We tend to view happiness as something we can reach instead of something that we live. But, the truth is that happiness is a state of being. It comes from knowing who you are, doing things that make you feel good, and living a life worth living. So, if you are asking yourself, “Why am I so unhappy all the time?” then your state of being is off. There is something that you are doing (yes, you) to promote that unhappiness. Following are 14 questions to help you find out what.
1. Do You Always Want More?
If you feel like you need more money, more clothes, a better house, or a better car, then you are always going to be unhappy. If you measure happiness by how much you have in terms of material things, then money and material things will become the focus of your life, and that’s not where happiness lies.
If you always want more, you will find yourself always in that state because it is an addiction. You get addicted to wanting better things in your life. It will never be enough, even if you get what you want right now.
It doesn’t matter how much you have, things don’t make you happy, people make you happy, experiences make you happy, laughter makes you happy, and self-worth makes you happy. So, take a peek into your life and find the things that truly enrich it, and then be grateful for those things every day.
2. Do You Feel Like You Are Contributing To Others?
You may be contributing to your own life, but are contributing to other people’s lives? Do you donate to the food bank? Do you help other people by volunteering? Are you purposely doing something to contribute to the world? If not, that could be the answer to why you are so unhappy with your life.
Giving to others has been shown to make you physically healthier, improve your sense of happiness, and lower your stress levels. When you help other people, you not only feel good about your actions, but you gain a sense of increased self-respect, which helps you feel happier as well.
Research has found that contributing to your friends, relatives, or social connections, or contributing to a charity on their behalf, can make you even happier than donating anonymously to a worthy cause. In other words, doing something good for the people closest to you can make you extremely happy.
If you are not giving enough of yourself, sit down every morning before you get started for the day and write out one thing you can do for someone else today. Then, do it! You will boost your happiness greatly with this practice!
3. Are You Scared Of Facing Your Fears?
The fear of failure, rejection, and the unknown happens in all of our lives, but if you don’t face your fears and, instead, let them control how you live your life, then you are going to be unhappy. You have to face your fears in order to see what you are capable of and what your life can really look like.
For instance, if you are scared of dating because you fear rejection, then how can you ever find an intimate relationship that makes you happy? Or, if you are scared of looking for a new job because you feel uncomfortable not knowing what is going to happen, then how can you ever find a job that satisfies you?
If your fears are holding you back in life, you have to work on facing them. Everything that makes you truly happy is on the other side of your fears.
4. Do You Want To Be Perfect?
A friend of mine has started and stopped her goals for the last two years because she hasn’t reached perfection. She will do something for a few weeks, but if she doesn’t do everything perfectly – the way she envisioned it, then she will beat herself up and start all over again. The result? She has not accomplished anything she wants, and she is unhappy because she feels a lack in her life.
If you are striving for perfection in your work, home, relationships, or anywhere else, you are not going to find it. Perfection doesn’t exist! Obstacles will come along, failures will happen, things won’t work out the way you want them to, and if you are unable to accept anything less than perfect, you will miserable as life gives you less than perfect time after time.
5. Do You Feel Like A Victim?
Do you feel like life has beat you down? Is your past full of unhappy experiences? Have people treated you poorly and affected your happiness on a deep level? If you are pointing the finger at your life and the people in it for your unhappiness, then you feel like a victim. You don’t feel like you have control over your emotions, your thoughts, and your life because other people have that control. How could you be happy when you feel like that?
Not always, but often the people who ask, “Why am I so unhappy with my life?” are living in a victim state. They don’t own their own life and what has happened, but, instead, blame other people.
Your value and happiness in life shouldn’t be dictated by other people. You have to own up to your actions and the results they cause. You have to own up to your reactions and the way they make you feel. And you have to be grateful for what you have in your life and the person you are, despite what has happened to you.
6. Do You Feel Like Your Life Has Meaning?
Life isn’t going to always feel great, which means you won’t always feel happy. But when your life has meaning, you will feel a sense of purpose that helps you get out of bed in the morning and stay on track doing things that can make you happy. As Victor Frankl said, “One must have a reason to ‘be happy'”. Life is not about power or pleasure, it is about meaning.
Therefore, if you are not sure why you are here and what you are doing, you better figure it out. Search for your passion in life, figure out what you want to do next, and figure out why you are doing what you are doing. Search for something that makes you feel good to be alive and then hold that ‘why’ in your mind as you create the life you want.
7. Do You Close Yourself Off From Others?
Are you scared opening yourself up to others and being hurt? If you are, then unhappiness is likely a big part of your life. Why? Connections with other people create more happiness in our lives. They contribute to our happiness in many ways. They make us feel important, they give us a place for support, they promote fun, they offer us a place to feel comfortable, and they allows us to share our dreams, experiences, and life.
