How to have high emotional intelligence online
The more I stay online, the less I believe that the majority of people have high emotional intelligence. I see people writing disgusting opinions of other people on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, and articles all across the web. Not only do people feel some really crappy things about other people, but they are more than willing to tell everyone how they feel whether it is hateful, sexist, racist, or just plain mean.
The problem is that someone with high emotional intelligence wouldn’t talk or act the way these online trolls do, which means that their emotional intelligence is very low. These trolls think it is their right to think and say horrible things. They don’t see past their own ego and wants in life. And, they don’t understand that they are hurting themselves and other people in the process of trying to tear people down.
Anyone who is aware of their emotions and how they affect themselves and other people wouldn’t dare be so mean and hateful. They would understand that they are acting from a place of fear or hate, and step away from their anger for a while. Moreover, they would understand that their words are grabbing people by the throat and choking them into a state of depression and despair.
Just yesterday, Leslie Jones, the star of Ghostbusters and a Saturday Night Live regular, expressed the pain that she was feeling after being attacked by people on Twitter in a horrible way. She said that she was in her own ‘personal hell’ after people kept tweeting her disgusting, racist, and abusive tweets. I’m talking about offensive things that go beyond just hate. These people were evil in every sense of the world. Needless to say, Leslie Jones was at the point of leaving Twitter because of it.
When a kind and funny woman gets attacked for absolutely no reason, it can make you want to run away from the online world and never come back. Nobody needs that much hate in their life. Nobody needs that much hate in their day. And watching people be so hateful to the point of pounding someone into the ground is painful because there is nothing you can do about it.
High Emotional Intelligence Is Rewarding Online
I think that a lot of these trolls think they are getting something out of being mean. Maybe they get off on hurting other people as much as they hurt. Maybe they want to fight, and they are looking for someone who will react to their hateful comments and give them a chance to say more hurtful and idiotic things. All I know is that they think they are getting a payoff in some way, or they wouldn’t be doing it.
But, the people with high emotional intelligence know that it’s much better to be emotionally intelligent. It’s much more rewarding both in the moment and in the long run. It has a much bigger payoff. It feels better and brings more success.
Who Needs To Have High Emotional Intelligence Online?
The thing I’ve noticed is that the people trying to make a positive difference online are the ones that get picked on the most. The bloggers, vloggers, and business people who are trying to spread love, peace, and laughter get ripped apart by the haters. The actors and comedians who get on social media and try to spread their messages of kindness and humor are ripped apart by the people who are hateful and unhappy.
If all of these big personalities online want to stay sane, they have to develop a high emotional intelligence. Here’s why.
People Will Like Them More
Of course, this may not appeal to people who want to fight and get hate, but for most people, there is a basic need to be liked. This is especially true of people who are blogging, vlogging, or running businesses online that are geared towards making a positive difference. If they want to draw in more people, high emotional intelligence is the answer.
Having emotional intelligence allows you to become more aware of your emotions. When you are aware of your emotions, you are able to gain better control over them. You can see them for what they are and where they are coming from (fear, loneliness, stress), rather than get caught up in them, and you can find ways to calm down, stay cool, and switch to another and more beneficial emotion. That will help you respond to people better, interact with people better, and make people feel better about their interactions with you.
Why does this matter when you have so many disgusting haters around you? Because it shows the good people – the people that you really want on your side – that you are capable of rising above the jerks and staying there. You have more integrity than they do. You have more maturity than they do. And, you are more capable of being a good person in this world than they are.
They Will Affect Themselves And Others Positively
I’m currently taking a course called Love or Above by Christie Marie Sheldon. One of the things she says is that by being a person who operates at a level of love or above, you can influence over 750 people that are operating out of fear or anger. That’s a promising thought!
You better believe that people operating out of fear or anger are the ones being trolls on the Internet. They live in a constant state of fear and anger. You couldn’t be that mean without being in that state. Therefore, the best way to change those people is to act from a place of high emotional intelligence.
When you have high emotional intelligence, you are able to deal with people fairly and be empathetic towards them. Yes, even the jerks. You can clearly see that they are not happy and are coming from a place of hate. You can be grateful that you don’t even come close to living in the state they are in. And then you can move on from them without affecting yourself in a negative way. You may even find yourself developing a way to boost your positivity when you come into contact with someone who is hateful. Imagine how amazing that would be for your moral!
