We’ve all heard that Bruno Mars song where he sings that you are amazing just the way you are. He’s talking about a girl, but let’s just pretend that he’s singing to everyone. It’s a nice thought to think that we can accept ourselves just the way we are, but so many of us have trouble doing that.
The Benefits Of Accepting Yourself Just The Way You Are
Some people are scared that accepting themselves the way they are means they will stop trying to become someone better. That can happen (we will talk about that in a bit), but the truth is that when you start to accept yourself for who you are, you don’t become still and stop growing; instead, something magical happens. You stop holding on to limiting beliefs and bad behaviors that you have acquired by being someone that you are not, and you become more capable of living in alignment with what you really love, want, and desire in life. Life feels more fun and rewarding, and you start to take action on creating the type of life that you want.
So the benefits of accepting yourself just the way you are include:
– Less self-hatred and more happiness
– Less stress and more peace
– Less resistance in life and more going with the flow of what is best for you
– Less negative self-talk and more positive self-talk
– Less doing things that don’t matter to you and more making the most of your time
In other words, the benefits of accepting yourself just the way you are HUGE. It is something worth doing, starting today.
How Hard Is It To Accept Yourself Just The Way You Are?
It’s pretty darn hard, especially if we are not living up to what society has told us we need to be. We have learned, by watching and listening to other people, that we need to live up to some sort of standard. Everyone has a different standard because everyone has listened to a combination of different people. However, if we were all to compare notes, we would see that perfection is the standard we are all reaching for. It just depends on what our definition of perfection is.
We say things to ourselves constantly to remind ourselves of just how imperfect we are. Thinks like:
– I’m too fat
– I’m not funny enough
– I’m not outgoing enough
– I’m too outgoing
– I’m ugly
And on and on it goes. It seems as though saying these things is a way to remind ourselves that we need to become someone different, which is simply a reminder that we don’t accept ourselves the way that we are. However, psychologists say that this method doesn’t work. It only promotes more anxiety about who we are and who we are not, and as we interact with other people and do things in our life, those words suck out the enjoyment of the process and remind us of just how unacceptable we really are.
Perfection Is Not Real
You already know this! It’s impossible to achieve perfection. You would have to be a robot, and even then, you would be programmed by a human, so you wouldn’t be completely perfect.
We want perfection to be real, though. We believe that if perfection is achieved, then we can avoid all the judgement and pain that comes from being not perfect, which is the root of the problem. Learning to deal with judgement and the pain of not being perfect is one real way to start accepting yourself just the way you are. If you can handle other people judging you, then you won’t criticize yourself so much. You won’t try to pretend to be who you think they want you to be. You won’t talk down to yourself because you are not who you think they want you to be.
5 Tips On How To Start Accepting Yourself Just The Way You Are
You must stop saying all those negative things to yourself. The things that you repeat over and over again to remind yourself about just how imperfect you are. Every time you say them, you hear them, and your confidence takes a hit.
Imagine someone telling you that your legs are too long over and over again, even when you were doing something that had nothing to do with your legs. You would feel bad! You would feel horrible! You would feel as if the person telling you that had no respect for you and didn’t like you the way that you were. You would feel exactly like you do when you tell yourself that something is really wrong with you over and over again.
The things you say to yourself shape your life just like the things other people say to you – if you let it. And, it’s hard not to let it if you really believe it. Therefore, it has to stop. You have to stop saying it. And it can be done.
Negative self-talk is not random. You can control it. But, you have to recognize it first.
When you see that first negative image about yourself and start saying those first few negative words, it’s time to wake up. You have to put your foot down and say enough is enough. But how can you do that? Following are a few things you need to start doing today.
1. Say Three Words
Three little words can change your life. I am enough. Say them over and over again. Say them when you are feeling really good, and say them when you are feeling really bad. Those three little words are the truth.
You are enough in mind, body, and spirit, and you don’t need to become anyone different to be worthy of anyone or anything. The more you say these three words, the more you will feel that this is true.
2. Become A Debater
The aim of a debater is to never lose an argument. You can probably debate quite well with yourself already, but you are arguing the wrong points – the negative points. It’s time to take your stand and argue the positive points over the negative points and make it your goal to win.
