Think that relationship failure is an obstacle to your success? Think again! While relationship failure can often be the most painful of all the failures, it also contains the most amount of lessons for success. In other words, relationship failure leads to success. That’s why it is better to have a relationship, whether it be an intimate, friendship, or business related relationship, and have it end, than not have that relationship at all.
That’s not to say that some relationship failure is not deadly. You can meet the wrong person who takes the relationship failure hard and makes ruining your life a mission of theirs, to the point that things can get abusive and scary. I’m not trying to minimize the danger that some failure of relationships can have. But, I do want to make it clear that, for the most part, relationship failure leads to success in future relationships as well as life.
The Wrong Way To Look At Relationship Failure
While relationship failure can help every area of your life become stronger, many people let it turn their life into a horrible mess. That’s because failure in a relationship doesn’t just feel bad, it feels downright painful. You lose someone, you have to deal with moving on with your life, and you have to face a future where you need to go through the getting to know people and the relationship process all over again.
When you look at it that way, it’s no wonder you can fall into a pit of despair that makes all relationships seem depressing and not worth it. But, there are other ways to look at relationship failure that will help you get the success you really want.
Failure In Intimate Relationships
I don’t know too many people who have not failed in love. Dating is one of the biggest risks you take in life, and for the first little while you will find yourself falling in love quickly and then breaking up just as fast. Sometimes it is just one thing that causes the relationship to fall apart and sometimes it is a number of things that causes the relationship to fall apart, but either way one thing is for sure – you failed.
So many people take a failed relationship and let it bring them down. They let it impact how they feel about themselves and let it dictate what they have to offer other people.
People who let failure bring them down get into the next relationship and do the exact same things they did the last time. And when they end up failing again, they blame themselves and adopt a bitter view of dating and their ability to find love. And that makes failure even more likely for their next relationship.
Someone who enters this circle is never going to get out because they are letting their failed relationships beat them down. Their confidence is getting lower and lower, and that is affecting their whole life negatively, which in turn affects their dating life even more negatively.
For instance, giving up on love can cause you to give up on finding financial success. I often hear people say, “Who cares if you are rich if you have no one to share it with!” That belief can affect your motivation towards your goals, cause you to backtrack and even get stuck in your career, and keep you from getting the life you want and deserve.
But, someone who sees the relationship failure as an opportunity to have more success next time will continuously improve their relationships and eventually find the one that ends up being the perfect, long-term relationship. They will also keep their confidence high so that the rest of their life is not affected by the breakup.
How Relationship Failure Leads To Success
The only way to have failure in an intimate relationship is to have an intimate relationship. This is good news! Even though it may seem devastating at the time of the breakup, every breakup teaches you a lot about yourself and increases your chances of finding that perfect person to have an amazing relationship with. And it increases your success in other parts of your life. But, only if you embrace the failure. Here’s how to do that.
Gain Insight Into Your Weaknesses
Every time you fail in a relationship, you learn something new about your relationship weaknesses. Maybe you are too insecure, too needy, too bossy, or too distant. Whatever your contribution to the breakup was, you will hear it about it in one way or another. And if you don’t, you can simply as your ex what they think made the relationship fail from your end.
That is easier said than done, but if you want to get into a relationship that lasts, it’s necessary. It will teach you what you need to work on so that you don’t make the same mistakes the next time, and that is what relationship success is all about. When you become aware of the fact that you do have weaknesses, you can fix them and turn them into strengths.
Moreover, you can become conscious of how you are interacting in your future relationships and how you are positively or negatively contributing to them. That consciousness helps you work towards the relationship of your dreams rather than just settling and believing your weaknesses are something that you can’t change.
Gain Insight Into Your Strengths
It’s not all about how much you sucked. There are things about you that your partner liked and was drawn to, and even though your relationship failed, you can figure out why the relationship lasted as long as it did and celebrate those obvious strengths that kept it going.
For instance, you might be a good talker who was able to talk yourself out of situations. Or, your knowledge in the bedroom may have been what kept the intimacy going for so long. Or, you may be a sweet person who treats others with kindness and respect. Celebrate your strengths and move forward with confidence knowing that you have some things already in the bag.
Gain Insight Into What You Really Want In A Partner And Relationship
This is a big one! When you date someone that you think is perfect, only to find out that he or she is actually not good for your happiness, you can add their negative traits to a list of things that help you choose your next partner a little more wisely. When you start choosing more wisely, you start having more success in your relationships.
It’s when you can’t see why someone was not right for you that you will invite that same personality or problem back into your life over and over again. So, if you keep finding yourself dating alcoholics, then it may be time to admit that your failed relationships have a theme, and the next time you get into a relationship, you should make sure that alcohol problem is not there.
