Living in jealousy is a complete waste of time. It doesn’t help you get what you want. It doesn’t help you become stronger, smarter, more successful, or happier. All it does is keep you stuck in a place of negativity. That simple truth should be enough to help you shift your focus on something more productive, but I know that it may not. When jealousy is boiling in your blood, it can be hard to focus on anything else regardless of how useless you know it is.
Jealousy Is Not About Caring A Lot
Please don’t confuse jealousy for love. I saw one person write ‘I prefer the jealous type because I know that they care.’ I saw another person write ‘If my bae doesn’t get jealous, then my bae is not a bae.’ Both of those statements are ridiculous! Being jealous doesn’t show that you care about someone else. It shows that you are insecure with yourself and lack the confidence in who you are and what you have. That’s ALL that it shows.
If you think that your jealousy is a normal way to show affection, then you need to redefine what affection is to you. Affection is a feeling of caring, tenderness, warmth, endearment, not mistrust, suspicion, and doubt. Those latter feelings are feelings you have towards people you don’t feel affectionate towards, so jealousy actually shows that you don’t care about them as much as they think you do and, instead, you actually care more about your pride and ego.
9 Tips On How To Overcome Jealousy
Psychologists see jealousy as a sign that there are some deep personality defects and insecurities going on. Of course, if you view it that way, then you may become jealous that other people don’t have these defects and insecurities, so their definition may not help you on how to overcome jealousy, but rather keep you stuck in it.
1. There Will Always Be Someone ‘Perceived’ To Be Better Than You
This doesn’t sound like it should be a tip on how to overcome jealousy, but it really is. Once you accept the fact that, just as there will always be someone who is worse off than you, there will also be someone that you and others perceive to be better than you, you will have a much easier time accepting you for you. They will have better looks, more money, more stuff, more friends, more family, more vacations, and more of what you want, but that doesn’t make them better than you. Perception is the key.
In addition, if someone picks someone else over you, it’s not because they were a better person than you, it’s just that the person picking had a unique perception of what they wanted, and it wasn’t the same as yours.
2. Understand That Jealousy Is REALLY Counterproductive To Getting What You Want
In all cases, living in a state of jealousy is counterproductive to getting what you want, which makes it one of the most useless emotions you can have. Why waste your time on such a useless emotion?
For instance, being jealous of your neighbor doesn’t help you get what they have or make you better in your own eyes. It keeps you stuck in a state of anger or hurt, and instead of going out and making things better for yourself, you sit around and stew over their successes. However, if you are happy for your neighbor, then you can learn how they got the things they got and start working towards getting those things yourself, or you can let their successes push you towards having more success.
If you are jealous of your partner, that is not making them more willing to stay with you. Being jealous causes you to accuse, threaten, cry, and be controlling, which are all very unattractive traits and will eventually cause your partner to leave you, which is the very thing you are trying to avoid. However, if you are trusting of your partner, then you be loving, kind, compassionate, and caring, which are all traits that will help you keep your partner in the long run.
3. Develop More Faith In Yourself
If you want to overcome jealousy, then develop more faith in yourself in the areas where you are jealous. Faith is the belief that you are going to be able to get everything you want in life. Faith is the trust and confidence that you are going to be OK. It’s the belief that things are going to work out just fine, even if there are some obstacles in the way. And it’s the trust that as long as you maintain the belief that things we will be good, your actions will not be in vain.
For instance, having faith that you will find the perfect person for you is a way to overcome jealousy in relationships. You will trust someone until they give you a reason not to. And if they mistreat you, then you will understand that they are simply not for you. They can’t be because you have faith that you are going to find someone who is caring, loving, and supportive of you, so this person is obviously not that person. You don’t need to be jealous of them. You don’t need to be jealous of what they have done. You just need to accept that they are not the person who will fulfill you and move on with the faith you are going to find someone who does.
4. Develop More Strength Over Your Life
When you get stuck in a state of jealousy, you are weak. You are not taking action on what you want, but you are instead focusing on what you lack or mistrust. That is a very weak state to be in. Strong people can use your jealousy to their advantage and manipulate how you feel and what you do, and at that point you become a puppet rather than your own person.
You must develop more strength over your own life. You must firmly decide that other people’s actions, beliefs, and thoughts are not going to determine how you go through life, and instead of being stuck in a weak state, you will be in a state of action and determination.
