November 4, 2016

Feeling Disappointed? Here’s How To Flip The Script

You feel disappointed when someone or something lets you down. They may not live up to your expectations or they may not deliver on their promises. When you are disappointed in yourself, someone else, a situation, or humanity in general, life can feel very negative. Your accusations and discouraging thoughts can make it hard to be happy, and you can waste a lot of precious time in a negative state. That’s a complete waste of time.

The Problem With Living In A State Of Disappointment

There are only so many hours in your life, and you don’t want to be stuck in a state of disappointment for many of them. If you check out any emotional guidance scale, you will see that disappointment is not the worst feeling you could have, but it is still not close to an emotion that helps you to feel good. And in order to live the life you want, you need to have emotions that make you feel good, such as hopefulness, optimism, passion, and even contentment.

When you are feeling positive emotions, you are thinking good thoughts. And the health benefits of positive thoughts and emotions include:

– Increased life span, so that you can do more things that make you feel good.
– Less stress, which can improve both your physical and mental health in a big way.
– A stronger immune system that helps fight off colds and other diseases.
– Stronger heart health to decrease your chances of death from cardiovascular disease.
– Increased ability to problem solve and overcome obstacles.
– Increased ability to learn and grow as a human being.
– Ability to build stronger and more beneficial relationships.

The list of benefits goes on and on.

The point is that you don’t want to stay stuck in a state of being disappointed. The quicker you pivot towards happier emotions, the quicker you can get back to experiencing the benefits of them. So let’s talk about how to move through disappointment and start feeling good again.

When You Are Disappointed In Yourself

This is the easiest one to fix. Why? Because you have complete control over what you do and how you act in every moment of the day. This means that you can take action on what has disappointed you and start to turn things around.

For instance, if you are disappointed in yourself for not reaching a goal, then you can simply create a new goal and start immediately taking action on it. Many times just the act of writing down the new goal and setting the intent to go after it can help you alleviate the disappointment you are feeling.

If you are disappointed about where you are in life, then you can start taking action to get yourself somewhere different. You can learn more about yourself, learn how to become more of the person you want to be, learn what you need to do to get where you want to get, and then start taking action on those things immediately.

As you start to take action, you may have some moments where you remember why you were disappointed in yourself, but you will find that shaking it off and getting busy in the present moment will help you move away from that disappointment and, eventually, overcome the disappointment completely.

And if you let your disappointment teach you a lesson, you can ensure that the action (or lack of action) you took plays an important part in your life rather than a wasted opportunity or time of your life.

A great example of that is by a friend of mine who loved to gamble. She always overspent at the casino, and she was always disappointed in herself afterward. But one time she spent every penny she had at the casino. She spent her rent money, her food money, her bill money, and came out of the casino in a state of complete disappointment. Her heart was heavy with disappointment in herself. She could barely look at herself in the mirror. She spent the next 24 hours in bed sleeping so that she didn’t have to think about what she had done. Eventually, she couldn’t lay in bed anymore and had to face her disappointment head on. But, instead of staying stuck in that emotion, she decided that she was going to start putting her energy into making money through a business rather than trying to win it at a casino. You see, she went to the casino with the intention of coming out with a ‘paycheck’ each time, but it never worked out that way. She had good intentions, she was choosing the wrong path. Once she decided to start making a paycheck in a different way, her whole life turned around. She started an online business, worked her butt off at it, and quickly made back all the money she had lost at the casino and more. Now she has a successful business and understands the value of making her money. She also learned how unrealistic her expectations were of making money at the casino, and no longer flushes large sums of cash down the toilet.

8 Steps To Overcoming Disappointment In Yourself

1. Write down why you are disappointed in yourself. Be honest. You may feel like you were not strong enough, smart enough, committed enough, or good enough.

2. Write down what you could have done to not be disappointed in yourself. You may write down things like worked harder, made smarter goals, treated someone better, or not spend money on pointless things.

3. Make a goal to work on what you could have done. Commit to making it a habit or a goal in your life. For example, if you feel like you could have worked harder, make a commitment to work harder from this point forward. You know it doesn’t feel good to be lazy. You know it makes you disappointed in yourself. So commit to changing.

4. Research how to do what you want to do because you may not have the tools to accomplish what you want to accomplish. For instance, you may not know how to work harder or how to fit work into your schedule. If you research how to do it, you will come up with some ideas that you can implement into your life right now.

5. Write down a plan. Write down some goals, some ideas, and some steps you need to take moving forward. Write it in a planner. Write it down on a piece of paper and post it someone you can see it.

