February 24, 2016

10 Tips On How To Feel Better After Someone Hurts Your Feelings

Got your feelings hurt before?

If you go out of the house, there is a good chance that you will run into someone who is mean and looking for someone to hurt. There are a lot of miserable people out there who will do and say things that hurt your feelings. I’m talking about emotional pain that makes you feel bad about yourself, them, and everything around you. This is the kind of emotional pain that can stay with you and have an effect on your life in a very negative way.

It’s easy enough to say that other people shouldn’t be able to influence how we feel and how we behave, but it’s harder to actually follow through with that. The truth is that our feelings can easily get hurt because people are quick to attack things that we value. It’s important to let go of their negativity and feel better so that we can move forward with our day in a productive and happy manner. Following are some tips to help you feel better quickly.

1. Allow Yourself Some Time To Reflect On It

Don’t try to pretend that it didn’t happen or that it went differently than it did. If your feelings are hurt, than pretending that it didn’t happen won’t work. You are still going to be stuck in a negative emotional state as your hurt feelings linger beneath the facade, and that will put a damper on your ability to feel better and move forward with your day.

Do not overthink it either. The goal of thinking about it is to reflect on it and then work through it. It’s not to relive the moment over and over again in your head. That’s not going to help you feel better.

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In order to reflect on it, you may want to grab a pen and some paper to write down what happened, why you think it happened, and why it shouldn’t be something that impacts your day in a big way. Going through that process of reflection and making the decision about how important it really is to hang onto, will allow you to work through the emotional pain much quicker.

If you don’t have pen and paper handy, then call a friend. Tell them that something negative happened and you just want to work through it, and you would appreciate if they would take the time to listen. Often talking to someone who is not in the situation can help you step outside your emotional pain and see things from an objective view. Once that happens, you can feel better within moments.

2. See Things From Their Point Of View

Someone who is mean or rude or just plain spiteful, cannot be coming from a good place. No one who feels happy and excited in life is going to be mean and cruel to other people. Not only would they not have time for, that they would not be able to bring themselves to be that kind of person.

In other words, anyone who hurts your feelings in a big way is likely dealing with some negative things in their life. Being mean or cruel to you is more about themselves than it is about you. They feel bad about themselves and their life, so instead of sitting with their emotions and having to face whatever is wrong, they take it out on other people in order to release the tension that is inside of them. You just happened to be in their way!

When you can step into their shoes and see things from their eyes, you will have a much easier time feeling better and moving on. In fact, you may find yourself feeling sorry for them rather than angry at them.

3. Don’t Identify With Your Thoughts And Opinions About Yourself

It’s easy to get caught up in your thoughts and identify with them. But, when we start to believe our thoughts after someone tries to make us feel bad, we suffer.

Always remember that your thoughts are simply opinions about what is going on, and they are not necessarily reality. For instance, look around right now and pay attention to your thoughts. Your thoughts are simply reactions to your surroundings, but they are not necessarily true. So if you are beating yourself up about something that someone said to you, step back from your thoughts and stop letting them dictate how you feel about yourself.

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For instance, if you are telling yourself that you are stupid because someone made you feel stupid, it’s important to separate yourself from your thoughts, and, instead, focus on what you know about yourself. You’re not stupid, you are just pretending like your thoughts are real.

4. Be Mindful

When you focus on the past, you relive it over and over again. You put yourself in that situation, hear the negative words or see the negative actions, and keep yourself in a state of negativity. But, when something distracts you, your focus moves away from the situation and you start to feel better. You are no longer experiencing it and you are, instead, experience the present moment.

Don’t wait for a moment to come along to distract you. Instead, distract yourself by being more mindful. Pay attention to what is going on around you. Force yourself to hear the noises around you. Force yourself to see the views around. Force yourself to pay attention to what is happening right now, and you will feel better instantly.

Moreover, see the positive or humor that is in the situation right now. If you can start to smile or laugh, you will be doing yourself a favor because you will be releasing hormones that make you feel better, such as endorphins. Moreover, you will be reducing the stress hormones cortisol and epinephrine, which can affect you in a negative way. In fact, if you were to constantly let people affect you in a negative way, then the chronic stress and increased cortisol levels could increase your risk for depression.

