We hear the word insecure all the time, but what does insecure mean? Being insecure means not feeling confident in yourself or a situation you are in. It means doubting yourself and your abilities. It means not believing you are capable of doing something. In short, being insecure means feeling anxious and fearful about yourself or something in your life. And, it can cause you to do stupid things and hold you back in life.
Being Insecure Is Unattractive
Whether you are in a relationship or not, being insecure is a very unattractive way of being. The opposite of insecurity is confidence. And, study after study has shown that confidence is the sexiest trait a woman or a man can have.
Being insecure is even unattractive to the person who is insecure. Looking in the mirror at someone who lacks confidence can make you see yourself in a very ugly and negative light.
Other people will always be able to detect your insecurity in one way or the other. Even if you think you are hiding it well, I guarantee you are showing your insecurity through your body language and your words.
You can show it through a number of different ways, including:
– Avoiding eye contact with people who you feel are above you or better than you in some way.
– Acting weird around people you like.
– Lying about who you are and what you think, feel, or believe around others.
– Acting physically smaller around other people by shrugging.
– Acting unnatural and anxious when you are around people you think are judging you.
– Putting yourself down around other people in a way that actually highlights your insecurities.
– Refusing to take compliments from other people and proceeding to point out all the things that are actually wrong with you.
All of these things will be noticeable to other people. It’s extremely hard to hide your true feelings, and, in my opinion, insecurity is one of the easiest things to spot in someone who is feeling it.
Therefore, if you can’t get a date, and you are insecure, then your words and actions may be scaring people off. And, if you can’t get into a relationship, then there is a good chance that your insecurity has a lot to do with it.
Being Insecure In A Relationship Will Screw Things Up
The biggest place you find insecurity is in a relationship. Why? Because people have been hurt and used in relationships, and it’s hard to feel confident that everything is going to work out right. It’s hard to believe that this person is different than the past people. And, sometimes, during times of really low self-confidence, it’s hard to believe that they really want to be with us.
What does insecure mean for a relationship? Insecurity in a relationship is a guaranteed relationship messer-upper. It might now kill the relationship, but it will cause a lot of problems with it. When you are insecure, you are uncertain about the relationship, and that causes problems with trust, communication, and the ability to be yourself. This can play out in many different ways.
For example, you may doubt a lot of what your partner tells you (no trust), but become too afraid to discuss issues you are having because you fear they will leave you (not able to be honest), and so you pretend to be someone you think they want to see so that you don’t scare your partner away (not being yourself).
Signs You Are Insecure In Your Current Relationship
The way you talk about your relationship to other people can say a lot about how secure you are in it. In fact, research done by the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that the people who constantly remind other people that they are in a relationship are the ones who feel the most anxious about it.
That’s just one sign that you are insecure in your relationship. Following are a few other things to consider.
If you feel a sense of doom and distrust in the relationship even if there is no reason to feel it, then you are being insecure.
If you ‘know’ that your relationship is going to end – it’s just a matter of when it will, then you are being insecure.
If you ‘know’ that your partner is doing something behind your back and not telling you, then you are being insecure.
How To Stop Insecurity In Your Relationship
Talk, talk and then talk some more. You have to be willing to communicate with each other if you are going to trust your partner.
If you are worried about something, then you need to talk it out. You need to express how you feel, and let your partner express how they feel, and then – and this is very important – you need to find a solution to make you both feel good about the situation. Far too often a solution is not found, and things just keep going on in a way that makes one person feel insecure in the relationship.
For example, a woman may start to feel insecure when her man doesn’t respond to her texts or call her back after she calls. Expressing her concern is the first step. Him assuring her that he just forgets to text or call is the next step. But you can’t stop there. You have to find a way to compromise and fix the situation. Him assuring her that he just forgets is not going to make her feel better when he does it a million more times. They need to work together to find a solution that will ease her mind and not stress him out.
Being Insecure Will Create Enemies
For the most part, we are insecure when we compare ourselves to other people. The friend who is better looking. The family member who everyone likes. The coworker who gets all the breaks. If we focus on what we think these people have, and we don’t, we can start to feel insecure around them.
What does insecure mean when it comes to these types of relationships? It means the possibility of ruining relationships and creating enemies.
When you are insecure with yourself, you will do and say things to bring other people down. It doesn’t matter if they try to hurt you or not – your insecurity will make you do things that try to hurt them.
Signs You Are Comparing Yourself To Others And Feel Insecure
A woman who is insecure will do things to minimize other women or compete with them. She may talk about how ugly, fat, or unattractive another woman is. She may give backhanded comments to another woman. She may even give other women dirty looks for no reason other than her own insecurity.