Moreover, you may affect the trolls positively. They may respect your mature responses because, after all, the best leaders are emotionally intelligent, and all haters are followers at heart. They don’t think for themselves but, rather, live off rumors and hearsay.
The haters may also respect the fact that you don’t argue back. They might not be as angry when they receive a loving response back. And they may even change their mind about you.
This doesn’t mean that a person with high emotional intelligence needs to respond to people with low emotional intelligence. In fact, sometimes it’s just better not to engage. But, if you feel like you should respond, coming from a place of loving authenticity is going to feel much better for everyone involved than stopping down to their level.
They Won’t Ruin Their Career
We’ve seen some big names ruin their careers because they lacked high emotional intelligence online. They’ve put their foot in their mouth, offended the wrong person, and then got called out over and over and over again.
Just recently Dani Mathers posted a naked picture of a woman in a gym change room. This was a disgusting act that showed her lack of compassion, empathy, and integrity. And, while she thought it was funny, tons of people quickly took to social media to express how ugly it really was. So far, she has been fired from her radio show and banned from all L.A. Fitness facilities for her actions according to TMZ. Moreover, she is under criminal investigation.
Or how about Nicole Arbour who filmed a video called ‘Dear Fat People’ and instantly became hated by millions of people? True, she did get some adoring fans – people with a very low level of emotional intelligence, but for the most part, she did her career much more harm than good.
While some people say all press is good, I believe that it’s much better to win over as many people as you can rather than cut yourself off for a population of people who are kind, loving, and willing to help you out. That will help sustain your career for the long run.
The bottom line is that you have to be careful with what you say. You must have enough emotional intelligence to think before you speak, act, or react if you want to avoid being hated by more people than just the haters.
They Can Become Even More Successful With High Emotional Intelligence
People with high emotional intelligence are able to maintain a level of self-reflectiveness despite what is happening. Even if they feel like throwing a fit, they can see their feelings instead of identifying with them, and that helps them to get out of the funk and into a better state faster.
When you are stuck in a negative emotional trap, success can be hard. You can’t think clearly enough to take action. You can’t get yourself up and do what needs to be done. You can’t take in the information coming at you or deal with it in a way that benefits you. Negative emotions are draining, and they will require almost all of your energy to deal with them.
This is why online bloggers, vloggers, personalities, and business owners need to keep their head high and recognize that even if they are feeling unhappy, it doesn’t define who they are. They are capable of finding an answer to work through and let go of the emotion and get to a better state where motivation, determination, and action come into play.
High emotional intelligence also helps with teamwork. In fact, it plays a huge role in the ability to work with a team and perform in a way that is beneficial for everyone involved. Studies have shown that the ingredients for a great team include communication, participation, and the ability to read each other’s emotions.
Did you know that Google wants their employees to have emotional intelligence? Thousands of Google employees are on a waiting list to take emotional intelligence training. [Source: http://www.fastcompany.com/3044157/the-future-of-work/inside-googles-insanely-popular-emotional-intelligence-course] In a place where great ideas are created every day through teamwork, it’s no surprise that Google values emotional intelligence. Without it, they wouldn’t be able to understand the needs of their customers and the Internet in general, and then come up with tools that benefit them and us together.
They Can Work Through Problems Better
Lastly, as you work your way up the ladder of success, you start to have more problems. This is a part of becoming more successful. You can’t grow without problems, so the faster you are trying to grow, the more obstacles seem to come in your way.
This applies to Leslie Jones. She has never received this kind of hate, but she has never been so well known either. All of us SNL fans love her, but now she was in a movie that the whole world is talking about. She has done a lot in her life and worked hard to get where she is, and this boost of popularity doesn’t just bring awesomeness, it also brings problems in the form of haters and disgusting human beings.
It’s a difficult time for her, but she needs to handle this time with emotional intelligence. As much as she would love to grab these people through her computer (I know I would!), she has to be aware of her emotions, control them, and then express herself in a way that doesn’t bring her down to their level, which may mean not expressing herself at all.
I know many people want to attack hate with hate, but it just doesn’t help. You can’t talk to people who have their head up their ass. They just won’t listen. They will always have a comeback, a reason, or a ridiculous statement. In the end, a sane person just can’t argue with them.
It’s a shame that there are people out there like that. I wish everyone could just develop emotional intelligence. This world would be a happier place. But, that’s not happening, so wishing does nothing. Taking accountability for yourself is the only way to move through life in a happier way, and if you are interacting with other people online for your career or popularity, that means developing high emotional intelligence to keep you sane and on top of your game.