Everyone can relate to unrequited love. We have all loved someone who doesn’t return that love or even know that we love them in that way. Many of us have also been loved by someone that we didn’t feel the same way about. Unrequited love is a part of life, and it is probably one of the most painful parts of life.
The problem is that because love is such an important part of life that can make our logical sides turn to mush, it can be hard to spot when we are stuck in an unhealthy version of love. Following are some signs that you are either in love with someone who doesn’t love you back or that you are being loved by someone you don’t love.
3 Big Signs You Are In Love With Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back
1. You Are Loving To Them, But They Are Unloving To You
This sounds obvious, but if you are in the situation, it can be hard to see past your feelings for them. But, you can see if you are willing to look hard enough.
If they are treating you with disrespect, annoyance, frustration, or anger, and you feel that they are always being mean to you for no apparent reason, then they don’t love you back. Nobody treats someone they love like that. They may be pretending to love you. Or they may know how you feel about them and they are putting up with you while trying to give you the message that they don’t feel the same.
2. You Think They Are Perfect
When you get into a state of loving someone so much, even though they don’t love you back, you may be wearing rose-colored glasses around them. Everything they do and say may seem perfect because you idealize them so much. And even if they are mean or rude, you can find an excuse as to why they are being like that, whether it makes a lot of sense or not.
When you want someone so badly because you love them so much, you go blind to their imperfections. And, if the person you love is a human, they will have imperfections. If you are not seeing them, then you need to step back and take some time to think about that.
3. Your Happiness Depends On Them
If your day is good or bad depending on the person you love, then there is a good chance that you are experiencing unrequited love. This is true whether or not they know they love you.
For instance, if they look at you and smile, and suddenly you are having a good day, but then they ignore you later on, and suddenly your day is the worst day ever, you are letting them dictate how your day is going. Your happiness depends on them on that is a sign that something is really off base.
3 Signs Someone You Don’t Love Is Deeply In Love With You
1. They Are Overly Kind To You
They treat you with more respect than you probably deserve. They go out of their way to help you, support you, or show you attention, and you can’t understand why. This is a huge sign that they think you are special and could be in love with you.
2. They Don’t Mind Your Abuse
You can be rude or downright mean to them and they don’t seem to mind. It’s like you are their God, and whatever you do or say doesn’t affect them negatively. Trust me, nobody who doesn’t love you unconditionally or have love-blinders would put up with the way you’ve been treating them.
3. Things Don’t Feel Right
They are always staring at you and looking at you weird. They seem to be there right at the moment when you are having a problem. You are getting all kinds of friend requests from people you don’t know. And, you see them on your morning walk far away from where they live.
If you are getting a ton of signs that something’s wrong, don’t ignore those signs. Unrequited love can turn into something quite dangerous for the one who doesn’t reciprocate, so keep your eyes open and act quickly if you feel something is really wrong.
Unrequited Love Can Affect Both People Negatively
Unrequited love and suffering can go hand in hand. Love is shown in physical ways, through touching, holding, and kissing. It’s also shown through actions such as supporting someone else and encouraging them. A person who is in love with someone who is not in love with them cannot do these things and squashing the natural desire to do them can be extremely painful. The intense pain that is felt when love isn’t returned can cause both physical issues, as well as emotional issues, such as depression and anxiety.
That’s why many people think that the person who is deeply in love goes through the most pain, but it’s important to take into consideration the person on the other end. If they know that someone is in love with them, and they don’t feel the same way, then feelings of frustration and guilt can arise. They may be growing tired of the unwanted attention, but they don’t want to outright hurt someone who obviously cares a lot about them.
For example, I once had a friend who was told by her ex-boyfriend that he was going to kill himself because she didn’t love him the way he loved her. The threat of him doing that caused her to get back together with him, but not because she loved him, only because she didn’t want him to take his life over her. She spent another miserable two years in a relationship with someone she didn’t love because of that fear, and now she looks back on that time with regret. And it’s important to say that he didn’t enjoy those two years either. They fought all the time. They were unhappy. And she never gave him what he was looking for. Finally, they separated and both he and she found real love afterward. It was a block of time that she could have looked for and found someone she loved and been happy with.
In the end, the pain of wanting someone and not being able to have them can be debilitating in life. It can keep you from doing things you love. It can hold you back from going after your dreams. It can affect relationships, work, and health negatively. And having someone love you when you don’t return the love can be very hard on you. It can keep you living in fear, guilt, and anger, which is not somewhere you belong.
