November 25, 2015

How To Get People To Like You For You

You can easily get people to like you if you become who they want to see. Not everyone, but most people. Unfortunately, that also leads to lower self-confidence and more unhappiness in your life. That’s why getting people to like you for you is important. It helps you feel good about who you are at the core and it allows you to be yourself around the people in your life.

How to get people to like you for you starts with you liking yourself. Why should anyone else like you if you don’t like yourself? Take the time to celebrate who you are and what you have to offer other people, and build yourself up just like a good coach would as you move along through life. While you do that, practice the following things as well.

Start With Eye Contact

This has been my personal trick on how to get people to like you since I was young. Although, in the beginning I didn’t know that it was actually doing that. It’s just the way I’ve always communicated.

I’ve always been good at making eye contact, and over the years I’ve realized that is why people are naturally drawn to me in conversations or just out in public. People feel comfortable approaching me and talking to me and – once we get talking, they are willing to share things with me that they may not share with others, which helps us form a bond.

I’m not saying this to brag. It’s a matter of fact. When you give people eye contact that validates what they are saying and makes them feel important, they are naturally going to be drawn to you.

It’s important to be aware of what you are saying with your eye contact, though. Raising your eyebrows shows interest. Opening your eyes wider at the appropriate times shows interest. Nodding your head as you listen shows agreement. All of these things will help people like you more as they talk to you. But, raising one eyebrow and shaking your head no shows disagreement and will instantly turn people off. So, pay attention to what you are saying with your face as you make eye contact.

Develop Positive Communication Habits

There are a few things you can do to make yourself more likable as you communicate with other people. It doesn’t matter if you talk to them for a few minutes or for a few hours. Developing positive communication habits will help you get in people’s good graces.

1. Get Off Your Phone

One of the most annoying things is when someone is on their phone while you are trying to talk to them. It doesn’t matter how nice they are or how well-intentioned they are, being on their phone is a sign of disrespect – as if to say, “My phone messages and updates are more important than what you are saying.” Therefore, when you talk to other people, get off your phone!

2. Share Something About Yourself

In order to be likable, people need to relate to you on some level. The best way to build that link is to share something about yourself. For instance, if you are talking to someone about their mother, then sharing something about your relationship with your mother will help you build instant rapport with them.

3. Remember Names And Specifics

When you remember names and small details specific to someone, you make them feel important. That is a quick and easy tip on how to get people to like you. All you have to do is remember one or two things, and they will feel as though you have taken some interest in them, which is a very likable quality.

4. Be Encouraging

We all love the people closest to us because they encourage us to go after what we want. Therefore, offer words of wisdom. Offer examples to help them grow. Offer bits of encouragement about how great they are and how you believe they can achieve what they want to achieve. Do that, and you will be much more likable.

5. Flatter Other People

If all else fails, this is a great tip for how to get people to like you. But, like everything else it has to be sincere so that they don’t feel like you are being sarcastic or rude. When you flatter someone, you are praising them for something they do or for who they are. For instance, telling them that you like their outfit is a way to tell them that they have good style, and it will instantly make them feel good about themselves and you.

Move Away From Unlikeable Communication Habits

There are many habits that make you unlikable, but when it comes to communication there are some that will downright kill your chances of getting someone to like you (unless they are an unlikable person themselves). Communication drives home who you are and what you stand for at the core. So make sure you communicate in a way that makes you likable.

1. Don’t Gossip

When you talk about someone poorly when they are not around, people will start to wonder how long it will be until you talk about them behind their back. Even a close friend who decides to gossip about others is cause for worry. Therefore, focus on your own life and don’t talk about other people in a negative light.

2. Don’t Judge

Being a gossip shows that you are quick to judge people. But, little negative remarks about other people – or even little disapproving glances, shows how judgmental you are too.

Being quick to judge people is not a likable trait. No one wants to be judged on how they act, walk, talk, or live. And, if you are the one judging, people will naturally move away from you or avoid you so that you can’t learn anything about them worth spreading. So the next time you want to point out how stupid someone’s hairdo or outfit looks, don’t.

3. Don’t Find The Worst In Everything

Gossip and judging are both negative, but there are other ways of making yourself look negative. People who always find the worst in everything are hard people to like.

For instance, if someone says, “It looks like it’s going to rain!” and you say, “Yeah, I wish it would just go away!” Then you are being negative. You are resisting what is and making sure that you express your dissatisfaction around it. If you were to simply say, “Yes, it will be good for the grass,” then you will be much more likable to other people.

