What you say matters. It can make or break any type of relationship or deal, including with yourself. If you say the wrong things over and over again, you can minimize your confidence and lose out in life. But, so many of us get into a pattern of saying the same thing repeatedly, and it is usually something negative that destroys our confidence and causes us to give up on things before we even really see if we can achieve them. So what can you do? If you find yourself saying, “I don’t know what to say to myself to be happier,” then use the following techniques to ramp up your positive self-talk.
Get Emotional About Being Happy
Tony Robbins says that in order to make a decision in life, we must have emotion behind it. He says that information without emotion goes nowhere. Therefore, if you want to start talking to yourself better for more happiness, then you need to get emotional about it.
You need to really feel that passion of not wanting to hurt yourself anymore. You need to understand that you are the only one who can make you happy or unhappy, and then get passionate about treating yourself with the type of respect that other people would treat you with.
Figure Out Who Your Best Friend Is
Let’s talk about your perception of yourself. You probably perceive yourself much different than you perceive other people, which influences how you talk to yourself. If you don’t love yourself, then you will be more inclined to say negative things that tear you down and keep you down.
Think about someone you love. Do you talk down to them? Do you agree with them when they tell you that they are a loser, unattractive, or not good enough? No! You respond to them in a way that supports them and counteracts their negative emotions about themselves. You love them and you want them to feel good, and so you find the words to do that.
That’s how you have to treat yourself. You have to love yourself enough to offer words of encouragement and support. You have to care about your happiness, your well-being, and your overall health enough to engage in positive self-talk that uplifts you. You have to be your best friend.
If you are talking to yourself negatively, then you are not viewing yourself as a best friend. So, you need to take the steps you would in making any friendship. You need to find what you like about yourself, make time to enjoy your own company, appreciate what you do and what you have done, and respect yourself for the unique individual that you are.
There are things you need to work on. Consider this some homework that you should be doing from this point forward. Your homework includes:
– Make time to do things that you enjoy with just yourself.
– Work on letting go of your failures and mistakes.
– Acknowledge your talents and ask yourself to work on displaying them more.
– Compliment yourself when you do something good.
– Take the time to learn more about yourself and your likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, and true passions.
Focus On Your Personal Positive Feedback
When someone makes you feel good about yourself, you can feel it. You feel lighter in your body. You smile and laugh more. You have a hop in your step as you go about your day. You feel more motivated, more enthusiastic, and more on track with your day. All of these symptoms can come from one bit of positive feedback that someone gives you.
Pay attention to your own symptoms of positive feedback. The next time someone makes you feel really good, notice how much energy you have, how you feel in your body, and anything else that makes it obvious you have gotten some news about yourself that makes you feel good. And, then use that information to learn what to say to yourself to be happier.
Once you know the symptoms, you can watch for them when you are by yourself. You may feel them after you make a great supper. You may feel them as you sit down to watch your favorite show. You may feel them after a long day of work where you got a lot done. Or, you may feel them after you help someone who needed help. The point is that when you feel them, acknowledge what you said to yourself to make you feel so good.
What you will find is that there is already some stuff you say to yourself that makes you happier. It may be things like:
– I feel safe and secure.
– I got all of my work done today.
– I helped someone feel better about themselves.
– I am going to give myself a treat.
– I am awesome at making these dinner rolls.
– I am proud of myself for sticking to my routine.
Whatever you come up with is the kind of positive self-talk that it is making you feel good right now, even when you are looking up on the Internet ‘I don’t know what to say to make myself happier.”
You see, you do know what to say. That’s because you know what you want. You know what you desire and crave. You know what makes you proud of yourself and fond of yourself. And when you say things that are in line with your deepest self and desires, you feel happier.
As you can see, though, saying positive things to yourself that makes you happier usually follows some sort of action. If you do something you are proud of or that makes you feel good, then you are more likely to use positive self-talk.
Do What Makes You Happiest
In other words, you need to take action on life towards what makes you happy. If you do, then your self-talk will automatically start to become more positive. Alternatively, if you choose to take action on what doesn’t make you happy, you will find yourself speaking negatively to yourself quite often.
