Most people will tell you that it’s important to find ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning just to keep the spark alive. While that’s true and important, there is a much more important reason to bring back that fresh and new feeling into your relationship. Your relationship’s ability to last.
In the beginning, when things are exciting and new, the developing relationship is the first priority. After a while, a relationship can start to feel old, tired, and boring. When that happens, the desire to work on the relationship can go downhill and other things become more important. That’s not a good thing!
Relationships are always in a state of flux, which means that your relationship is either getting better or getting worse. When you make your relationship less of a priority, you focus on fixing other things in your life before it, such as work, personal goals, kids, etc. The more things take priority over your relationship, the less likely you are going to focus on your relationship and keep it healthy and strong. And the more you neglect it, the more it becomes a nuisance, not a place of support. Eventually, the relationship may be something you don’t even recognize anymore, and that’s when the idea of separation starts to come in.
Therefore, you need to find ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning for both the excitement factor and for the longevity of your relationship. Thankfully, there are plenty of things you can do to bring back that spark and highlight the importance of your relationship that you once felt. Following are 8 of them.
1. Make Spur Of The Moment Decisions
Date night is important in any relationship, but the same old date night can definitely make your relationship feel a little stale after a while. For instance, every Saturday you go out, and eventually Saturday just feels like part of the week’s same old boring routine that you need to tend to.
In the beginning, any day could be a date day. In fact, any time could be worthy of a date. You never knew when you were going to hear from your partner and suddenly have plans to go out for coffee, a movie, or dinner.
That’s why making spur of the moment decisions is one of the best ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning. It’s exciting to talk to your partner, make an unexpected plan, and then meet up with the excitement that only spur of the moment decisions can create.
A friend of mine decided that she needed more spontaneity in their relationship. Now, at least once a week, she will call up her husband at work and suggest meeting up somewhere after work. Usually, they go to supper and then a movie, but sometimes they meet up for a walk or a coffee. Sometimes, on a day off, she will suggest going on a road trip as soon as they open their eyes. Her creativity to be spontaneous has developed, and her husband always gets excited about her suggestions. She says that every spontaneous date they have is fun, exciting, and brings them closer together. And it’s always a memory that they can look back on fondly, whereas date nights were just something they did and was then put to the back of their memory like other to-do tasks.
2. Go Back To Where It All Started
There will be certain places that meant a lot to you in the beginning of the relationship. A home, a park, a school, a place of work, or a restaurant can all bring back memories of when you first met. And going there can help you feel like you did when you first met.
Time is a funny thing. A boring relationship can seem to drag on forever and feel really old, but a simple reminder of what you once had can instantly remind you why you fell in love with someone and help recreate those feelings of excitement, passion, and intrigue.
My friend from the example above often asks her husband to meet up for a walk in their old neighborhood where they used to walk daily when they first met. When they go, they are both brought back to a time where they were learning about each other and excited for the future, and those feelings help them reconnect and remember why their relationship is so important to them.
3. Allow Your Partner To Be Themselves!
This is an often overlooked area of bringing back that spark, but when you think about it, this is one of the best ways to make your relationship feel like it did in the beginning. Why? Because, in the beginning, you don’t try to tell your partner who they should be. You didn’t try to control how they acted, what they said, what they believed, how they talked, how they felt, or how they ate. Instead, you found it all very interesting. All their unique ways of doing things and thinking were what attracted you to them and made them exciting.
It’s time to let them be themselves again. They’ve probably changed from when you first met them, so there is a lot of new things to discover. I guarantee that if you give them the freedom to be themselves without fearing judgment from you, then you are going to start to see your partner with new and fresh eyes almost every time you interact.
The important thing to remember is that we are always changing on some level. Our experiences are what mold us into who we are, and since we are always having new experiences, there is always the potential for our thoughts, beliefs, habits, interests, and behaviors to change. You can’t stop that, nor should you want to!
Starting today, make a conscious decision to let your partner be who they are, not who you want them to be. If they are not hurting you, then allowing them to be a unique individual will mean there will always be something new to learn about them, and that will make your relationship with them exciting.
4. Focus On Them When They Are Talking
Do you remember your first few dates? You hung on their every word wanting to know what they were thinking. You could talk until the early hours of the morning. They were interesting, and the rest of the room seemed to melt away when you were together. And that is what kept you coming back for more dates until you eventually became a couple.
