There are some things in life that are hard to say. ‘I love you’ is definitely one of them. It can be hard to say it to someone you have known for years, never mind someone you just started to get to know. But it is an important step of an intimate relationship and the words need to be said at some point or another if you want the relationship to continue.
The truth is that it will be hard to say no matter how much you prepare, how much you know about what the words ‘I love you’ really mean, or how much you work yourself up. Saying the words is not an easy task – unless you have one too many drinks in you (which is a bad idea by the way). That’s why you need to be sure that the person is right for you and that you really mean it before you say it.
This article will take a look at how to tell someone you love them by giving insight into the who, why, when, where and how of the words ‘I love you’. It will help guide you towards saying those words – or away from saying them, depending on who you are with and where you are at in the relationship. In other words, if you are debating telling someone that you love them, read this first.
Who Should You Express Your Love To?
Once you say the words, you commit yourself to that person. You can’t take them back, and you can’t make it seem like you don’t actually care about them as an afterthought. That’s why you need to make sure that you are very careful about who you say the words to.
For example, someone may really want to hear the words from you, but that is not a good enough reason to say it to them. Telling someone who is obsessed with you that you love them is going to encourage them to keep trying to win over your life, which may not be what you want.
If you feel that someone has too strong of feelings for you (like they told you they loved you after the first date), then you are not obligated to say anything to them. You may think that you are going to make them feel better by saying the words, but the truth is that you will just be causing a lot of problems for yourself once you make that commitment to them.
Therefore, don’t tell someone you love them if you are not sure that you do. And, if you have a strong feeling they are not good for you or know that you don’t love them, avoid the words at all costs.
If you have been dating someone for a while who you know is a good person with good values, and you have become closer to them emotionally and physically, then it is perfectly fine to say that you love them. You may not know how they are going to act later on in the relationship. They may be a crazy person who is hiding their ‘crazy’ pretty good. But that’s the chance you take when it comes to love.
Lastly, if you are not sure if they will say it back, don’t let that stop you. Someone has to say it first, and if you truly feel it, then it’s a good idea to let them know before you don’t get the chance.
You can’t let fear hold you back from saying it. The fear that someone is not going to live up to your expectations can be strong, but if you don’t tell them how you feel, then you could lose them and never know if they were the one for you.
Why Should You Tell Them?
I keep saying that you could lose them if you don’t tell them, and this is absolutely true. Saying the words ‘I love you’ is the first step in taking your relationship to a committed level, which means that if you don’t say the words, you will never truly feel committed.
When you say the words ‘I love you’, you are sending a clear message to someone.
– I will be there for you when you need me
– I respect you for who you are and want you to be in my life
– I want to make you happy
– You may make me happy
– I will support you through the good times and the bad
– I have strong feelings for you that are compelling me to share how I feel with you
– I want to spend as much time as possible with you
These are all very powerful messages. They speak of commitment and passion, and that’s what someone wants in a long-term relationship. So telling them that you love them shows that you are ready to be in a relationship with them for the long run.
Another reason that you should say it is so that you can line up your actions with your words. If you are constantly doing things that express love for someone, but you never actually tell them that you love them, then things can get confusing. Actions and words need to line up in order to promote trust. Therefore, when you are not saying the words, they can start to wonder what your intentions are behind your actions. And that mistrust can lead to an ending of the relationship.
When Should You Tell Someone You Love Them?
Experts and people with real life experience will all tell you the same thing: say it when you are really sure you love them. This means don’t say it in the first few dates where infatuation is the lead feeling. When your hormones calm down, and you get a clearer picture of who you are dating, you may find that you don’t actually like them, never mind love them. But, if you have said it already, you have tied yourself into a mess that is going to be harder to get out of.
How do you know you actually love them?
– You will stop looking for other people.
– You will make them a priority in your life.
– You will want to make them feel valued and supported.
– You will want them to spend time around other people you love.
– You will feel a connection with them that is powerful and honest.