4. Don’t Complain

Complaining is a habit that you may not even recognize you have after a while. It becomes so commonplace to complain, even in social situations where you complain about everything from the weather to current events. Complaining makes everything so much more miserable, and it’s the best way to show people how much of a drag you are to be around.

5. Don’t Blame

Someone who can’t take accountability for their own life is really unlikable. Not only because they are constantly talking about how other people are at fault, but because eventually they start to point the finger at everyone, even the people who are closest to them. If you never take responsibility for your own actions, then people are not going to like you.

But, if you are someone who admits when you have failed, done wrong, or screwed up, then people will be much more drawn to you as a genuine and responsible person. This is a common tactic used by reputation managers to get their client back in the good graces of the public. It’s the only way to really make a comeback after you’ve let people down because it shows that you are owning up to what you did wrong and willing to move forward doing better.

6. Don’t Criticize

When you criticize others, they instantly retreat from you. Criticism makes people defensive, and then they feel the need to justify themselves to you (and even themselves) as their pride and sense of importance gets damaged. They will start to resent you, close off from you, and eventually try to escape being around you. In other words, they won’t like you. Criticism is the catalyst to big fights and feuds that last years – or even centuries.

In addition, when you criticize, you are not just making yourself unlikable, but you are making the premise behind your criticism unlikable. For instance, if you are religious and criticize someone for their beliefs, then you don’t just paint yourself in a bad light, but you paint what you stand for in a bad light.

Therefore, allow people to be who they are. Allow people to believe what they believe. And, allow people to go through life without hearing what you think are their faults or mistakes. Do that, and you will instantly be more liked.

7. Don’t Get Annoyed Quickly

When you are annoyed with what others are saying, they will instantly be turned off by you. Nobody likes someone who finds them annoying. For instance, sales people who roll their eyes when I ask them a question are people I instantly shut off the conversation with. I refuse to engage with people who find it too annoying to give me a few seconds of their day. And I remember them for a long time to come as someone I don’t like.

Be A Trusted Ally

Being someone’s ally means that you are there to support them while they support you. That’s a likable trait. When you are on their side, they see you in a positive light and admire what you do for them.

But, the trick is to actually offer something of value to other people. Don’t be an ally just to glorify yourself and make yourself look better. Don’t just say you are going to support them and then take but not give. Be someone who is honestly on their side and lines your actions with your words to prove it. You have to be willing to offer as much as you are getting if you want to remain their ally and go forward being liked.

Smile More

This is so simple, but so powerful for how to get people to like you. When you smile you can instantly win over others.

First, when you smile, most people will mimic you because it is contagious, which will make them feel instantly better about you. Smiling also activates the release of neuropeptides, which work to fight off stress. It releases endorphins, which are a natural pain reliever, and serotonin, which is a mood lifter. Therefore, anyone who smiles because of you will get a boost of the ‘feel good’s and associate you with that boost.

Plus, smiling makes you more attractive. I have met people who don’t smile initially, which causes me to have a neutral opinion of them. But, when they smile, everything shifts. They become more attractive, engaging, and likable. I’m sure you’ve noticed the same thing. So, use this simple trick to get people to like you more. Just make sure the smile is genuine, because if it’s not, you will have the opposite reaction of what you want.

Laugh More

Some of the most likable people I know laugh a lot. How about you?

People who laugh take a lighthearted approach to life and themselves, and that is a very likable trait. Much more so than people who frown, sigh, and scowl.

And, again, laughter is contagious, even more so than a smile. It’s hard to keep a straight face when someone is laughing, so you will infect people with the laughter virus. Also, the endorphins released will help people feel better, even if they are in pain. In fact, because endorphins are commonly released during touch or physical activity, making someone laugh who doesn’t often receive those things can be a very rewarding experience for them, which will instantly make you someone they want to be around more.

Step Out Of Your Ego

Your ego is a place where you are concerned more about yourself than other people. When this happens, you interact with the world is a way that gains you the advantage, sometimes at others cost. You have to be willing to show that you have compassion for others and you are trying to make a difference, not just in your life, but in the world.

Therefore, pay attention to how you are thinking around others. For instance ask yourself questions such as:

– Am I concerned with myself or does my concern reach a much greater area?
– Am I thinking negatively?
– Am I being impatient?
– Am I truly listening or am I too busy thinking?

You will be surprised at how many times you are stuck in your mind focused on yourself when you start to pay attention to your thoughts.

Lastly, become aware of what is happening around you. When you can do that, you will live less from a state of ego and more from a state of awareness. The goal is to be more present in the moment so that you can give more to others in whatever way you can. You simply cannot give your attention and compassion to others if you are stuck inside of yourself.

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