A broken heart caused by the death of a loved one, a breakup, or a sudden unexpected loss of a close relationship hurts. In my experience, there’s not much pain that compares to it. It can be hard to breathe. It can physically hurt. It’s impossible to think. All the life gets sucked out of you. And, you feel like you are just existing instead of living.
Some people never recover from a broken heart. They hold the pain inside of them and let it drive their life into a state of constant unhappiness and despair. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Everyone can mend a broken heart and start to feel better about their loss, themselves and their life going forward. You just have to be willing to admit some simple truths to yourself. Following are some important tips on how to mend a broken heart no matter why your heart has been broken.
Don’t Resist The Pain, But Don’t Live In It
This is important! As you work on mending your broken heart, you will still feel the pain of the loss. That’s human! If you were not able to feel the pain of the loss still, even years down the road when you reflected on something that the person did or said, then something would be incredibly off about you. Humans feel pain from loss, and you will too.
The whole point of this article on how to mend a broken heart is to fix the constant pain you are in, not to deny that you ever had pain. When you get into a state of denying the pain – reality, that’s when you are unable to overcome the pain. It sits inside of you waiting for you to acknowledge it. It causes problems in your life because it is an underlying hurt that you haven’t worked through. It can make you bitter. It can cause you to close your heart off to other people. And, it can ruin your relationships that are left. And, one day, you will have to work through the pain as if it had just happened to you.
Taking care of your pain does not mean dwelling in it, though. It doesn’t mean posting endless Tweets and posts on Facebook about how sad you are and how hard your life has become. It doesn’t mean talking about your pain to everyone that will listen. When you dwell in it by verbalizing it over and over again to yourself and other people, you keep yourself stuck. In order to move through the pain, you have to keep moving forward. You can’t get stuck. That means you need to acknowledge the pain and why you feel it, talk about it with loved ones or even a therapist if you have to, and then start taking steps to move yourself out of it.
If you think you can’t, you’re wrong. Billions of people have lost and lived on. They have felt the broken heart you are feeling and mended it in one way or another. If they can do it, so can you.
Take care of the pain now. Don’t force yourself to deal with it years down the road. Acknowledge it as something that is a part of you for now, and then take the following steps to work through it.
Focus On The Love In Your Life
A broken heart occurs when it feels like love has been ripped out of you and lost. The best way to fill that lack of love is to focus on love elsewhere.
That doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened or who you lost, but it does mean that you should open your heart up to receiving love from other people – and even your pets, so that you can feel the love in your life.
I know that this can be easier said than done. But it is really the best tip on how to mend a broken heart starting right now.
Love is a powerful feeling. It makes you feel not so alone, which is one of the biggest symptoms of a broken heart. A broken heart makes you feel abandoned and unloved even when there are plenty of people who love you around. That’s because your focus is on what you lost, not on what is still there. Therefore, you need to focus on the love you still have in your life.
I’ve had some pretty heart-wrenching deaths happen in my time. Alone, as I focused on the death, I felt horrible. My heart hurt so much I didn’t think I was going to be able to survive the pain. Then, family and friends came around, and their presence helped break up my painful thoughts and feelings. Eventually, I was forced to focus on them as we worked through the details of the death, funeral, and life after the loss. The pain was still there, but thanks to being involved with people I loved and who loved me, it started to grow less intense each day until I knew that I was going to be able to survive it.
I’ve also had my share of painful breakups. I know how hard it is to move on with life after someone who was such a big part of it leaves. Focusing on the love you still have in your life is important after a breakup too. It helps you realize that love is still out there, and you are worthy of it, even if that person is gone. And, when love is out there, and you are worthy, the possibility of finding another person is high.
You can’t hide away from others after your heart gets broken, as much as you would like to. It’s not going to do you any good to focus on the loss. It’s just going to cause more unbearable pain and make things worse for you. It’s also going to draw out the process of mending your broken heart. The sooner you focus on love, the sooner you can start to feel better.