5. List Out The Reasons Why You Rock

Take some time to remind yourself of how awesome you really are. Positive self-talk is a key tool to use when it comes to feeling better about yourself. Just as you can talk yourself into feeling really bad, you can also talk yourself into feeling really good. In fact, you are the only one who can talk yourself into feeling good, so this is a tactic that you have to use if you want to start feeling better.

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Remind yourself of why you are so awesome and why their opinion or actions cannot make you any less so. One interaction, or even a few interactions with negative people, does not make you any less of an awesome person. Remind yourself of that and you will start to feel better about yourself and move on.

6. Remember We Are All Different

Often times we will ask ourselves how other people can be so mean or cruel or rude. But, we never get a good answer. That’s because the only answer is that we are all different. We are all in different stages in our lives. We are all on different paths in our lives. We are all experiencing different things in our lives. So it’s impossible for us to completely understand where other people are coming from and why they do what they do. And even if you could understand why they were being in the way they are, it wouldn’t alleviate your pain.

Understanding that will help you feel better in a lot instances where you just can’t understand why someone would do what they did. It can help you accept that they did what they did and that it was something they did because of them, not you.

7. They Aren’t Worth Your Energy

If someone hurts your feelings, you have to reflect on whether or not they are worth your energy. In other words, are you going to spend your day, week, or month, obsessing over what they did or said? Are you going to let them have that kind of control over you? If they are not worthy of having that kind of control over you, then you have to let it go; otherwise, they will be in charge of your emotions and your life.

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Always remember that your time is precious and spending it dwelling about someone who does not benefit your life is a waste of time. You have much better things to focus on and think about. So put your attention on those things and don’t give one ounce of energy to the mean and cruel people in this world.

8. Focus On Love

A lot of people have a hard time with this one. But it is so helpful when it comes to dealing with mean people and trying to feel better afterward. When you feel love for everyone, it’s very hard to hold a grudge or dwell on something that happened with someone.

Think about the love you have for an animal. You don’t get upset with them for the silly things they do. You don’t hold on to anger or relive something they did over and over again. You love them enough to always be kind and compassionate towards them.

That’s what real love does. It helps you forgive. And, forgiveness is your key to letting go of all past hurts and moving on to a happier future.

Therefore, focus on love. Try to see everyone and everything through a lens compassion, patience, and kindness. Pretend like everyone in this world is your brother or sister who you love and want to be happy. When you start to see everyone with this new loving view, you will get used to feeling good about others and being on a high vibrational level. And you will feel better about all interactions with people because you are going into the situation with a loving viewpoint.

9. Recognize Any Insecurities You Have

Nobody’s 100% secure with themselves. We all wonder if what we are doing is right. We all wonder if we are good enough. We all wonder if other people see our faults like we do. And none of us want to be judged as wrong or unimportant or worthy of ridicule. Therefore, when people attack us in certain areas of our life where we are not very secure, that’s when we start to feel really bad about what they did.

The thing is that recognizing your insecurities can help you become stronger and more secure with who you are. For instance, a girl I know drives a purple truck with stars on it. She loves the truck. She loves the color purple and she loves stars, so the truck makes her feel really good about herself. Not too long ago a couple of girls saw her getting into it and started making fun of her. They told her that the truck was stupid. They asked her what kind of moron would drive a truck like that. Instantly she felt bad. She’d always been insecure about what other people thought about her truck, so the remarks left her feeling devastated as if everyone in the world thought she was a moron for driving the truck.

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Of course, that’s not true. And even if it was, does it matter? She loves the truck and it makes her feel good. When she was able to fully admit that, she was able to let go of what other people thought. She had full confidence in how good she felt about her truck and how happy she felt about it, and she was able to move on from the comments that the girls made and the insecurity she had about what other people thought.

My point is to take some time to figure out where your confidence may be lacking and work on becoming more confident in those areas. Taking action on building your confidence will help you shift your focus from what was said or done and start to feel better immediately, and it will help you avoid feeling bad in the first place.

10. Pray On It

If you don’t feel you have the strength to make yourself feel better, then pray about it. It doesn’t matter if you are religious or not, praying will admit that you can’t do it alone and help you feel like you are reaching out for support. It allows you to let go of having to do something all on your own and give in to the fact that there may just be something bigger than you that can help you out, which can help you to let go of hurt feelings and move on.

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