You must decide that will not wait for other people to make you happy or do what needs to be done. You will take action on what makes you happy and what needs to be done. And, when you see a weakness, you will add it to your list of goals to accomplish and instead of dwelling on it.
5. Don’t Crave To Be Better Than Others – Crave To Be The Best You
This is similar to developing more strength over your life. When you put the focus on you, not on other people, you will strive to beat your own personal best, not other people’s. You will set realistic goals for yourself and celebrate the little and big accomplishments that you have.
When you put the focus on other people and become jealous, though, you will set unrealistic goals for yourself based on what other people have achieved, and you will minimize the accomplishments you have had because they will not compare to what others have accomplished.
Therefore, get a little selfish and think about you. Pay attention to what you want and where you are going, and understand that other people are doing the same. You don’t have to be at the same place as them. In fact, because you are not them, you shouldn’t be at the same place as them! You are a unique person who is taking a unique path in life, so strive to keep moving on your path and do the best that you can.
6. Let Your Jealous Feelings Teach You
Instead of dwelling in your jealous feelings, figure out why you are having them and let them teach you what you need to do next. For instance, if you are jealous of your friend’s weight loss, then maybe you have been craving to lose weight yourself and taking all the wrong actions to do so. You may be jealous that they have eaten so well, exercised more, or started a morning smoothie routine and stuck to it. Whatever it is, don’t focus on what they did that you wish you had done; instead, let their actions teach you that it works and get busy doing it yourself.
This works for everything, even relationships. If you find yourself jealous of your partner talking to someone else, then figure out what that someone else has that you are jealous of and instead of dwelling on what they have and you don’t, work towards getting it in your life.
7. Force Yourself To Celebrate Other’s Accomplishments
This may be hard at first, but it’s necessary to overcome jealousy. If your friend does something perfectly and you pretend not to notice because you are jealous, then you are only telling yourself that you have not lived up to some expectation. That will keep you stuck with the same beliefs and thoughts that turned you into a jealous person in the first place.
However, if you celebrate your friend’s accomplishment, then you are putting out emotions of compassion, joy, love, and happiness, which will help you develop new beliefs and thoughts that are essential on how to overcome jealousy.
When you think positive and happy thoughts, you are putting yourself in an energetic state to feel more at ease and in tune with your anti-jealous side. Gratitude, optimism, enthusiasm, and appreciation are all emotions that can come from celebrating other’s accomplishments, and when you are feeling those emotions, you are much more likely to take action on your own life in a positive way and attract the very things that you are celebrating.
8. Live In Reality And Don’t Assume!
When you live in jealousy, you are living in a state of negative thoughts and beliefs. Those thoughts and beliefs are not always real. In fact, more often than not they are completely made up!
For instance, thinking that your partner likes someone more than you does not make it the truth. But, you will feel like it is the truth the more you contemplate it and get emotional about it. Still, it may not be the truth. It may not be the truth as you yell at them for liking someone more. It may not be the truth as you cry and obsess over what they have done to you. It may just be your own little fantasy world that you are living in, and that’s a scary place to live!
The other day on the Steve Wilkos show, a man was beating his wife because he thought she was cheating. He was so stuck in his imagined world that he thought it was OK to abuse her because she was ‘abusing’ him. The results came back that she wasn’t cheating on him, but he had no remorse for what he had done. Why? Because he was still living in a fantasy world where he felt justified doing what he had done.
You have to live in reality. When you see things as they are without adding your own stories into them, then you will be less likely to be jealous.
This point is very important, so I want to give you another example. If you are jealous of your neighbor’s new car, boat, or other new toys, you may think that they have more money than you or more luck than you. But in reality they may just be working themselves into a pile of debt! They may be living off their line of credit or credit cards. Imaging that they are making a pile of money doesn’t make it so. When you can see the possible reality of it, you will find yourself not being jealous of them at all.
9. Develop An Optimistic Attitude
Researchers have found that optimism can be beneficial to you regardless of your income status, health status, and where you live. [source: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=4511} In other words, optimism is a great way to feel good where you are and beat jealousy.
It’s time to start seeing the world as a place of abundance, not a place of lack. Stay grounded in reality, but don’t be pessimistic about what is happening or what could happen. If you want to overcome jealousy, then you want to be positive, confident, and happy. The truth is that when you are feeling those emotions, you are not capable of focusing on jealousy and your lack.