Count The Blessings You Had With Them
Another thing that can cause a broken heart to stay around for a long time is putting your focus on all the losses. This focus is devastating to your happiness and health. It does absolutely nothing good for you.
You might be focused on things like:
– Never being able to laugh with that person again.
– Never being able to talk to that person again.
– Not being able to share your successes with them.
– Not having them to turn to in times of trouble.
– Not having enough time with them while you had them.
– Not treating them the way you should have.
– Not telling them how you really felt about them.
All of these things can tear your heart up piece by piece each time you think about them. It’s unbearable to live focused on the fact that you will never get a chance to do what you want or wanted to do with them again. You can’t focus on that.
Also, a lot of people focus on the wasted time they spent with someone after a breakup. It can feel like years of your life have gone down the tubes when you no longer have that person in your life. That combined with a broken heart can be devastating.
That’s why you MUST shift your focus from the bad to the good. Your focus should be on what you did get a chance to do with them while they were around. It should be on the time you spent together and how it benefited your life in some way.
You should be focused on things like:
– All the laughter that you shared.
– All the meaningful conversations you had with them.
– All the successes you shared with them.
– All the times you were there for each other.
– All the time you did get to have with them.
– All the good things you did for them.
– All the things you expressed or said in some way.
The truth is that these are things that happened, and they should be what you focus on. You can’t change the past as much as you want to. You can’t go back and change what didn’t happen. So, by focusing on what didn’t happen you are just torturing yourself. By focusing on what positive things did happen, you are giving yourself the permission to be grateful for what you had with them and move on knowing that it was a special and important part of your life.
Get The Desire To Be Your Best Self
So far we’ve talked about moving your focus from what you lost onto more positive things, such as the love you have in your life and the benefits that your past relationship had. But, if you are having a hard time moving your focus away from your loss, then you need to find a reason to do so. That’s where being your best self comes in.
Your best self is the self that is living life to the fullest. It cannot be found in the past. It can only be found in the here and now. If you are focused on living your best life and being your best self, then your attention will automatically start to focus more on the here and now and less on the past and what you’ve lost.
If you’ve lost someone to death, then you must know that the person you’ve lost would want you to focus on your best self. They would want you to move on and live life to the fullest so that you can be happy and fulfilled. They would be devastated to know that you were wasting your moments to live your life focused on their death. And, if you think about, they would likely give anything to be in the position you are, with a chance to live, have fun, and enjoy the time you have.
If you’ve lost someone to a breakup, then they may or may not want you to be your best self. But the chances are high that they want you to move on and find happiness in your life. They don’t want you to focus on them and get stuck in life. They want you to be the person they met and fell in love with, full of life and dreams and hope.
And, whether the person you lost would want you to be great or not, you should strive for greatness. You get one life and one chance to enjoy the things around you. Go ahead and focus on being as happy as you can be in this new chapter of your life. You don’t need to forget the old chapter, but you can’t live your life in it and expect to make the most out of now.
Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom
Oprah Winfrey said that you should ‘turn your wounds into wisdom.’ It sounds like a smart idea to me. Every loss I’ve been through has made me stronger and wiser, and it can do the same for you to during this time of heartbreak.
The loss of a loved one can teach you about time and how precious it is. It can make you understand why it’s important to spend that quality time with loved ones and make the most of it. It can help you say what you need to say to people who are in your life right now. It can help you understand how short life really is and why you need to be your best self at all times.
A breakup can teach you what you do and don’t want out of a romantic partner in your life. It can teach you what elements of your personality need to be worked on so that you can create a lasting and happy relationship in the future. It can also teach you that you are strong and can survive on your own, even when you think that you can’t.
When it comes to how to mend a broken heart, wisdom is not something you will hear a lot, but it’s important. It helps you shift your perception of what happened from something tragic to something meaningful. It gives the loss meaning that impacts your life in a profound way and changes it forever. While it may have been easier to keep that person in your life, the impact they had on your life while they were in it and the lessons they taught you now that they are gone are both things to celebrate.