Make it a point to be more open with people. Allow people in. Don’t be scared of being hurt – be scared of not being truly loved.
8. Do You Worry A Lot?
Worrying is such a waste of time, and it is going to make you unhappy. When you worry, your mind dwells on issues that it has no control over. For instance, worrying about what will happen tomorrow is pointless because no matter how much you worry, what is going to happen will happen.
What are the alternatives? Live in the moment. Think positively. Take action on what you want so that you increase the chances of things turning out.
For example, when a friend of mine lost his job, he and his wife didn’t sit around and worry. Instead, they appreciated the moment and stayed present. They saw the opportunity that the job loss created for a better job in the future. And, they took a lot of action on finding extra income, making connections with others, looking for opportunities, and going after those opportunities. They worked as a team (another reason opening yourself up to others will make you happy), and they came out of the situation with a better job for him and no wasted time worrying and stressing about things.
9. Do You Judge Other People A Lot?
Have you ever been on YouTube and seen some comments that judged the people in the video and created a storm of hate and anger? That is what judgment does. It creates negative thoughts in you, makes you compelled to express your negativity, causes other people to disagree with you, causes you to view others even more negatively, and puts you in a state of unhappiness.
If you just let other people be who they are, without judging them, then you are going to remove all that negativity. You won’t focus on the judgment and feel upset, jealous, angry, or offended. You will just get on with your day and focus on things that make you feel good, not bad.
10. Are You A Patient Person?
Patience and happiness go hand in hand, just like a lack of patience and unhappiness go hand in hand. When you are not patient with other people, circumstances, and even yourself, you will feel stressed out, angry, annoyed, and unhappy!
It’s very important to let things go and go with the flow, which involves being more present in your life and not be in such a rush to get to the next moment. So enjoy the here and now, regardless of what is happening, and accept that things are not always going to work out on your schedule. Then, feel the sense of inner peace that comes from being a patient person.
11. Are You Making Yourself A Priority?
Are you making everything and everyone else a priority in life? If you are, you will be unhappy. You have to take care of your needs in life or you will stress yourself out. Put another way – If you don’t do things that make you happy, then how can you expect to be happy?
Say no when you need to. Pay attention to your physical and mental health and do things that help keep them strong. And make rest and relaxation a part of your life.
12. What Are You Doing In The Morning?
If you are asking yourself, “Why am I so unhappy?” you may not consider this important, but it is. Have you ever heard the expression ‘I got up on the wrong side of the bed’? Your morning sets up your day, and if it feels stressful, negative, or rushed – (getting up on the wrong side of the bed), then you are missing a golden opportunity to plan your day out and set up a positive tone for it.
Every morning you should spend at least an hour doing things that make you feel good. Exercising, meditating, getting outside, being grateful, or talking to a loved one can all help you start the day off right.
In addition, take a few minutes to plan your day and visualize it going well. If you know what you want to do, and have a good idea of what you need to do to make it go well, then you are much more likely to have a productive and happy day.
13. What Are Your Habits Like?
When someone asks me, “Why am I so unhappy all the time?” I ask them what their habits are like. This is because your habits determine how your day goes, which determines how you view your day.
This one is very important to remember! If you are in the habit of complaining, being pessimistic, not exercising, eating poorly, hanging around with negative people, not doing what you need to do for the day, watching the news and dwelling on it, not going after your dreams, letting fear hold you back, not communicating with your loved ones, and so many more things, then you are setting yourself up for happiness.
Take a good look at what you do each day. Take a look at your weekly habits too, such as what you do each weekend. Find the habits that contribute to your unhappiness and work on replacing them with better habits. Also, find the habits that contribute to your happiness and strengthen those. Do that and your happiness will increase day by day.
14. Do You Have A Lot Of Physical Symptoms?
Lastly, if you are still not sure why you feel unhappy, then ask yourself if there are other symptoms. This is true no matter where you are unhappy in life. For instance, if you are asking, “Why am I so unhappy in my relationship all the time?” it may not be the relationship that is causing the happiness, it may be your physical health that is causing the unhappiness.
Are you tired all the time? Do you have a lot of pain? Do you have crazy mood swings? Do you suffer from headaches? Do you crave certain foods with sugar or salt? All of these things can indicate a physical problem that may be contributing to your unhappiness. For instance, your hormones may be out of whack. It’s important to head to the doctor and find out if you are dealing with something physical, because if you are, fixing it can help you feel happy again.