After a while, you stopped listening to them and started doing other things. It didn’t matter if they were talking, your focus started shifting from them to the TV, the computer, or the other people around you.
Two big ways to regain that focus:
– Always eat meals at the kitchen table with the TV off, all the devices put away, and your phone turned off. Too often we bring distractions to the table or eat in front of the TV. This is something you would never have done at the beginning of the relationship because you were more interested in getting to know each other than being distracted. You can put some music on if you want, but don’t eat dinner with distractions where you can easily shift your focus from your partner to something that doesn’t really matter.
– Make an effort to visualize what they are saying. As they are talking, they are visualizing what they are saying, so by visualizing along with them, you will be more likely to connect with their emotions, understand their viewpoint, and be able to relate to them in a way that makes them feel heard and validated. And, they will feel like you have common ground because of it, which is something that attracts us to our partner when we first start dating us.
5. Get Ready To See Them
This is a simple and short point, but no less important than any other point. I suggest you don’t skip this one if you really want to make your relationship feel fresh again!
In the beginning, you would always get ready to see your partner. You always looked in the mirror to make sure your hair or clothes looked good. You would practice poses to see what looked sexiest and then consciously do those poses while you were on a date. You would recheck yourself throughout the day or night to make sure that you were presenting exactly who you wanted to present to them. Now, you’re lucky if you have clean clothes on and your hair is brushed. Do you see how that can make a relationship feel old and tired?
It does take time, but your relationship is worth it. If you take some time out to make sure you look your best, then you will lose that old and tired feeling that comes with being really comfortable with each other and not caring how you look. Plus, it might just boost the sexual attraction, which will really help your relationship feel like it did in the beginning.
6. Keep Some Things Private
It’s great being comfortable with each other, but when you are going to the bathroom with the door open – or worse, while your partner is in the bathroom, nothing is left to the imagination. And, imagination is key to creating that longing and excitement that you felt at the beginning of the relationship.
In the beginning, you imagined what your partner was doing while they were away, and it always seemed very sexy and mysterious. You imagined what they were thinking, and it was exciting to try and uncover their thoughts. There were just some private things that you didn’t know about them – and it wasn’t upsetting to you, it was nice to have some mystery. This is what you should aim for again.
You don’t want to hide things from your partner, but you don’t need to let them see everything and know every single detail of how you feel or what you think. Use common sense and let some things come as a surprise, and let some things be a mystery that they can use their imagination to figure out.
7. Do Sweet Things For Them
Most people are willing to go out of their way to do something sweet at the beginning of the relationship, but then let their partner fend for themselves as the relationship goes on. In the beginning, we want to make our partner feel good, so we go out of our way to do so. As the unexpected and sweet things disappear, so does the element of surprise that brings out an exciting affection for the other person.
For instance, at the beginning of the relationship, many guys will buy their girlfriends flowers. It’s a gesture that we all know means ‘I like you a lot’ and ‘I’m thinking about you’, and it’s sweet. Eventually, though, flowers stop coming and if their girlfriends want to put anything in a vase, they need to go out and buy it themselves.
Other sweet things included love notes, making their favorite dinner, surprising them at work with lunch, rubbing their feet or back, running their bath, and the list goes on and on. Do you remember the last time you did something sweet and surprising for your partner?
Make a goal to do something nice for your partner at least once a week. This will help recreate that element of surprise in the relationship, and keep it fresh and exciting like it was when you first started out.
8. Live On A Joint Schedule Where It Counts
Have you gotten to the point where you eat separately or go to bed separately? According to one study done on dailymail.co.uk, about seventy-five percent of couples do go to bed at different times!
There are the things that we all do together in the beginning of the relationship because we want to feel connected to our partner. We want to be in the same rhythm as our partner, even if we don’t know why that is beyond the fact of spending the most amount of time together as possible. It turns out, when our rhythm is the same, things go a lot smoother in the relationship.
Your daily rhythm is a 24-hour cycle that can influence hormone release, mental health, hunger, and sleep. When you are on a different rhythm than your partner, they could become annoying to you. You want to eat, but they are not hungry. You feel tired, but they are wired. You can see how this can become annoying in a relationship after a while and cause problems.
It’s time to want to get back to being in the same rhythm to help you be on the same wavelength as your partner. When you are, you will feel much more willing to do the same things together. Having the same urges at the same time will make your relationship feel fun and exciting, and that will help you feel more like you did in the beginning of the relationship.