6. Tell someone your plan. This is important because as you write down your plan you will feel pumped and ready to go, but if you don’t tell anyone your plan, and your adrenaline dies out, you can easily give up on your plan and work your way towards disappointment again. Therefore, tell a friend, family member, or join an online group and share your intentions with them.

7. Start taking action immediately. Don’t schedule your plan for the first of the month two months from now. The quicker you start taking action, the quicker you can start to let go of your feelings of disappointment for good and move into a positive emotional state that propels your relationships, success, physical health, and mental health towards better things.

8. And, lastly, forgive yourself. You are a human being who makes mistakes. Forgive your mistakes, learn from them, and move forward knowing that you will never make the same mistake twice.

When You Are Disappointed In A Situation

Let’s say you scheduled an appointment to get your car fixed. You needed new winter tires because you were going on a car trip soon and you needed to make sure your tires were going to be fine driving on the snow and ice that was in the forecast. (If you don’t live where it snows, just imagine how dangerous the roads would be when they iced up.) You show up to your appointment and the place is closed. You can’t find out any information about why it is closed. Nobody is answering the door or the phone. You are stuck there without answers and you are leaving in a few days on your trip. You are disappointed in the situation because it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to.

The problem is that being disappointed is a waste of time. Situations like this are out of your control. You can whine all you want about making an appointment and how you had planned to take care of everything, but that does no good for your road trip in a few days.

What do you need to do? You need to start taking action on getting some tires on your car now! You need to find another place that will take care of you. You need to do it fast because time is of the essence. You don’t have the time to sit around and feel sad or upset because your appointment didn’t work out as planned.

This is the only way to quickly move through a disappointing situation. You have no control over it. Your whining, complaining, or ranting is not going to change it. But, deciding to take a different course of action – or a different path – will help you move away from disappointment and into a better state.

Alternatively, let’s say you go to a party and you expect only a few people that you like to be there, but when you arrive you find out there are people that you can’t stand at the party. What course of action can you take? You can’t get out of the party. You brought the spinach dip and you need to be a part of the festivities! So, how can you avoid disappointment and get into a better state? Tell yourself to get over it.

Be your own best friend and tell yourself that life is too short to get upset about things that are out of your control. So what if they showed up! They don’t have control over your emotions. They don’t get to dictate whether or not you will be sad or upset. You are going to focus on the people and things that make you feel good for the next 4-5 hours, and you are going to make the most of this party because you deserve to make the most of it. Then put your attention on good people and good things so that your thoughts and emotions can stay focused on what really matters.

When You Are Disappointed In Other People

There will be a lot of people who don’t live up to your expectations. People will lie, be lazy, do bad things, not follow through with plans, act in an embarrassing way, and many other things that will cause you to be disappointed in them, but your disappointment is solely for your benefit, not for theirs.

The reason for disappointment is not about what they did, but your thoughts about what they did. You feel like you’ve been wronged in some way. You feel like they have done something to hurt you. You feel like their decisions were not made with you taken into consideration. Well, that last thought is right, and understanding it will help you move through the disappointment and on to better things.

When someone does something stupid, mean, or ignorant, they don’t take other people’s thoughts and feelings into consideration. They are focused on what they think is right to do – for whatever reason – and they do it because it makes them feel good or gives them some sort of benefit.

In short, they picked the choice they did because at the time it brought them the biggest reward, and it had nothing to do with you.

For instance, if someone cancels their plans with you for the reason that they are sick, and then you find out that they actually went out with someone else, you may feel personally offended. You may feel disappointed that they couldn’t be honest with you or that they didn’t include you in their plans. But, it had nothing to do with you. It had everything to do with what they thought would be more fun or more rewarding. Maybe the other person could help them meet a new love interest. Maybe the other person made them laugh their ass off, and they wanted to laugh their ass off for the night. Who knows? But the bottom line is their decision had everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.

I’m not saying that what someone else did was right. Not at all! And it may hurt that they did something without taking your feelings into consideration, but there is nothing you can do to change the situation. All you can do is choose how you are going to think moving forward and how you are going to take care of yourself.

Are you going to stay stuck in a disappointed state that does nothing? I hope not! Instead, I hope you choose to take your focus off them and put it on people who actually care enough to take your thoughts into consideration.

I hope you will put your focus on things that make you happy, instead of wasting it on people who have made you upset.

I hope you will work on becoming the best version of yourself, not so that other people will want to please you, but so that you can please yourself on a daily basis.

And, in the end, that’s what matters. If you are not disappointed in yourself… if you are happy with yourself and your decisions and actions in life, then it won’t matter what other people do. You will simply remove the negative people from your life or distance yourself from them and move forward making positive choices that make you feel good. Because that’s all you can do.

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