January 31, 2016

Should We Believe In One Of These Soulmate Theories?

Is my soulmate out there?

We all want to believe that there is someone out there specifically for us, but is there? And if we do believe it, is it going to hurt us or help us in some way? After a lot of research on what people believe about soulmates, I’ve made my own conclusion. However, it may differ from yours!

Let’s talk about some different soulmate theories. These are things that people believe with all their heart, and sometimes they believe it so much that it has a negative impact on their life. At the end, you should have a better understanding of what you really believe about the potential of a soulmate and how you should go forward from here. But, first, let’s define the word soulmate and then I’ll give you my theory.

The Common Definition Of A Soulmate

The most common definition of ‘soulmate’ is so simple that it almost doesn’t require such a big word like soulmate. The definition is that a soulmate is someone who is ideally suited for someone else, either as a friend or romantic partner. To me, that just sounds like a ‘good match’ not a ‘soulmate’ – someone who you connect with on a level of the soul.

My Idea About Soulmates

If you think about what a soul is supposed to be, it is the part of a person that lives on forever. It is the energetic and spiritual part of us that likely had a lot of mysteries locked up inside of it. That means that when we find someone who resonates with us at the level of the soul, then our soul should have a good inclination of whether or not they are supposed to be with us or be in our lives in some way.

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That’s what I consider a soulmate. Someone whom our soul recognizes instantly. Someone whom our soul knows is someone that is supposed to be in our life. Whether they are in our life for a few hours or a lifetime, they are meant to benefit us in some way, and our soul knows that. In other words, I believe that we can have thousands of soulmates throughout life because I think everyone resonates with us on some level.

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A lot of people have their own personal opinion about what a soulmate is, and, in some cases, it can affect their lives in a very negative way. While the idea of a soulmate is nice, it shouldn’t be what governs your life.

1. Our Friends Are Our True Soulmates

Some people believe that our romantic partners are not our soulmates, but our friends are actually our true soulmates. They argue that the connection we with have with friends can often go very deep and have an impact on our lives that our romantic partners don’t have.

For instance, our friends challenge us at a deep level. They give it to us straight, help us work things out, and make us so mad that we don’t talk to them for weeks, but we always reconnect when the anger subsides. Friends are there through thick and thin, and we are less likely to break up with our friends if they do something stupid, whereas we will often break up with a lover.

That’s a good argument for a soulmate! It shows that even though we are challenged by our friends in this life, our soul knows that we need them in order to have the experiences we need, and so they are a constant in our lives in some way.

The problem with this is that we can start to treat our partners or spouses as ‘less than’. They are simply there to have fun with and share a life with, but not necessarily have a connection that we can with our friends. I’ve seen people hurt their partners in a big way because they believe in this theory, and it doesn’t seem fair to think about your partner, who is there for you every day, as less than other people in life.

For instance, I had one friend who believed her best friend was her soulmate. She would leave her husband at home on the weekend as she went out and had fun with her best friend. She would tell her best friend secrets that she wouldn’t share with her husband. And, she took her friend’s opinion over her husband’s.

2. The People We See Often Are Our Soulmates

This is an interesting theory! You know those people that you see over and over again, no matter where you go? You don’t know them. You don’t even acknowledge them. But somehow they turn up at the same places you are, even when you are somewhere you have never been or somewhere really far away! It’s almost as if they were meant to be in your life somehow. Maybe they are there to make an impact at some point, or maybe they are there just to remind your soul that they have not abandoned it. I guarantee it, you will never look at these people the same way after you reflect on this theory.

The problem with this is that you could put more importance on them than they deserve. If they are someone who doesn’t like you, but you believe that they are your soulmate, then stalking and obsessing can begin, and that’s where the problems start. Moreover, if you are already in a relationship, and believe they are your destiny, then that can really hurt your relationship.

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A woman on Dr. Phil claimed that her one-time encounter with a country singer named Kip Moore convinced her that she was destined to be with him. She was married, but she was willing to break up that marriage if Kip would show interest in her. She obsessed about him and how they were meant to be together so much that it was almost pathetic to watch her claim that she loved a man who obviously didn’t love her back. And, obviously, her marriage was in the tubes because of it.