For instance, you may hear the argument that you are not smart enough. It’s your job to find a bunch of points to counteract that argument, not support it. Maybe you have accomplished some great things recently. Maybe you were able to work through a problem that other people couldn’t work through. Maybe you figured out a solution to something that made your life easier. Get your pen out, write down why the argument ‘you are not smart enough’ is completely wrong, and then start debating each point you hear from your mind.
If you find yourself in a tie during your debate, then come back with the words ‘I am enough’. Because it is absolutely true! You are enough right now to do whatever you want to do. You are enough to be happy. You are enough to love. You are enough to go out and make the world a better place. That critical inner voice can’t disprove that, no matter how hard it tries, and hopefully your inner judge will see that and give you the win.
3. Be Generous
When you are generous with other people, you quickly see just how great you really are. You start to see how you – the ‘you’ that you are right now – is absolutely perfect just the way you are. You are able to give to other people and receive their thanks in return. That’s enough. It doesn’t matter what your size is, where you are from, what you look like, how old you are, what your job is, or anything else – the ‘you’ that you are today is perfect for the job of being generous and enriching other people’s lives. That means that the ‘you’ that you are today is perfect for the job of being generous and enriching your own life.
4. Find One Person Who Thinks You Are Perfect The Way You Are
I don’t care if it is your mother, best friend, or lover, having that one person who thinks you are perfect just the way you are reminds you of how great you are. They are the person who doesn’t judge you or talk down to you. They don’t criticize you for being who you are. You feel amazing around them, and you feel better about yourself in their presence. You need this person in your life for the times that you just can’t debate yourself out of why you are not good enough just the way you are. They will help you find the perfect argument.
Meditation is a tool that can help you love yourself just the way you are. Many people believe that if you cannot accept yourself the way you are, then you are disconnected from your center. They believe that your inner-self knows how perfect you are because you are much more than just flesh and bones – you have a higher self that is perfect just the way it is.
Meditation is one way to bond to this higher self, where self-acceptance, peace, and joy live. And the more you connect with that aspect of yourself, the more you live from that aspect of yourself, which means more acceptance. (You can learn more about connecting with your higher self here: http://www.erinpavlina.com/blog/2006/11/how-to-meet-your-higher-self.)
Is There A Downfall To Accepting Yourself?
I’ve seen people get themselves into serious situations by accepting themselves without question. It’s important to accept yourself, but not turn a blind eye to what your lifestyle is doing to you.
For instance, I have a friend whose father accepted himself as extremely obese and made a point out of making his obesity the focal point of who he was. Because of that he never tried to lose weight, and as of this article, he is in the coronary care unit of our local hospital waiting to get a stent put into an artery that is 100% blocked. And this isn’t the first time. He has turned a blind eye to his health and suffered the consequences of it.
This doesn’t just apply to being obese. It applies to all unhealthy things, such as:
– Drinking too much
– Doing drugs
– Not getting enough sleep
While you should accept yourself for who you are, you shouldn’t turn a blind eye to serious things that you need to work on that are hurting you in some way. If you do, you can never improve yourself. You can’t become healthier, happier, or more successful if you stay the same as you are today. Change in yourself is what brings about change. This is why a lot of body positivity people admit that they love themselves for who they are, and they don’t beat themselves up for who they are, but they know that their health is important and they need to do what they can to improve it. For instance, if they know that they are on the verge of being diabetic, they acknowledge that fact and start work on improving their health habits.
It’s very hard to make this distinction. You have to accept that you are amazing the way you are, but at the same time, you have to acknowledge the areas of your life that could be improved. This doesn’t mean that everything about you needs to change. If you are too quiet, then that may not be something that you need to change. You do, however, need to acknowledge when you are putting yourself at risk for decreased health or success.
Understand That You Will Lose People From Your Life
When you start to accept yourself just the way you are, people will leave your life. They may not want you to celebrate yourself and feel like you are enough just the way you are. This is especially true if they have always been critical of you or want you to become more like them (which happens quite a lot with loved ones). They think that their way of life is right, and if you choose to accept yourself, and you are different from them, then they are going to feel like you are not living up to what they want you to be, and that will put a tear in the relationship that is too big for it to stay together.
But, the good news is that anyone who leaves your life because you accept yourself is not someone you would want in your life anyway. They are the people who love you conditionally, and they don’t offer the support and love that comes from an unconditional type of relationship.