And men who are insecure try to bully other men into feeling insecure. For instance, they may stand taller and act dominant in a situation that they don’t need to act dominate in just so they can show other guys that they are in control, confident, and ‘the man’ – even when they don’t really feel like it. Moreover, researchers have found that men who are insecure are more prone to violence. Therefore, if you find that you are mean to other people, for no reason, then you may be acting out of insecurity rather than confidence or strength. A secure man doesn’t need to bully other people.
And, both sexes will find themselves putting other people down, gossiping, and being unfair to others. It’s human nature to want to make others feel just as miserable as we do and paint just as ugly picture around them as we feel is surrounding us.
3 Things You Must Do If You Want To Stop Being Insecure
There are some things you need to do to work on to flip the switch on insecurity. It doesn’t matter how insecure you feel, working on these things will help you become more confident in all situations.
1. Start Thinking For Yourself
When you buy into other people’s beliefs, you will compare yourself to their beliefs. You will compare yourself to how they think you should be or act, and that will cause you to feel unsure of yourself.
Everyone has an opinion. And everyone is willing to share it with you. You have to be strong enough not to be swayed from opinion to opinion if you want to maintain your confidence. This doesn’t mean you need to be rigid, but it does mean you can’t let one opinion affect yours so easily.
For instance, I have a friend who doesn’t have a firm belief about spirituality. She is easily influenced by one person’s faith and then another person’s lack of faith. If someone tells her that they don’t believe in God, she will feel insecure with her belief and quickly adapt to theirs so that the can stop feeling bad. Then, if someone else tells her that they believe in God, she will feel insecure about not having a belief in God and quickly adapt to the belief in God so she can stop feeling bad when she’s around them. She flips and flops around and never picks a stance because she is too busy buying into everyone else’s beliefs.
You are an individual, and you don’t have to take on other people’s beliefs simply because they might judge you as different or wrong. Don’t be scared of people judging you for not having the same beliefs. That will cause you to become insecure and doubt yourself at every turn, which will turn you into a flip flopping spineless person.
In order to maintain your confidence, make your own judgment calls in life and stand by them until someone convinces you that another belief may be more beneficial. Think for yourself in situations and follow your intuition. Doing that will help you feel better about yourself and your life.
2. Start Taking Care Of Your Health
It’s easy to let yourself be unhealthy. Addictions, poor eating habits, lack of exercise, stress, poor mental health, and not addressing problems when they arise are all things that affect your health negatively. And, when your health is poor, your insecurity rises.
Poor body image and feelings of being unworthy are probably two of the most common side effects of not taking care of your health. And those two things will cause you to feel insecure in your relationships and all other areas of your life.
When you start taking care of your health, you start to naturally feel better about yourself. Not just because you look better or have more energy, but your body’s hormones and systems start working better, and that puts you in a better mood and gives you a better outlook on your life.
A friend of mine had hypothyroidism for years and didn’t know it. She was always feeling sluggish, sad, and down on herself because she didn’t have the energy to do what she wanted to do. Her weight and moodiness increased, and her insecurity increased as well. She alienated friends, didn’t try to go after her dreams, and let her life take a nose dive all because she was unwilling to find out what was wrong with her health and do something about it. But, once she learned of her hypothyroidism and started on medication plus a lifestyle change to fix it, her hormones start working properly, and her entire body and mind got a boost. That affected her confidence in a big way, and her life has taken on a completely different turn.
Don’t underestimate how important it is to take care of your health for your confidence. Your hormones affect more than just your physical health; they affect your mood and how you think. If things are out of whack in your body, then there is a good chance that you can become insecure for many different reasons, sometimes even reasons that may not make sense to you.
3. Start Doing Things You Love
A friend of mine used to party all the time, and he hated it. He hated getting drunk, going to bars, feeling sick the next day, and then doing it all over again the next night. His friends loved to party, though, so he kept doing it. Also, he worked at a job he hated, dated a woman who was abusive towards him, and didn’t pursue any of the hobbies he used to love. He constantly talked negatively about his life and himself because he was constantly doing things and dealing with people he didn’t like. All of this took a huge toll on his confidence. It was hard to feel secure about his life and himself when it was all about doing things he didn’t want to do. But, when he finally decided to break up with that woman, stop going out to bars, and look for a better job, his confidence finally started to grow. Now he is confident in himself and his decisions, and he is a completely different man.
You don’t need to be at the level he was to feel insecure about yourself and your life. Doing one thing, such as working at a job you hate, can cause you to feel insecure. Being in a relationship that brings you down about yourself can cause you to feel insecure. Doing drugs or being addicted to gambling can cause you to feel insecure about yourself. There are plenty of negative things that don’t make you feel good that can affect your insecurity.
The point is that doing things you love and avoiding things you hate can help you feel better about yourself. The more positive you feel on a moment to moment basis, the more confident you feel about yourself, your decisions in life, and your future. So always do what feels good and work towards happiness in all areas of your life.