Become A Stronger Person
As Destiny’s Chid’s song Survivor says, ‘You thought that I’d be weak without you, but I’m stronger!’ The more you fail in relationships and survive and keep going, the stronger you become not just in relationships, but in all areas of your life.
Your ability to make it through the entire experience (good relationship, bad relationship, and breaking up when things are affecting you negatively), and stay committed to working through the failure and moving forward towards your goal of finding love, helps you gain confidence in yourself, which will boost your success in your other relationships, career, and health.
How Friendship Failure Leads To Success
Nobody talks about breaking off friendships. Growing up I thought that if you became friends with someone you had to be friends with them for life. But, once I learned that wasn’t the case, I gained the strength to break up with those friends who were negatively affecting my life. I can honestly say that breaking up with some of my friends was the best thing I have ever done.
Friendships are a big part of your life. You spend time with your friends, you confide in your friends, you seek wisdom from your friends, and you get support from your friends – unless they are negative friends who are doing the exact opposite of all those things.
Negative friends are draining and take from your life rather than add to it. Let’s talk about how failure with four of the most common friends can help you find the success you want.
1. The Bossy Friend
When you fail with the bossy friend, you gain your life back. They no longer make the decisions and tell you how you should be living your life (and try to control how you live your life), which gives you more personal power to do what you want to do and go after your goals. Failing with the bossy friend removes a huge obstacle to your success.
2. The Negative Friend
When you fail with the negative friend, your whole life will change. Their negativity will no longer be present, which means that you can let your energy move from a state of pessimism to optimism. Without them talking in your ear about how much life sucks, you will find that life becomes a fun place, which will keep your energy high and help you decide that success in worth going after.
3. The Lazy Friend
This is the friend who would rather eat a pizza and stay home than go out and do anything. They keep you from doing the things you need to do for your success and they are a bad influence. Their passion to do anything but stuff that actually matters can affect your motivation and desire to put in effort for the things you really want. When your relationship with them fails, you can get busy doing the things that matter and stop wasting time on doing nothing with them.
4. The Know-It-All Friend
If you have a friend who knows everything, then failure with this relationship is a good thing for your success. You can’t bounce ideas off them because they don’t play the back-and-forth game. Their opinion is strong and firm and your opinions are either nonsense to them or completely accurate. Either way, they don’t help you brainstorm and grow into someone better. Breaking up with this friend will help you stop turning towards someone who is stuck in their thoughts and beliefs and can’t help you become more aware of who you are and what you want, which are two things necessary for success in all areas of life.
How Business Relationship Failure Leads To Success
Finding success in business requires that you form beneficial relationships. Even if you don’t start a business together, working with other people in a positive way helps you get help more exposure for you and for your business, helps you brainstorm ideas, helps you get things done faster, and helps you find more success.
Business relationships do fail all the time, whether it be employee and boss, coworker and coworker, or entrepreneur to entrepreneur. It is important to learn from the failure to move forward for more success. Following are some things to think about when a business relationship ends.
Get Clear On The Give-And-Take
Most business relationships don’t last because there is not enough give-and-take. One person gives too much and the other person gives too little, and eventually the one who is not getting enough walks out of the relationship completely.
If you were on the end of the relationship where you were giving too little, this relationship failure could be the answer to all of your future success. Figure out exactly why and where you were giving too little and put yourself in their shoes. Allow yourself to see you from the other person’s point of view, and get serious about making sure this failure never happens again by vowing to always give more than you take.
It sounds like a loser’s game to give more than you take, but if you meet someone who has also learned the same lesson, you are going to work together in a back-and-forth way that boosts your success very quickly.
If you were on the end of the relationship where you gave too much, this relationship failure will help you see the common traits of someone who is going to bring you down rather than boost your success. Laziness, greediness, and arrogance are just a few of those traits, and being able to recognize them quickly will keep you from getting into another relationship that pulls you away from your success rather than contributes to it.
Gain Insight Into Why Their Success Is Your Success Too
A lot of time we support someone in business until they start to take off and have more success than us. For many people, that feels like a failure on their part and is a cause for breaking off the professional relationship. But, it is a petty cause. When you can see the relationship failure as a result of greediness or jealousy, you can see that the relationship ended on insignificant terms and could have been very beneficial to your life.
When someone you are working with professionally has success, you should celebrate it. Not only did your strengths contribute to their success (which is something to be very proud of), but you are also getting set up to be working with someone who can eventually give a major boost to your success.
This realization will help you keep giving to those people who have achieved success and increase your chances of getting a big nudge or bump into more success than you are having now. It will also help you accept successful people into your life with open arms and acknowledge their success, which will help form a closer relationship where you can learn from them and benefit from them at the same time. When you do that, the blueprint for success lands in your lap.