– You won’t mind their little quirks because you will admire them as the person they are.
These are just a few of the signs. Think about the people who you love most, even your pets, and you will clearly see what love feels like. If you feel that, then you are ready to say ‘I love you’.
Also, don’t wait too long to say it. If you feel it, then say it. Waiting too long will make it harder to do. Each time that you stop yourself from saying it will make it feel more like a challenge that you can’t overcome, and soon the thought of saying it will be so stressful that it’s almost impossible.
And, if you wait too long, you may end up losing the person you love. This is especially true if they have already told you that they love you, but it is also true if they haven’t. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love them. After so long, it can start to feel like you are being played or used when the commitment doesn’t go to the next level, and that’s when looking for someone else comes into play. When someone thinks you are using them, and starts looking for someone else, then an end to your relationship is not far off.
Of course, not everyone will start looking for someone else. Some people may just decide to move on to other things in their life that are important. Your relationship will feel more like a stressor as they wonder where it is going, and that stress can cause an end to the relationship as well, because we tend to stop doing things that stress us out.
The point is that you are not obligated to say it until you are ready, but they are not obligated to wait for you until you say it. If you know you love someone then let them know. It’s your best chance at having a long-term relationship with them.
Where Should You Do It?
There is some debate about this. Many people will tell you not to say ‘I love you’ when you are being intimate with someone because it seems like something you are saying solely from passion, but I think that depends more on how your relationship has been going.
For instance, if you have had sex before and didn’t say the words, then it would still mean something to someone if you said it during the heat of the moment. In fact, because the pleasure is dialed up, it may even mean more, especially when you say it in a romantic embrace or while looking into your partner’s eyes. When you say it in the heat of passion – or in the moment where you are cuddling them afterward, you are telling someone that you enjoy them so much that you can’t hold back the words any longer.
But, if you don’t want to say while being intimate, or if you are not being intimate yet, then say it somewhere private. Don’t say it in front of friends or family. Don’t say it out at the bar. Don’t say it at a restaurant. If you say it at one of those places then you are forcing someone to act in a certain way.
For instance, if you say it in front of your friend, then you are forcing that person to act in a decent way so they don’t get judged by your friend. If they don’t love you back or are not sure if they love you back, then they will have to act one way while stewing over the information inside. This can cause them to resent you, which is not the reaction you want after saying that you love them for the first time.
Also, when you say it somewhere in public with lots of people around, you don’t give them the freedom to say it back. They may feel uncomfortable in front of your family or strangers and clam up.
And if you say it when you are busy doing something, such as school or work, they may be focused on something else that is happening and feel stressed about the sudden need to deal with this huge revelation.
Therefore, give the person you love the ability to react in the way they want to react to the words. This means doing it while you are hanging out in private, but in place that they can get away if they need to. You have to allow them the freedom to react in the way they want to react. You can’t control how they react to the words, because if you try to you will definitely push them away.
That’s the scary part! You don’t have control over their reactions, and you have to let whatever happens, happen, which may mean rejection. That’s why you have to be sure you are saying it where they are allowed to show you their true feelings.
How To Tell Someone You Love Them
The first time you say ‘I love you’ should be done face-to-face, whether it’s in person or over Skype. That way you can clearly show them your body language as you say it and drive home the sincerity of what you are saying. If they can’t see you, then they may not get the full impact of the message.
Moreover, if you can’t see them, then you cannot get the full impact of their response. You will never know if they cringed or smiled – which is important to know.
If you can see their reaction, then you know where to go from there. If they smile, then you can rest assured that they are feeling affectionate towards you to and keep showing them affection. If they cringe, then you know that you need to pull back a bit because they are not in the same place you are and you are scaring them.
Lastly, you should not say ‘I love you’ in a card or through a text. It also shouldn’t be over the phone. It also shouldn’t be written out on a cake or cookie or something. When you say it out loud in front of their face, you are allowing them to experience the full meaning of the message, and that is what saying I love you is all about.