October 28, 2015

How To Heal A Relationship When Love Hurts

A loving relationship should not be full of pain and sorrow. If it is, then it’s time to take action and work on healing the relationship. In fact, your number one goal should be to create a healthy relationship again because it impacts your life in such a profound way. Your career, success, health, other relationships, and everything else will be impacted negatively when your relationship is unwell.

The Hardest Thing To Do Can Also Be The Best Thing To Do

When a relationship is in trouble, most of us cling on to the other person for fear we will lose them. Even though we are arguing or unhappy, we stay close to them and try to remove the risk of separation. But sometimes a separation is exactly what can heal the relationship when love hurts too much.

It’s hard to do. But, giving each other some space does some positive things.

First, space allows seemingly large issues minimize themselves. When you don’t give yourself any space, negative situations are blown up to be huge situations, and the negative emotions grow stronger day by day impacting how you relate to your partner. But, when you get some space from what is happening, you can minimize the importance of those situations and let your emotions cool down so you can get some clarity.

Second, space gives you clarity that what you were doing was not working. When you are caught up in the moment, you will try to do the same thing over and over again in the relationship because your emotions are fueling your decisions. But, when your emotions are allowed to cool down, you can build a new plan on how you need to move forward and take new, more helpful action on healing your relationship.

Lastly, space allows you to re-evaluate your relationship and your role in it. You may find that you don’t want to be in the relationship any longer. But, in most cases, people realize the importance the relationship has on their life and they get a clearer perspective on their contribution to the relationship, their partner’s issues, and what is going wrong in the relationship. This means that when you come back together to work on your relationship, you can come from a place of love and motivation to make the relationship work.

Work On Repairing What’s Wrong

There is something that is not working in the relationship that has led to the state it is in. It could be a lack of trust, lack of communication, too much blame, too much judging, too much controlling, having an emotional disconnection, or having a physical disconnection. Or, it could be a combination of these. The important thing is to be honest about your relationship and the negative cycles you are stuck in.

Once you get clear on the problem, you need to put in strategies to replace it. If you are not sure where the problem is, you may want to go to a relationship therapist who can help you figure out where it is and help you develop new systems and behaviors in the relationship to fix the problem.

If you don’t want to go to a therapist, seek help from others who can inspire you or give you a new perception on how you can approach your relationship. You will be surprised at the amount of information you can find online from experts in the field of relationships.

While you may be tempted to get advice from friends or family, it is better to get your advice from someone who is not invested into you or your partner. This will ensure the advice is not coming from a bias place that can cause you more harm than good.

For example, a friend of mine comes from a very traditional family who holds marriage and children above everything else. Her husband is abusive to her and her children, and she is not happy, but her family’s advice is to stay in the marriage because they don’t want to bring shame on the family.

Their advice has caused her to stay stuck and unhappy. And while your friends and family may not be as drastic, they will still be invested in you or your partner’s life and that will influence their advice.

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