Does Persistence Really Pay Off?
In movies, we often see the person who loves someone who doesn’t reciprocate it as being persistent. They wait patiently as their true love works through romantic issues or as they come to their senses about how amazing the person who loves them really is. But that’s in the movies. In real life, does that kind of persistence pay off?
There is no right answer to this.
Sometimes people will figure out that they loved you all along. Love can grow from a friendship. For instance, I know a couple who spent ten years being acquaintances at work as they dated other people. Then they became friends as they dated other people. And then, one day, they realized that they were truly in love and have been together ever since.
Alternatively, I also know a guy who loved a girl from the tender age of 14. He spent two decades chasing after her. He suffered as she dated other people. And, he suffered as she got married and had kids. And, eventually, he gave up on love, not because it wasn’t out there for him, but because he figured she was his only love in life and if she wasn’t going to return it, then love wasn’t going to happen for him. He became bitter, miserable, and alone.
One important thing to note is that after reading story after story, it seems that persistence doesn’t pay off when there is an unhealthy connection between the two people.
For instance, if you love someone but they are downright cruel to you, then waiting around for them to figure out that they love you has a high chance in resulting in a lot of pain. If they don’t like you now, there is a good chance they won’t like you two decades from now!
Moreover, if you are in love with someone who doesn’t know that you love them, then there is a good chance that things won’t work out. If you are watching them from afar, you may be basing your life around them, but they are living their own life – falling in love, working on their dreams, and shaping who they are through their experiences.
And if they are in a relationship and you are just waiting for them to leave before you confess your love, there is a huge chance that you are going to be disappointed. That relationship could work out for the long term, and if it doesn’t, there is a good chance that you may not fit into the requirements they want out of a partner after they end a relationship.
Lastly, if you are in a relationship with someone who has fallen out of love with you, there could be hope. Sometimes, if you don’t give up on them, their love can dim and then come back in a relationship. This is what relationship counseling is all about. It helps them remember why they fell in love with you in the first place and helps them get back into that state of being in love.
Two Big Ways To Overcome Unrequited Love
1. Confess Your Love
The problem of your unrequited love may simply be a case of not being outright rejected. If you were to be rejected by them, then there is a good chance that you might realize the truth of the situation and move on. If they don’t know that you love them, you may want to take the plunge and let them know. If they don’t feel the same, they should let you know and reject you.
And, as you may know from my other articles, I don’t think outright rejection is a bad thing. I think rejection teaches us a lot about ourselves, others, and life, and if we are open to learning the lessons it teaches us, our lives will be better for you.
2. Refocus Your Attention
If you know that they don’t love you back, then you need to refocus your attention. Right now, your focus is on them. You love them, you think about them, you base a lot of your life around them and whether or not they notice you or want to return the love. That requires a lot of time and energy, and it makes it hard to think about anything else.
You need to put time and energy into other things, preferably something you are passionate about. If you are passionate about something, it has more of a chance of absorbing your attention and focus than something you are not passionate about.
For instance, if you are passionate about traveling, then it may be time to make some travel plans. In the beginning, you will focus on the person you love, but as you start to live your passion, and experience new things, more and more of your attention will move away from him or her and onto things in your direct life. This can help remove the strong attachment you have to the person and, eventually, even dim it down so much that you simply don’t feel the same as you used to towards them.
Do You Need To Overcome Unrequited Love?
The answer is based on your perception of the situation.
If you feel that there is a good chance that the person you love is NOT going to love you back, then you may want to do something about it. Otherwise, your feelings will force you to create your life based on this love that isn’t being reciprocated, and you will end up wasting years of your life being unhappy, hurt, and angry.
If that’s the way you want to live, then fine. But, if you are like most people, experiencing happiness and real love is what you are after.
I’ve seen some people say, online, that they enjoy unrequited love. It makes them feel mature. It makes them feel as if they have the power to love someone unconditionally. But, I think that being human means having the desire to be loved back. In fact, I think as humans, we deserve to be loved back. Therefore, if unrequited love is taking over your life, I can’t see how it would be a good thing when you are not getting your needs of receiving love met.
There may be some people who are truly content to love someone and not be loved back. I haven’t personally met anyone like that, but I”m assuming they would have to be fine with the fact that their love is not returned. If that sounds like you, then I can’t see a problem with sticking it out – well, except for one important thing.
You are missing out on what it feels like to have someone truly love you back the way you love them. You have to ask yourself how important that is to you.