Many articles on how to get over a breakup focus on reliving the relationship, realizing why it ran its course, and changing the way you talk to yourself about the breakup, and those are all very good things to do directly after a breakup if you want to start moving into a better place. But, this guide will focus on unique actionable steps that you can take to not just start to move into a better place but instantly be in a better place.
After a breakup, life can feel out of control. You are suddenly thrown into a new life where all your previous goals, habits, and plans are slightly different. You no longer are living the familiar routine with your partner. And, you no longer have the support (no matter how bad it was) that a partner can give you. For instance, you don’t have the reassurance that they will be there for you when you need them. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that you are on a journey to a new and exciting life! It may not look the same as it did yesterday or a few days ago, but it is full of potential, and you get the opportunity to make the most of it. All you have to do is move through the chaos of your breakup and get to a new place where life feels really good.
There are things you can do to make yourself feel less chaotic and more in control of your life after a breakup. Following are some steps to help you take that control.
Step 1: Get Up And Get Ready Every Morning
This sounds like such a simple thing to do, but it is powerful! It is easy to fall into a trap of hanging out in your pajamas all day after a breakup. In fact, it’s easy to stop getting up and doing what you used to do when you have to go out. The desire to do your hair, get dressed, take your time to look your best, and spritz on some cologne or perfume can fade and be replaced with the simple need to make sure you got pants and a shirt on and forget about the rest.
How you feel about your life will determine how well you take care of yourself, but how you take care of yourself will also determine how you feel about yourself. Therefore, you can wait to feel better (which may take weeks or months), or you can make the choice to start to feel better today by making yourself a priority.
A few things that you should do every morning include:
– Take a shower
– Brush your teeth
– Take the time to style your hair
– Put on clothes that make you feel good
And, if you can do this while listening to some upbeat music, you are going to feel even better. Upbeat music has the power to raise your energy from a tired, grumpy, and sad mood, and make you dance and sing and feel anywhere from decent to excellent, which is much better than the alternative.
Remember, when you start your day off on the right foot by looking after yourself, you will feel much more in control of your day and on top of your life, which is essential to getting over a breakup.
Step 2: Have A Morning And Evening Cleaning Routine
Whether you live on your own or live with other people, it is important to keep things clean. A messy home results in a messy mind. Moodiness, stress, crankiness, and drained energy are just a few of the negative results of a messy home.
After going through a breakup, you don’t need to add any more moodiness, stress, crankiness, or drained energy to your life. In fact, you need to do the exact opposite and add positive feelings and increased energy into your life, which is exactly what a morning and evening cleaning routine will do.
The Morning Routine
In the morning, making your bed is essential. Your bed is a place where you spend a good portion of your life, so it is important to make it a place that looks comfortable, inviting, and organized.
Imagine going to a hotel and seeing the bed with covers all over the place. Not only does it look used, but it also just makes you feel out of sorts. When the bed is made with tight sheets and hospital corners, you get a sense of satisfaction.
Also, after a breakup, crawling back into bed may be all you want to do in the morning and throughout your day. When you make your bed, you are less likely to get back in it until it is actually bedtime, which helps you get busy living life and stop dwelling on the breakup as you lay around.
The other part of a morning routine is the bathrooms. Your bathrooms are a place where you create yourself into someone you admire and feel good about (see step 1). When they are a mess, you will have a much harder time feeling good as you get ready because the mess will take your focus away from yourself and put it on other stuff that requires work and attention.
When you develop a daily morning routine of cleaning your bathrooms, you will find that your stress level decreases and you feel instantly better about yourself. You will also find out that it is so easy to keep your bathrooms clean when you just take some time every day to organize and wipe down the counters, clean the sink, clean the toilet, and clean the show or tub.
The Evening Routine
This routine is all about your kitchen! When you wake up to a clean kitchen, you will feel much better in the morning, especially after you took the time to get ready and clean up your bathrooms. Your kitchen, besides your bedroom and bathrooms, is the place where you spend the most time, so keeping it clean will help you spend time in it feel good.
In addition, a clean kitchen (and bathroom for that matter) will make you feel more comfortable inviting people over. And because getting over a breakup requires a support system to help you perceive things in different ways and work through issues, you want to be ready for anyone who decides to come over and offer their support.
In the evening, take some time to completely clean your kitchen. All dishes should be put in the dishwasher and cleaned. Food should be put away. The counters should be cleaned. The kitchen table should be cleaned and organized. This way the next day all you have to do is clean up after yourself to maintain a clean kitchen.