For instance, if you have a lot of goals for yourself, then you will feel great if you accomplish everything on your to-do list for the day. You will pat yourself on your back and say good things to yourself, and that will make you feel even better about yourself. But, if you procrastinate on what you need to do, you will feel stressed out, worried, or upset with yourself, which will make you talk negatively to yourself and make you feel bad.
Therefore, as soon as you feel positive feedback from something, choose to add more of that into your life. If you feel good after being productive, choose to be more productive. If you feel better after taking a risk, choose to take more risks. In other words, swim in the pools that make you happiest and choose to stay out of the pools that make you feel bad about yourself.
When You Have To Do Things That You Hate
This is important! If you find yourself in a place where you are saying, “I don’t know what to say to myself to be happier,” then the chances are good that you are in a situation that is bringing you down.
First, it is important to find a way to leave a miserable situation. If you hate your job, then look for another job. If your relationship is making you miserable, then you may want to consider getting help or ending the relationship. If you are living in a place you hate, then you may want to consider moving. But in the meantime, you will have to keep doing what you are doing. Let’s say you work at a job you absolutely hate, but you have to pay the bills, then you are going to need to continue to work there as you look for another job. That can affect your happiness and the way you talk to yourself.
There is a way to make things better, though. You need to reframe the situation and find the positive in it.
When a friend of mine was a housekeeper in a hospital, she hated the job. She felt like she was viewed as garbage by many of the doctors and nurses. She did not like cleaning up after other people. She did not like having to constantly do things outside of her job description, but since she often interacted with the patients, she was forced to do things that had nothing to do with cleaning. She complained about her job every day, and that affected how she talked to herself. She would say things like ‘You are a loser’ and ‘Everyone thinks you are worthless’. It wasn’t until she met a coworker who took his job very seriously that she started to reframe her situation. He enjoyed interacting with people. He felt like he was helping people have a better day, and so he was nice to everyone he came across and was more than willing to do things that were out of his job description. Once she took on this attitude, she talked to herself in a completely different way. She was proud of the things she did at work. She was happy to be in a position where she could help others without taking away from her work. She started to see her job and herself in a completely different light, and it helped her to move on to other jobs that have a big impact on the people around her.
Use Positive Affirmations That Have Intent
Now that you know taking action on the life you want and reframing situations that you don’t can help you be happier, you can introduce some positive affirmation in your life. These are the statements that will help you take action and reframe the way you view things.
You want to use positive affirmations that include intent in them. These are the things that you want to act on because you know they are going to make your life happier and better. For instance:
– I am becoming healthier every day.
– I take pride in what I do, no matter what it is.
– I make decisions that are in my best interest.
– I have lots of energy to do the things I need to do.
– I face problems head on and find solutions that make me feel great.
– I wake up knowing that the day has lots of possibilities.
– I go to bed knowing that I have done the best I can.
Your positive affirmations are going to help you remove self-doubt, increase confidence, and take action on what will make you happier in life. They will change how you view yourself life and what you are willing to do, which will help you change how you interact with life and how you talk to yourself about who you are.
You can set up your positive affirmations to hit you where it counts. For instance, you can download an alarm clock app that includes a positive affirmation to wake you up, such as, “I am going to make the most out of my day!” Or, if you want an affirmation to encourage you to work out, you can post one on the fridge that says, “I enjoy exercise and take pride in making it a part of my daily routine.”
Say Something Better Than What Makes You Feel Bad
In the end, if you still are thinking ‘I don’t know what to say to myself to be happier,’ then you are closing yourself off from seeing how much personal power you really have. You may be depending on others to help you feel better. You may be beating yourself up so much that you can’t possibly see yourself as your best friend and find your personal positive feedback.
If that’s the case, then focus on what makes you feel slightly better. Instead of focusing on the self-talk that make you want to curl into a ball and give up, find something slightly better to say. For example, instead of saying “I’m fat,” say, “I can always work on making myself healthier.” That is a better statement that can help you feel happier than a simple ‘I’m fat!’
The truth is that we often work our way out of really negative emotions by feeling slightly better. Therefore, if you are feeling anger, then worry would be slightly better than anger. If you are feeling worry, then boredom would be slightly better than worry. If you are feeling boredom, the trust would be slightly better than boredom. Work yourself up towards happiness, positive expectation, and passion with the best statement that you find to be true, and eventually you will find yourself feeling better and be able to start seeing yourself as a friend who has some positive feedback to give.