Anyone can find a certain level of love. People who lower their standards or accept the first person who comes along can easily get into a relationship. They may even be happy for a while, but soon the relationship starts to crumble and unhappiness sets in.
It takes more effort to find love that lasts. But, it is worth the effort! When you get into a relationship with someone who is your perfect match – or as close to it as possible, then you will have an easier time working through issues and making the love stand the test of time.
Remove Your Limiting Beliefs About Yourself, Love, And Others
I have a friend who runs a blog focused on giving out dating advice. Every day he hears complaints from men and women who cannot find love, and most of those complaints are filled up with limiting beliefs.
What do limiting beliefs sound like? They are beliefs that are not true and they limit you from going after who you want or becoming who you want.
For instance, “I’m the unluckiest person in the world when it comes to love!” is a limiting belief. The person believes that they have no luck in love, which could hold them back from taking action on going after someone because they think they will likely fail in one way or another.
Other limiting beliefs include:
– I am worthless
– Nobody could love me
– I’m not worthy of a decent person
– It’s impossible to find a decent person anymore
– Love is supposed to be hard
– All women are mean and evil
– All men are jerks
– I am incapable of changing myself
By getting rid of limiting beliefs, you will open yourself up to a new world of dating and have an easier time finding love that lasts.
Stop Desperately Needing To Find Love That Lasts
Many people feel desperate to find that perfect person. So desperate that they accept losers, users, and abusers into their life. This is the worst way to find love that lasts.
When you accept anyone into your life, and ignore the fact that there are many things about the person that don’t line up with your values or beliefs, then you are destined for disappointment. That leads to an unhappy relationship that eventually ends in a breakup or, worse, stays together and creates a relationship from hell.
For instance, I have a friend who felt pressured to get married and have kids because she was in her thirties and her family was making her feel bad about being single. That neediness caused her to get into a relationship with the first guy she was set up with. He was a jerk. We all knew it. But her neediness to get married and have kids blinded her to the fact that he was a jerk. Now, 10 years later, she is married to him, has three kids, and is being abused and cheated on.
The point is that when you don’t feel the need to find someone, you can see people for who they are and only accept someone into your life who really demonstrates the traits and qualities that a lifetime partner would have.
Create A Checklist For Love
One of the best ways to make sure you find the right match is to create a checklist that helps you determine who you are really looking for. When you can clearly see what you want in a partner, you will be less likely to accept people you don’t want.
Getting clear on what you want also helps you activate your selective attention. Selective attention is activated when you focus on a new thing or quality. For instance, when you want a new car, and you are specific about what you want, you will start to see the car everywhere. Your selective attention can pick out that car in a crowd of cars. It works for your perfect match too!
Therefore, think about past relationships and what went wrong, and make sure you include those things on your list. For instance, if someone from your past drank too much, and it caused a lot of problems, make sure you write down that you want someone who doesn’t drink too much. While some things you may be able to bend on a little, there should be some serious must-haves for your perfect match.