If you need some inspiration for this, FlyLady.net is a great place to go. She talks about a clean sink often. Going to bed with a clean sink every night gives you a feeling of accomplishment. Feeling accomplished means feeling successful on some level, and you need to feel successful after a breakup where feeling like you failed in some way is a common lingering emotion.
In fact, having a regular personal morning routine, a clean bathroom, a clean kitchen, and a made bed will all help you feel more successful in your day. When you pay attention to those things, there is more purpose in your life, which adds more feelings of happiness and hopefulness, which will decrease the time it takes to get over a breakup!
Step 3: Start Removing Clutter From Your Life
Imagine a nice, bright open room with a simple sofa in it and a nice picture on one wall. Imagine yourself walking over to that sofa, sitting down, and looking around the room. How do you feel? You likely feel relaxed and calm.
Now, imagine a cluttered room that is blocking the light and hard to navigate through. Find the sofa and sit down on it. Take a look around the room. How do you feel now? You likely feel some sort of tension, stress, or anxiety.
Clutter affects your mind in the same way a dirty house does. In addition, clutter is excessive stimuli, which means that your senses have to work overtime on things that are not important, which makes it harder to relax – both physically and mentally.
The last thing you want after a breakup is to have a hard time relaxing. Your mind will get overwhelmed, you will start to focus on negative things, your breakup will become a focus, you will become anxious and upset, and you will start to beat yourself up over the breakup and the clutter that is making your life feel more chaotic.
If you were with your ex for a while, then you probably have some stuff of theirs that you no longer need or want. Moreover, you probably have some stuff collected from your relationship that you no longer need or want. If they don’t want their things back, then it’s time to take small steps to remove the clutter from your house and get back on track.
Therefore, starting today, start removing clutter. Do one room at a time to make this easier on yourself. As you go through your first room, decide what really needs to stay and what doesn’t make a positive impact on your life. Have two bags ready – one to put stuff that you can donate and one for trash.
Now, get busy decluttering your life and distracting from the current level of stress you have. Another bonus is that your focus will be on declutter the house and not on the breakup, which is a great way to reduce negative emotions over the breakup.
Step 4: Work On Your Personal Growth
The best way to move on from a breakup is to become someone different than you were during the relationship. This doesn’t mean drastic changes. It just means small actions towards your personal growth that help shift your mindset and habits.
As you become some slightly different, you will no longer associate yourself with your ex; instead, you will associate yourself with a new life that you are living and working towards.
Please don’t ignore this step. The truth is that in life you have the choice to move forward, stay stuck, or move backwards. When you are constantly work on personal growth, you are working towards adopting new information and adding to your life, which can only make it better. But, when you sit around and focus on the past (i.e. the breakup) and mull over what you should have done differently or what could have happened differently, you are doing nothing for your life. You are taking away from your current time by living in the past and, if you do it long enough, you will be affecting your mental and physical health in a negative way by neglecting yourself.
Here’s what I have found. Working on personal growth consistently helps you bring new things into your awareness, expand your comfort zone, and helps you perceive yourself and your life in a new way. Each step you take on your journey contributes to this just enough to help you progress even further.
The further you move from your old live, the less tied you are to it. You stop hanging on to what was and start enjoying what is and what will be.
This may be hard to believe right now, but I want you to try it. I want you to find something that you want to work on in your life. It may be your career, your health, your spirituality, your success, you finances, your self-worth, or anything else. Then, create a goal to learn something new each day about that aspect of your life.
For instance, if you want to work on your self-esteem, then look up self-esteem articles online. Watch documentaries that have to do with self-esteem. Talk to friends about their opinion on self-esteem. Soak up as much information as you can, and I promise you that some of that information will influence the way you think about yourself and how you interact with the world. Each step you take will move you closer towards a better self-esteem and a different way of life.
Use These Steps On How To Get Over A Breakup
This may feel funny at first. But, if you were looking for ways to move on from your ex, get over the pain, and start feeling good about your life again, the above steps will help you do that. Make sure you keep them actionable. Taking care of yourself, making your bed, and cleaning your bathrooms and kitchen are all actionable steps you can take.
When it comes to your personal growth, don’t try to change your entire life in one day. Small steps are the way to make permanent changes in your life that help you get over a breakup and move on to a better and happier life than you ever had in your past relationship.