet. They can help you see options other than bankruptcy or selling of assets. They can help you see the reality of your situation and what you need to do. Moreover, developing an optimistic view of the situation can help too. If you focus on the negatives, your marriage will suffer. Focusing on the negatives does nothing to resolve the financial situation – only positive action will help. Therefore, work to encourage each other with optimistic words and views and help each other get through this time with hope that things are going to get better.

6. Marital Problems During Personal Changes

This is one of the most common reasons for marital problems. When your spouse starts to become someone other than who you married, it can be frustrating. You signed up to love someone for who they are, but who they are was clearly defined. Now they are changing into someone that you don’t really recognize and it worries you that they are becoming someone you may not relate to or even like.

It is important to accept that change is inevitable. It’s going to happen. As you and your spouse age and have different experiences, your viewpoints will change. Your habits, beliefs, and needs may change, and in order for the marriage to thrive, you need to be in it together. You have to include each other in the process so that one day you don’t wake up to someone you hardly recognize!

Each step of the way, communicate your changes to your partner and talk about theirs. Keep an open dialogue on what is going on with your lives and, if need be, find ways to compromise so that you both feel good in the marriage, or just let your partner explore on their own. For instance, if your spouse wants to start traveling more, and you have no desire to travel at all, then work out a way that your spouse can take trips alone and have the experiences that they want without feeling as if they are doing something wrong.

Love your spouse for who they are and who they will be. If you can do that, then you can help them become who they are meant to be and keep your marriage on track for what it was meant to be.

7. Marital Problems During Absence Of Sex

Often the absence of sex occurs when other marital problems are in play, but sometimes it occurs because of lack of time or loss of attraction. For most people there is much more to attraction than physical attributes, but for some people, changes in their spouse’s body can cause them to become less attracted and more distant in the bedroom. Moreover, when time is limited, it may be easier just to go to bed than to have sex.

It’s imperative to understand how important sex is the marriage. Experts agree that an active sex life keeps marriages together. It helps maintain the intimate bond that the couple share, and strengthens trust and commitment to each other. Without it, happiness and health in the marriage can both decline.

Some solutions include:

– Don’t wait for your spouse to make the first move, take action to make sex a priority.
– Make time for sex. Scheduling sex may feel weird, but it is better than no sex at all!
– Create sexy role playing games that allow you to view sex in a new light.
– Take turns fulfilling each other’s fantasies. Honesty and no judgment is the key with this one.
– Seek out a sex therapist to add new techniques to your sex life.

And, if your partner is not willing to try any of the above, and has become completely turned off, don’t despair. It may not be you, it may be hormones affecting their libido. Ask them to go to a doctor and discuss their low libido. Let them know that it is not normal to be uninterested in sex and something may be going on with internally.

Lastly, if your spouse is not attracted to your body because it has changed, then that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Don’t let them make you feel bad about your body because that is giving them power over your self-esteem and happiness. If they can’t come to terms with how sexy you are, then this may be one marital problem that cannot be fixed.

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