3. A Soulmate Is The Other Half Of Your Soul

This is a theory that many people want to believe in when they think of romantic love. The other half of your soul is out there, waiting for you to find it, and when you do, you feel connected like never before. It’s as if you feel whole and complete when you find that other half, and you become stronger and more capable in this world.

Plato, the philosopher, may have started this theory. He taught that women and men were made in one body and then separated by the gods, which would mean that half of us is still out there somewhere!

The problem with this theory is that some people become obsessed with finding their soulmate. They feel inadequate and incapable without having found the person who completes them, and they spend more time trying to find their soulmate than they do actually making themselves into who they want to be and experiencing life! This creates a sense of neediness rather than confidence, and it can be detrimental to their happiness.

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Moreover, if you think you marry your soulmate, and they end up wanting a divorce down the line, it has a huge potential to crush your spirit! You may wonder why your soulmate, the person who contains the other half of your soul, could possibly leave you, and how you are supposed to live incomplete if they leave. This can cause unhealthy relationship behavior and a whole bunch of problems that don’t need to be in the relationship.

Lastly, this belief can cause people to stay in unhealthy relationships simply because they believe the person is their soulmate. I see questions like this all the time on forums. Someone will say their partner abuses them or mistreats them, but they are their soulmate so they don’t want to leave them. This belief can keep someone in an abusive or unhealthy relationship much longer than they should be (which is one minute or more in my opinion!)

4. There Is No Such Thing As A Soulmate

Many people, especially Christians, seem to believe there is no such thing as soulmates. They believe that God has not made another soul specifically for you. It doesn’t matter how connected you feel, or how drawn you were to each other, it has nothing to do with your souls being connected.

Moreover, many Christians believe that if someone is constantly looking for the one soul who completes them, then they are not living for Christ, but rather for the soul they were meant to be with.

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The problem with this theory is that it is kind of lacking hope. It’s nice to think that someone or a few people are out there who we are completely compatible with. It’s nice to know that other people out there could have our back and know us at an intimate level that we are not even aware of yet.

5. Anyone Could Be Our Soulmate

Of course, some people believe that a soulmate doesn’t have to be labeled or even known. It could be a mother, father, sister, brother, friend, or lover. It could even be a co-worker that we are drawn to and only associate with at work. They believe that they are there, somewhere, in our lives working to help us create the life we want and vice-versa, and we may never know who they are.

This is another theory that could cause us to put more importance on some people than needed and less on others. As we try to go through life guessing who our soulmates really are, we may not focus on relationships that really matter in our lives the way we should. And stalking and restraining orders can work their way into this belief as well.

Should We Believe In Soulmates?

It’s nice to think that there are people out there who are meant to be in our lives, but bogging down our mind with the belief that we have a soulmate waiting for us, and that we haven’t found them yet, or that we found them and we are about to lose them, is not healthy. It detracts from who we are, what we are capable of, and what we do on a daily basis.

Moreover, it keeps people out of our lives who we don’t believe are our soulmates. We push them aside as we focus on the people that ‘really matter’, and that causes us to lose out on some relationships that can benefit our lives in an amazing way. For example, I’ve seen many people push friends out of their lives because they had found their soulmate and finally felt complete, so much so that they had no room for friends anymore.

And, many people think they find their soulmate only to realize they didn’t after a few years. This can be depressing and a major focal point in some people’s lives.

For example, one woman I know was so depressed that she had wasted 15 years on a man who wasn’t her soulmate that she never recovered. She has grown into a bitter woman who will not even consider the possibility that love is out there for her anymore, and she has convinced herself that unlike other people, she was doomed to have no soulmate in her life and suffer for as long as she lives.

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I know that sounds extreme, but the disappointment of admitting that someone actually wasn’t your soulmate, when you really wanted them to be, can do that to you! It can make you feel like you wasted time or are incapable of finding the one that you are supposed to be with, which is a real blow to your confidence and value in life.

Perhaps it’s better to believe in love and the potential for everyone to benefit us in some way, which in a way makes everyone our soulmate. Believing that we are all one and connected in some way can help you develop a healthy sense of respect for everyone, and ensure you take care of your relationships with your friends, family, lovers, and even strangers. It seems like a much better way to live than focusing on one or a few people who are supposed to matter the most in our lives.

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